She knew better than anyone how hard it would be to hear what she was saying. If it was hard enough to say, then it had to be ard to hear. She knew when she managed to tell Bobby way back when, he could barely hear the story as well. It was his family as well after all. She looked down as she saw him take her hands and play with her fingers, which she guessed was his way of trying to compute everything she was telling him. 

She heard the gasp escape his lips when she showed him her scars, knowing that for the first time it would sink in why she was always so funny about him getting near her back, or why she refused to let him see her back in any kind of bright light. She just didn't want him feel pity for her scars or asking more questions that were too difficult to answer, or more to the point, even more difficult to answer than they were now. Her skin shivered slightly as she felt him touch her scar tissue and run his fingertips down each and every one of them, but she let him hoping that doing so would help him understand why she chose all her actions she did these last few years. Not only that, she hoped it would help her overcome her shame of said scars which she still had to this day, despite a full back piece of a phoenix rising from the ashes being over the top of them. 

She closed her eyes tightly as he leaned down and kissed her shoulder, reiterating how he was here for her. That he wasn't going anywhere. She wanted to believe him so much that this influx of information she was giving him wouldn't make him be the one that does the running off, she wanted to believe him so much it hurt her heart to hope for such a thing so much. 

It took her a few seconds to reopen her eyes as he turned her round to face him, looking him in the eyes as he spoke to her, more than three words. She nodded at his words, accepting that he wasn't happy about any of this or what she put him through as she understood he woiuld be angry about it but when he smirked and kissed her, she kissed him back then pulled back ever so slightly. "I know how much you must be angry with me and you have every right to be mad at me. I'm mad at me for it. I wish that my own self disgust and hatred for the world didn't effect my life and those around me but all I can do is hope that one day you'll learn to forgive me" she told him. "Because I can't do this alone anymore Dean...I've ruined so many lives and I hate myself for it." she told him, forcing herself not to burst into tears again, as she felt the stinging of tears threatening to escape once more. "I have never stopped loving you though, please know that" she added.