[color=orange]CW: Suicidal Thoughts[/color] 

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[indent][indent][indent][color=gray][sub][right][color=#98A9B1][b]Location:[/b][/color]The Laughing Warg Tavern - The City of Thorinn, Aetheria[/right][/sub][/color]
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Graves left. Kazuki left. And Benkei was left alone. 

He felt the eyes on him. The cold stare of the matron, and the glares of other people. He’d gone off, like he always did. And this was the price he paid. 

He preferred the beatings. 

He turned away, not speaking to anyone else as he made his way towards the door as well. Not following anyone, just...leaving. Just finding somewhere else to be. All he felt right now were feelings of anger and shame, something he played Pariah to escape from. And yet, here they were, following him here too. 

He didn’t look at Sif as he left, but he did say, [color=#98A9B1]“Sorry,”[/color] out loud to her as he passed her by. He didn’t want to see how she looked at him right now. Probably with disgust like everyone did. 

[color=A698C3][i]I can’t believe I have to be saddled with that useless brat. At least Kazuki is going to that nice prep school. But Kazuma…[/i][/color]

[color=9BCAB9][i]It’s fine Noriko. Once he graduates he won’t be your problem any more. Then we can focus on our family.[/i][/color]

His mother thought he was busy studying in the other room. He’d kept quiet enough when he’d heard that. He’d always assumed she hated him. He existed as a way to avoid paying child support, after all. She’d shacked up with Kazuki’s piano tutor, and they’d planned on marrying after he graduated high school. After that, Kazuma assumed he’d no longer have a mother. Not that he had much of one to begin with. 

But that was how it was. No one wanted him. No friends, no family--at least, outside of his older brother. And Kazuma assumed he was dragging him down as well. So it wouldn’t be long until Kazuki left him behind on Pariah as well. He had money, and an apartment. He had skills and fans. Kazuki didn’t [i]need[/i] his little brother. 

He walked through the streets, constantly eyeing the river that passed through Thorinn. His thoughts wandered to leaping into the river. That was the Japanese way when you’d brought shame upon yourself and your family, after all. To end it there. It’d be quick, and no one would really miss him. 

He’d planned on leaping into the Sumida River after hearing his mother discuss her future plans with her lover. A phone call from Kazuki had instead taken up his time. He’d calmed down after talking to his brother and instead stayed at home. Thinking back to that moment, the self-destructive thoughts abated for now, and Benkei simply sat on the stone streets staring out over the Thoros River. 

Why did Aaginim want him to lead? Why did everyone else follow him and listen to him. He wasn’t a leader. He buckled under pressure. He relied on other to get him out of problems. He [i]made[/i] more problems then he helped. He was the weakest link out of the entire group. He buried his face into his hands and sighed deeply.

[i]What the hell was he supposed to do?[/i] 

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