We've discussed the first two character applications and have our feedback ready. Unfortunately Frettzo went to sleep before Ruina's sheet got put up, so that one will have to wait until tomorrow.

[@Double Capybara] for Tuku Llantu
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You have committed a great error by anachronistically making an allusion to Google! I started frothing at the mouth when I read, "the lady who can't stop thinking about the one song she heard twenty years ago but never can quite google the right words to find it." Frettzo and Lauder had to hold me back, and even the combined strength of a Florida man and a kung-fu master was barely enough to stop me.

As it stands right now, your Aspect section has some thematic musings on the broad ideas of what hunting can include. We'd still like to see some more meat in that section though. Is the main application of this Aspect going to be that she [i]helps[/i] or hinders hunters to find their quarry, or is it more that she is the source of motivation or impetus for them to go out hunting on their own and she leaves the outcome to their skill and luck? I'm not forcing you to choose between one or those two; it could be that she does both, or neither and something else. 

The purpose of those questions is just to help give you an idea of what we'd like to know more about when we ask you to give more concrete examples for the Aspect. It's a broad Aspect and I'm sure that you will be able to find many things to do however you work the Hunt, so it's overall a good and workable Aspect even though we want you to elaborate more upon it.
Nothing much to say about form, all that is fine. To segue into the personality section, Lauder pointed out that the personality is currently very simple; the generic rogue ranger sort that just pulls pranks and hoards stuff. Such a straightforward archetype is fine and definitely workable if that's what you want, but you could certainly add some nuance or do some other things to make it more interesting.

It's accepted, just nuke the allusion to Google and then add a few lines expanding upon your Aspect section before posting the final draft in the characters tab please.
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[@Irredeemable] for Ao-Yurin
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A short and straight to the point sheet. Like we said to Capybara above, we'd like to see more substance in your section on Aspect -- water is a very broad category and you could do a lot of things and go in many directions with it, so it becomes especially important to spell out what sorts of things Ao-Yurin will do with it. You mention that without Ao-Yurin there would be no moisture, so are we to take it that he created all of the water? Does he also send and control the rain for most of the planet? It's obviously strongly implied that he does and that he can also create storms, but spelling these things out explicitly would be ideal. For instance, is poisoning water something that he would ever do? Does snow or hail fall under his purview?

The duality of water is always a cool archetype to explore, but likewise I'd like to see this expanded too -- is it just a different mood, or full blown multiple personality disorder? Does he have separate powers when he is in the saltwater form? Is that the one that would send hurricanes and such? Those were the things I was left still wondering.

For true form, is there any difference between the saltwater and freshwater versions? Is there any lower or upper bound on how big this watery form gets?

One of my main criteria for deciding whether a sheet is good or not is if I think you'll be able to do many interesting things with the character or if it'll be too hard to interact -- in this case I see potential. Early on you will naturally get the opportunity to have an important role in shaping the map by creating the oceans, lakes, rivers etc, and later on you can do things like send storms around and stuff. But sending rain and hurricanes would get boring after a while, so what other things do you think you might do or branch into? Sailing perhaps? You needn't spell out any of these plans in the sheet, I just would like you to think about them.
As a side note, I don't think I said anything to you about this on the Discord but I know others did: having a character that doesn't use pronouns at all will likely get [i]very[/i] tiresome in the IC, especially if it means you're repetitively writing or reading a name like Ao-Yurin that is longer and a mouthful. I speak from experience because we've had precedent in the older iterations where certain gods were referred to as 'its' or were otherwise genderless, and you end up with pretty cumbersome sentences that don't flow well. When the writing doesn't flow as well or the posts aren't as readable, they naturally get less engagement from everyone else, so you're only hurting yourself if you do this. As GMs we have to pick our battles and we aren't going to demand you change this, but I suggest you at least consider this cautioning since several of us thought it important enough to say.

We accept the character sheet, but before putting it into the character section please expand the Aspect section (and perhaps personality too, to explain more about what the different forms mean) as requested.
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