[h2]Esme Stirling[/h2]

Esme was so engrossed in the journal and determined to find answers, she didn’t hear Natalia’s feet on the gravel and walking towards her car. As she continued to flip through the pages, she ran a hand through her hair in frustration yet again. It was looking as if her parents had never dealt with anything like this before or even heard of it ever happening. She closed her eyes briefly to collect herself. Her emotions were still high, and it was easy for her to lose herself in them. When she opened her eyes, she went back to scanning the pages within the journal, mostly to keep her mind occupied at that moment. 

She couldn’t let her mind dwell on Dean singing to her and how he had sung to her. She couldn’t let her mind dwell on how the song had brought out the Dean she had known those years ago or let her mind travel down memory lane. If she let herself do that, it would be all the harder for her to stay as he had asked her to. She already felt like the odd one out and she knew Mika didn’t care for her being around. She could feel it whenever she was near. She couldn’t blame her, though. Mika and Dean had a strong relationship. She had just gotten him back from Hell and now she had another woman drop in from nowhere that knew Dean.
 
Esme would feel the same if she were in Mika’s shoes. Yes, she still had feelings for him. They hadn’t changed since the day she had left, but she had no plans to steal him from Mika. She wasn’t that type of person and she couldn’t do that to them. She still questioned herself about why she was still here, even though she knew the answer. She never could say no when he looked at her with his pleading eyes. It was one of her weaknesses with him. Dean’s voice pulled Esme from the journal, causing her to exhale from her nose. Closing the journal, she laid it on her lap and slightly squeezed it as she looked down at it as he spoke. 

She was almost afraid to look at him because of emotions being so heightened, but she did when he mentioned going with her to get a hotel if she needed him or going to the bar with him, Mika, and Natalia. Esme watched Dean as he stood there, noticing his hand shiver at the effort  to keep from touching her. She sighed heavily and looked down at the journal, squeezing it harder, causing her knuckles to go white as she thought about what he asked. She flinched slightly when he placed his hand on her knee, fearing his touch would cause another song to start, but relaxed a little when things remained silent. 

“I…. I don’t know, Dean.” she mumbled, looking at his hand on her knee. She wanted to place her own hand on his, but forced herself not to. “I mean……” she sighed, closing her eyes tight. “With everything that's gone the past couple of days I could really use a drink.” She shook her head to rid her mind of the thoughts trying to creep in, then opened her eyes and looked at him. “But I don’t want to……” Sighing again she looked away from him and back down at the journal. “To be the cause for trouble. I know being here is causing stress and I’m sorry for that.” Esme looked up and out across the junkyard. 

“I never expected to find myself here after hearing about your….” she couldn’t say the last word, it was too painful. It was gut wrenching when she first heard about it. Setting the journal on the hood, then slid off the hood and took a few steps before turning around to face Dean. She tried to make her face and eyes unreadable, but she knew he'd see through it like he used to and see how hard this was for her. He could always read her no matter how hard she tried to hide it. “I’ll stay if you really want me to, but…… If things become strained I…… Won’t be able to.” She wanted to see this through, to figure out what was causing them to randomly sing and stop it, but she still felt obligated to leave.