[h2]Esme Stirling[/h2]

Esme wiped the tears from her face as she walked across the lot. With the distance forming between her and the bar, she had hoped the pain in her chest and the emotions would die down, but they hadn’t. They felt stronger than ever, as if some force was keeping them on the surface and not letting them recede back into the depths where she kept them. She clutched her chest with her right hand and her head with her left as another memory forced itself on her and flashed before her eyes. The memory was of them coming back from a case involving vampires. Both were pretty battered and had bleeding wounds. 

They practically had to carry each other into the hotel room they were staying in. Once in and mostly collected, they tended to each other's injuries and talked to stay coherent and conscious to bypass the threats of concussions. Being so tired, they climbed onto the bed, not even bothering to change clothes or get cleaned up, and curled up together. Dean held her close to his chest and kissed her on top of her head and stroked her hair while she snuggled into him and tangled her legs up in his. The memory faded after she kissed him sweetly and he returned the kiss and they passed out in each other's arms. 

Esme gasped for air as the memory released its hold on her and she staggered forward, almost falling to her knees. The memory was so vivid, as if she were there reliving it. She released her head and wiped away the fresh tears that escaped her eyes. That’s when she heard his voice ring out across the parking lot. He had followed her yet again. She took in a shaky breath and closed her eyes briefly. By the time she opened her eyes, Dean had closed the gap between them and grabbed her arm. When he spun her to face him, a gasp escaped her lips. Esme kept her gaze on the gravel beneath their feet. 

She couldn’t look up into his tear-filled eyes for fear of crying more herself. She closed her eyes tightly as he spoke to her, asking her not to leave, and he didn’t know what was happening to him. She wasn’t planning on leaving, she just needed to get out of the bar and away from it all. Then again, she couldn’t leave without hitchhiking, anyway. As Dean continued to hold on to her arm, then placed it on her shoulder to turn her more to him, she opened her eyes and her gaze slowly traveled upwards and stopped on his shoulder, still not being able to look at his face. 

“Talk to you.” she whispered softly. She gripped her chest more as her shaking became more visible and her emotions got stronger. How could she bring herself to talk to him about what she was afraid to admit to herself? She took in a shaky breath and slowly let it out. “After you pouring out your hidden truths…… It’s hard to.” she admitted in a whisperer. “Most of this night I’ve been reliving our time together because of the memories that have been coming to me. I’ve relived the day I left and the day I found out you had died.” She choked back a sob that tried to escape her and she turned slightly away from him. 

“I…… I regret the way I left that day. I knew there was a better way, but I was too afraid to confront you with why I was leaving. I couldn’t look into your face and see the hurt that my words would cause.” she closed her eyes, a tear slid down her cheek as the memory hit her again. She shook her head to keep it from overtaking her. Esme opened her eyes again, blinking away the other tears. “I know that saying I’m sorry won’t take back the pain I’ve caused you or make up for my actions, but I am so very sorry. I don’t even expect you to forgive me for it.” She sighed heavily and took a few steps back from him. 

“When I heard you had died, everything we shared and lost hit me like a ton of bricks.” she said as a shiver ran through her body. She wrapped her arms around herself almost in an attempt to stop herself from shaking. She finally lifted her gaze, her blue eyes meeting his green. “That day, I felt more alone than I ever have and I completely shut down and shut out the world around me.” she admitted to him. “I cut myself off from everyone and everything for weeks and……” she trailed off as she remembered everything after that day, then stepped back even further from him as she continued to look into his eyes. She watched him to see how her confession would hit him. She was even surprised that she had even told him about it all.