[center][b]9 YEARS AGO[/b][/center]

“I don’t want to,” Jane sobbed, her feet dragging along the tile floor. The shades had been closed for two weeks, and she couldn’t tell whether it was day or night. “Please, just leave me alone!” She screamed, but Austin ignored her, carrying her wafer thin body over his shoulder like a rag. 

[b]SPLASH.[/b]

She was plopped into the roman tub, already filled with warm soapy water, and Austin sat on a stool he must have brought in beforehand. He had a plan.

“Where…is…he?” was all she could get as Austin began to work shampoo through her knotted hair.

“You haven’t been taking care of yourself,” Austin replied with a paternal tone. “You can’t live like this.”

“Then…b-bring him b-back,” she pleaded, accepting the cleaning she was being given, sinking down into the tub to release the suds out of her blonde locks.

The look Austin gave her was his answer. A harsh “no.”

She looked away, and he used the opportunity to clean the track marks and cuts on her arms. Though she was ashamed to be in this position - mortified, to be more exact - there was only one thought throbbing in her head like a persistent migraine.

He’s gone.

“You’ve been wearing his shirt since the day he left. Looks like you haven’t showered. Barely ate,” Austin listed, handing her the loofah. “I’m assuming you can do the rest?”

Her swollen eyes rolled before nodding, and Austin left the bathroom until she was ready to be helped out. From there, he dragged her back to her room and rolled her on the bed. The nightstands were covered with empty beer and pill bottles, a spoon, a lighter, and a small baggie twisted up. Before she could reach for it, Austin grabbed her supplies and shoved them in the drawer, shaking his head.

Jane awoke again to him working a knot out of her hair, feeling a bit more coherent. Being less high made the shame nip at her, but she was too weak to lift her head. “I was wearing his-,” her dry throat stopped her, and she coughed with her entire body. “They still smell like him.”

Austin sighed. “It’s time to start picking up the pieces, J. We’ve cancelled all gigs, put out a press release but…” His fingers rubbed his temples. “It’s over. The band.”

It wasn’t shocking news. The tabloids were full of images of Jane, stumbling through the streets of LA. Some went as far as to comment on the bruises on her inner elbows and the darkness underneath her eyes. It all pointed to one thing: Jane really fucked [i]everything up.[/i] But she didn’t care about that right now.

“He won’t answer my calls.”

“Will you shut the fuck up about Rob?” Austin shouted then abruptly stood up from the bed. “Did you just hear that all we’ve worked on for years is dead?”

“Fuck the band!” she yelled back, not as loudly. Her hand covered her eyes. “I’m sure you all will be fucking fine without me. There are millions of bands that would work with you guys..”

“You don’t think Sam and I have been trying? No one wants to work with us now.”

Jane refused to look at him, and instead, pulled the covers up over her. “Get out.”

“You’re welcome, by the way,” Austin nodded, “for trying help you get it together.”

“Get out!” she shrieked, this time reaching a much higher volume. The only thing she heard after that was the slam of the front door shutting. 

[center][b]PRESENT DAY[/b][/center]

Having Austin join her for a morning yoga session - though much less meditative - was fun. He kept poking fun at how active and healthy Jane had become, and in return, she’d push him out of a pose he was attempting to hold, causing him to tumble.

He didn’t join her for the swim, saying he was going to shower and relax for a bit before they were due down to the studio by 10am.

Jane, after emerging from the pool’s outdoor shower, dove head first into the deep end, staying under the warmed, salty water until her lungs began to burn. She continued to lap the pool until the sky was it’s daytime blue, then, with her towel wrapped around her head, she entered the house and headed straight to her room. No one can make a big deal out of your birthday if you avoid them, right?

But as she entered the room, the towel she had been working around her chest had dropped to the floor. Jane wasn’t sure if her chills were from the AC hitting her wet hair and swimsuit, or the box on her bed, but only her eyes widened.

Sam wouldn’t get her anything. Jared was seeing her later. Austin would have just given her a gift this morning if…

“Rob,” she whispered. It was only a second or two before the gift was opened, and upon realizing what it was, she moved it far away from her wet body, admiring the album cover that sat at the opposite corner of the bed.

He kept that record all these years. 

As if on autopilot, Jane bolted to Rob’s room, opening an already cracked door. He was sitting at the end of his bed on the phone, and looked up when Jane cleared her throat.

“Rob, the record…”

As he began to stand, she closed the distance between them and hugged him tightly. Once he gave in, and his arms wrapped around her, Jane melted. It all felt the exact same. Where her head reached. How he drew her in firmly when he hugged her as if he was protecting her from something. The smell of his shirt, the muscles in his back…

Before she turned into a puddle on the floor, Jane backed away. Although tears brimmed her eyes, they were happy this time, and no matter how hard she tried to hide it, her smile was from ear to ear.

“I knew you fucking took it,” she chuckled, dabbing her eyes. “Sorry,” she added, looking at his torso.
She had left a wet imprint of her bikini and hair on his shirt. “Morning swim.”

This gift - it was special. It meant that Rob had held on to a piece of her, no matter how little, this whole time. Was she reading this whole thing wrong?

Realizing the silence was growing longer between them, she had an idea.

“My sponsors been up my ass about getting my five year chip. Says it uh, helps you keep celebrating how far you’ve come,” Jane explained. “There’s an NA meeting down the street later. I was gonna go around 5:00pm before I go out with Jared.” 

[i]Get it out, Jane.[/i]

“I was wondering if you’d go with me,” she ended up blurting. “You don’t have to if you don’t want…I, it’s just a new place and I don’t wanna go alone.” She turned around to exit his room, but turned back around last time at the doorway. “Thanks for the gift, and let me know about later. See ya downstairs.”

And with that, Jane scurried back into her room, attempting to keep herself contained. Her first call was to her sponsor.

“But that gift wasn’t just any old gift.”

“It doesn’t matter, Jane,” Kody butted in. “You completely fell apart in that relationship. Let’s focus on the new.”

“How am I supposed to when he’s living down the hall from me?” Jane whispered sharply back. “Look. I’m still going out with Jared tonight, but I feel like I need to get all this out of me.”

“Write it out. Then get your damn chip today, okay?”

Jane smirked, leaving out the note that Rob was joining her. “Yes, yes. I’ll write it out, get the chip.”

[i]“Friday. Again. 

Rob gave me a beautiful gift, a meaningful one. I don’t know what to do with these feelings I’m having. One minute, I think I’m ready to move on, and the next, I’m head over heels again. I guess ten years between us didn’t do me much good after all. I missed his smell. His touch. I could stay there forever. 

But when the love of your life lived there life without you, then what? Where does that leave me?

I still need to move on. And I will. It’s just difficult when you don’t want to.”[/i]

She closed her lyric book with a thud, then headed to the shower to prepare for their scheduled writing time downstairs. She couldn’t help but sing Sitting Up On Our Crane throughout its duration.