Iris knew he had seen the state of the suite and as much as she wished he had focused on her movements she knew it was naïve to think like that. How could you not see the stacked plates in the kitchen because it was so in your face, and she had regretted not having the motivation to clean it up. If she had known he would be stopping by then of course she would have made sure there was nothing like that laying around, but it couldn’t be helped and now she would have to face that music with Cas. 

[color=f49ac2]“C-Cas?”[/color] Questioning him when he said that she shouldn’t be apologising, but then she felt his tight embrace and immediately a wave of emotions hit her because she had craved this touch, she had forgotten what it was like to be so close to someone she truly loved and it took all her strength to not just cry then and there. It took her a few moments before she finally wrapped her arms around him returning the hug but hearing his strained voice and the raw emotion that he felt towards her situation started to crush her because she didn’t want him to feel guilty or have to worry about her. It felt like a double-edged sword because as much as she had missed him and being able to hold him like this, she was also conflicted with the idea of her going home and that was something she could never tell him. Home would never be the Capitol for her, home would always be the districts because that was all she was good enough for in her eyes. 

Feeling him pull back Iris averted her gaze out of instinct because she didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes, or the hurt that she had caused by breaking the promises on the phone to look after herself. The fact he was getting this upset for her made her feel just as bad and it was like a knife twisting into her heart because she had hurt him. Trouble was now she didn’t know what to say anymore, it wasn’t like he was over the phone, and she could say she was okay because he knew the truth now that she really wasn’t. Even his promise to fix this fell on death ears because she truly believed the only way to fix this was to not be in the picture, not when Ethan threatened to destroy everything she loved. 

[color=f49ac2]“I’m not starving myself Cas, I’m just not hungry.”[/color] Iris sighed as she shook her head not really sure how to explain it to him, if she felt the need to eat, she would. If she felt hungry, she would certainly dig into some dishes and on some occasions, she had done just that, it was just most days she barely felt the need too and maybe that was her own fault letting herself fall into this downward spiral. [color=f49ac2]“I just…”[/color] Hesitating as she felt her voice waver the emotions bubbling away on the surface, she blinked back the tears not wanting to cry. Words like what’s the point, why even bother and how she didn’t even deserve his kindness swirled around her mind all wanting to be blurted out at him, but she didn’t dare release that. 

[color=f49ac2]“I take it saying I’m fine won’t make this go away?”[/color] Finally, Iris met his gaze as she spoke wanting nothing more than to avoid this subject with him even if it was far too late for that.