Not a submission, since I rescinded my join request in the Discord but this is what I managed to spin out of the background for those who are interested. [hider=Lecture] [u][b][h3][center]The Phenoma-Forums[/center][/h3][/b][/u] [center][i]Safeguarding Against Strangeness Since 1998[/i][/center] [u]Public Lecture Series: Pathology of the Paranormal 101[/u] This series is an overview and analysis of common paranormal diseases and injuries which affect both humans and sapient para-species. Topics covered includes the following but not limited to: resuscitory exorcism, examination of silver toxicosis in lycantropes, vampire hematology, emergency para-species surgical procedures and histological analysis of paranormal afflictions. I hope you find these lectures an invaluable resource to supplement your own knowledge with which to arm yourself against a wide variety of ailments and afflictions, both mundane and magical. [i]Begin Pre-Recorded Lecture Recording?......[/i] [Y]/[N] [i]Processing……..[/i] [i]Enter Password[/i] ************ INSERTING RUNIC FIREWALLS INSTALLING ANTI-SPIRIT SOFTWARE ONLINE LEY-LINE STABILITY AT 98%. [00:02:43] “ Welcome to the second seminar on Paranormal Pathology. I know the grimiores I prescribed to you during the last seminar are a bit barbaric but hopefully, you got a taste of what we’ll be delving into today. Today, we’ll be covering the six classes of classification and yes, It will be more of an overview but trust me guys when I say this is necessary . We’re laying out the structure of the maze you’ll be getting into and trust me, even though I’ve had 15 years of experience, I’m still stuck in the maze as far as I can tell.” “ Now, firstly, we’ll begin with werewolf physiology. - Goddammit, I got the wrong papers. No, that’s not until- Why would I even - - God, what are you doing, Ambrose? 10 years of residency at Mayo, 5 years at St Angel’s ER and look at where you are right now. If only Chandler could see me now. They’d all think of me as a quack - “ “ Shit. I’m still recording, aren’t it? And I’m going to have to cut that one out. Great. Just great.” [00:10:13] “ Now, as we turn to the next slide, we can see several photos of bite marks from several para-species. In the right corner, we have a bite from a southern loup-garou and on the left corner, a bite from an Atlantic merman. Notice any patterns yet? Alright, let’s compare the inflammation across the periphery of the wound si- “ No, Bartleby, bad boy! Bartleby, don’t touch tha - Dammit, Bartleby! Do you know how long it takes to embalm pixie corpses?” [00:20:25] “ A rule for paranormal infections is to distinguish between syndromes and full metamorphosis. What do I mean by this?” “ How many of you of you know Andre the Giant? And I know all of you MDs and PhDs must be screaming right now. Yes, he’s classified as having acute hyperthyroidism. The truth is that he got bitten by a werewolf. The only reason why he didn’t tear up his match when it was a full moon was because he got a syndrome, not the full metamorphosis. Yes, you’ll notice that most creatures that rely on transforming their target due to physical contact end up causing ‘blank’ bites. The factors for this phenomenon can vary depending on the individual. You can stay asymptomatic for weeks, months at a time before you start having a craving for blood or start shooting up a meter in height. Don’t even get me started on what happens when you get multiple blank bites. South Park didn’t come up with ManBearPig out of the blue……. [00:50:50] “ Take a look at this doctor’s report. Dilated pupils, elevated levels of epinephrine and norephrine, cardiac arrhythmia. Now, take a look at this ECG. 10 year old boy. Notice the tachycardia? Would you believe me if I said that he wasn’t reporting any referred pain on his shoulders? It makes one think how many overdoses, heart attacks and panic attacks are really just a phantom or spirit trying to have a crack at puppeteering your corporeal body.” “ We’ll be covering emergency exorcisms in a later part of this series but all you need to know is that it’s a broad spectrum of possessions. If we’re talking western pagan spirits, they tend to be on the reasonable side but say your prayers if you encounter a yokai or hell, a demonic spirit. You’ll need to bust out high voltage defibrillators and do STERIS with steel clamps.” “ One important rule of note. Never do sedation. I’ll repeat it again, never tranquilize or try to do heavy sedation if you suspect that a person is under possession. Get a priest to confirm before you use heavy sedatives. If you make a mistake…..” “ Well….” “ ….I’ll just say an angry family’s worst to deal with than a pissed off phantom.” [02:01:25] “ And we’re at the end. If any of you have any questions, please DM me about it and I’ll try to do my best to answer. As I said before, most of you aren’t going to get an answer because that’s the best type of answer.” “ Trust me.” “ Some things are better off not knowing and sometimes, even with all the knowledge in the world, you’ll make mistakes.” “ God, that became depressing. Probably going to have to delete that one…..” [/hider]