Watching Rob speak about his daughter - no, [i]Elle[/i] - was similar to watching a child explain their current hobby. His eyes lit up. His words came easy and calm, almost like a lullaby that had Jane entranced. The anxiety she developed over making eye contact during conversation seemed to have blow away with the cool breeze that occasionally whipped through the backyard.

Jane pulled the cardigan she brought out with her over her freckled shoulders, but her goosebumps didn’t last long.

He had crows feet now. A newer small scar near his ear. His smile, it glowed as if he had figured it out. Cracked the code to happiness.

There were never doubts that Rob would be a phenomenal dad. Taking care of Jane in her hay days aside, he always possessed the qualities that Jane imagined her father had when she was a little girl. Strong, smart, talented, but behind all the logic and structure - the softest heart. Jane had a hold of it once.

But as Rob went on about Elle, the pain began to settle. Like when you don’t feel the bruise you got on your ass skateboarding until a few hours later. 

The what-ifs, and this time, they ricocheted like bullets around her brain. [i]What if I never went down that path? What if our relationship stayed as happy as it was? Would we have a family?[/i] 

And at of the mention of Mae’s name, all of her feelings came out in a single tear that crept out of her left eye. When Rob put his head down, she blotted it with her sleeve. 

“Oh, please don’t apologize,” she chuckled, clearing her throat. “I’m happy for you…completely. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you talk that way about anything before.”

[i]It wouldn’t hurt to flirt a little…right? Just to lighten the mood.[/i] 

“Not even when you were [i]mine[/i].”

Instead of waiting for a reaction, Jane popped up to grab both plates and Rob’s glass. “Let me top you off first.”

Once in the kitchen, Jane set the plates in the sink and bit her finger. [i]Things are going well. Things are going well.[/i]

In a flash, Jane was back in her seat puffing on the joint. “Well, where do I begin?” She smirked.

“The third time was truly the charm with, uh, all that shit. Five years clean now, besides this” she held the joint in the air before passing it back to Rob. “In one of my strung out manic moments, I bought a big cabin up in Crescent City and uh, it came in handy. After all the press and your band I-“

Jane swallowed. “And a shitty relationship, I’ve been holed up there since.” She smiled, her eyes drifting as she thought about home. “It’s quiet. My 3 friends are an old married couple and gay Steve. The rest of the people ‘sides the crew I surf with either have no idea who I am, or do and stay clear of me.”

Realizing how pathetic it sounded aloud, Jane sighed and shook her head. “But it’s good for me, ya know. No cable, no internet. Just the woods. LBC probably had a parade when I finally left town and I can’t really say I miss it but, It gets…lonely,” for the first time in what felt like minutes, Jane’s eyes broke from his. “But my track records not so great when it comes to being a girlfriend, yeah?” She chuckled, hoping he wouldn’t take her seriously, even though it was the truth. “And with that free time, I mastered yoga, finally learned the guitar, and even keep the house clean. And in a few days, it’s the big 3-3.”

Jane desperately scrambling to keep herself financially afloat until the larger checks came in didn’t seem like dinner table talk.

“I know the past was messy, and-and wild and fucked up. I would do so many things over if I could but,” she sighed, taking another second to take in his eyes, “but while we’re here, I wanna write with you again. We, uh, we used to write some really good shit. But, I have to get used to grown up daddy Rob. After all these years, no matter what billboards or articles I saw, when I thought of you, I still imagined you looked like when I last saw you.”

She was getting off track.

“I just want us to be…cool.”

[i]If cool meant Rob confessing he was still in love with her and carrying her into his room, then she wasn’t lying.[/i]

“I’ve missed you, a lot. Relearning life without you next to me almost felt like another 12 step.”

[i]Woah there. Divert.[/i]

“So, even though I don’t deserve it, can we be friends while we’re here?”