[center][sub][sup][url=https://www.deviantart.com/acidlullaby/art/Blood-and-Gold-494740574]Art by acidlullaby[/url][/sup][/sub]
[img]https://i.imgur.com/tzQrMw9.png[/img][/center][hr][center][sub][sup][b][i]This is not an update. It is only a solo post.[/i][/b][/sup][/sub][hr]🙨 ☊☋☊ ❀ ☋☊☋ 🕱 ☊☋☊ ❀ ☋☊☋ 🕱 ☊☋☊ ❀ ☋☊☋ 🕱 ☊☋☊ ❀ ☋☊☋ 🙨 ☊☋☊ ❀ ☋☊☋ 🕱 ☊☋☊ ❀ ☋☊☋ 🕱 ☊☋☊ ❀ ☋☊☋ 🕱 ☊☋☊ ❀ ☋☊☋ 🙨[/center][hr]The tiles were the same: worn, patterned sandstone, they passed beneath Jocasta's wheels the same as they had six years ago, same as they had passed beneath her feet, same as they would another six or even sixty years from now, when she was long gone. She nearly smacked into Yalen, so absorbed was she, and she pulled quickly back on her wheels. For his part, the monk jumped like a scared animal. 

Normally, Jocasta would have had to stifle a snicker at that, but he looked so genuinely spooked for a moment that she didn't find it amusing. She managed a quick apology as last night's actions came flooding back to her. She'd killed Gutierrez. A shiver ran down her spine. She'd killed ninety-two people so far, but none had ever been so personal. It had been six years since she'd looked a man in the eyes as he'd died. Murder was very much an abstract thing for Jocasta. Could Yalen know something? She'd fixed her eyes ahead to avoid any further near-collisions, but they slid uneasily in his direction. Would she have to kill him? She did not want to. He was a religious fool, but a good person. Her world started to seem a little bit colder.

The others were in various states of walking, most of them rather quiet. It was Kaspar's and Ysilla's default state. Zarina was nowhere to be seen. Yalen remained oddly silent, though, like a frightened animal, and for a moment, it made her want to hurt him. [color=ffdead][i]What are you all vulnerable and timid looking for? Who pissed in your porridge, you little bitch?[/i][/color] She knitted her brows together, took a breath, and decided that the thought had been unnecessarily mean. Still, a deep kind of anxiety settled in the pit of her stomach, right down close to where her feeling ended, to where she wouldn't be able to feel anything in a couple of years' time. Jocasta didn't want to think about that. Death was inevitable. Her clock was ticking, and it ticked so much faster than the others'. Gods, she hated this place. She hated the oil lanterns that hung on their chains from the ceiling, the pale greyish-yellow of the colonnades and tiles, the way the heat rolled in from the desert in waves that distorted the air. She could breathe in the dust: that same smell she had known as a child. She did not want to be here. 'Here' was a place that should not have existed and, even if she destroyed it all, she knew that she could not heal the damage that it had done to her and a thousand other people.

Ayla looked lonely and needy, though perhaps it was just the Tethered girl projecting her own weaknesses onto the Torragonese. She was small and sweet, though, and Jocasta made an effort to come up beside her and take her hand. Wordlessly, she flashed a little smile and knitted her fingers into her teammate's. 

Their morning meeting was a mundane enough affair at first, but it shed some light on where the aberration might be. [color=ffdead][i]It's far.[/i][/color] She'd reached out for it and hadn't sensed it. She was sure that the Warden had already had his people reach for it too, but he wasn't about to risk his cash cows out in the desert. Somehow, his call for help had reached the Paradigm, and quickly. The bigger questions, quite frankly, were just what an aberration of that size was doing way out in the desert and how on Sipenta the Warden planned to dispose of it. More likely that he was hoping some animals would take it in and their group would dispose of the animals. [color=ffdead][i]Let [i]them [/i]suffer for human failures.[/i][/color] She gritted her teeth and, it seemed, was gritting them forevermore after that. With each lie and dismissive remark from the Warden, her anger grew, tempered only by the fact that they genuinely did not seem to suspect that Gutierrez was dead, much less that she'd done it. She had only Yalen to worry about, potentially, and if he did know, the fact that he hadn't said anything yet meant that he likely [i]wouldn't[/i] until confronting her. She would tell him the truth, then. She would see how righteous his religion truly was. If he accepted the necessity of what she'd done, then there would be no problem. If he didn't, then she might be able to live with herself should she have to do what she did not want to.

Jocasta did not enjoy breakfast. The very smell of the churros reminded her of her breakfasts with the previous Warden: that sugary sweetness to cover up the rot. On the wall, the stupid clock ticked away and she hated it. The others probed after useless things, but Jocasta was already on thin ice. She was six years older, there were few staff left from back then, and she had changed her hair colour and skin tone. One might mistake her now for for a fair Kerreman, Eskandish, or southern Perrenchwoman as opposed to the swarthy Dorvalish that she was. Still, she did not want to draw any more attention to herself than the great deal already drawn by the mere fact that she was Tethered.

Then, as matters were wrapping up, Ayla asked Marceline for a tour. The girl's eyes darted awkwardly in Jocasta's direction and the older Tethered gave a tiny nod. They'd been planning to meet. If Father truly had an ally here, then perhaps they could move forward. Alas, it was not to be... for now. [color=ffdead][i]A tour...chatting and smiling with the others.[/i][/color] That was something that Jocasta did not want and could not do, but to be on her own in this place...

[hider=The Breakdown]When everyone was finished, she excused herself and the seed of an idea started to take root in her mind. Yet, fertile soil was not in the offing. They went their separate ways and Jocasta found herself alone beneath the colonnade. She rolled up to the balustrade, posting her elbows on the warm stone surface like a reptile trying to absorb its radiated heat. She couldn't look at Activity Day with its careful scheduling and fleeting happiness. It just repeated, again and [i]again[/i] and [b][i]again![/i][/b] Wasted lives! Those poor young human beings: stems without roots, just like her, yanked from their soil and fed endless placebos until they just quietly died here in those little rooms for the zeros, purposeless and forgotten. Her vision blurred and she just... couldn't. Jocasta - or whatever her [i]true [/i]name had once been - could have all of the RAS that she wanted. She could rise up like a righteous angel of death and burn this place to the ground, but what would it do in the grand scheme of things? What would it make her but a murderer? What would it make the Tethered but homeless, crippled orphans with no idea how to use their magic or function in the real world? It wouldn't change that they would all die before they truly got to live. It was something that she could not fight, or at least not with any hope of winning.

She buried her head in her arms and cried bitter tears. She wanted to live: [i]Gods[/i], she wanted to [i]live[/i], to feel the sun's glow on her skin, to laugh, to love, to run through an open field with the wind in her hair and the cool grass beneath her toes, to be young like everyone else - young with a future, like Ayla, like Zarina and Ysilla and Kaspar. Why [i]couldn't[/i] she? In her coming years, there was no tenderly cradling a baby and rocking him to sleep, feeling the kiss of a husband, holding hands by the ocean, growing old in the arms of a loved one, watching her children become people she could be proud of. Instead, she was a heartless murderer who'd given herself to someone else's grand cause so that she didn't have to feel. Feeling hurt. [i]Ipte[/i], it hurt, just like this. Jocasta would be gone in ten years, her body wasting away before then like her soul already was. The only legacy that she would leave would be the impacts of her actions, for even her name would stay unknown. 

She straightened, then, and sniffed, tears staining her cheeks. She sniffed again, feeling disgusting, and took a couple of long, unsteady breaths. [color=ffdead][i]You're fine,[/i][/color] she told herself. [color=ffdead][i]That was indulgent,[/i][/color] she told herself, but she wasn't and [i]it [/i]wasn't. She pulled upon the Gift, tears evaporating from her cheeks, and placed her hands back on the wheels of this damned device her body needed just to move itself around without using magic. Her skin returned to its porcelain perfection, her posture and bearing dignified. Jocasta took a moment to fix her hair. If she could not get anything productive done, then she could resolve these stupid emotional matters here and now and have them out of her way. What she couldn't do, however, was be alone.[/hider]

Pushing off smoothly, she rolled down the colonnade, a gentle breeze whistling past her ears. It was muscle memory: she could navigate this place blindly if she needed to. All of those blissful childhood games of tag amid the plants and pillars, until running became harder, and then even walking and she had to become an observer. Those nights spent wandering the grounds, having slipped out after curfew. The secret training sessions in the outer compound and the way she'd linger before and after. 
She was decaying, but this place was unchanging. 

Jocasta had just made it down the short ramp into the courtyard, when she spotted one of the magpies who laundered the bed sheets. Avoiding a small barrier and some bushes, she made haste across the packed dirt. [color=ffdead][b]"Hola. ¿Hay alguien llamado Amanda aquí?"[/b][/color]*[sup]1[/sup] she asked in her best Torragonese. The caretaker looked at her uncertainly for a moment. [color=ffdead][b]"Amanda,"[/b][/color] the Tethered clarified. [color=ffdead][b]"Ella sería un cero si todavía estuviera aquí."[/b][/color]*[sup]2[/sup]

The woman's eyes narrowed. [b]"¿Tú... no eres un residente aquí?"[/b]*[sup]3[/sup] 

Jocasta's heart skipped a beat. [color=ffdead][b]"No. Sólo estoy de visita"[/b][/color]*[sup]4[/sup]

[b]"Ah, sí, sí. Amanda..."[/b] There was an extended pause as the caretaker considered. [b]"Ella es un poco mayor",[/b] she replied. [b]"No sé si está viva con certeza, pero estaba en... la habitación 304 en el área de Zeroes la última vez que la vi".[/b]*[sup]5[/sup]

[color=ffdead][i]Room 304.[/i][/color] That was one of the ones with a courtyard view. She started to back away. [color=ffdead][b]"Muchas gracias!"[/b][/color] she replied, turning and wheeling off. Why was Jocasta doing this, again? Why was she so bent on ruining everything just for some emotional satisfaction. Yet... it was hardly something she could pass up. Amanda was eleven years her senior. When she'd first arrived, it had been into the older girl's strong, comforting arms. When she'd left, it had been sudden, just as the first serious numbness had started to spread through her mentor's hands and she'd been struggling with the impending end of her active role. 

Jocasta hurried up the ramp and from one covered colonnade to the next, grabbing corner pillars and swinging herself around them to keep up her speed as she turned. A part of her dreaded what she would see. If Amanda still lived, she would be near the end, and the end was not pretty. Still, it had lingered with her how she had just left without saying goodbye. It hadn't been intentional. It hadn't been planned, but the feeling of having betrayed an elder sister was not something that she felt good about. Plus, she needed some wisdom. Amanda had always been wise, or perhaps Jocasta had just been a child. She did not know but chose to believe the former.

Arriving at the Torre de la Soledad, hairs began to prickle down the back or her neck and arms. A tall, squarish citadel made of reddish-yellow sandstone, it seemed more fortress than residence, here in its own corner of the refuge. Meekly, Jocasta rolled up to the gate. It was unlocked during the day, though none but caretakers ever really went in or out. After the first year or so, where people came to visit and talk with them, keeping them apprised of the refuge's daily happenings, the Zeros were inevitably forgotten. 

[hider=Torre de la Soledad]Reaching up, Jocasta pushed the lock and the gate slid open with a groan and a clank. She pushed her way through the land of deep shadows and shade, towards the extra wide lift that yawned like a great fish's mouth. The smell of dirt and pollen gradually gave way to something mustier and... less alive as she rolled inside. Usually, from her experience, the lifts were staffed, but this one was not. The twenty-year-old was not in the mood to work the pulley herself, so she used the Gift instead. The lift shuddered as it rose, thick ropes spooling and unspooling, light from tiny windows illuminating the dimness and the sparkling dust in the air until she reached the third floor. Jocasta reached out and pulled down the lever that anchored the lift to that floor, lest it plummet and take its passengers to their deaths. Easing out into narrow, poorly lit stone hallway, she glanced at the walls for any directional signs. A single caretaker passed by, his bearing indicating that he was not to be bothered, and so she let him pass.

Determinedly, Jocasta set hands to wheels, and made it a few yards in one direction before realizing that she was going the wrong way and turning around. The floors here were older than in the rest of the Refuge: less even and far more worn. She either hadn't noticed on the couple of occasions she'd been here as a child or it just hadn't seemed relevant. Now, however, as she craned her neck to peer up at the passing door numbers, her mind burned with questions. Maybe it [i]had [/i]been a fortress at some point in the distant past. It certainly seemed to be older than anywhere else.

Then, she was there. So much had she been occupied with thought that she'd almost missed it. Jocasta paused and squared herself up in front of the old wooden door. It was the final one before the corner. She was going to simply push it open and roll in, come whatever she would find, but she hesitated. [i][color=ffdead]Amanda.[/color] [/i]It had been six years. She glanced both ways down the hallway and then  gathered her magic. With some concentration and an advanced Chemical spell, her hair and skin darkened to the colours that they had been during her childhood. With a deep breath, Jocasta reached out to knock, but then then the door opened of its own accord.[/hider]

[hider=Amanda]Inside, in a high-backed chair that reclined about thirty degrees, with small wheels and large padded armrests, was a woman. She had Amanda's face, but was otherwise a ghost. Gone were the strong arms and great thick shoulders that had held Jocasta up as a girl so that she could reach oranges for the both of them from Pulpo Viejo.*[sup]6[/sup] Her fingers were curled in, bony and twisted, her biceps and triceps withered as much as her legs had always been. Her chest and trunk, all their vitality gone, were propped up between a pair of padded side-rests, slouched slightly and awkwardly to one side. Yet, this ghost still had Amanda's sparkling eyes and, when she opened her mouth, Amanda's smile and voice. [color=c4df9b][b]"Consuela..."[/b][/color] She blinked in disbelief. [color=c4df9b][b]"Have I just finally lost it or is that actually you?"[/b][/color]

Jocasta managed a smile, closing the door behind herself. [color=ffdead][b]"You were never sane, Amanda. This is just the latest episode."[/b][/color]

The woman who had been older sister, mother, mentor, and friend to her snorted. [b][color=c4df9b]"Still with that devil's tongue of yours, hmm?"[/color][/b] she replied. 

[color=ffdead][b]"That's another thing you imagined, loca,"[/b][/color] the younger woman said flippantly. She pushed herself a few feet closer, stopping and trying to meet Amanda's eyes. It seemed some effort for her to crane her neck forward while her seat leaned back.

[b][color=c4df9b]"Oh, I don't suppose this is all my imagination too?"[/color][/b] the Zero offered, eyes roving pointedly about the room. Besides her chair, there was a bed, a window, and a particularly ancient desk in the old Torraure style. A lantern, currently dark, sat on the last of these, along with some books. There were a handful of drawings and paintings, old and yellowed, stuck to the walls with putty. With a start, Jocasta recognized one as her work from ten years ago. Amanda sighed, eyes fixed on the younger woman in wary, hopeful disbelief. [b][color=c4df9b]"Don't break my heart,"[/color][/b] she practically whispered. [b][color=c4df9b]"Truly, it's you, but how?"[/color][/b] She paused awkwardly for a moment, as if wanting to pair it with a gesture that she could no longer make. [b][color=c4df9b]"They said you ran. They said you were dead!"[/color][/b]

Six years had passed. Amanda had been so much to her back then, but Jocasta was not one to divulge secrets now. [color=ffdead][b]"Reports of my demise were... greatly exaggerated,"[/b][/color] she said with a smirk.

[color=c4df9b][b]"You sneaky little bitch,"[/b][/color] teased Amanda, [b][color=c4df9b]"I wanna know how you did it. Maybe I can join you out there, huh?"[/color][/b] She winked and, to the younger woman's surprise, her chair moved a bit, so that she could glance between Jocasta and the window. She smirked softly. [color=c4df9b][b]"What? Did you forget I had the Gift?"[/b][/color] She rolled her eyes. [b][color=c4df9b]"Gods know I literally would've gone mad without it, these past few years..."[/color][/b][/hider]

[hider=Regrets]They exchanged weak smiles and then a silence built around them: one built on having so much to say that one does not know what should be chosen, one built upon lives not lived, one built upon regret and a desire not to let it take the reins of conversation. [b][color=ffdead]"I'm... sorry, Amanda, for just leaving,"[/color][/b] said the grown woman she had known as a girl named Consuela. [color=ffdead][b]I just -[/b][/color]

[b][color=c4df9b]"Oh shut up, would you?"[/color][/b] Amanda's eyes flicked her way, and then back out the window that she must've spent all day staring out. [color=c4df9b][b]"We all knew what was going on. We all knew how unhappy you were, but we didn't say anything, like cowards, like we had anything to lose."[/b][/color] Her head came round to regard Jocasta. [color=c4df9b][b]"We thought you'd finally fought back and he had beaten you and killed you. Nobody talked about you after that. It was... too painful."[/b][/color] Her eyes welled up and the younger woman set hands to wheels and glided up immediately beside her, casting about for something to wipe them with.

Amanda blinked the tears away [color=c4df9b][b]"Don't worry, Chela, I'm good at making them go away."[/b][/color] Her voice cracked. 

[color=ffdead][b]"I won't judge you for crying them, you know."[/b][/color] Jocasta glanced down at her lap and then her eyes found some cotton swabs on a small tray by the bed. She began to reach for them. [color=c4df9b][b]"Not [i]those[/i], tonta,"[/b][/color] Amanda scolded. [color=c4df9b][b]"I have so few and I don't get more 'til next week."[/b][/color]

Jocasta pulled her hand back and straightened. [color=ffdead][b]"What are they even for?"[/b][/color] she inquired, and the older woman's eyes went off somewhere else. [color=c4df9b][b]"For my ears, for sleep,"[/b][/color] she replied after a moment.[color=c4df9b] [b]"For peace sometimes during the day."[/b][/color]

The visitor snorted. [color=ffdead][b]"Always such a light sleeper,"[/b][/color] she teased, backing up a bit and half-turning to take in the room. [color=ffdead][b]"So, I see you still have-"[/b][/color]

[color=c4df9b][b]"It's for the screams."[/b][/color] Amanda turned to face her, cumbersome and inelegant. Jocasta could feel the energy swirl. [color=c4df9b][b]"Some nights, the others scream. Some [i]days[/i] they do: they scream from the boredom, the loneliness, because they're going crazy."[/b][/color] Her gaze became intense, suddenly, burning into the younger woman. [color=c4df9b][b]"They beg for death, Chela. That's the reality, but nobody here will give it to them because it's a sin to kill, they say. If you go on your own, they'll ease you off into Mommy Eshiran's arms, all tender love and care. Until then... you have to li - [i]exist [/i]like this. Just a couple more years, they say."[/b][/color] She shook her head bitterly, [color=c4df9b][b]"And you'll be free and happy in one of the five heavens, your suffering in life rewarded in the afterlife."[/b][/color]

Jocasta's guts tied themselves into knots at the speech. [color=ffdead][b]"Mandi..."[/b][/color] she squeaked. [color=ffdead][b]"I'm... sorry."[/b][/color]

[color=c4df9b][b]"Don't be, sister."[/b][/color] The woman's eyes followed her. [color=c4df9b][b]"You are... my hero now. I'm... honestly jealous. I wish I'd done it, you know, on one of those stupid missions: taken the risk and just run. Lived however long I was going to but [i]enjoyed [/i]it!"[/b][/color]

Jocasta paused, knitting her hands in her lap and glancing down at them. [color=ffdead][b]"I could still-"[/b][/color] 

[color=c4df9b][b]"Don't be stupid,[/b][/color] snapped Amanda lovingly. [color=c4df9b][b]"I'm finished and I've accepted it. Maybe another year and a bit. I made my bed and I sleep in it. I have my regrets, but they're [i]mine[/i]."[/b][/color]

The younger woman took a couple of breaths and nodded. This conversation had long since slipped out of the realm of pleasantries, as she'd known it would. [color=ffdead][b]"The thing is -"[/b][/color] She gulped. [color=ffdead][b]"I'm [i]not [/i]enjoying it."[/b][/color] She looked up. [color=ffdead][b]"I'm mean and miserable and afraid all the time. I wanna change the world and do great things, but I'm one person! [i]Half [/i]a person!"[/b][/color] She put hands to wheels and began pacing, as had been her habit since childhood. [color=ffdead][b]"And I was fine with it too, until recently."[/b][/color] She paused and looked significantly in Amanda's direction. [color=ffdead][b]"I was working with people who I thought shared my goals. Maybe they do, whatever those are. They got me into Ersand'Enise."[/b][/color]

[color=c4df9b][b]"Chela, that's -"[/b][/color]

[color=ffdead][b]"Amazing, right?"[/b][/color] She nodded as she spoke and began pacing again. [b][color=ffdead]"And it is!"[/color][/b] She pivoted suddenly. [color=ffdead][b]"I'm there around people my age again: bright people, beautiful people, smart and powerful people who are going to own the world someday."[/b][/color] She resumed her pacing. [color=ffdead][b]"But I'm there like this interloper, this imposter: the one who clearly doesn't belong."[/b][/color] She could feel the stupid tears coming again. [color=ffdead][b]"When I'm not busy being a snarky lil' cunt, they even like me, just like I'm one of them, a friend: another young person who has a future."[/b][/color]

[b][color=c4df9b]"But you don't, little Chela."[/color][/b] Amanda shook her head sadly, an enigmatic expression resting on her lips. [b][color=c4df9b]"You will always be a snarky little bitch. It's terminal."[/color][/b]

Jocasta let out a snort of laughter between the tears, and shamelessly sucked up a dribbler that had been threatening to break loose and drip onto her lap. [color=ffdead][b]"Death by snarkiness,"[/b][/color] she sniffed. [color=ffdead][b]"And bitchiness."[/b][/color] It occurred to her how badly she could use a hug, and how very long it had been since she'd really had one.[/hider]

[hider=Judgement][color=c4df9b][b]"You know,"[/b][/color] said Amanda, tilting her head to the side, [b][color=c4df9b]"That reminds me of Esparza."[/color][/b] She pursed her lips for a moment. [color=c4df9b][b]"There was some big excitement last night. When the Magpies came to check on me, they said he'd died of a heart attack."[/b][/color] She paused meaningfully. [b][color=c4df9b]"And then Gutierrez this morning, dead as well."[/color][/b]

A wicked cold pulse shot through Jocasta, and adrenaline replaced prolactin. [color=ffdead][b]"Gutierrez didn't die,"[/b][/color] she countered quickly. [color=ffdead][b]"Much as I wish he had. He just ran: the coward."[/b][/color]

Amanda regarded her evenly, though. [color=c4df9b][b]"You've grown very much, Chela, but your acting is as bad as ever."[/b][/color]

[color=ffdead][b]"You really [i]are [/i]losing it, Mandi,"[/b][/color] she said dismissively, but her heart was hammering.

[color=c4df9b][b]"Am I now?"[/b][/color] The older woman was implacable. She narrowed her eyes. [color=c4df9b][b]"Then why is your heart beating so fast?[/b][/color] She blinked. [color=c4df9b][b]"Why is your brain pumping out adrenaline?"[/b][/color] She rolled forward a bit. [color=c4df9b][b]"Why did I feel strange and very powerful magics from his room last night?"[/b][/color]

Jocasta's body told her to back up. Her mind told her to strike now and kill. After a moment of internal struggle, she disobeyed both. She was silent and waited.

[color=c4df9b][b]"And then Vargas, that bastard, six years ago, leaving and never coming back the day after you were reported dead."[/b][/color] Amanda regarded her evenly. 

[color=ffdead][i]She knows,[/i][/color] Jocasta realized. [color=ffdead][i]She really, truly knows.[/i][/color] Her 'big sister' had finished and now she needed to say something: to respond. She reached out with the Gift and deadened the sound from leaving this room. Amanda smiled coldly and knowingly. [color=ffdead][b]"So what of it?"[/b][/color] Jocasta found herself saying. [b][color=ffdead]"What if I did kill three bad men? One who raped me, one who raped others, and one who tried to stop me from escaping."[/color][/b] She sat tall and proud, jaw fixed. [color=ffdead][b]"I am not ashamed of what I did, nor should I be. Death is a part of life and I have delivered it to those who harm others."[/b][/color]

Amanda sighed. With a small kinetic tug, she turned half away. [color=c4df9b][b]"You're not wrong,"[/b][/color] she sighed, glancing out the window. [color=c4df9b][b]"But you didn't do it for others, little sister."[/b][/color] Her eyes evaluated Jocasta. [color=c4df9b][b]"You did it for you, because you thought it would make you feel better. Did it?"[/b][/color] she asked.

[color=ffdead][b]"Too early to tell,"[/b][/color] the younger woman replied evenly. [color=ffdead][b]"And, whatever you think my motives were, I saved more people from them."[/b][/color]

[color=c4df9b][b]"Mmm."[/b][/color] Amanda nodded. [color=c4df9b][b]"Until they are replaced with others exactly the same."[/b][/color][/hider]

[hider=A Plan][color=ffdead][b]"Then what should I do?"[/b][/color] burst Jocasta. [color=ffdead][b]"I'm one person, with one life, and I have maybe six more years of being useful!"[/b][/color] She put hands to wheels again and pushed frustratedly past Amanda to the window. [color=ffdead][b]"I can give my everything to the group I am part of and hope that they can help people like us, but they have others they're trying to help too, you know."[/b][/color] She half-turned and then gazed out the window. [color=ffdead][b]"Or I can just accept defeat and live this joke of a life and try to be happy until I can't be anymore."[/b][/color]

[color=c4df9b][b]"You are not a god, Conseula."[/b][/color]

[b][color=ffdead]"I [i]should [/i]be."[/color][/b]

Amanda let out a snort. [b][color=c4df9b]"You cannot have everything that you want, and that isn't just you. It's like that for everyone. Sure, people like ourselves: we have it worse in many ways - you'll get no argument from me on that - but everyone struggles with the paths not taken, with the things they want that are beyond them."[/color][/b] She rolled forward until their chairs were touching, and then her hand rose, cradled by kinetic magic. Her fingers opened in that same grasp and ran themselves along the side of Jocasta's face and through her hair. [color=c4df9b][b]"Make your choice, precious sister, and be happy with it. Know that it's yours and that you're doing something with your life, even if it isn't [i]everything[/i]. And... if you find you don't like it? Do something else."[/b][/color]

Jocasta threw her arms around Amanda then, squeezing as had as she dared for fear of breaking the fragile woman. Bony arms wrapped themselves around her in return and she let herself relax into them: safe and loved. [b][color=ffdead]"See, this is why I came all the way from that fancy academy,"[/color][/b] she joked. [b][color=ffdead]"Those mages can have all the degrees and power and RAS levels they want, but none know what to say quite like you."[/color][/b] For a moment, a pit of coldness opened in Jocasta's stomach. [color=ffdead][i]And soon, you'll be gone and there will be nobody,[/i][/color] she thought, but she pushed it away. [color=c4df9b][b]"You will find my price quite reasonable,"[/b][/color] replied Amanda. [color=ffdead][b]"[i]Bruja[/i]!"[/b][/color] wailed Jocasta. [color=c4df9b][b]"An hourly rate of only two neskals,"[/b][/color] laughed the older woman, [color=c4df9b][b]"With the first half hour being half-"[/b][/color]

[b][color=ffdead]"You'd better pray harder, vieja. With fees like that, you're going to hell."[/color][/b]

Amanda giggled, and they pulled back from each other, her hands slipping limply away. [b][color=c4df9b]"That's the plan. I'd miss you too much if I went to a heaven."[/color][/b]

Jocasta laughed. She took a moment to straighten herself out in her wheeled-chair, and swept some hair from her face. Gently, she reached over and did the same for the older Tethered. [color=ffdead][b]"Thank you, sister."[/b][/color] She took a second to clear her throat. [color=ffdead][b]"Thank you for being you and being here for me. You really [i]are [/i]the best."[/b][/color]

[color=c4df9b][b]"I know,"[/b][/color] Amanda chirped, and Jocasta blushed. [color=c4df9b][b]"Now, I can see the way you're keeping your hands light on your wheels. I know that means you're about to go."[/b][/color]

[color=ffdead][b]"Yeah,"[/b][/color] the younger woman admitted. She glanced over her shoulder at the door. [color=ffdead][b]"I have to go kill a Sand Wyrm."[/b][/color] She smirked nervously.

[color=c4df9b][b]"Echerran Mio!"[/b][/color] Amanda exclaimed. [color=c4df9b][b]"A fucking Sand Wyrm?"[/b][/color]

[color=ffdead][b]"Well, not actually,"[/b][/color] Jocasta admitted. [color=ffdead][b]"Not yet."[/b][/color] She shrugged. [color=ffdead][b]"But I think it'll come down to that. They haven't given us any way to absorb this big aberration, so they must be waiting for an animal to do it, and that's the only one big enough."[/b][/color]

Amanda's face looked distressed for a moment, but she furrowed her brow and bit her lower lip in that expression Jocasta knew to mean that she was thinking. That was good, for she was one of the very smartest people that the girl had ever met. Sure enough: [color=c4df9b][b]"I will think on it,[/b][/color] she promised. [color=c4df9b][b]"Be careful out there and come back to see me tonight, when you're back at the Refuge."[/b][/color]

Jocasta was already pushing herself forward, and she paused before the door, half-turning. [color=ffdead][b]"Always, Mandi. Don't worry. I will see you tonight, and I may bring... friends."[/b][/color] With a quick smile, she opened the door and peered out into the hallway. The coast was clear. She gathered her energies as she wheeled out and her skin itched and burned for a moment as she reverted it back to its usual pale colour. Her hair went blonde too. Momentarily, Jocasta twisted around and peeked back in through the crack, grinning impishly. [b][color=ffdead]"You never saw Consuela, okay?"[/color][/b] she prodded, [color=ffdead][b]"it's Jocasta."[/b][/color]

[color=c4df9b][b]"I really [i]am [/i]going crazy,"[/b][/color] replied her big sister.[/hider] 

Then, the door was closed and Jocasta sat in the middle of a hallway. She estimated she had been about an hour in all and had perhaps half that left: just enough time to rush to her room and grab a few things, relieve herself, and take an orange from Pulpo Viejo before meeting with the others. She found her direction and rolled briskly down the hallway. The desert beckoned and, with it, the hope that they could set things right.

[hr][hr]
[hider=Translations]1) "Hello. Is there someone named Amanda here?"

2) "She would be a zero if she was still here."

3) "Are you... not a resident here?"

4) "No. I'm just visiting"

5) "Ah, yes yes. Amanda. She's a bit older. I don't know if she's alive for sure, but she was in...room 304 in the Zeroes area the last time I saw her."

6) Old Octopus[/hider]