Waiting in a kitchen for Rob was familiar. Their unspoken meeting spot before heading out. It gave Jane butterflies, as if they were preparing to go out on a date, but then, reality would swoop in and remind her. She was taking Rob to an NA meeting. But according to her sponsor, Jane was bringing Austin along. She knew mentioning it would cause an argument between the two, but Jane knew she wanted Rob to be the one to see it. He needed to know that all she’d gone through - and what he witnessed for himself - was never going to happen again. Maybe it’d inspire him a bit to ease up on the alcohol. Or, perhaps he’d see that Jane had it in her the whole time, and he would ponder how things could have gone if he stayed. Lost in a trance, Rob appearing before her. Jane always wondered if fatherhood changed him. If he’d dress differently, talk differently. But seeing him ready to go meeting her in the kitchen just like he’d done a hundred times before, it felt like she transported back in time. As she worked to slowly peal back some layers over the past week, it was apparent he was still so much…himself. Not that he hadn’t matured or aged; it was obvious Jane was still very attracted to him if not more than before. But compared to the stoic twenty-something year old that she last saw, there was no stark contrast. The only thing, really, was the subtle softness that replaced his edges. When he spoke of home, his daughter, or even now when the band was having a great session downstairs - there was this crack in the exterior that was formerly stone. His body language, his expression, the warmth his eyes, his tone. She remembered it fondly. In their happiest moments together, how ever few there were, he displayed the same mannerisms. Looking back, Rob always took the paternal role, especially when Jane was using. It was his way of loving her, and she spent so many late nights missing that feeling. To be truly cared for was something she hadn’t felt since. Jane gave him a gracious smile and nodded towards the door, where an Uber was waiting in the driveway. “Let’s do it.” [center]***[/center] It wasn’t until she was closing in on the podium did the wave of anxiety hit her. The mumbles and shuffles of a room full of people were muffled under a ringing in her ears, and her stomach churned with the familiar feeling of nausea. [i]”Its not a stage. It’s not a show.”[/i] Once reaching the podium, she leaned her elbows into the wood and took a deep breath. “M-my name’s Jane, and I’m an addict.” The crowd responded, but a few murmurs confirmed that some may have recognized who she was. After swallowing the lump in her throat, she pushed forward. “I’ll be honest, I haven’t been to a meeting in years. And since this run, I’ve barely spoken about my sobriety at all.” Tears already streamed down her cheeks, and she removed the glasses to wipe them away. A few more murmurs, a few more speculations. “I had my first drink by ten - probably my first cigarette by then, too. Mom continued to get trashed and make terrible friends, and I kept scoring more and more. My friends thought it was so cool,” she chuckled, then moved herself away from the mic to sniffle. “It made that feeling go away - you know…that void of emptiness you feel so deep inside, gnawing away at you. But as I kept filling it, it got bigger.” Her eyes met Rob’s, and she nodded slightly to him before continuing. “Then you start losing your friends. People you love, t-the irreplaceable ones,” her voice wavered, her eyes now unfocused over the faces in front of her. “I lost everything important to me…or maybe destroyed is the better word. I didn’t even try to stay clean the first two times. The pain became this unbearable cycle. But uh, finally, it was enough. I couldn’t fucking take the pain anymore, the loss. The emptiness became all consuming, I…” Jane squeezed her eyes shut. “Five years ago, I stumbled into my third and final detox after I had starting coming down from the speedball I banged earlier that night. My arms were cut up and bleeding. I don’t remember what I said, but I remember giving them my things and crying for them to fix it. And uh,” Jane smiled, wiping the last of her tears. “I did it. I figured it out.” Members of the crowd began to woo for her, but the rest waited for her to finish. “It’s still a struggle, every day. But I know I’m finally struggling for something worth it. I’m Jane, and I’m celebrating 5 years free of alcohol, cocaine, heroin, and sex.” The crowd clapped for her, and she waved in embarrassment before accepting her chip from the moderator, then signaling for Rob to meet her outside as she descended the stage. Before he could get a word out, Jane swiped the pack of cigarettes from his back pocket, along with the lighter, and took a large drag once she got it lit. It was all in one swift movement, a maneuver she had mastered by the time they were both legally allowed to smoke. If Jane’s chest wasn’t pounding with anxiety, she may have second guessed acting too familiar with Rob, but the nicotine making her face tingle made a smile form. “Thought I was gonna puke,” she admitted, peering up to Rob. “Oh,” she said abruptly, cigarette dangling out of her mouth as she dug in her pocket. “You get a souvenir.” The keychain was white with gold lettering - the words ‘just for today’ inscribed. “Like a participation trophy,” she winked, but her expression change as she saw the meeting begin to pour out of the doors. “Let’s get the fuck out of here, yeah?” [center]***[/center] Later that evening, Jane was scrambling towards the kitchen as the doorbell rang. Her hair was slicked back into a sleek pony tail that ran down her bare back, exposed by a black one piece she wore under a pair of baggy light wash jeans. She went so far as to add a red lip and a pair of golf hoops, and before leaving her room, she couldn’t help but stop in the mirror and admire her work. The only other pop of color were her royal blue flats. She had let Austin have her journal for the night, only for him to use if they needed some inspiration during their writing session. He was also instructed to put it right back as soon as they were done. [i]”Whats the big deal?” Austin grinned deviously. “Is it your diary?” Jane rolled her eyes, instantly regretting that she’d handed it over. “Kind of,” she whispered. “And plus, we all know now that my writing is not ‘very subtle.’” She was, of course, discussing the radio interview Rob had earlier that day. “That song wasn’t that obvious-“ “Well, how about the one in my notebook where I talk about the unborn imaginary son I had? And how I’m sorry for what I did to him?” Austin remained silent. “Or-or the song titled Jackson, where a woman gets left in her darkest moment but still is in love with the person who did it? Or how about the notebook page or two that just repeats “FUCK MAE.” What about-“ “Okay!” Austin erupted, placing his hands on her shoulders, calming the anxiety ricocheting in her chest. “I’ll keep an eye on it. You, you need a new notebook.” Jane chuckled. “I’ll add it to my grocery list.”[/i] Austin let Jared in, and the two hugged. “Long time,” Austin started. “How you been, man?” “I’ve been good. Business has been good. The company has been good,” Jared winked as Jane approached him. “Happy birthday,” he whispered, pulling out a dozen roses behind him. She couldn’t help but blush as she thanked him quietly and climbed the counter to grab a vase from one of the cabinets, handing him her longboard and overnight bag he insisted she bring in case she decided to stay at the room he had for the weekend - a ten minute drive from their AirBNB in Downtown LA. Jane didn’t give him much of an answer before when he’d brought it up. It was a nice thought to have a haven to run to if downtown turned overwhelming, but she also knew what it could lead Jared to think. Rather, Jane decided to handle things as they came that evening. Overthinking what could go wrong would likely lead to her cancelling, something she no longer wanted to do. She needed to get her life back again. “Sam, Rob,” Jared greeted the two, giving them a wave. Once the flowers were in water, Jane was starting to scoot him to the door; starting their date by reuniting with Rob might make things even more awkward. “Alright, alright,” he said calmly, wrapping an arm around her in the doorway. “Wait, Rob.” [i]What? What could he possibly want to tell him?[/i] “My sister’s coming to visit next week. She heard that I was seeing J and,” he looked down to smile at Jane, and she forced one back, “and she said she wanted to see you.” He pulled a post-it note out of his pocket and threw it on the counter. “Her number. You ready?” Jane nodded, putting her head down and following him, trying to wrap her brain around the fact that Adrianna wanted to see Rob. And if you asked her about it now - why she looked back at Rob before leaving - Jane couldn’t explain it. It’s like she was being pulled in two directions. But before the door closed, she looked back to Rob, hoping that he’d somehow read her mind. That her dating Jared was just her moving on. That seeing him with Adrianna would feel like the knife being pushed even further in. But all she did was wave before the door shut right. [i]Good enough?[/i] [center]***[/center] Around 1:00 AM, Austin saw Jared’s car climbing up the driveway. But when the cameras also showed him exiting the car alone and banging on the door, he knew something was wrong. “Come on,” he said to the two before dashing up the stairs and nearly sliding into the front door on his socks. As he opened the door, Jared put his hands up, his face solemn. “Look, she’s not answering my calls for the past four hours. I just want to apologize. Can you get her?” “Dude,” Austin’s eyes widened. “We thought she was still with you.” Panic washed over Jared’s face, and he began to pace in their foyer, and Austin scrambled on his phone until the line began to trill. “Jane? Are you okay? Where are you?” “I was just about to call you,” Jane sighed. Her voice had an extra layer of rasp on top. “I’m at St. Maria’s. I’m [i]completely[/i] fine, just ate shit on my board. They’re gonna discharge me soon, I think.” Jane would get into the details of her concussion, road rash, and sprained ankle later. “I’m coming right now,” Austin replied, going into go mode. “J’s in the hospital.” “Aust? Just you, okay? Promise?” He paused, but eventually gave in, his eyes looking between Jared and Rob. “Yeah, I promise.” “Thanks,” she quickly said before letting him know she’d text him her room number. “Jane’s fine, ate shit on her longboard.” “Damn it,” Jared sighed, “this is all my fault, I-“ “Save it. Go home, man,” Austin sighed, politely scooting him out the door. “You can call her tomorrow. As for you two,” he pointed to Rob and Sam, his keys dangling from his fingers, “I’ll bring her home.” And without a word, the two exited and went in their separate cars, the home’s heavy front door clicking shut behind them.