Redana's eyes widen as she absorbs what her mentor has just laid out for her. "Mother told you not to keep going out past Tellus. Of course. Because of everything she'd lost, and... and because she wanted to keep you safe. Just like she wanted to keep [i]me[/i] safe." She rolls the thought around in her mouth. "Then I guess I [i]am[/i] a Hermetic, then. Because I made that choice. Just like you did." And nothing can take that away from her. She made the choice. She made the choice! She became a Hermetic the moment she reached out her hand and asked Bella to come with her across the stars. And nothing could take that away from her! Not even...

"Do you think she'll be okay? Bella, I mean. I don't know how much you know about her. She's my maid. She used to be," Redana corrects herself. "I don't know what she is now. Alive. Not wanting to see me. She chased us down all the way from Tellus, and she helped us defeat Sagakhan, but I don't know if that's because they were enemies, and... I spent time with her on Salib. Only she thought I was someone else then, because Lord Aphrodite allowed me to wear his cloak as a disguise, and she thought I was someone else, someone who she could spend time with, and... she hates it out here, she thinks it's cold and dark and dangerous, but she can't go home. Not without me. But I'm not going home. So she's on the ship and she won't let me find her, but there's so much I need to say to her! I need to apologize for what happened on Salib and I need to tell her that I'm glad she's alive and I need to tell her that I missed her and that I'm sorry for the closet, it's just that I panicked and she [i]hit[/i] me and she was going to stop me from leaving at all and I don't know if she hates me or if she... when I told her that maybe I had feelings for her, but she didn't know it was me because I was in disguise, she punched a wall into pieces and started screaming at Aphrodite! And I think I [i]do[/i] have feelings for her but that's not the kind of thing you can have in a palace because she had to do what I said and what if I told her to do something she didn't want to do, like kiss me, and she didn't want to but she did it anyway and she hated me for the rest of forever? And then she's been chasing us and she's been a [i]really[/i] different person and she's been mean and when I thought she was dying and abandoned I tried to turn this whole ship [i]around[/i]? I could have really hurt Mynx and Dolce, I could have killed them, because it felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest thinking about her sad and weak and [i]alone[/i], do you know how much she hates being alone? She pretends she wants her privacy sometimes but I can tell, she's always been there for me, always. I was ready to hurt my friends because I could see her curled up on a venting, broken space station with nobody there for her, and is [i]that[/i] love?"

At this point, she is pacing. Urgent hand gestures are involved. She has fallen into the excited, breathless cadence of a Hermetic offering a counterargument.

"And then I kissed her! On Sahar! Because it looked like we were about to die and that's the sort of thing that heroes always do when they're about to die, they kiss the girl, except she got really mad at me afterwards and even though I didn't order her to kiss me maybe that counts as the same sort of thing just because I didn't ask her for permission? Except there wasn't any time to ask her if I could kiss her because the Master of Assassins was about to trample us into the earth and bite us into little tiny pieces and if I had died and hadn't kissed her then can you [i]imagine[/i] how I would have looked to Hades, all tormented by the fact that I never did get to kiss her like that, as myself? Because we did do kissing on Salib, only she didn't know it was me, and I thought maybe I wasn't going to be Redana anymore, because Mynx was doing a better job of being me, only that [i]awful[/i] assassin girl who I think Bella [i]like[/i] likes tore brave Skotos off me, and that's another thing, I don't know where she is on the ship but I bet you anything that the Master stuck her someplace like a sleeping princess and when she wakes up Bella is going to make a beeline for her, for some reason? Just because she's pretty and talks like she's the smartest person in the world [i]and[/i] Bella wasn't silently resenting her for all of her life!"

Now she's starting to get a little weepy. Sniffling. Rubbing her face on the sleeve of her jacket, which is the same colors as the Shepherdess's armor today; that color scheme's now on pretty regular rotation in her wardrobe.

"I didn't know! I thought she was happy! Or, no, I thought I could fix her unhappiness! Because I could tell, sometimes, only I thought that maybe it could be fixed by the same fix as the thing that was making me sad, but now I think maybe the problem wasn't Tellus, it was always me! She was punished when [i]I[/i] wasn't good enough and she was forced to pretend she liked to be around me because that was her job and how could you like [i]like[/i] someone who you had to spend all day around while also pretending you liked them while also wishing they'd stop being an idiot so you wouldn't get in trouble? And I thought [i]Mynx[/i] was the actor! So maybe I should just let her be with that assassin, who probably knows her real self far better than I do, and then I can toss myself right out into the rainbow sea because I did all of this because I wanted to give her the whole universe and it turns out she hates it, and we've come so far that if I turn back it's all for nothing and everyone who hurt and changed and [i]died[/i] on Sahar did it for [i]nothing[/i], and I promised Hades, I mean uncle, I mean... the Lord of the Dead, he's so hurt every time he thinks we've failed, would [i]you[/i] want to look him in the eye and say, oh, I got a case of the sadness, now Aphrodite has defeated yet another crew with nothing but the power of a mean, rude catgirl with tits out to here who wants to kiss a fucking Athenakissed genius who wanted to pull our eyes out, please don't tell her I said that, I'm just!! She hates this! She hates me! I'm terrible! I kissed her and she made a [i]face[/i]! I want her to kiss me back! I want her to call me her little pet again! I want her to [i]forgive[/i] me! I want her!"

Her own words hit her like a punch to the gut. She staggers.

"I [i]want[/i] her, Iskarot. I want to hold her. I want to say sorry. I want to make her actually for real smile. I fucked up. I want to tell her everything. I want to get to know her again and find out if anything I used to love back on Tellus was actually real or if it was all assassin bullshit and forced smiles. I want to kiss her again. But I want her to want to kiss me [i]more[/i]. And she doesn't. She won't. She ran away and I can't [i]find[/i] her. What do I do? Do I let her hide? Or will she think I don't care about her and it's proof? Or do I go and find her? But what if she's Eros and I'm Psyche and lighting the candle makes her go away forever? If you'd waited and let me have the time I wanted... but even then she's just going to go and be with someone she likes more and I'm going to dive into the engine, [i]right[/i] into the engine, except I promised my uncle that I'd find Gaia first, so we'll do that and [i]then[/i] I'm going straight into the engine, and also! [i]Also![/i]"

She turns to Iskarot, face flushed, and declares, in anguish: "And I [i]also[/i] promised Vasilia I'd tie her up! And she'll be disappointed if I don't, because Bella was [i]extremely[/i] rude on board her ship, but now that she's here, what if she hates me even more for siding with Vasilly? What if it's the closet all over again?? What do I [i]do[/i], Magos???"