“I know…”, Dean whispered simply, extending the first olive branch of understanding of the day.  He took a deep and shuddering breath after, and wiped his hand down his face.  Tensions were high, and a moment that should have been something a normal couple would brush off had literally torn them apart.  He didn’t say anything else, he simply stood from the couch again.

He thought about leaving, while Bobby wasn’t in the room.  There were plenty of other ways out of the house, other than the garage.  But the more he thought about leaving, his feet wouldn’t move.  He was shaking, his teeth almost chattering as he tried to talk himself into leaving.  The thoughts even came into his mind to steal a car, and drive to California, to find Sam.  Maybe he could talk him into letting him stay for a while, or he could get Sam to go with him, and ditch college.  They could be on the road together.

But even the thoughts of snatching Sam from college didn’t budge his feet, as his mind forced him to stay.  He let out a deep sigh, turning toward Mika.  He watched her cry, which tore him apart.  He wasn’t good with people crying, anyway.  As a couple of tears fell from his own nose, almost deafening as they hit the old hardwood floor, he reluctantly stepped forward and squatted.

As his knees hit the floor, he leaned his forehead against the top of her head, bringing a shaky hand up to tangle in her hair.

“I can’t leave…”, he whispered, his own voice almost muffled by the cushion she had buried herself into.  He was defying everything he had told himself in his mind, about not getting too close.  Making up wasn’t necessarily in the cards, in his mind, considering how massive of a misunderstanding and reaction they had both had.  Neither of them knew what they were.  Neither of them really knew what they wanted.  And for Dean, this was all so far off the reservation for a hunter…he didn’t even know if he was ‘allowed’ to feel this way about anyone, “But…un-until you’re ready to t-tell me what you want, I can’t do this.  It’s a hell of a lot of baggage and change, Mika…”

He let her name slip off his tongue and the floodgates opened to the tears, and he pushed against her with his head, nuzzling his head into her hand.