“Shit.” An alarm, set to a system, shuffled through a list of songs and picked a different one each morning at 5:30 AM. Today’s was [url=https://youtu.be/8ZcqaolcjUI]The Cult of Dionysus by The Orion Experience[/url] A poof of blonde hair popped over a black comforter as an arm, disturbing a tabby cat named Sin, darted toward all the commotion until silence took back over the bedroom. Sin, already being awake, was now doing his morning nuzzle, digging his nose deep until he found another. “Hey, bud,” grumbled Jane. She did a series of stretches in bed as the cat plopped down the floor and padded away, most likely waiting for the door to open. That door would open twenty minutes later with Jane, fully dressed in her wet suit, board under her arm, and her keys in her mouth. “Don’t bring me any more rats,” she instructed to the cat sternly, spit bubbling at her lips, but without even a glance, Sin ran out the door and scampered across the yard near a line of trees. Jane started the Bronco, illuminating the otherwise dark yard and highlighting the stark incline that began about twenty feet behind the house. Living alone in the NorCal mountains may be a bit isolating to most, but at this point, the solitude was a welcome constant. There were neighbors here and there. Steve, a thirty-something gay man with tons of dating drama who lived a half mile up the road would be taking care of the cat, and Lenny and Carol, who had a monthly gathering of everyone on the road at their two-bedroom cottage further down the hill. Jane preferred to visit by herself when she did. This had become her routine not long after she had moved in. Errands and surfing before the sun came up meant less people to see. Depending on weather, Jane would reemerge again before dusk to enjoy the sunset with just a short hike. But however, this would probably be the last morning that goes as planned. [center]*** YESTERDAY[/center] [b]Cora:[/b] So Jane, you haven’t been spotted in 5 years – where have you been? What have you been doing? It’s been stated multiple times that you won’t speak of the of the 5 years before that. [i]Jane picked feverishly at her nails, keeping her eyes on her dining room table now topped with recording equipment, a reporter, and a photographer. Jane slid her sunglasses on to avoid the flashing light.[/i] [b]Jane:[/b] Uh, I’d rather keep our location private for now if that’s okay… [b]Cora:[/b] Yes, yes, of course - and don’t worry about the voice recorder, it’s just in case I miss anything. [b]Jane:[/b] O-okay. [i]Swallowing the anxiety welling up in her chest and breathing it out slowly, just as her therapist taught her, she nodded and brought her eyes to the reporter.[/i] [b]Jane:[/b] Sorry. I haven’t spoken publicly in so long…Any way, I still release little acoustic via an anonymous Instagram, which I plan to keep that way. I still surf, just before the suns up. [i]Jane paused and scanned the home around her, the best investment she had made with her gold rush from In Bloom, besides the pair of C cup breasts purchased during her stripping days at [url=https://youtu.be/BFFbgOA6QfA]Hearts[/url], a club ran and patronized by mostly 1%-ers. Movie and show posters lined the vaulted ceilings of the painted-black living room, completed by a fireplace and couches that looked as if they could swallow you whole. A spiral staircase led to the upstairs containing her room, a guest room, and a loft that overlooked the first floor. Jane had jumped from there over the railing years ago, only breaking an ankle.[/i] [b]Jane:[/b] I’ve found a lot of peace in solitude, and I think that’s been a huge factor in keeping me clean. [b]Cora:[/b] Ah yes, that was in our line of questions – [b]Jane:[/b] Of course it was. [i]The reporter looked up to Jane, making note of her snide comment, but flicked her eyes back down to find whatever page the information was on.[/i] [b]Cora:[/b] It says here that you’re last time in rehab was five years ago. What made you go back that last time? [b]Jane:[/b] Wow, um…Let’s just say, I was sick of repeating the same mistakes in my life over and over again. The media wouldn’t leave me alone, and I just wanted to escape it all. The, uh…The last time I went in was for cocaine, heroin, and alcohol, which were always my issues. And I haven’t touched them since. [b]Cora:[/b] If I’m not mistaken, that’s the first time you’re publicly confirming what you were in rehab for. [b]Jane:[/b] [sigh] That’s correct. [b]Cora:[/b] How is living this normal life – this life in solitude – compared to how it once was? Does it get boring? I can’t imagine the girl who the song [url=https://youtu.be/w2UBO1ahKlg]My Little RnR[/url] is written about is now a saint. Do you at least still live as sexually liberated as you did in your twenties? [i]Jane giggled at the memory of that song, biting the edge of her thumb nail, but as she continued, Jane’s expression grew sour. “Five more minutes.”.[/i] [b]Jane:[/b] No. I have a cat, Sin, who I’ll miss a bunch. He’s been the only person in my bed in years. And, I mean, I have some neighbors I’m close to. But, if I’ve learned anything since I had my fifteen minutes of fame, it’s just… [i]Jane bit too deep, and she felt warm blood rush into her mouth. Her fist retracted back into her hoody’s sleeve to conceal it.[/i] [b]Jane:[/b] Being alone is just what’s best for me. [i]Cora motioned for her to continue with a ‘but,’ reminding Jane of the reason they were all there.[/i] [b]Jane:[/b] but…I’m excited to possibly see my old bandmates and give everyone what they’re asking for. [i]Jane nodded to signal Cora that she was done, but Cora shook her head, them both knowing what was coming next.[/i] [b]Cora:[/b] Speaking of, how do you feel about seeing Rob Pennie again? Have you guys spoken at all? And how did you feel about his divorce that – [i]Jane put her hands flat on the table and leaned into the microphone so that her voice would be much louder in Cora’s ears. The woman’s eyes squinted.[/i] [b]Jane:[/b] I am really hoping that Rob is ready to write music because that’s what we’re here for! About music! Not me! Not fucking Rob! Not – [i]Cora slammed a finger on the STOP button of the recorder and sighed as she stood, obviously frustrated by her interviewee’s actions. “Marcos, get a couple shots of her on her patio, then we’re done here.” Jane smiled brightly as Cora packed her things and headed for the car, following Marcos to take the picture they needed for the web article releasing the following day.[/i] [center][img]https://cms.famousbio.net/thumbnail/c/720x520/peoples/34/MzI2MzQ-sahara-ray.webp.png[/img][/center] [center]***[/center] By the time Jane reached the beach, Of course, In Bloom had been playing, but this was the first time she didn’t change the radio before the jockey could even finish his unfunny quip about them ‘rising from the ashes’ or whatever cheesy analogy they chose that day. Nope, she might as well get used to hearing it, so she sat with her eyes closed with the vehicle vibrating beneath her, until the song changed to MAE’s top 40 hit on the [i]blah blah blah[/i]. She noted that time read 6:02 before punching the button on the radio with fervor and turned the keys towards her. Jane had nothing against Mae, the person. Well, she knew logically she shouldn’t. So what? Her ex-boyfriend, the first and last person she probably ever loved, got married to a pop superstar and their [i]stupid, in-love faces[/i] were on every social media platform, music channel, YouTube suggestion…Jane would never give them the credit out loud, this very much propelled much further under the rock she was safe under. Can’t see Rob’s face everywhere if you don’t go on the internet. The only moments of happiness that Jane got were from the good news about [i]Rob[/i]. That he was still successful as a musician. That he had a daughter. [i]He got divorced.[/i] While that news did instill a bit of hope in her, Jane doubted that Rob was nothing but absolutely in love with Mae at one point, enough to follow behind her all over the world. Enough to have a child with her. Over the years, she pondered over infinite what-ifs, but one that haunted her was becoming more and more prominent. [b]What if that had been Jane instead?[/b] Jane shook her head and peered out at the horizon, slowly becoming light and lighter shades of blue. A few familiar cars dotted the otherwise abandoned parking lot. The usual crew, all kind people. But Jane figured they were the same as anyone else, just polite enough not to ask questions. This would probably be the last time it’d be this peaceful. Hell, she’d probably move again. No part of Jane wanted to return to the lifestyle she had. The partying, the night life, the drugs. Losing the person she loved, her best friend. Jane put her earbuds in and hopping down to the ground and grabbing her board from the trunk. She hit shuffle, ready to hit next on whatever song as usually did, but after the first few chords, she slid the phone into the pocket of her wetsuit and started the half-mile down the rocky coastline, [url=https://youtu.be/Nt9uNomdCHg]Transdermal Celebration by Ween[/url] blasting in her ears as her feet dug into the wet sand beneath her. [center]***[/center] By the time her plane arrived in LA, Jane bit off each nail as far as it would go. The edible she took kept her calm as in, “keep-the-window-shut-and-pretend-you’re-on-the-ground” calm, but the anticipation of what was awaiting her once she landed kept her in a perpetual state of anxiety throughout the flight. A black SUV picked her up from the airport, and Jane used the opportunity to dig through her luggage and pull a hoody over her head to hide the currently braless chest she covered with a tank top. She decided that dressing modest would be the best choice while she was staying at the house. Jane knew must have Rob hated her no matter what, but Jane didn’t even want to give herself the hope. The drive was shorter than expected; she was just deciding on whether to throw some bronzer on to disguise how pale she must’ve been compared to the last time Rob had seen her, but as the SUV ascended the driveway, Jane sighed and threw the makeup back into the bag she had in her lap. As soon as she exited, Jane could hear the pounding of drums booming from the stomach of the house, and Jane’s limbs began to tremor with anxiety. If this was 7 years ago, she’d be too fucked up to care. Now, seeing him was all she could think about. A jacket hung in the entry way above of a pair of shoes, and although the drumming pointed to who arrived first, Jane couldn’t help herself. She looked around in a split second before burying her face in its fabric and taking a deep inhale. It was Rob alright; the few things she had left behind smelt the same way at one point. Seconds had past, lost in nostalgia, when a specific roll across the drum set snapped her back into reality. Shaking herself out of the nonsense, Jane - with great effort - dragged her things across the home until she reached the bedrooms. Rob had taken one, surprisingly not the master suite. “Well, if he’s not taking it, I’m not fucking taking it,” she grumbled as she pulled the bags further until reaching a room and pushing them near the bed. Lighting a joint as she looked in a mirror, Jane released her hair from the braid it was in and shook her head so that its length unfurled to the middle of her back. Due to not being in the sun, the hair to her shoulders was her natural color – a dark, ashy blond/brown, while the ends remained bleached from the sun. She then brushed it out and threw it behind her shoulder. A tube of mascara was eventually retrieved from her bag, and she swiped the applicator across her lashes, then she pinched her freckled cheeks to help bring back color to her face, drained of blood from nerves. Taking her time down the stairs, her feet quietly tip toed until she could see an office – no, a sound booth. Beyond that held the drum kit that was being beat to shit, along with the one fear Jane refused to face head-on in ten years. She watched for as long as she could, admiring the man she once was inseparable from. She couldn’t make out his features from here, just his form, but the fact he was even so close was entrancing enough. That is, until she found herself entering the booth and sitting down, only glass and 10 feet between them. It hadn’t been more than five seconds as Jane grabbed the microphone meant for talking to the musicians in the recording booth and pressed the button down. Jane’s voice crackled over the speaker; it only took a “Rob” to bring the drumming to a halt. Before he could make eye contact, fight or flight instinct kicked in, and Jane swiveled the chair around. Her finger stayed on the button. After a breath, her body reluctantly turned back and Jane’s eyes met Rob’s, and her heart felt like it was melting and breaking simultaneously. Sure, she’d seen him in photos and videos over the years, but something about having those eyes on her again after nearly a decade made her spine shiver. “Sorry for interrupting, I…” He aged exactly like she imagined he would. Still ruggedly handsome, but he carried a weight of a man now, creating little crow’s feet and a few silver hairs here and there. From where she was, his arms - the object of many happy memories of him - also looked the same. Warm, dark, safe. His hands. He was so similar, but so different. They lived their lives without each other after being inseparable for years. Who was he now? “Hi,” Jane whispered, lips barely moving, growing distracted as she observed the familiar stranger. With all the emotions she was feeling inside, she couldn’t tell she wanted to scramble away up the stairs or to run through the door and tackle him. Neither would happen. “I…I wanted to say unless we’re writing I’ll stay out of your way. I don’t deserve forgiveness, just…” Warm tears began to well, and using the sleeve of her sweater, Jane attempted to blot them away inconspicuously as she regained control of her voice. “I’m glad it was you who made it with music. You deserve it. And, you’re a father now…I’m so proud of you…and I’ve mis-“ Realizing where her words were taking her, she momentarily released the mic’s button and took a dramatic breath. “I’ll be in my room the rest of the night. Evan wants an update by 9pm tomorrow, so we’ll figure out something before then.” Letting go of the button for the last time, Jane crept away facing him until her back touched the open door, causing her to finally rip her focus from Rob and to the staircase, which she ascended as hastily as possible without looking like she was sprinting. One back in the safety of her room, the door swung shut and was locked. Jane sunk to floor, and tears started to pour. Kody – a mid-50s butch woman who was her sponsor – always told her to deal with Rob proactively so that she didn’t end up backing herself in a corner, but Jane was much too late for that. She had missed everything. As her sobs reached louder levels, she climbed to the bed and stuffed her face into the pillows, punching as she did. Jane made peace that she’d be in love with Rob forever, but that was long before she ever thought she’d see him again. Being in the same house with him was just going to be torture. “Two weeks,” she whispered aloud then flipped around, taking a deep breath. Two fingers wiped under her eyes and confirmed the mascara she had put on was already running. Why did she even try? If Jane found it difficult to be there with Rob, she couldn’t imagine how Rob must be feeling. And that’s why she decided that she’d eat dinner out of the minifridge and let him roam the house tonight without her in the way. It was all for his sake…right? [center]***[/center] It was near 10 pm when Jane’s stomach gurgled with hunger. Turns out besides some peanuts, the minifridge didn’t have much to offer other than an array of alcohol, so Jane scooped the bottles in her arms, exited the room in silence, and tip toed to the kitchen. The drumming had stopped for a while, but Jane listened to the door for the past 20 minutes before making her move. To not run into him, for his sake of course. Once the bottles made it to the marble countertop, Jane rushed to the fridge to grab what she could to satiate her. Hummus, celery, a bottle of water, and a pint of chocolate ice cream made its way into her grasp, then she rushed back to the room, hearing the plastic hummus container clunking onto the floor behind her but deciding it wasn’t important enough to risk going back for. Nearly drifting into her room, Jane whipped the door shut accidentally causing it to slam. “Sorry!” she yelled out to him, if he could hear her. Now, equipped with the snacks she grabbed, she could at least make it through the nights without any run-ins with Rob.