There ought to be more fanfare to your first murder. The universe ought to hold its breath, the air full of tension at the possible decision, as it waits for him to choose a path through the future. Does he offer him life, or take that first step towards Black Coleman?

Indeed, as he kneels down besides himself, he can't help but feel vaguely insulted that it's so mundane. That it's so easy to help himself part the coarse hair, find the veins, grab the knife, and let the toxic sludge inside ooze onto the floor of the aquarium. Probably bad for the tile, that, his mind insists on chiming in. Better find a wet floor sign somewhere.

But... Well, he's uncomfortable with Black Coleman [i]because[/i] he sees the path. He sees how he goes from himself to--well, himself, but with a patina of shame. Sees the logic. The emotions. Black Coleman is himself in ways he doesn't feel comfortable acknowledging. 

And... Well, he [i]did[/i] try to kill Sasha.

Lucien clowned! Ailee shattered! Jackdaw vanished! He can easily believe the first and last, but there was part of him that had even started to buy into Ailee's own beliefs about what would happen in the Heart.

"But do you remember this day? Are you here, in your memories? Is this a cycle we're starting here--the two of us, comin' back here and murderin' this poor jackass over an' over, and not changing a thing?"