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[h3][b]The following Collab takes place between the hours of 4:00PM and 4:45PM on Saturday[/b][/h3][/center]
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[color=dc143c]"Hey, [i]boychik[/i], I'm sorry I haven't come by,"[/color] Mordechai spoke to the well kept headstone, eyes slowly tracing every line into his memory.

[center][b]Daniel Amos Boaz
2004-2019
[i]“I must admit I miss you terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby.”
[sub]-Lemony Snicket[/sub][/i][/b][/center]

[color=dc143c][i]Who chose that quote,[/i][/color] he wondered idly, [color=dc143c][i]and should I update my tattoo to incorporate it?[/i][/color] He had gotten it on a whim once, faded off his ass and unwilling to forget. The gravestone tattoo with his brother’s name took up most of his left forearm, and he felt a steady growing shame at the track marks that started just above the tattoo’s end. [color=dc143c][i]Guess the last thing I need right now is more needles, huh?[/i][/color]

The silence of the cemetery seemed to mock him as he read the quote again, and he pretended that the burning in his eyes was from his latest sip of rum-Phil would forgive him for swiping the bottle. Maybe.- and not how hard the quote had struck him.  While Edenridge isn't quiet by any stretch of the word, Mordechai himself has felt muted ever since he lost his little brother. It didn't matter where he was: Edenridge, New York, everywhere he wandered after, it was all the same. He would find himself looking over his shoulder to say something to what was now only his shadow and his throat would close up as everything got muffled. His vision always tunneled like it did when he was about to pass out but he'd just find himself hyperventilating instead, stumbling to put his back to the nearest vertical surface. It got him left behind at several rest stops when he was on the road, and led to a tense dinner one night with Mika in New York. The other man had struggled to help his brother, leading to Allegra shoving Viva into the man’s arms as she turned to deal with Mordechai, already used to his little bouts. It always came back to Danny and the gaping hole left in his life because of him, all his ingrained reactions being one-sided. Charlie had well and truly crippled Mordechai that day in more ways than one.

He took another long sip, swallowing the burning liquid against the cries threatening to fall out and smothering them in the process.

[color=dc143c]"I'm sorry for a lotta things, really. I only ever wanted what was best for ya but…I gotcha killed instead. I neglected…”[/color] He looked at the liter in his hand and huffed out a dark laugh, dropping his head low before Danny’s grave. [color=dc143c]“No, I [i]abused[/i] one brother an' in the end that cost me him [i]and[/i] you. I should’a been a better brother ta both’a you, I should’a paid more attention,”[/color] he walked up to the headstone before turning his back to it and dropping down, leaning back to rest against the cold stone as he pulled his knees to his chest. [color=dc143c]“I shoulda known I was just a tool, no one important…”[/color] Another brother flashed through his mind, and he had to choke back fresh tears as he remembered the look on ReyRey’s face last night. Mordechai was feeling pulled in far too many directions to be comfortable.

[color=dc143c]“Should I be mad at ReyRey?”[/color] he asked, rolling the neck of the bottle between his hands. [color=dc143c]“I feel like it would make sense, but all I can think of is that [i]I[/i] did as he said. An’ not even in the [i]you don’t say no to ‘im[/i] sense, but blindly. And my times with the Serpents are still some’a the happiest in my life, I’m already feelin’ lost again without ‘em. Allegra’s comin’ ta town just ta help me and I just- I feel fuckin’ pathetic…”[/color] his throat threatens to close again, so he raises the drink to his lips once more before throwing his head back against the stone to stare at the sky. [color=dc143c]“Allegra’s got her opinion, I could see it written all over her face, Poppy’s got ‘er own…I didn’t even give Prof or Sunshine a chance ta say theirs, and you?”[/color] he sighed. [color=dc143c]“You were always smarter than me, I wouldn’t even be able ta pretend I know what you’d say. You always saw more than you should’a, always had a comment ta whisper ta me or an opinion ya wanted me ta hear.”[/color]

[color=dc143c]”You never did like the way I treated Hard Times when he was a Serpent, and god you didn’t even know the half of it. After what Poppy said…about how he was gonna take her too…is that [i]why[/i] he took you? Did he think he was gonna put you outta some misery? Did he think I was gonna make you miserable, did he see something I didn't? Or was he just so fuckin’ cracked that he didn’t care who he took out, even…if it was you? ‘M probably talkin’ in circles…”[/color] his speech was already slipping, and a glance at the bottle showed him he’d gone through most of it a lot faster than he’d thought he would, but that didn’t stop him from taking another burning sip. He sat forward for a moment to shrug off his Serpent jacket and throw it over his knees before leaning back against the cold stone. It cooled his hot skin through his tanktop while the coarse texture scraping his skin kept him grounded. He ran a hand through his hair and took another fortifying sip. 

[color=dc143c]“I know ya can’t answer, but I just wish I could’a asked ya earlier; do ya blame Har-”[/color] The name froze on the tip of his tongue. [color=dc143c]“Charlie…do ya blame ‘im for that day? If ya knew e’erythin’, would ya blame me? W-would ya forgive m…us?”[/color] The gravestone behind him was as silent as he’d expected, but Mordechai couldn’t be sure if the dropping feeling in his stomach was from the disappointment or the liquor.

[color=dc143c]“Yeah,”[/color] he choked out a wet laugh, his gaze as blank as the sky he spoke into. [color=dc143c]“I guess I don’t really deserve an answer.”[/color] No closure, it seemed a fitting torture for the purgatory he’d been in for nearly two years.[/color]