Chen blinks and for a moment she simply twirls, silent and suspended in the air, her dress sparkling and shining little rainbow patterns onto Jessic’s scarf and fur neck lining. 

How did she start here?! She ought to have rehearsed on the trip over, thought about what happened with Qiu and her parents and Yin and why she had freaked out. But gosh it sure had been a [i]lot[/i] easier not thinking about any of those terrible things and having fun with Rose, Yue, and Cyanis instead. Especially Rose. Especially being carried around by a woman twice her size and paraded in the fairgrounds. Especially one she had called her girlfriend~!

But as well and good and blush-inducing that that thought was, she was still left with a situation that she had pointedly tried to push out of her brain until the last few minutes, and that had all been spiraling. What was she supposed to say? 

[i]Jessic, I hate my moms![/i] That was a lie, this would be much easier if she just hated them, but instead she wanted their approval and their love and also hated how they treated her and had no idea how to talk to them about it in a way that would be seen as anything but a tantrum and cause to send her back for stricter training. 

[i]Jessic, Qiu kicked my ass and it’s sending me into a spiral because my job seems impossible![/i] Kind of accurate, but if she had just wanted to beat Qiu at all costs she could have leaned into what her parents wanted whole-heartedly and without any qualms. But she...can’t somehow and she’s confident that just trying to hone her sword work without figuring this out won’t help at all. She doesn’t want to be what her parents want, maybe? Or maybe she just doesn’t want to get there how they want her to get there. She doesn’t view Qiu as her arch-nemesis (though she does want Qiu to stop hoarding power and messing up the world for all the other kingdoms) and she hasn’t figured out at [i]all[/i] how she wants to view Qiu. All she knows is that they’ve very far apart, much more so than she had thought before their meeting, that they had hurt each other, and that thinking about it makes her heart hurt. 

[i]Jessic, I have a toxic relationship with my own talent! I love the things I’m good at, but I hate how people constantly judge and define me by them to the point that I’m destroying myself with pressure to never mess up and then I messed up anyway![/i] Accurate. Too accurate for Chen, she’s not capable of articulating herself this well and probably needs someone to bonk her over the head with this realization more subtly and over time. Also, this would be all well and good but she has no idea what to do about it or even how to ask.

“Jessic, I think I’m a bad princess!” Chen blurts out. She freezes, staring at that massive dragon, but the way the voice had touched her mind and...Qiu’s advice, she keeps barreling forward.

“I mean, I know the rules and stuff, and I thought I was good at the swords and magic and everything, but Qiu wrecked me hardcore! And...and I hurt her when we fought cuz I didn’t actually do things right, like she wanted. And I hurt Yin cuz she expected me to back her up and I didn’t. And...and I’m pretty sure I hurt my moms cuz I couldn’t do what they wanted and I’m just waiting for them to call and chew me out for it. And I...I didn’t wanna tell anyone cuz I really actually love this and I’ve never felt more scared in my whole life than when Qiu told me that maybe I should take a break!”

Then she does start crying. Small, quiet, and warm tears that pool in her eyes and, because she remains upside down and twirling, make little angled routes towards her temples before catching in her hair.