[h2]Esme Stirling[/h2]

Esme hung back while Dean and Bobby talked, not really paying attention to what they said for still being in her thoughts. Though she could feel the emotions radiating off of them, she could feel them through the entire house. She sighed inwardly once again as she stood there. If she was honest with herself, she would much rather be out on the front porch than inside the house. She could feel far less while outside and could actually relax a little, but being in the house, she felt like she couldn’t relax at all without fear of being overwhelmed again. When Dean walked away and stomped through the kitchen, she watched him till he was out of sight, then averted her gaze to a wall and stared at it. 

She mentally kicked herself for staying so long and for kissing him back at the bar. She knew she should have pushed him back and not have returned his kiss, but she couldn’t fight against it as if her actions weren’t her own. She knew that her returning his kiss had only made things worse, but there was nothing she could do about it now. It happened and Mika and Natalia saw. Esme was about to turn and head to either the couch or the porch when Cason seemed to appear out of nowhere and take her hand, then kissed her knuckles and spoke. She looked at him, her eyes filled with a mixture of emotions, mostly pain, sorrow, and guilt. 

“Don’t remind me.” she mumbled with a heavy sigh. She looked at her hand he still held and gently pulled it from his hand, then tucked both of hands into the pockets of her jacket. She really didn’t want to be touched at that moment, for it only seemed to amplify her emotions and those of the others. She had hit the point where she wished she couldn’t feel a damn thing. She just wanted to be numb to everything around her. She couldn’t stop the flashes of her and Dean singing to each other from flooding her mind once again. Shaking them from her head, she looked back at Cason briefly before looking at the front door. 

“I can’t stay in here. I need to get outside so I can breathe.” she mumbled. Without waiting for a response from him, she gently made her way around him and out the door to the porch. Esme then sat down on the steps, closed her eyes and took a long deep breath of the cool air through her nose, then slowly let it out through her mouth. She was hoping it would have more of an effect, but it didn’t. She still felt the same as she did before. Opening her eyes, she looked out over the junkyard, waiting for Cason to walk out and join her like he had before. By now, she knew he wouldn’t want to leave her alone in the state she was in. 

As she sat there, she brought her knees up and rested her crossed arms on them as she leaned forward. It was then, she saw Sarah and Violet walking up from the distance. She gave a small weak smile to both of them when they reached the porch. “Hey girls.” she whispered softly to them. The two hellhounds closed the distance between them and nuzzled Esme with a small whine as she placed an arm around each of them and laid her head against theirs. She couldn’t stop the sigh that escaped her at the sudden relief she felt with them near. It was strange how everything seemed to be drowned out by their presence, she couldn’t feel all the emotions bearing down on her from everyone in the house, she could breathe and actually fully relax for once that night. 

Esme breathed in deeply, feeling herself relaxing more and more with them being close and blocking everything from reaching her. “Please stay close. You two are helping in blocking out everything I'm feeling.” she whispered to them so only they could hear. Esme lifted her head as they nuzzled her again and moved around her into more comfortable positions and curled around her protectively. She then placed her elbows on her knees, rested her chin in her hands, closed her eyes and let out a breath through her nose. Now relaxing, she could feel just how mentally and physically exhausted she was from everything. 

She felt like she was in a protective bubble with the two hounds curled around her. Never in a million years did she think she’d be so grateful to have hellhounds around. After a little time, Esme opened her eyes and looked out at her car in the distance, taking in how the moonlight played with the color of the paint. “I never should have followed Natalia and stayed as long as I have.” she whispered as she sank into the comfort of the hounds. “I don’t even know why I’m still here.” In the back of her mind, she knew why she was here, it was because Dean had begged her to stay and she told him she would stay.