Queen held his arms outward, palms up, the silver crucifix on the rosary winking in the light. His sunglasses were still in place but that impish grin appeared in his bearded face. “Blessing upon ye, me lad. You have served the Lord in his brutal ways.” 

Dropping his arms, he turned and called out, “Angel, come on out!”

“Sup?” he asked Donnelley as he turned back, reaching up to push the sunglasses onto his head, holding back his long hair. He looked at the body and then back at Tex,  “Who’s your friend?” 

Ava poked her head out from behind a nearby SUV, her wild red curls a beacon in the sunlight. She couldn’t make out fine details with her vision but she recognized the hair and build of Donnelley.

She smiled broadly as she stepped out from behind the car, jogging her way over to join Queen and Donnelley with Prince tiredly but happily trotting along behind her. 

Donnelley looked at Ava and then back to Queen, closing his slack jaw and shaking himself from another stupor, “Just help me with this bullshit and get in the goddamn car.”

Donnelley went back dragging the big Russian towards the cargo door of the 4Runner. He dropped him for a second, his limp head smacking on the pavement with a dull thud as he opened the cargo door, “I got arms, get his legs.”

The two of them hefted the dead Russian who was almost as big as Ghost into the back of the 4Runner. Donnelley wasted no time in getting into the front passenger seat while Ava and Queen piled into the back with the dog. The last occupant he wasn’t even going to ask about, “Go, anywhere. Just drive.”

Queen opened the passenger door to the back and saw the baby seat strapped in. He reached and unbuckled it, yanking it free and tossed it in the back on top of the body they had shrouded  with a throw blanket found in the bed of the SUV. 

“Ladies and dogs first,” he offered as Ava and Prince got in and he followed suit. 

“Well, Agent Laine,” he said, “Nice driving.”

Laine only looked at him in the rearview mirror, a cigarette now between her plush lips. She flicked her gaze over to Ava and her green eyes warmed, “Good to see you guys.”

She shifted the Toyota into drive and straightened out, taking a look out the window as people started to gather at the entrance of Walmart looking and pointing their direction, “Shit, that was a performance,” she muttered as she drove towards the driveway. 

“Still got that map, Angel? It’s in the bags,” Queen asked, settling back. “Oh, and that Glock, better let Tex have it.” 

The smile had gone from Ava’s face as soon as she saw the dead body. An icy chill went down her spine but she quickly hopped into the back seat with Prince, setting down the bags and tackle box on the floor.

She tried to ignore the heavy scent of blood in the air as she dug out the map. She passed Queen the map and stared down at the tackle box seated on the floor.

She reached over and opened it, shifting through the bottles in search of the Xanax, her hands starting to shake as they grew cold. 

He noticed her getting into the box and set the map aside after giving Laine instructions to head south to get on the parkway so they could make it out of town faster.

Queen leaned in and took the bottle from Ava’s hand, “Nah, you wanna start with the lower dose. Since you never had it and are still on that other shit.”

He took a bottle of 1mg Xanax and opened it, giving her one. “If you don’t feel it, I’ll give you a second.” 

Shaking some out for himself, he popped them like Skittles and handed the bottle without a word to Tex, tapping his shoulder. “Made a pit stop, just the essentials you know?” 

He took the Glock from where Ava left it on the seat  and handed that over to him as well, grip first. “That’s got a full magazine, one chambered.” 

Laine was smoking hard and glanced at the bottle that was passed forward, “What the hell is that?”

“Xanax, Doc,” Queen drawled as he crunched the last bitter pill. “Figured we earned this.” 

She glanced at Donnelley, then went back to watching the road as she came to a light. “Maybe later,” she murmured, her senses still alert and she tried not to relive the feeling of the SUV bumping over the Russian’s body. 

Ava nodded at Queen, swallowing down the pill in silence and leaning back in the seat. Prince got himself comfortable by laying his paws and head on her lap and she rubbed his head, distracting herself while waiting for the Xanax to kick in. They found two more of their teammates, whatever else happened, that was a good thing.

“Gimme one of those.” Donnelley asked of the cigarettes. When Laine passed him one he lit up, rolling the window down just a couple inches. Without a word, he popped one of the Xanax and chewed it, tasting the bitter and fighting against grimacing. “Find us somewhere quiet.”

“We need to talk.”

>40 MINUTES LATER...///

>SOMEWHERE OFF SEWARD HWY
>10SEP2019
>1500...///

Donnelley sat in the front passenger seat with his face in his hand, two of his fingers clutching a lit cigarette that left a little tail of smoke rising off of it. He hadn’t said much since they’d dumped the Russian’s body down some backroad for wolves, bears, raccoons and flies to get to. The most immediate of their problems was gone, but the looming one still cast its shadow over them. Donnelley spoke without lifting his head, “I’d said I needed to talk to all of you.” Donnelley paused, “I’d ask you to believe me, but… well, maybe I [i]should[/i] ask. It’s definitely the weirdest shit we’ve been through.”

His other hand held the activated Motorola burner phone. He’d refrained from typing in Foster’s number. This was the only chance he’d ever had for something like this. It’d be the only chance any of them would have too, and he wanted to make sure they knew their choices from here on out. He’d made his already. But he wasn’t going to make theirs. “When I say this, I swear it’s true.” Donnelley looked to Laine next to him, and then turned to Ava and Queen in the backseat, “Y’all understand? Are we crystal?”

Laine rested her forearm on the steering wheel, her attention on Donnelley. He had been uncharacteristically quiet and brooding, not since that first ride together in Blackriver when they had sat on the shoulder of another rural road. With the other two in the car, she hesitated reaching out this time to touch him but his distress was palatable and all of them were on the taut strings of anxiousness. She let her right hand rest against the console, close to his side. 

The tension in her upper back pinched as he made his preamble and she nodded slowly, the flickering of memories flashing in her mind. Fog. Sarah Jung’s fear. Walking together with their weapons out. The cold.

Queen leaned forward, the effects of the Xanax coursing through him made him mellow and relaxed, ready to hear anything Tex wanted to lay on him. He had an inkling of trepidation but it floated on the chemical buffer. 

“Sure, we trust you,” Queen said, reaching over the seat to pat Donnelley’s shoulder with a bro grip, “What’s up?” 

Ava felt calmer than she had in awhile, at least for the first time since they left the BLACKBOX. It was a cozy feeling, one she basked in on the long drive while petting the snoring dog in her lap.

She was only brought out of her comfortable haze when Donnelley started speaking, blinking her eyes slowly behind the cheap reading glasses on her face.

“I woke up wearing a biker’s questionably clean underwear,” Ava said bluntly. “So the bar for strangeness is already pretty high. Whatever it is, I trust you. No matter how crazy it is gonna sound.”

Donnelley nodded slow, but that didn’t exactly make it easier. He sighed, “How much do you guys remember from before?”

Ava frowned as she puzzled over the question and her foggy memories. “The last thing I remember is us leaving Yutu’s house with Ipiktok and the SIREN agent, it was snowy and we were...walking for some reason. I don’t remember why we were walking. Things get a little hazy after I had that seizure and that dream.”

Queen shrugged, "I remember the shaman and gearing up. Before I woke up in a confession booth. I thought maybe we'd had a wild night but…"

He trailed off, tugging at the stiff collar. 

Laine looked at him, then glanced at the others in the rearview mirror. "I don't remember much past leaving Yutu's home and taking Agent Jung with us. We were supposed to meet a plane I think? But it was so foggy."

Donnelley looked between all of them, took his moment. He looked away from them and back out the windshield at the trees around them. He’d have to tell them, “We died.”

He left that on the air for a moment, “We were double-crossed. ARTEMIS and SIREN were sold out to the Russians.” He frowned, his hands balling into fists, “Fuckin’ TRIDENT was in their pocket. The whole goddamn operation was bust. They killed us to get to Ipiktok.”

“And somehow we woke up from that. In other peoples’ clothes. I need you to understand something, about why I haven’t called Foster yet, or anyone.” Donnelley turned back around, craning his neck to look at those in the back too, “You don’t retire from this. Not until they don’t need you, or you get killed, or you take it into your own hands. This ain’t the FBI or the DEA. Even if I quit on the CIA, the Program would still have me in the lineup.”

“Dyin’ for this, livin’ like this, it ain’t for everyone. This is the only chance any of you are goin’ to get to walk away from all of this. Live some kind of life.” Donnelley held the phone in his hands, “As soon as I call Foster on this phone, everyone still in this car is back on-duty. And there is no goin’ back.”

He looked at each of them, searching their faces for any doubts, or resolve, “So?”

Ava’s eyes widened and her breath grew still in her lungs for a few moments as she listened and processed the information. They had...died? No, they had been murdered, but supposed allies. 

As Donnelley posed his question, though she was still trying to understand the concept of dying and yet waking up 3 days later, she didn’t hesitate, “I’m not staying dead.” She said, looking up at him with eyes containing a mixture of confusion, pain but a spark of something else. Something not dulled by the Xanax she had taken. “I have my family, my parents, my grandparents! I can’t let them think I’m dead, it’d crush them. Not to mention Dave! I have to know if he’s okay!”

Queen stared at Donnelley in the rear view mirror, then looked out the car window, digesting what he had said. Had he really died and come back? As a priest no less. The universe did have a delicious sense of irony. He was officially dead, for this brief moment the Program did not own him. He dug in the front pocket for his box of Kools, “You mind?”

He asked Ava in a perfunctory way, then lit a cigarette, his thoughts racing. A chance to get away from the murder and mayhem of THUNDER. To go back to what? DEA and that bullshit, maybe start a new career and get clean. Queen took a drag on his cigarette, blowing smoke out the rolled down window. 

“So a fresh start,” he said, seeking Donnelley’s eyes in the mirror. “What the hell else would I do with my life? Been runnin’ at this speed too damn long.”

Queen sighed and tilted his head slightly, “Ain’t nothing as exciting as this, besides. Ain’t no fight like it.”

He grinned but his eyes did not reflect it and he sank against the seat. Glancing at Ava, he said, “He means you wanna walk away from the Program? Get out now and you’ll not have to worry about them finding out you’re dead in some place by some means they’ll never be able to know.” 

“I’m not walking away from my family or my friends.” Ava said firmly, looking to Queen with a frown. “I walk away from the Program, I have to walk away from them too. I’m not doing that.”

Donnelley looked at Queen in the mirror, a hidden pain in his eyes remembering him dropping like a stone and thinking for those last few seconds that he’d never see that mischievous smile on his handsome face, or those damn jokes ever again. He looked away from Queen and out the window, taking and lighting his own cigarette, “There doesn’t have to be any kind of fight at all, man.” Donnelley’s voice weakened at the last word, before he regained himself, “I seen you die once now, and it didn’t feel good. But, I wouldn’t have anyone else watchin’ my back out here.”

Donnelley locked eyes with Queen again in the mirror, “If you’re really sure about this, Queen.”

Queen smiled slyly, the cigarette between his lips as he looked at Donnelley’s reflection, “You know I cain’t quit you.” 

He snickered a laugh, looking at Ava once more with her serious expression. His heart ached a little for what would probably become of her after a few years of exposure to men like him and the shit they had to do, what evil she would see and come to know. 

He looked at Laine, knowing he’d watched her die too and it felt no better. The last thing he wanted to do was have it happen again, or watch her mind slowly chip away. He nodded at her, “What about you?”

Laine listened to the rest making their decisions quickly, determination and inevitability. Her stomach knotted at the idea that she had been killed, shot dead but she had no recollection of it. Except Donnelley, how quiet he had been, holding that back since he found her walking down the road in another woman’s clothing. She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, feeling the nausea rising at the faint scent of blood still in the car or maybe it was just her mind playing tricks. Reminding how she had become a killer.

“I need a little walk,” she said, glancing at Donnelley, the indecision in her eyes.

Laine stepped out of the truck and made it to the treeline of the shoulder of the road before she bent over, spitting bile up as she had little else in her stomach. She stayed bent, her hands braced against her knees. There was a time she knew when to step back before she ruined herself. Behind her, one of the car doors opened and closed again.

The sound of footsteps in the dirt coming closer and the smell of a cigarette. Donnelley stepped closer to her and placed a soft hand on her shoulder, “I’m sorry I had to tell you that.” He said, not knowing what else to, “Whatever you decide… I understand.”

Laine wiped her mouth with the hem of her t-shirt then glanced down at it. His hand was warm as a chill ran through her. Holding the bottom of her shirt she asked, “Alasie Creech is dead isn’t she? Just as sure as that Russian.”

Dropping the shirt, she stood up straight, her hands trembling after getting sick. “I killed her, taking her place in some cosmic bullshit. I don’t know...Donnelley.”

She put her hand over his on her shoulder and squeezed it, then turned to face him. “I thought that I had faced the worst but I was always a step back.”

Laine searched his scarred face, his deep blue eyes, “I always knew when I should pull back before I lost myself, but this...how can I walk away from this fight?”

Donnelley pointed back down the road, “That way, probably.” He shrugged, looking to Laine as she pleaded for guidance on what she should do next. On what she should do, “It’s a lot to consider, Laine. I wouldn’t blame you if you walked away from all of this. From me.”

Laine closed her eyes briefly, the brief memory of her father settling in for the annual reading of Lord of the Rings. How he had admired the heroes of that story but it was far different in reality. The Program could destroy her, maybe not at first but little by little, grasping at the little things to keep her from falling into that void. Another sunrise. 

She looked at him, the realization it would be to leave everything. “I don’t want to lose you,” she said softly, her green eyes searching his face. “Any of you but...Joey, I…”

Out of habit she looked around, then at him, “This war, it’s everything I swore to fight against. The evil that men do, and now the evil that exists in places I never imagined.”

“I think you might need me and I need you,” Laine said, then shook her head, the real word lingering on her tongue. “I want you.”

Donnelley looked at Laine, searching her eyes. Those same eyes he’d seen light up and make things seem like they were going to be alright. The same eyes he’d looked into so many times before and felt his heart flutter, “Laine, I know you took an oath for this, but… I never want to see you how I saw you in Noatak. I don’t know if I could be the same…” He frowned, looked away from her and took a drag off his cigarette, “It hurt me, Laine. Thinking that I’d never see you again and I couldn’t do a goddamn thing for you.”

He wiped at his face and took a breath, shaking his head, “I want you, Laine, I need you.” He looked at her, seriousness in his face and voice, “But I need you to be sure about this too.”

Laine wanted to touch him and hold him but they were not alone. She would trust Ava but she did not know Queen, not like Donnelley did and he made no move to fill the small gap between them. She swallowed hard, then nodded, “I won’t leave. Whatever happens, this is the good fight and I think if I turned away I’d never be able to live with myself. Leaving you, UMBRA. Who would make sure we had trail mix packed or make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”

She smiled a little, biting her lip slightly as her eyes glistened. “Most of all, I need you to know how much I care about you. I died and never got to say it. I’m sorry you have to carry the memory.”

“Laine,” he smiled, looking at the Toyota for a second and then back to her, “I know you care. I mean, hell, the shit we do with each other…”

“Laine… I…” he looked to her, then away down the road, nothing but the wind and the trees and the gravel on the isolated backroad. He knew what he wanted to say, but he didn’t want it to be said now. But when then? He didn’t get to say it either before she’d died right in front of him, “I’m glad. I need you with me through this.”

She gazed at him, the same softened expression she reserved when they were alone. Laine nodded, stepping closer to let her hand brush his, giving him a little squeeze before moving past. She looked back at him, “Another night and another sunrise, we will see this through. As far as we can go.”

Laine wanted to kiss him but held back, turning to return to the SUV instead.

"I still don't think I can like killing people," Laine muttered, knowing that would be the thing to keep her up in future nights despite the momentary triumph of knocking down the Russian.

“Be an entirely different problem if you did.” Donnelley said.

>QUEEN/AVA TOYOTA

“Do you think she’s okay?” Ava asked Queen after watching Laine walk away, Donnelley going after her shortly after. She looked to him, a disquieted expression on her face despite the visible haziness from the Xanax in her eyes.
 
Queen watched Laine dart from the SUV to get sick and Donnelley followed after. He glanced back over at Ava then shrugged, "Dunno, everyone has their breaking point and I don't know her well enough to know if it's turning a man into road kill or learning she was shot and killed by traitors and somehow mysteriously brought back to life."

He waited a beat as he lazily smoked the rest of his near finished cigarette. "A real mind fuck that one is. I'm still tryna imagine being dead. Doesn't seem like any fun."

The several bars he had taken had made him sleepy and stoned, a pleasant numbness to the horror of the idea Tex had watched them all killed but now they were back. Someone somewhere had interfered with the laws of nature. 

“Yeah…” She said quietly, looking down at Prince blissfully sleeping and unaware of just about everything. She rubbed at one of his ears.

“Why aren’t you taking the chance to walk away?” Ava asked after a beat of silence. She looked back up at him, the frown and creases of worry on her features. “After what you told me about why you need...well,” She nudged the tackle box with her foot. “You could leave, get clean and live a nice life... I could help you, too. Make a new identity and everything.”

Queen pinched the ember out on the butt of the cigarette, the little sting in his fingertips reminding him he was still alive. He considered her question for a moment, then leaned his head back against the headrest. He was still dressed like a priest, albeit there was a blood splatter on the black cloth now. Whether it was from Taylor or the roadkill Russian, he wasn’t sure. 

“You know, I started out a lot like you,” Queen said, rolling his head so he could look at her. His sunglasses pushed his hair back and there was nothing obscuring the clear pale color of his eyes and the slight dilation of his pupils making them piercing.”I was on an investigation team, doing the intel and...well I got moved, I was more useful to them as someone that could find people that needed killing. And then I started doing the killing.”

He wanted another cigarette, another Xanax, maybe the cocaine sitting heavier in his pocket. “But you see I can’t walk away. Because that man out there, he’s my best friend.”

Queen gestured to Donnelley still out with Laine. “We’ve been to hell and back, no way I’d leave him to go squirrel away and try to live some safe anonymous life. Ain’t any different from you. I don’t want to leave my friends, I don’t want to have to never visit my mom unless I’m heavily disguised. I already know what it’s like to live a lie, for every day and every interaction and connection you make with people to be founded on lies and deceit. That you can never be honest and be who you really are.” 


His thoughts flashed to the lies of his cover with the Hell’s Highest and one of his best friends, Easy, who still knew him as another person. How he had to keep quiet about certain aspects of his relationship with Joseph but he loved him without question. He lied to THUNDER about how he felt about them, he embraced it and hated them at the same time and like the chemicals Queen snorted and swallowed, he could never truly give them up. And his mother didn’t know anything of what he did now and would never if he had a choice in it. 

Queen shook his head, “Nah, Angel. I appreciate your concern and offer but I won’t live another lie, I got too many already.”

Ava watched him as he spoke, her heart welling with concern at the same time she admired Queen’s dedication to Donnelley. She didn’t know the two of them were so close.

And his reasoning...well it was very similar to her own, even if she hadn’t voiced it fully.

She tried to reach over to touch his shoulder, but was stopped by the very heavy and very tired Dalmatian on her lap. She huffed and settled for giving Queen a smile. “Donnelley is lucky to have you for a friend.” She said, scratching Prince’s ears again. “And...I’m glad I’ll still be able to see you around.”

Queen smiled slightly at that, “Yeah he is and I’m lucky to have him. Makes a lot of difference in a world like ours to have someone you trust completely. Who you know has your back. And I’m glad to be around, Angel. I’m sure we’ll all see each other. We’ll see the rest, too. Avery and Dave. Maui...Ghost, Poker...They’re probably finding their own way right now.”

He glanced out the window to see Laine turn and stand close to Donnelley, close enough they brushed each other. Then she was moving back towards the SUV. He looked over at Ava, searching her face then asked, “You got that weed?” 

Ava still smiled but tilted her head to the side curiously. “You had it last, I gave it to you with the cigarettes.”

Queen chuckled, flashing a self-deprecating smile, “Oh, yeah.”

Sitting up, he dug in his pockets, pulling out a bag but in it was tightly wrapped white powder. He shoved it back quickly, then found the other sandwich baggy with the biker’s weed, to conveniently prerolled for some party he would never make it too,“There you are.”

Laine opened the driver side door, climbing into the seat and slid behind the wheel. She glanced at Ava in the rearview mirror, “Sorry about that, I’m better.” 

Ava met her eyes with her own dilated gaze and smiled reassuringly. “It’s alright, it’s a lot to take in. I’d give you a hug but, well,” She motioned to the snoring dog using her as a pillow. “Cerberus here has me pretty pinned.”

Laine raised her brow, the dog had not been unnoticed but now she felt like she could tackle that question. “Cerberus?”

Queen said nothing, busy searching for something in the tackle box at his feet. Laine looked at Ava, “I’m almost afraid to ask where you found the guardian of the underworld.” 

“I...liberated him from...some not so nice people.” Ava answered slowly, shifting awkwardly in her seat and eliciting a grumble from said dog.

Queen was still digging around, now not wanting to look up. Laine looked from Ava to Queen’s bent back and back to her, “You stole a dog? Rescued, I mean. Of course.”

She frowned slightly, “And where did you get all that, Queen?”

He froze then glanced up, a slight grin on his bearded face, “I’m nothing if not resourceful, Doc.” 

Laine looked out at Donnelley still on the burner phone and shook her head. She thought about punching Thumper and running over the Russian, what’s another crime or two among friends.  “So, what do you plan on doing with the dog, Ava?” 

“Take him to a shelter?” She said slowly, feeling like a child that had gotten caught with her hand in the cookie jar. “I acknowledge that the decision was not well thought out, but a lot was happening and they didn’t even really like him so...It seemed like a good idea at the time.” She wrapped her arms around Prince. “Plus look how sweet he is.”

Queen sat back and cleared his throat, not wanting to talk about how he robbed and beat a man for the drugs and cash with Laine’s sharp gaze on him. After giving Prince a pat he looked out the window, crossing his arms. “That sucks,” Laine said, “Just dropping him off at some shelter, he is a pretty boy. I guess he’d get adopted quickly.” 

Prince thumped his tail, waking as another soft voiced person seemed to be paying attention to him. He glanced up at Ava, his expressive brown eyes attentive to her tone. He put a big paw on her leg, shifting his body on the bench seat.

Ava looked down into his large brown eyes and groaned, dropping her head forward. “I’m too high and emotionally exhausted for this.” She picked up his chain lead and opened the door. “I’m gonna take him out to use the bathroom, before we get going.” [i]Maybe figure out what to do with him.[/i] She slid her way out of the Toyota, gently pulling on Prince’s collar. 

After a brief stretch, Prince hopped down and Ava shut the car door, walking off toward the treeline for the dog to do his business. Hearing Donnelley’s voice, she looked over to him on the phone. Despite the buzz of the Xanax, she felt a sting of worry. Would Foster believe them? Would the Program even take them back? Or would they think they were something...inhuman.

Prince’s head perked up as well and before Ava could stop him, the excited dog was pulling her over toward Donnelley, his tail wagging and tongue lulling out. “Prince! No, heel!” Ava squeaked, trying to pull the dog back but he was far bigger than her and clearly never been properly trained. 

“Foster, we just killed a guy and had to dump his body out here in the middle of nowhere…” Donnelley paused on the phone, “Yes, it’s really me… Oh, you’ll know I’m real when I break my foot off in your ass… Yeah, I’ve known you for almost ten years now… I swear to god, just call Sobel to come do his thing and we can [i]fuckin’ prove it[/i]... Bye… Yeah, you too, fuckhead.”

Donnelley hung up the phone and slipped it into his pockets, just before he squawked and stumbled back as the dog caught him off guard, jumping into his shoulder in an attempt to get some affection from a new person. “Whoa, boy, come on. Down,” Donnelley chuckled as the dog was on his hind legs, tail thrashing, “Down, boy.”

Donnelley shielded his face from an onslaught of dog tongue and stepped back, letting the dog fall back to all his fours, “Well, that’s done.” He said, his smile fading some as he looked at Ava, “Are you sure?”

Ava tugged on Prince’s collar and patted his hind end, looking up at Donnelley in confusion for a moment. “Oh,” She breathed as she realized what he was asking. “I’m sure.” She answered with a nod. “Like I said, I have my family to think about and…” She trailed off her mind drifting to Dave, wondering what happened to him after they were betrayed and hoping he was okay. 

She shook her head to focus back on the now, looking back up to Donnelley. “And, I have a thing I’ve been meaning to do and I can’t do that if I’m officially dead.” She studied Donnelley with a concerned frown. “How are you doing? I mean, I know we all...but I don’t remember it and you clearly do. I can’t imagine…” She trailed off, unsure if she was at a loss for words because of the strangeness of the situation or the pleasant cozy fog brought on by the drugs. “Do you need a hug?” She offered, trying to inject some lightness back into the air.

Donnelley’s smile returned as he looked away from Ava at the offer of a hug. He didn’t really know how he was doing, just been on autopilot this whole time and keeping himself occupied with the list of things he and Laine had to do to get the phone and her clothes. “I don’t know.” He shook his head, his smile fading away as he looked at Queen and Laine in the Toyota, and at Ava. His lip quivered and he closed his eyes, head hanging, “I don’t know.”

He couldn’t get it out of his head, in every quiet moment it filtered back in. The fact he saw it happen in a vision, and then witnessed it all and was powerless to stop it. Raging against it as it all happened in front of him, and then giving it all up when he knew everything was over for him. The last thing he remembered was trying to get to Laine as he died.

And then he woke up on that road. “I can’t fuckin’ believe it, Ava. I’m so fuckin’ sorry I did that to all of you, I’m so fuckin’ sorry for being a goddamn fuckin’ shitty…” He buried his face in his hands, “I let you fuckin’ [i]die.[/i] I let all of you fuckin’ die…”

“[i]I died[/i] and my daughter don’t even know who the fuck her father is, damn it!” He shook with it, the grief and the anger, and the sadness. The weight of failure he never wanted to feel again since Chechnya. “I failed all of you and you ain’t even fuckin’ angry at me.”

Ava took a step back in surprise, seeing Donnelley break down in a way she had never really seen before. Nor did she think was possible for the man. She didn’t dwell much more on it, just stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, giving him as strong a hug as she could.

“You didn’t do anything.” She whispered to him. “It wasn’t your fault, none of us had any idea what was really going on.” She heard Prince whine and saw the dog sit next to Donnelley, looking up at him with his head tilted to the side. “It’s not your fault.”

Donnelley knelt there for a moment, just letting himself be held. He wiped the tears from his face and took a breath. No matter what he felt, he was the damned Team Lead, he couldn’t be like this. Couldn’t be seen broken down. The war wasn’t over for them still, despite all of them here being dead for three days, “Thanks.” He said, reaching over and squeezing Ava’s shoulder, “For everything. This team’s still a team, no matter what.”

He was forlorn, and then he snorted, smiling, “Gotta say that was some of the best damn sleep I ever got. Three days, shoo’.”

Ava smiled up at him and patted his arm. “Any time, that’s what teams are for.” She reached over and rubbed Prince’s head to reassure him everything was okay. While she didn’t quite have the level of gallows humor that Donnelley did about it, she still nodded along. “I was gonna let Prince here go to the bathroom before we leave to go...wherever we’re going.” She frowned up at him. “What is the plan now?”

“Well,” Donnelley scratched at his beard, “We sit here and wait.”

Laine watched from the SUV as Donnelley finally broke down and Ava was there to hold him. What she should have been doing if it had not been for her own constant worry about being caught. She glanced away, the heaviness returning and looked in the rearview mirror at Queen who was sorting through a bag of pre rolled joints. 

“Got one for me?” she asked after a moment. 

Queen met her gaze in the mirror, then reached into the bag and leaned forward. He handed it to her and gave her a pat on the shoulder. Laine took it and glanced at him, “Thanks.” 

He struck his lighter and lit it for her, “It’s gonna take some time.” 

Laine took a puff on it and tested the quality, it was good but then weed was legal so there wasn’t much of a chance of getting a bunch of stems. “It sure is,” she agreed, taking a deeper drag and held the smoke, slowly releasing it between her lips.