In 1978 a former British-influenced kingdom in Central Asia had a revolution. Its people were tired of the stagnation and repression of civil rights compared to the rest of the world, and pressed for land reforms and for more civil rights and stuff. This nation was Afghanistan. On its own it fought a pretty funny civil war ngl with wild shit happening every day, and against the extremist mujadeen fighters the new government persevered. For like a couple weeks Afghanistan stood alone, the brave men of the Afghan National Army, fighting a bloody war everyday to secure their homeland. 

In the 1970s the Soviet Union was a peace-loving country who had only fought defensive wars such as the Great Patriot War against the Nazis and the Vietnam War. Following the American withdrawal of Vietnam the United States was not able to exert its influence around the world as much anymore, making them a lot less attractive as a potential military ally. With natural allies in Russia president Hafizullah Amin asked Russia for what Russia does best. They asked the Russians for a metric shitton of guns and they responded by giving every single person in Afghanistan a gun. Grandmas and toddlers walked around the streets with Kalashnikovs and Mosins, all of them smiling. The conditions were simple Russia would offer military aid to Afghanistan and in return Afghanistan would go on national television and talk about how great Gorbachev was and how they didn't need Pepsi or Adidas because they had Mockba shoes. 

The military plan was seen by many planners to have a foolproof plan for victory. Firstly the Soviet Union would be operating in a friendly country, second they were right on the border with Afghanistan which made sending troops in easy. Finally the USA and Great Britain were very far away and couldn't easily get there. It was thought that Afghanistan would offer the Russians a chance to gain influence into Central Asia and provide a big win for communism all around the world.

On April 20th 1980 the Russians deployed a small expeditionary force of 15 million men (All combat personnel btw) to Afghanistan and airlifted supplies into Kabul on a daily basis. The Soviet Union also further pressured China to also aid Afghanistan and to keep the United States out of the war. The brave men of the Soviet Union rolled into Afghanistan and they easily crushed it in every engagement they went into. The Royal Afghan Palace was run over by a T-34 and its tank members all got out and took photos of themselves posing with AK47s and their bottles of vodka. The men were all very happy with themselves and had a giant crowd of Afghan hoes cheering them on in the background. Many a pussy were destroyed that night.

By the end of 1984 Hafizullah Amin had convinced both Gorbachev and Deng Xiaopeng to put aside their differences with the help of middle man Ruhollah Khomeini, leader of Iran, for them to finally reconcile after the Sino-Soviet Split for the sake of international communism. They did so by proposing that China and the USSR incorporate Islam as a fundamental part of socialist ideology, to which they both agreed to, with plans to make sure every restaurant and kitchen in the Warsaw Pact was halal by 1990. 

The year is 1985 with Bruce Springsteen Madonna ([i]way[/i] before Nirvana) and U-2 and Blondie and music still on MTV. Iran is communist now and China, Iran, and Afghanistan all joined the Warsaw Pact. They're about to invade Pakistan and it's about to be [i]lit![/i] But now Ronald Reagan is president and it's only a matter of time before the United States dies from cringe.