[center][b]FRIDAY - TWO DAYS LATER[/b][/center]

The phone began to blast [url=https://youtu.be/UOvBPG0RCfA]Son of Robot[/url] under her pillow before Jane silenced it and turned onto her back. 5:00 AM. She must have had the dream again - an emptiness in her stomach made her grasp it tightly. Bits and pieces came back as she stared at the ceiling, the blinds causing flickers of the outdoor lighting to scatter across it. 

The dream itself is mundane, nice even. Jane’s stomach is big, maybe 7-8 months pregnant. She’s walking barefoot in the sand along someone, her hand in their’s. She never sees their face, but she knows it’s Rob. She hears him talking each time, but she can’t make out the words. Just his tone, his inflection, like it’s own faded song.

But every time Jane had that dream, she always woke up feeling a void so deep even heroin didn’t fill, but it’d been a couple years since she had it. Being the vicinity of Rob must have been making even her subconscious go into overdrive.

Jane’s sponsor made her promise to keep up her journaling in the morning, a part of her normal routine at home, so with a grunt, she reached into the bedside table to grab her lyric book. The journal entries were scattered throughout, sometimes wedged into the side of an already-used paper, or on the backs of others. She’d have to make a note to buy a new notebook soon.

“Friday.

Today’s my 33rd birthday. At home, I’d be cuddled up with my cat after surfing, and spend the sunset on the peak. I told everyone not to do anything here, but Jared’s insisting on taking me out. Really out, like downtown. He says putting off facing the public will only make it scarier, and it’s about time I get over it.

I had the dream again. He’s in my stomach and I can feel him moving around. I still don’t regret it most days. I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I was in so much pain.

Letting go of the idea of Rob and I has been bittersweet. I mourn the fantasies I’ve had of seeing each other again - our past, our friendship - but I know that it’s the right choice. He’s grown up so much, it’s daunting. The way he talks, the way he carries himself. I feel so small next to him. 

And I’ve changed too. I’m less…[i]everything[/i] than I used to be. But it’s getting easier to be around him again, almost like we’re falling back into our natural ebb and flow. In those moments I catch myself still searching for something in his eyes, but come up empty.

I miss human touch so much. I wake up in the middle of the night and crave it deep in my stomach like an ulcer. But I plan to keep the promise I made, even here. 

This place has made me realize that I don’t really know who I am as an artist anymore…maybe even myself, and I wonder if I’m just going to look foolish trying to fill my own shoes. But our writing sessions are getting better each time, like we were just out of practice. We’re starting to feel like a band again - I missed that a lot.

Maybe there’s hope for me yet. 

-J”

After a stretch, Jane tiptoed down the hallway towards the kitchen for a glass of water when she spotted Rob’s door open. Her heart beat loudly in her ears until he came into view, fully clothed and sprawled out on his bed. It was close to 5am, but Jane still double checked the hallway before entering his room.

First, she loosened his laces and worked his shoes off, then she yanked the comforter out from under him to put on top. For a moment, Rob groaned in resistance, and Jane paused before saying the same thing he’d say to her after she’d fallen asleep on the couch.

“Shhhh, just getting you comfy.”

Once the comforter was over him, Jane exited his room, letting the door click shut softly, all the breath she was holding coming out in a sigh. This was another part of her morning routine, well - her new one - doing a quiet clean up of Rob passing out in the early morning hours.

The rest of the routine consisted of the following: stretching and yoga until the some came up, then a swim. After breakfast, they’d spend most of the day in the studio until the afternoon hours. Jane decided to dedicate an hour in the driveway to get comfortable on her longboard again, with a more intense workout session in the backyard as the sun set. Shower, back to the basement, then bed. 

“Everything” hit #1 across rock and alternative charts, and was hitting the hundred thousands in streams by this point.

Each member of the band seemed to be happy about it, a rare occurrence, so the mood amongst the house was light. Every day, Rob and her talked a bit more, breaking the tension they had in passing.

Jane told him more about her sobriety, her life up in NorCal, making sure to avoid the topics of her drug use and what her life entailed after he left. And he spoke more of being a father, along with some of the places he traveled with MAE and mishaps along the way. 

And it was…nice. Being able to be around him again without all of her muscles tensing. He wasn’t so much a stranger now as an old friend she was trying to figure out.

And, the residual checks became real money. 

Jane got a bank alert that nearly made her choke, and she quickly used the funds to pay her mortgage which was two months behind, along with some credit cards. The fact that Jane was broke was a secret she held close to her chest, as it wouldn’t be true for much longer. But the financial stress she had was gone, and Jane felt lighter than she had in months.

“Hey, space cadet,” Austin grumbled, breaking Jane out of her trance as she chomped on an apple. 

“You’re up early,” Jane whispered back, taking note of his workout gear. “You’re finally gonna join me?”

“Thought I’d give it a shot,” he smirked, taking a sip of his water. “You do that every morning?”

Austin nodded his head down the hallway, pointing to Rob’s door. “Clean up?”

Jane shrugged. “He did it for me.”

“Yeah, well, it just looks like enabling from here.”

Her eyes rolled. “Look, I’m just trying to keep him out of trouble with Sam. We don’t need anymore black eyes.”

“Why don’t you try talking to him about it?” Austin huffed, crossing his arms. “You guys seem to be hitting it off more.”

“Yeah, and I don’t wanna ruin it yet. I haven’t even seen him look that bad.”

“You go to bed before ten. That’s why.”

A click of a door opening came from the hallway, and Jane used it as her chance to bail from the conversation. “I’ll be out back,” she whispered sharply before the glass door slid shut.

The sky was just beginning to glow, the stars disappearing high in the sky while the horizon remained murky. Stretching, she tried to force the thought of Rob falling down the same hole she did years ago. The one he left her to climb out of herself.

Although she wanted to feel anger, she couldn’t. She just wanted to hug him. To tell him that if she could be better, so could he. But it wasn’t time to rock the boat.

What was happening inside of him, and would he even let her look?