"What the... what is this? You let the Kaeri smash your legs to bits for an [i]egg?[/i] What, do you think your god's hidden away in there or something? Buddy, lemme tell you I have met Hermes and you are looking in the wrong... n-never mind."

Beljani pulls her arms in close and wraps herself in an awkward hug. That's a bad memory. Maybe her worst memory. She wishes it would have happened to someone else. But it didn't. It didn't. And the fact that the Master put this entire ship's resources into pampering her and rewarding her for coming back hasn't done a thing to make her forget that she was the one who made her hurt so much in the first place. That she's got a weapon like that, hidden behind all of her other ones. That she's willing to [i]use[/i] a weapon like that. On her own...

She shudders. Her eyes flit away from the stupid, useless egg back to the latest incarnation of her letter. She snarls and crumples it into a ball with pointless, almost comedic aggression. She gets halfway to throwing it before the look of regret crosses her face, and she quickly unfurls it and smooths it out as best she can again against her thigh.

"This is so useless, I can't give her this! She'll laugh! She'll laugh so hard she won't even read how I feel! Ugh, but it's the best one. I... gods, how is this the best I can do?! I feel like I'm gonna explode if I don't get this out of me, and only presentable version I have after a whole, what, four hours of work is 'I am sad'. Disgusting. This is disgusting. I wanna kill someone. I should kill someone. I'm gonna kill someone! Do we really not have a single twice-damned scribe anywhere on this ship? I can't ask, even if she [i]would[/i] I..."

Down here in this cramped little workshop, there's nothing that remotely passes for a comfortable chair. She doesn't care. For the first time in her life, Beljani doesn't care. She tucks herself on a nearby crate, which is hard and unpleasant and makes her butt and tail ache almost instantly, so she can just sit. Breathe. Hold her head in her hands and try as hard as she can not to cry. She sniffles anyway.

"You know who I miss?" she asks in a quiet voice, knowing better than to wait for an answer, "I miss Mynx. Of all my sisters, she's the one I could really talk to. It was her job, I guess. But still. Beautiful's better at it, but she spends most of her time sealed so she doesn't explode, and even when she's awake sometime she'll figure out where the conversation is going and just sort of... skip to the end of it. And Bella... mmf. I could talk to Mynx. I could have [i]conversations[/i] with Mynx. She'd know how to fix this. Why isn't she here? Why did she abandon us?"

Nobody spoke to Beljani, not hardly at all. Imperials, from the humans on down to the menial servitors, only spoke to her like they would a spoiled, useless pet. They wanted out of her sight as soon as they could manage, and not a single one of them could be bothered to so much as keep the contempt out of their voices while they did it. They were jealous. Of her talents, of her treats. But still. They only [i]talked[/i] to her if she made them. And that didn't count.

Spreading to someone was just as pointless. Too weird. They only spoke if she spoke through them and that. It. Just advanced talking to herself, and she did too much of that already. Not that anyone should be allowed to blame her. She hated the quiet, is all. Hated the feeling of being alone. Which is just natural when everyone you know swaps back and forth between lazily asking you for favors and asking you what it is you want so they can keep you comfy and spoiled and useless. Sure, she enjoyed it. Just like she enjoyed every pretty thing they snuck into her bed when they changed the sheets. But it didn't fill that tiny little ache inside her heart.

It was only just a little while ago when she realized it was there. After Mynx and Bella both disappeared and there really wasn't anybody left to talk to. Her sisters were the only ones she could properly talk to. They weren't afraid of her virus. They didn't think of her as a useless little lapdog. Even though Bella... mmf. Such a waste. Bella at least meant her insults. Maybe if she hadn't wasted so much time getting mad and jealous they could have...

Beljani angrily wipes the tears out her eyes before they can stain her pretty face. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid! This is what the letter's for, dummy! You're gonna fix it. You're gonna fix everything, and then your life will fit back into place and you can be happy in your luxury again! You had this all figured out, remember?

She sniffs loudly, and flicks the wiggling egg with her nail.

"Hey stupid. Hatch already. Whatever kind of miracle you're hiding from Archmagos Sparky over, hurry up and spill it. It's hot and cramped and uncomfortable in here, and I'm not sticking around. Ten seconds. You've got ten seconds to wow me, and then I'm taking you to the kitchens and frying you for lunch."