[center][img]https://www.mariowiki.com/images/thumb/b/b2/Koopa_Troop_artwork.png/658px-Koopa_Troop_artwork.png[/img] [h2][color=FD0000]The Koopa Troop[/color][/h2] [b][color=FD0000]wordcount:[/color][/b] 3,703 (+5) [b][color=FD0000]Bowser: Level 9 [/color][/b] EXP: [color=FD0000]//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////[/color] (163/90) [b][color=SpringGreen]Bowser Jr: Level 8 [/color][/b] EXP: [color=SpringGreen]///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////[/color] (96/80) [b][color=DeepSkyBlue]Kamek: Level 8 [/color][/b] EXP: [color=DeepSkyBlue]////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////[/color] (63/80) [b][color=FD0000]Location:[/color][/b] Bottomless Sea – the Maw - the Restaurant Feat: Rika [/center] A trio of turtle heads poked around the corner of the door to the store room and confirmed that it was clear. Probably. The poor white and yellow lighting wasn’t exactly illuminating as to the actual contents of the room, but the lack of either any movement in the dark or loud sounds emanating from within the room convinced the troop that they were probably clear to move in and investigate the sprawling labyrinth of shelves. [color=SpringGreen]”oh yeah, definitely gotta be stuff in here, that’s for sure”[/color] Jr commented by virtue of the sheer vastness of the place, rubbing his hands together greedily. [color=FD0000]”So long as it doesn't all turn out to be junk,”[/color] Bowser muttered as he glanced at the piles and piles of long abandoned hats (which none of the troop realized the darker meaning behind) before forcing himself to cheer up and be more optimistic to avoid bringing down his son’s optimism [color=FD0000]”Eh you know what, I’m sure there’ll be something. So how about we split up and do a quick scan of the place for any good stuff and then catch up with Ace and Nadia, yeah?”[/color] he suggested, entirely having forgotten Nadia’s point about splitting up being a bad move in horror movies. Then gain the catgirl had ignored her own advice, so surely what was the harm. [color=DeepSkyBlue]”An aisle apart at most I would suggest?”[/color] before glancing at the nervous chef bros who clearly wanted to stick together as a squad and adding [color=DeepSkyBlue]”And in teams for safety rather than everyone going on their lonesome?”[/color] [color=SpringGreen]”I’ve got Mimi and Tyrant so Ill be fine,”[/color] jr informed them before moving off on his own into the shelves, pokemon on his shoulder and very nervous pig trotting at his heels. [color=DeepSkyBlue]”Ah. But. I mean. Oh dear”[/color] Kamek tried to find a reason as to why an escort of mere creatures wasn't enough but failed to do so before he was gone, mainly because Mimi was probably one of the more dangerous members of the group at the moment and he had been fine with just her company on a few occasions already so far. [color=FD0000]”He’ll be fine.”[/color] Bowser assured both himself and his old mage before adding [color=FD0000]”But, uh, how about you take the row just to the left of him with… Rika?”[/color] “I can do that, yup” [color=FD0000]”And I’ll take the Bros on the kid’s right”[/color] much to the relief of the chefs who were very much of the opinion that they were being escorted by their king rather than the other way around. That got an affirming nod from Kamek, before he glanced back at the other two, Geralt and Blazer, who had also opted to check things out and asked [color=DeepSkyBlue]”Would you two like to come along with one of our groups?”[/color] [color=FD0000]”Or are you gonna tough it out on your own?”[/color] Bowser asked, before spelling out what the emergency plan was that he and Kamek hadn't even had to discuss [color=FD0000]”Either way, stick close. We’ll be gunning for my boy’s row the moment trouble hits, so you should do the same if you wanna look for yourselves.”[/color] [hr] Kamek and Rika headed out on their own and found nothing of interest till they came across a small chair and table set up in an unobtrusive nook in the shelf maze, collecting cobwebs. Based on the small book and steaming cup of something they could barely see sitting on the table, it was likely some janitor’s nook where they hid away to relax when they were supposed to be working. That might have been alarming, suggesting as it was that they might not be alone, but based on the cobwebs and dust littering the seat and objects on the desk, it had likely not been used in a long long time. Kamek took one look at it, shook his head in disappointment at whichever minion had been shirking their duties in here out of habit and then the two of them moved on. Then they came right back when Kamek realised something was very, very off. [color=DeepSkyBlue]”That is... odd,”[/color] Kamek said as had another look at the cup on the table, prompting Rika to ask “What is?” and for him to then explain [color=DeepSkyBlue]”Well, you see, it's all dusty and old, yes? Which implies no-one has been here for a long time. But then why is that cup still steaming as if it has been freshly filled?”[/color] “huh. I guess that's a bit odd? I think” Rika replied, this line of logic making sense, but being completely out of any context she would ever have worried about up until a mere day ago. With their (mostly Kamek’s really) curiosity piqued, the shipgirl gave Kamek a leg up onto the chair, something which was a bit easier thanks to the mage’s new muscle mass. Once upon there he took a proper look at the table’s continents and found: [hider=for Kamek] [url=https://i.imgur.com/yo1C1uF.png]Cuppa[/url]: “Fire 1” A plain porcelain mug which rapidly heats any water in it up to a temperature that is too hot to drink, but that is hot enough to inflict first degree burns if splashed on someone, as long as it also contains a teabag. Without a teabag it will do nothing. Comes pre-filled, but has no spare 'ammo' readily at hand. [url=https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/dungeonsofdredmor/images/5/58/Little_Red_Cookbook.png/revision/latest?cb=20201108171843]Little red cookbook[/url] “Each page is packed with meaty recipes. And it's... oozing.” When carried in an off hand it slightly increases cutting damage and defense against being cut due to receiving wisdom on the arts of butchery via osmosis. If held while striking a foe, it has a low (10%) chance of causing [url=https://dungeonsofdredmor.fandom.com/wiki/Butcher]Butchery[/url]. Enemies with special body parts may also drop duplicates of those as well. A long bloody battle and a death by 100 cuts is the most likely to produce a bigger bloody bounty. [/hider] He gave the cup that had caught their attention a poke, and then jerked the finger back as he got lightly burned for his troubles [color=DeepSkyBlue]”Ow! Much too hot to drink even now… I wonder if whoever's little setup this was passed away while waiting for their tea to cool down?”[/color] he joked while shaking and blowing on his finger (Rika did not laugh), before glancing at the book he had ignored while passing by and finding out that him slightly wobbling the table while climbing had disturbed the book enough for it to start to ooze a red fluid. [color=DeepSkyBlue]”Eugh. That. Is disgusting”[/color] Kamek gagged, flinching away from the book. That was 2 for 2 in unpleasant surprises up here. “What is, are you ok” came a quiet whisper of a call from where Rika was guarding the chair’s legs while he poked around its contents. [color=DeepSkyBlue]”Yes yes i’m fine, don’t worry. The book is just. Well. Not normal. Its... bleeding?”[/color] Kamek explained, not entirely confident with his assessment. “Oh no. Do you think Blazermate can heal it?” Rika asked, with genuine concern. [color=DeepSkyBlue]”What? Oh. huh. I don't know. Perhaps? But i think it’s just magical in some way rather than alive. Or so I hope”[/color] Kamek replied, the odd suggestion managing to make the book less intimidating (one he watched long enough to decide it showed no other forms of life like breathing), and more interesting. Not that he was going to touch it with his bare hands lest it was cursed [color=DeepSkyBlue]”Be a dear and pass me a stick or something would you?”[/color] After receiving a mundane paintbrush from a nearby shelf Kamek carefully poked open the book’s front cover and then leafed through its slightly sticky waterproof pages to find it was a relatively mundane recipe book, albeit one focused solely on meat. Oh, and its introduction also informed him of its passive features in a manner that seemed to imply that gaining wisdom and power from a book just by holding it was entirely normal and that only a fool wouldn't know that was the case, but that the writer was bound by law or convention to (very begrudgingly) explain that fact anyway. [color=DeepSkyBlue]”Does anyone even have a bladed weapon?”[/color] he asked himself, finding he couldn't think of anyone who had one on them at the moment, which was quite surprising. Kitchens were full of knives after all. That said cutting meat off of foes wasn't exactly something that was the best help in this situation either given the whole cannibal curse thing. “I have half a pair of scissors if that counts?” Rika helpful informed him from down below. “Not that I can really use it” she waved a trapped hand at him to demonstrate. [color=DeepSkyBlue]”hmm. More of a stabber anyway I think. Still…. Maybe we can find a cleaver or something and, uh, not worry concern ourselves to greatly with the byroduct”[/color] Kamek said, carefully picking up the book, being startled at his newfound knowledge of the art of cutting things, taking his hand off the book and immediately losing the knowledge in an even more disconcerting way, before picking it back up again and preparing to set off. And then picking up the mug and taking it with him as well, because every little bit helped. [hr] Jr’s interesting encounter in the sea of shelves was not caused by a keen eye spotting something unusual like Kamek and Rikas, and more of an alarming confidence as while rummaging around some shelves, he brushed to brush an elbow against a reel of chain. “Welcome [purchaser name]!” came a voice as soon as he did. A loud voice. One that sounded like a chipper salesman with a digitized twang to his voice, accompanied by the flashing of six spots of light that, when Jr’s head jerked in the direction of the light and sound, he found to both be coming from a [url=https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/riskofrain2_gamepedia_en/images/e/e7/Sentient_Meat_Hook.png]meathook[/url], which sported 6 glowing camera lenses, attached on the end of the chain winch he had bumped. The hook awkwardly lifted itself up onto its last chain loop to look at him like some horrible six eyed metal bird head while giving an entirely out of place introductory spiel. “Congratulations on purchasing your very own smart meathook™ [purchaser name]! To begin using your smart meathook™, please fill out the following form, being sure to provide your full name, email address, date of birth, gender, star system of residence, blood type, height, favorite color-” the machine introduced before starting to barking out a long list of increasingly personal personal details it required very loudly. Very very loudly. [color=SpringGreen]”shhh shut up shut up turn the volume down or something”[/color] “I’m sorry, but the option menu will remain locked until you set up your smart meathook. If you need help setting up your smart methook™ you can by calling customer support at [error signal not found]” it helpful informed him “otherwise, please enjoy this complimentary music while you fill out form” before popping up a holographic display off of the side of the chain reel which hosted the requested to be filled form while simultaneously playing the most obnoxious corporate easy listening music imaginable. Someone somewhere in a space station had gotten bland meaningless corporate music down to an art. Or an anti-art. Because it was just the worst. [color=SpringGreen]”Oh nononono! ok ok fine I’ll fill in the form just turn that off!”[/color] jr demanded. “Thank you [purchaser name], but I am afraid I can't do that. I can change the music to something else however? We have Gumbo Rock, Marco Jazz-” the hook replied, cutting off the music while it listed the other genres (most of which Jr had never heard of in his life and which got more ridiculous as the Ai went on) which was honestly preferable to the music itself. As it rambled he started filling out the list. With the shortest fake data values it would accept of course. You don't actually give these things your details, even a kid like him knew that. Actually out of the troop he was probably the only one to know that. Either way, after a bunch of random key hammering, and cursing his guardians would have his ear for, the form was filled out. “Thank you for your details, J. Your new smart meathook, made by-” [color=SpringGreen]”no shut up shut up shut up you said I could get you to shut up!”[/color] jr demanded to no avail as it kept droning on till it said “simply instruct your smart meathook ™ to grab something, and the anti gravity powered vector aura jets will send the hook out, guided by our hexonocular 10k ultra detail cameras, and grab the desired meat without you lifting a finger.” [color=SpringGreen]”Oooh. Ok now i am interested”[/color] Jr said, before being immediately disappointed again when it replied “That’s great to hear! Would you also be interested in out other products, such as the smart cleaver, smart hedge trimmer or-” [color=SpringGreen]”GAAHHH! Shut up you whoreson!”[/color] It took a little bit, but eventually Jr managed to finally shut the hook up. Mainly by messing about with the holographic menus till he found the settings hidden way behind 3 sub menus of nonsense and turning the volume down, before also going the 3 pages of tick boxes to turn off all of the superfluous notifications, ads and data sharing features he could. It was only then after he sat back with a sigh that he realized he probably could have just legged it at the start of all this and solved the problem that way. Indeed that was what Tyrant had done, the pig only now poking his head round a corner now that the loud metal thing had quieted down. Mimi meanwhile had found the entire experience a mix of perplexing and amusing as she watched the whole ordeal from Jrs shoulder. Jr groaned and stood up, preparing to leave the now silenced hook [color=SpringGreen]”Welp. This was a complete waste of ti- no don't look at me sad like that jeeze”[/color] he said to the hook, which was doing the best impression of a sad puppy a vicious metal hook with 6 eyes could give “...” it was unable to say, and instead made a vague gesture of hooking things [color=SpringGreen]”Look I don't need a meathook, especially not in this palace. Don’t really get what’s going on but I am pretty sure it's messed up and I might never eat meat again... For a while after this”[/color] he told it, which only made it agitated [color=SpringGreen]”Uuurg, fine hang on”[/color] “Oh thank you thank you. I knew you’d see the value of the smart meathook™. You're not like the people who dumped me down here J. Philistines the lot of them, unable to even fill out a form without getting angry and-” it began rambling far more... Scentiently, which would probably have been a bit unnerving given the situation down with mockingbird if Jr had paid attention to that whole shebang, or come from a universe where most of everything being sentient wasn't the norm. As it was it just made him annoyed again. [color=SpringGreen]”You're making me want to turn you off again. I’ve got a spooky lady’s butt to kick, so unless you prove your worth I ain't lugging you with me”[/color] Jr demanded “Just one demo, and I’m sure you’ll love everything that your new smart meathook™ can do for you! Just pick it-me up and smart meathook™ will grab anything you want” [color=SpringGreen]”fine fine”[/color] jr told it, hauling the heavy drum of metal up with some difficulty [color=SpringGreen]”oof. Yeesh, you're heavy. Ok. how about, uh, that box over there?”[/color] “That’s not meat. Please select-” It began to say automatically before overriding itself and saying “I mean, coming right up J!” before the hook shot out like a rocket, wiped round, skewered the cardboard box and ripped it off the shelf, exposing a pair of absolutely terrified nomes who had been using it for cover and who promptly booked it as soon as their cover was lost. [color=SpringGreen]”Hey wait- erk”[/color] jr tired to call after them, then flinching as the box was reeled back in directly towards his face, only to stop just in front of him, leaving him blinking in surprise before grinning toothily [color=SpringGreen]”ehehehehe, Yeah, I think I can work with this. Good job Hook, you're in. Welcome to the crew new Minion.”[/color] [hider=for Jr] [url=https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/riskofrain2_gamepedia_en/images/e/e7/Sentient_Meat_Hook.png]Sentient Meat Hook[/url] "When artificial intelligence became more commonplace, many companies jumped on the trend for "smart" products. This included smart doors, lights, coffee makers, lawnmowers, vacuum cleaners, bedding, kitchen knife sets, and other home goods. After a series of gruesome lawsuits stemming from hacked smart appliances, most products soon went back to their more traditional, analog lines." -"Why Is Smart So Dumb? VII" Can be ordered to fire out and hook enemies. Or friends. Or objects. Anything you want hooked really. Has a mind of its own and will hook things it thinks the user wants hooked based on their meta data, something it will get better at the more it is used. Heavy. Potentially a bit temperamental. Now called Hook [/hider] “Thank you J, you wont regret-” Hook began to reply, only to be shushed by his new boss as the door opened on the far end of the storage room and let in a familiar slender form [color=SpringGreen]”What is… oh no”[/color] [hr] [color=FD0000]”Found anything?”[/color] Bowser asked his minions as they (very carefully after finding the first item labeled “not a mimic”, because Bowser remembered the deadzone’s dark item imitating creature infested building and would book no chances that those creatures and the ‘mimic’ where the same being) “Nope” “nada” “not a thing” “sorry boss. All of this is junk” the chef bros, who had not been looking very hard after the warning about mimics, told him. [color=FD0000]”Uuurgh”[/color] Bowser groaned, poked a lamp with the prongs of his hammer hesitantly to mimic check it and then sighed, about to give up when a bit of movement down the aisle caught his group’s attention. They all spun round and raised their weapons, expecting a mimic, which caused the Norms Jr had spooked to stop, glance around in a panic, and then book it away from both of them, only for the to turn right round again when the door opened, and the Resentment slunk into the room. They froze up in the open, trapped between 3 monsters. [color=FD0000]”uh oh”[/color] was Bowser’s understated response to the giant serpent’s arrival, before he quickly wave at both his crew and the nomes to turn back and hide in the next aisle , before proceeding to shove some stuff aside on the shelves and clawing himself through the shelving unit to put between him and the demon. The nomes meanwhile decided to take their chances with Jr and proceeded to slip back through the selves to hide from the serpent as well. They emerged next to Jr (who was hiding behind their cardboard box) and then glanced up and down the row at the two spiky turtles (and assorted minions) before getting an awkward thumbs up from both as a way of peace offering. [color=SpringGreen]”Well at least we know that kids are sort of ok. ish”[/color] he said to his assortment of uncomprehending minions, before glancing past the nomes, who moved to find their own covers having decided that the snake was much scarier than whatever these smaller reptiles were, and waving to Bowser as the chef bros’ finished pulling themselves into his aisle as well, which was followed moments later by Kamek and Rika arriving through the other set of shelves, their shared plan of flanking jr having worked out well when it came to sticking together/regrouping in event of an emergency. [color=FD0000]”You stopped for tea?”[/color] Bowser whispered incredulously as Kamek hurried along the row to join them, cuppa held in one hand and bloody book in the other. [color=DeepSkyBlue]”It’s very hot”[/color] Kamek non-explained, before passing it off to a chef bro and then glancing back and seeing the serpent slinking closer to their rather poor hiding spot (protected as they were mainly by a porous wall of junk) and saying to the others [color=DeepSkyBlue]”I believe we are in trouble”[/color] [color=SpringGreen]”No. No I think it is”[/color] Jr said with a conniving leer. [hr] Jr’s plan went like this. First a hail of junk arched up over the shelves, tossed by the chef bros from shelving based cover, and rained down on the monster to get it’s attention. Then Bowser stomped out into the open, blowing a lick of flame into the air and yelled [color=FD0000]”Come and get me you overgrown noodle!”[/color] before giving a come at me wave, daring it to come at him. Things would be complicated a bit by it not obeying the maze’s paths and simply ramming through the shelves, forcing Kamek to scramble to get back in the way of the charge while Bowser ineffectually peppered it with fireballs. Once it was close, Kamek stepped out behind his king and pointing a finger directly at the charging serpent, out of the tip of which a ball of batter arched out, arching over the king's head and sailing directly towards the charging serpent demon. If it struck it would be transformed into a tempura just like Bowser and Bella had been and then, at Jr’s command, Hook would launch out, screw the tempura, and then dragging it in close, whereupon everyone and their father would proceed pile in in-order to stomp it, smash it with cooking equipment, breath fire on it, hammer it with cannon shells, pour hot tea on it, and so on and so forth for as long as they could, with even the Nomes joining in the vengeful snake kicking circle. Unfortunately, as was so often the case, the troop’s plan was a short sighted one, in that it did not account for what happens if stomping the crap out of the hooked fish food failed to kill it in one.