Eilis listened to Arn’s words allowing his warmth to comfort her and his hands to stroke and hold her. To her his kindness was quite alien. Most of her life had been filled with commands and servitude, the few males she encountered always distant, gruff and demanding. 
She thought for a while on his words.
His attraction to her could be for the same reason…
“My tattoo’s are my punishment. They are my prison.” She summed up with a tired exhale. 
“I was disobedient, I was supposed to comply with their orders, but I did not want to.” Her mind moved back to that moment, her gaze hardened and true anger emoted itself on her face. 
“I killed him.” There was a flicker of remorse on her face, her expression morphed for a second before it settled on disgust.
“He wanted me, but I did not wish to submit myself to him. Nobles and Battlemages would always chose girls from our coven. The Mardras always ordered us to comply with whatever wishes they had. We were to become adept and serve them as best we could. Certain girls were selected for certain specific tasks. The Fair with the Fair, the Adept with the Adept and those of ‘lesser disposition’ to the will of the buyer.” She swallowed not sure if she was ready to tell him, but figuring she might aswell give it a try.
“I as you noticed am well versed in magic, but I’m a coward. I’d rather not fight. Seeing the potential in me however, they spend countless hours ‘trying to force’ me to overcome my ‘weakness’ as they called it.
After numerous failings I was left alone finally to my own devices. They stopped forcing me stating I was a lost cause. 
I figured ‘Fine with me!’ if it meant I would no longer have to fight.” 
She stopped for a moment as she noticed her eyesight slowly returning with a look of pain. She raised her arm to see what she was able to discern only to still see simple blurry shapes. It didn't surprise her she would take more time.
Her voice changed to a solemn resigning tone.
“I was wrong.” She lowered her arm again.
“During my briefest moment of peace and quiet I enjoyed the simple things in life, my diary, a strange feather found near the school’s boundaries and I had made with a small dog, I fed her from my rations and played with her in my downtime. She was so loving and trusting. I needed that. With all that had been going on she was the only one that ever truly loved me for me.” She said broken. 
“But good things never last. I noticed something was off that late afternoon, when she didn’t appear when I whistled. I should have known then, but what’s done is done…” She said with a painful sigh as she ran the replay on her memories. 
“I’ll never forget that looming shadow of his...the moment I turned around I knew, he was there waiting for me, he didn’t have to say anything. I knew he had something to do with it. He told me to follow him and was led back inside, down into the cellar.” Her mind’s eyes seeing the room again in front of her.
"The cellar was for 'special occasions'. Certain rituals and the preparation of those that would be 'chosen'." She explained by not explaining.

"A long table with straps stood ready, the wood cut out and carved up at certain places in order to drain away the fluids. A couple of closets with a variety of tools and contents and a standing rack all set up and prepared.
The Mardras was there too, specially robed for the occasion.
[i]“It is time Eilis….”[/i] She had said. [i]“Time for you to learn the transgressions for your disobedience, provided you fail us once more. Take this opportunity, child for your own well being. For he will have you one way or the other.”[/i] She told me matter of factly.” Eilis said shaking her head.
“I was told to…” She swallowed finding it difficult to talk about. 
“I was ordered to undress, when I didn’t react quickly enough the Mardras decided to take action herself. I felt her knock me out, long enough for her to ‘taint me with the bind’. I remember waking up halfway through, feeling her needles scratch in me, but ‘he’ noticed and took my breath from me until I passed out.” The pain showed itself on her face for a moment feeling spent and torn whether or not she should continue.
"When I finally came to I heard them claim their success, I would be forced into compliance. He desired me for his own experiments, but just to make sure everything was in working order they would test the strength of the binds.
They brought in my dog. 
He said I had to rid myself of my weakness. To kill it. 
I...I felt my own body move on his request, as if I was no longer in control. For the briefest and luckiest of moments I regained control again and I did not need any incentive on what I should do. I killed him and harmed her, before I freed the dog and ran.” 
She sighed as she buried her face in her hands. 
"They tried to hunt me down ofcourse. The only reason why I managed to escape was because my little doggy distracted them. My tattoo’s prohibit me from using my powers, since the man to whom I was supposed to listen was meant to control them. Now every time I tap into the Aether my tattoo’s react. I bleed, because they are meant to control me and when I would prove too unruly, to destroy me from within.”
She ended turning to the now blurry shape of Arn.
""Eilis listened to Arn’s words allowing his warmth to comfort her and his hands to stroke and hold her. To her his kindness was quite alien. Most of her life had been filled with commands and servitude, the few males she encountered always distant, gruff and demanding. 
She thought for a while on his words.
His attraction to her could be for the same reason…
“My tattoo’s are my punishment. They are my prison.” She summed up with a tired exhale. “I was disobedient, I was supposed to comply with their orders, but I did not want to.” Her mind moved back to that moment, her gaze hardened and true anger emoted itself on her face. 
“I killed him.” There was a flicker of change on her face, her expression morphed for a second before it settled on disgust.
“He wanted me, but I did not wish to submit myself to him. Nobles and Battlemages would always choose girls from our coven. The Mardras always ordered us to comply with whatever wishes they had. We were to become adept and serve them as best we could. Certain girls were selected for certain specific tasks. The Fair with the Fair, the Adept with the Adept and those of ‘lesser disposition’ to the will of the buyer.” She swallowed.
“I as you noticed am well versed in magic, but I’m a coward. I’d rather not fight. Seeing the potential in me they spend countless hours ‘trying to force’ me to overcome my ‘weakness’ as they called it.
After numerous failings I was left alone finally to my own devices. They stopped forcing me stating I was a lost cause. I figured ‘Fine with me!’ if it meant I would no longer have to fight.” She sighed as she noticed her eyesight slowly returning with a look of pain. She raised her arm to see what she was able to see only to still see simple blurry shapes. The tattoo's were lines of a darker hue, set etched in her skin. Though most of the lines were a straight solitary line, small cracks in the skin were visible from the last time they had been activated. It appeared weirdly similar to cracked glazing on crockery.  
Her voice changed to a solemn resigning tone.
“I was wrong.” She lowered her arm again.
“During my briefest moment of peace and quiet I enjoyed the simple things in life, my diary, a strange feather found near the school’s boundaries and I had made friends with a small dog, I fed her from my rations and played with her in my downtime. She was the only one that ever truly loved me.” She said broken. 
“I noticed something was off that late afternoon, when she didn’t appear when I whistled. I should have known then, but what’s done is done…” She said with a painful sigh as she ran the reply on her memories. “I’ll never forget that looming shadow of his...the moment I turned around I knew, he didn’t have to say anything. He told me to follow him and was led back inside, down into the cellar.” Her mind’s eyes seeing the room again in front of her.
A long table with straps stood ready, the wood cut out and carved up at certain places in order to drain away the fluids. A couple of closets and a standing rack all set up and prepared.
The Mardras was there too, specially robed for the occasion.
“It is time Eilis….” She had said. “Time for you to learn the transgressions for your disobedience, provided you fail us once more. Take this opportunity, child for your own well being. For he will have you one way or the other.” She told me matter of factly.” Eilis said shaking her head.
“I was told to…” She swallowed finding it difficult to talk about. “I was ordered to undress, when I didn’t react quickly enough the Mardras decided to take action herself. I felt her knock me out, long enough for her to ‘taint me with the bind’. I remember waking up halfway through, feeling her needles scratch in me, but ‘he’ noticed and took my breath from me until I passed out.” The pain showed itself on her face for a moment feeling spent and torn whether or not she should continue.
When I finally came to I heard them claim their success, I would be forced into compliance. He desired me for his own experiments, but just to make sure everything was in working order they would test the strength of the binds.
They brought in my dog. He said I had to rid myself of my weakness. To kill it. I...I felt my own body move on his request, as if I was no longer in control. For the briefest and luckiest of moments I regained control again and I did not need any incentive on what I should do. I killed him and hurt her, before I freed the dog and ran.” She sighed as she buried her face in her hands. They tried to hunt me down ofcourse. The only reason why I managed to escape was because my little doggy distracted them. My tattoo’s prohibit me from using my powers, since the man to whom I was supposed to listen was meant to control them. Now every time I tap into the Aether my tattoo’s react. I bleed, because they are meant to control me and when I would prove too unruly, to destroy me from within."
She turned to the blurry image of Arn, her eyes pleading.
"So you see...I am a liability. I just..don't want anyone to get hurt over me anymore and you, you have been so good to me...I'd hate for you to get hurt too." She looked down at her own hands.
"They turned me into a monster, a weapon, a plaything for their pleasure...if they were willing to do 'this' to me how much worse will their treatment of 'the enemy' be."