Angeline had almost entirely forgotten being elbow deep in someone’s guts and as she looked down at her lap at her hands it was as if she could still feel the pulsing veins and arteries beneath her fingertips as he slowly slipped away. At the time she wasn’t scared, she could tell she just had one thing to do which was do her best to save him. As she thought about how she felt it was difficult to understand. About the whole situation, she just felt… Weird? Uncomfortable? It was hard to comprehend what those emotions meant and for the most part, it just made her feel frustrated that she didn’t know how to decipher her own emotions. She shifted her focus to listen to Ellen as she spoke, she went through the mission rather factually but she didn’t know about the last bit. She wasn’t sure if she should pity Ellen, at this point, it was probably a decision that saved her life. It was certainly a complicated area to tread. Ellen didn’t seem overly affected although emotions and vulnerability are difficult in a room full of people who don’t know you very well. 

It almost feels like being interviewed, like there’s a right and wrong thing to say. She spared a glance to Brooks and the stern-looking lady. They were the interviewers. If you were too weak in this session would you get backseated? They were certainly… Emotionally reserved shall we say? It made her rather uncomfortable, it was rather obvious they weren’t here to talk about their feelings. 

After a brief silence, she decided it was her turn to speak up.

“In the mission… Well, I had to save that guy. And I don’t really know if I understand how I felt about it, to be honest. At the time I wasn’t scared I just kind of had a feeling like… Like I was the only one who could help this guy and if I couldn’t… Well, that wasn’t an option, I was the only hope and I had a job to do and I tried my best… I’m no doctor, I know stuff about biology but it’s nowhere near close to a medical degree or anything like that. But I guess it’s a good springboard for avoiding infection, applying pressure, and that kind of stuff.”

She glanced at her hands and furrowed her brows. “I’m not sure if it’s a signal of anything mental problems or whatever but I can still feel so vividly what it was like to feel his heart pumping right underneath my hands. It’s not scary or bad it’s just stuck there… In fact I was so focused on saving this guy I totally forgot there was someone else.” She laughed but tears had started to make her eyes shine, she was getting frustrated with her incapability to understand what she was feeling and that frustration just made her even more flustered. “Isn’t that just so awful... As soon as I knew they were dead they just got written off in my mind.” She took a deep, strained breath, her throat was tight and sore. She took a moment to gather herself “Sorry,” she mumbled, “This is a little embarrassing.” She nearly looked at the two gruff people by the door but stopped herself before she got caught, if this [i]was[/i] an interview, she’d be failing.

Angeline took another breath and continued “Um… After everything, I just stayed in the van for the other part… But some guy came and attacked me… I think I nearly died but someone shot him first. Oh, I mean I wasn’t hurt he was just trying to hurt me first. But didn’t…” The words came out patchy and confused but that was pretty much how she’d felt about it.