“If it’s a matter of wishes…”

The enormity of the task before him is....well, he’s more than enough to disqualify her wish right now. Where is his crew? His ship? Where is the enemy? What is their plan? Where is Vasilia? Is she safe? And him, with barely enough blood left to realize how outmatched he is. But all of that would have to come later.

His hand rises, and finds an open drawer. Slide it out, out, out, until it can move no more. One hand grips it tightly. The other pushes hard against the floor. His head explodes in stars and darkness, but, he isn’t swallowed up. Not yet. Not if he rises slowly. Stops. Catches his breath. Repeat. Rising higher, from drawer, to countertop. A mercy, that his hooves find enough purchase to keep from sliding out from under him. Hand over hand. Hoof over hoof. Stumbling through a space half-remembered, and a darkness about his eyes.

Following a brave little light that would not go out. 

“In the short term...I wish I could watch your back.”

The rest, he can work on after.

“My name’s Dolce. It's a pleasure to meet you.”

************************************************

The robes protect her. She is wrapped in finery too good for a simple guest. It brushes soft against her, fends off the ocean breezes, neither too warm nor too chilled. So why does her fur grow damp with sweat? Why do her arms shiver, no matter how tightly she hugs herself? Why does the wind rip straight through the fabric, through a gaping hole in her chest, scourging her heart with salt and emptiness? Why? Why?!

“...you’re getting ahead of things, sir Knight.” She shakes her head, and pushes the kindness an arm’s length away. “The end’s only just begun.”

“My first speech of the day, my first act of repentance, I delivered to the vast assembly of my household. Hundreds upon hundreds, packed into my family’s Great Hall. I spoke of a life away from this wretched planet. Of a future filled with hope, where whatever else may happen we would live and breathe as free creatures, free from the chains that hung so heavy around Lakkos. No more to fight the wars of wicked schemers, but to fight for ourselves, and a brighter tomorrow. And when the final echoes of my oratory crescendo faded from the assembly, they gave their answer in stunned silences, broken only by whispers they would not dare speak to my face.”

“I left Alethea behind, to speak with any who lacked the courage to address me directly. She later told me, under protest, and at my own insistence, that those who did speak with her wished only for the perspective that my right hand could offer. Was I truly so stupid, to think that they would believe the same old pack of lies? When could they resign, without falling prey to what was surely a twisted test of loyalty and adoration? Would she lie for them, and say they were moved by my words?”

“In the end, Alethea would be the only one to join me. But. Before that. I had a sacrifice to make.”

“Given the Thunderer’s favor in my ascent, one of my earliest projects had been to secure a safe, private passage to Zeus’ temple, that I could more easily make offerings for my continued success. Here, at the last, that passage granted me secrecy amidst the chaos of Lakkos’ muster. No one would pass me on the street, and wonder why I was not in my Plover, en route to battle. I arrived to find the temple mercifully empty; all the other Senators had made their offerings while I had anguished in my deliberations. Everyone else had already gone, tripping over themselves to prove their merit on the field of battle, and gain privilege over the spoils. I had no time to waste on second-guessing. I had to be swift, if I was to make my rescue in time.”

“And yet, when I finished my prayers, and saw Clarissa standing in the entrance to the temple, I stopped. She asked me what I was doing there, urged me to go with her, assured me that we could still make it, together. And I answered her.”

“My second speech of the day. I could not remember the last time I’d spoken so. The words flowed from my heart without thinking, without planning. I felt the radiance of Zeus herself upon my shoulders, in the command of my voice, better than in any performance I’d put on. Years, actual [i]years[/i] of never knowing what to say to her, gone in an instant. It’s now, Clarissa. Our time is now. No more wasting away here. No more dancing to the tune of wicked, heartless monsters. We could get out of here, together, and never ever look back. The wonders we would see! The adventures we could have! The things we could do, together! This was our chance, our only chance, and we may never get another one. We may never have another day like today, so, so please, Clarissa. Please! Come with me!”

“I thought...I thought the mantle of Zeus was on me so powerfully, that she didn’t recognize me anymore. My words had pierced her into awestruck silence, surely.”

“She asked me if I’d lost my damn mind.”

“Leave? I wanted to leave? I wanted to give up everything we’d ever worked for, just to run around the stars like, like some kind of space vagrant? Like a peasant? Come [i]on,[/i] Vas. I would be dead to everyone if I did this. That’s it, game over, done. So would I just knock it off already? You can’t fight everyone on the planet! That’s all you’ve ever done! Picking fights you’ve got no way of winning, all because your [i]public[/i] will hate you if you don’t. Well, look where that’s got you! They all hate you anyway! They’ve hated you for ages! How do I know that? Because it was so easy to get them to turn on you!”

“All I did was give them a little push, so you’d finally quit letting them push you around. I didn’t have to do much; they just, you know, needed permission to say how they truly felt. Don’t you see? You don’t [i]have[/i] to keep fighting for them, Vas. I’m here. I’ve always been here, except you were too busy fighting everyone else to see it! So. Are you finally going to give this up? Or. Or…”

Nothingness. A gap in the record. A hitch in her breath. “I...don’t remember what she said after that. I can’t, remember it clearly, after she drew her spear. I remember I kept trying. To talk her out of it. Even when I had to draw my own glaive to defend myself, I kept trying. But my best words had already failed. What else did I have? Maybe, I thought, so long as I could keep trying to talk her down I could…I could forget that Clarissa had not once matched my medal count. I could ignore my instincts, telling me that she would keep coming after me, so long as she was conscious and capable. If I just, if I just shut my eyes, kept them closed a little longer, I could pretend I’d never seen the path to victory, and another one would reveal itself, but...but time. Time was never on my side. The battle was already underway, and every moment I stayed could cost the Starsong everything, I couldn’t afford to delay, I had to end it quickly and. And.”

The impact. The spray. The gasp.

“I created my opening, and ended it in one strike.” Echoing. Still echoing. Drowning out her own voice. “I didn’t even have time to wait and see if I’d killed her.”

“Because. Because I knew. Bloody and sobbing, stumbling down the steps of the temple, I [i]knew.[/i] If I stopped now, it was all for nothing. Everything. The Starsong would be overwhelmed. The citizenry punished. I would face death or imprisonment. Clarissa…” No. No. No more. No. No. No. [i]No.[/i] “So. I kept going.”

“After that, the fight itself was. Rather anticlimactic, I suppose. Or maybe I was too numb to tell. The Senators were not prepared for a sudden attack from the rear, and in the first moments I crippled too many of their power couplings. They eventually overwhelmed my plover, but they paid tenfold for it. Not counting the last one I destroyed on foot. Zeus was. Thorough, in her blessing. With the forces of Lakkos scattered, Alethea carried my battered body to the Starsong, but I’m afraid it was already too late.”

See now your guest in the Underworld. See the light recoil from her eyes. See the hollow in her chest, carved out by a lifetime of mistakes and weakness, which no mortal can endure and yet live.

“I died that day, sir Knight. The little girl who dreamed of forging peace with her beautiful voice is no more. I don’t know what creature they took out of Lakkos, and I’ve spent every day since wondering at the answer. I have lived like a lightning bolt, forever in the present, without a past, and no dreams for the future. I have done little else but hurt people, and a growing number of them didn’t deserve it.”

“That is the [i]failure[/i] of my first life. A disaster I’ve not been able to stop, not even…” Her fist tightens, until the golden band digs red agony into her fingers. “Not even when I’ve had great reason to. All I’ve learned is how to be stubborn enough to keep living. And I’d hoped-” As if she had any right to. “I’d hoped finally owning my past would bring me more than a future of survival and hurt.”