With her head buried in the cushion, Mika only felt the shift in weight as Dean stood from the couch and in that moment she got overwhelmed with panic that he was indeed leaving. That she had well and truly and royally screwed everything up, all because she couldn't let her trust toward him keep her in that damn hotel bed and not let her fists do the talking. She was too scared to lift her head even though she didn't hear his footsteps move out of the room.

Yet she also had the thought of him being a coward if he left right now. She of course, regretted that thought the moment she thought it but she couldn't stop the thought from entering her head. Sensing him not moving sent even more anxiety through her whole body, she was too terrified to look up incase she didn't like what she could possibly witness. Could they really come back from this? Could they really fix what they were so rapidly breaking after for so long trying to reunite? She didn't know the answers to these questions but she had to hope that they could.

She almost flinched slightly when she suddenly felt him kneel down in front of her and grab her hair. She didn't know at first if this was an action of hostility or comfort and felt her shoulders tense up which only relaxed slightly again when he told her he couldn't leave.

She listened to him talk and say how he couldn't do this with her until she figured things out. An understandable decision but one that was still so incredibly heartbreaking. She felt him nuzzle his head into her hands and sob which made her look up ever so slightly and press her head against his. "I want you Dean... Its always been you... But.. I... I understand if you feel d..differently. I... I understand if my ptsd is too much for y..you to be around" she cried.

"I.. I need time but I want you." she mumbled once more.