"Redana! I [i]do not![/i] Hate you!"

Her voice shouldn't be this firm. She should be trembling at contradicting her, fearful of the consequences. She should be worried about the crabs, worried about keeping Redana safe. She should be angry at her for blinding her in a dangerous situation!

And as three arms lash out, sending crabs spinning, she realizes that yes, she's afraid. And angry, and worried! But the fourth arm reaches up to brace the princess tight because, well, she's also not lying.

It's an odd feeling, she decides, but also a nice one. Gently, she holds the princess tighter and experiments with a light squeeze.

"I do not," she repeats, "do not hate you. I am not waiting for you to take the command seal out to kill you. I do not [i]want[/i] to kill you."

That's important to say. No uncertain terms, no vacillating, no weasel words. Clearcut, no room to misunderstand.

But Redana isn't talking to her, is she? Oh, she's doing all the right motions in all the right directions, but the real target is far away, on a different ship.

And now, Alexa takes the time to hold the princess securely, safely as she assembles her thoughts. 

"I killed Molech, yes. But it was nothing to do with you, nothing to do with the seal or him giving me orders. He had to die because he didn't care about the people he hurt. And you, mistress, could not be less like him if you tried. You are, in many ways, the best master I have ever known. You care [i]too much.[/i]"

She's built the sentences in her mind, examined them for flaws, and pronounced them serviceable. But it's still hard to get them out. Because, yes, she's doing all the right motions in the right direction, but in reverse? Like she's trying to aim the words at that same faraway ship and bounce the echoes back in the right shapes.

"I resented you. Maybe resent you still, a little, for stealing me. I had my retirement, my peace, my life away from war and being a weapon. A quiet niche, something not too stressful to guard, plenty of time where I could not think for long periods of time.

"And you took that from me. Did not listen, simply did what you believed was right, and in so doing, tore me from my comfort. You loved people you did not know, and in so doing, doomed those closest to you. I cannot hate you for it, Mistress, because in addition to chaos, I have found wonder and friendship."

She's really pushing her luck here. She'd have been silenced before this conversation even began with a more conscientious monarch, and here she is practically telling her mistress off for her poor home life.

Might as well push it a bit further, right? She'd hate to get destroyed for only pushing it a [i]little[/i] bit.

"But, hypothetically, if I had found chaos and nothing else? No friendship, no love, nothing but abandonment and the wrath of an empress at my failure? None of the trust I expected from somebody I thought cared for me more than some random peasants?"

She uncomfortably gives another comforting hug.

"Well, I hypothetically might be very hurt."