[color=silver][indent][indent][center][img]https://i.imgur.com/QYF57M6.png[/img]
[img]https://i.imgur.com/5TVOvgY.png[/img]
[sub]A [@metanoia] & [@LovelyComplex] collaboration
TIMESTAMP || After “Because of You[/sub]
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The sight of his mother isn’t what Danny feared. It was watching her hide all her pain behind her beautiful smile. Unbeknownst to Danilo, in the past week, his mother’s health took a dramatic turn for the worse and she was now in hospice. No one told him, not his dad and not Cat — he had no idea that she was only given two weeks to live. If only his family were better at handling fragile things like this. If only he knew. 

There was a feeling deep inside him, in his gut, that told him to keep visiting her. Everyday. No matter how much it hurts to at least give her a kiss on the forehead. Today he decided it was the day he would show his boyfriend off to the best person in his life. The person who gave him a strong foundation to move forward without fear. The person who taught him how to live and be happy. The person who loved him more than anyone else in this world would. He knew, he just knew no one could replace the love she has for him and his sisters.

This was his chance to show her all the empathy she’s given him, to show her how much he’s grown, both body and soul, and to show her that he found his person. As he deeply stared at the door, beside his boyfriend, showered and dressed for his day, he thought to himself about her destination after this. 

What was heaven? 

To have faith means when you’re in complete darkness, the worst you’ve ever experienced, with no light in sight, you see hope within yourself. You sing. But what was heaven to him? Heaven could mean so many things to different people. Heaven could mean nothing. He could believe that at the end of the day, once you're dead, you’re dead and your body returns to the soil. He could believe there was nothing more to that. He could believe in many things. Yet his belief in what happens after was simple. 

Danny wasn’t one for complexities. In his honest opinion, to him, if you were loved and you weren’t alone, that was heaven. So many people say there’s a heaven after we die, waiting for us. How could God allow such a faithful woman to become this sick? To put her in so much pain? Why did good people have to die? Danny wasn’t one for complexities but if he could come to terms with his own crisis of faith, he’d reckon that the afterlife had nothing glorious beyond the gates. 

No party. No fluffy clouds. No angel wings. 

Life was a wish and he wished that heaven was simple. Heaven was painless. Heaven was like an endless happy dream. Heaven was love. God was love. Heaven was the place that cured people from a worse illness than cancer. Heaven was a place where you never felt lonely. Heaven was home. 

He just wanted to know that everything was going to be okay. That he loved her, he would always love her, and that he was so grateful that she loved her with every fiber of her being. That she saw the universe in him and gave him such a positive outlook in life. She taught him love. She taught him how to live. She taught him faith. 

His chest clenched and Danny heavily heaved in and out. This part was always the worst. Knocking and entering to see if she was still there. To see if she was still fighting, too afraid to leave them behind. Was he being selfish for bringing Marco with him? What if his boyfriend couldn’t handle it? 

His mother had stage 4 lung cancer. She coughed a lot, with blood nowadays, her chest hurt, shortening her breaths, she barely ate, she lost so much weight, she was always tired, she grew dizzy and numb, and there were a couple times Cat had to rush her to the hospital after she had a seizure. 

His mom was beautiful in his eyes. She always would be. That doesn’t change that her skin wasn’t as vibrant as he remembered. Her cancer was spreading to her liver… her skin was turning yellow… Cat told him it was called jaundice. He didn’t understand anything that was happening inside his mother’s frail body but he could see it. He could see the hurt.  His mother was in so much pain. 

Pain in her back and her hip, she got fevers, she got chills, piercing agony coursing through all her bones. She was hurting so fucking much…. seeing his mom wasn’t for the faint of heart. And he was scared. He was scared to show Marco an image of his mother that would stay ingrained in his mind forever. He wanted his boyfriend to remember the Silvia from highschool who went to every game. The woman who embraced him and kissed him tenderly all over his face. The woman that said time and time again: I’m so proud of you. 

That’s the woman Danny wanted Marco to remember. 

Not the one that only had days left. 

[color=005d9e]“You don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to…”[/color] Danny breathed. His feet were grounded on the floor, unable to move forward. He was scared.

Marco couldn’t even begin to understand what Danny must be going through, at least not in the literal sense. He could only understand that it was incredibly painful and difficult for his boyfriend. He knew that if anything were to ever happen to his own mother, he wouldn’t be able to handle it. There’s something uniquely special about the bond that mother and son share. Words never do it justice. So that’s how he knew he couldn’t, nor would he, leave Danny’s side, especially not when his boyfriend needed him more than ever.

Marco quickly shook his head, running his supportive hand along Danny’s back and that same hand came to hold Danny’s. [color=b8860b]“I’m not going anywhere.”[/color] 

Subtly, Danny’s teeth trembled. Right. That decided it then. Gently, Danny knocked on the door with his knuckles before grabbing the doorknob and twisting it. When the door opened, the hospital bed was revealed. The one that replaced the master bed which was now in storage. Silvia was skin and bones, and pale, very pale, like a ghost. She was on oxygen and she stared at the ceiling, unable to make an expression. It looked like his dad had recently changed her piss pad so that was good. That part was always hard for him because he hated manhandling her as his sisters told him what to do, when to do it.

The tumor grew and spread quickly, consuming the organs that helped her live. For those who weren’t used to this sight, it was hard to swallow. Noticing the blood trailing from her lips, likely from her coughing, Danny left Marco’s side, grabbed a hand cloth and wiped her mouth like she was a baby. [color=005d9e]“Hey mom, good morning,”[/color] Danny calmly greeted and proceeded to compliment, [color=005d9e]“You look beautiful. Tiff did a wonderful job with your makeup. You’re wearing your favorite color… you look just like the ocean mom. Pretty blues. Pretty woman.” [/color]

There were small mumbles of acknowledgement from Silvia but nothing more and nothing less. [color=005d9e]“I, um, I brought someone… This person means the world to me and I wanted you to see him and know… I’m okay. I have someone to take care of me and me, [i]him[/i].”[/color]

First, Danny grabbed his mother’s hand. She tried to tighten her grip, tried to squeeze him, but barely had the strength to do so. He knew she was listening. He just knew, even if she couldn’t show it. With his other hand, he reached for his lover to grab, [color=005d9e]“Mom… you’ve met him before… but I wanted to introduce him as… ehem, well, my boyfriend. This is Marco. Marlena’s eldest boy. You know the one that helped you make gelato from scratch a few years back? Yeah, him. He is…”[/color] Danny paused trying to gather the right words. Instead he shook his head and looked at his boyfriend while talking to Silvia, [color=005d9e]“I love him, mama. I really love him.”[/color]  

Marco couldn’t remember how long it had been since he saw Mrs. Belmonte. It had been a [i]while[/i]. At least three years, give or take. Not since he was with Danny (albeit in secret) last. Back then, she was so full of life. Marco didn’t spend [i]a lot[/i] of time, but the times she was, he remembered that much about her. Now, as he stood in her bedroom, watching Danny talk to her, she looked like a literal ghost, yet somewhere in there, as Marco tried to not let his surprise show too much, he could still see it: that life. Not so much in her face or the way her skin looked, but he could at least see part of it in her eyes.

That eased Marco and as soon as his boyfriend reached for his hand, Marco received it in full, squeezing Danny’s hand and smiled at him. His heart was beating in a different, fast pace than it normally did whenever Danny looked at him like that. He squeezed his boyfriend’s hand when he seemed to struggle for his words. [color=b8860b]“You have an amazing son, Mrs. Belmonte,”[/color] Marco said. His own mother wouldn’t forgive him nor could he bring himself to say her name. He was too respectful. [color=b8860b]“He makes me so happy. You know he has been helping me with my diet? We run every morning. I couldn’t do it without him.”[/color] Marco maintained eye contact with Danny, widening his smile some more as his eyes became much more watery than before. [color=b8860b]“I love him so much and I will continue to do so for as long as I am able to.”[/color]

His mother’s hand twitched in his hand and in silence, Danny looked at her face, noticing a tear trailing down her cheek. Subsequently, the Italian boy lifted his boyfriend’s hand and kissed it before gesturing with his eyes for Marco to kindly retrieve the bible off her dresser by the french door window. After releasing his lover’s hand, Danny leaned forward cautiously and gently adjusted her pillow. When he was close to her face, he whispered into her ear, [color=005d9e]“God’s got you.”[/color] 

He wondered how long this would last. How long would his mom suffer? Seeing her like this broke his heart. Danny wanted her to see that he, his sisters, and his dad would be okay. They might be a little messy. Tragically disastrous some days. They were the Belmontes after all and everything they did was dramatic as hell, but they were going to be okay. She raised them right and gave them strong faith and an eternal love like no other. Not just the religious faith and the love from God. 

No. 

Silvia knew not all her children would continue the pursuit of Catholicism. She taught them to trust the process. She showed them a love that could not be matched by anyone else. A mother’s love. Faith was unseen but felt, it was strength when we felt like there was none, it was hope when all was lost. Her love had no law, no pity. It endures through all, even times like these where God’s presence seemed missing. Her love was completely pure and to him, she was his world. She was everything.  

The past month Danny gained the courage to talk to her about all his ongoing issues like the pressure he felt with his father. He was reaching a point of acceptance. Deep down, he knew she didn’t have much longer but she was a fighter, fighting to stay with them. Just a little bit longer. 

Kissing her forehead once more, Danny repeated, [color=005d9e]“God’s got you, mama.”[/color]   

As Marco went over to the dresser, in his mind he knew he had to grab the bible, but he found himself being distracted by some of the things on the dresser. Little things like what looked like jewelry and pictures. He slightly smiled, seeing the bible at the center of everything. Seeing it, it was like any normal black bible, but then he noticed something about it that piqued his interest. There were all sorts of tags along the edge of the pages. It wasn’t just condensed on one part of it, either. As Marco held the good book with the spine down, he realized the tags were spread throughout the entirety. It reminded him of his great aunt Maeve, the one that lived in Ireland and whom Marco came to grow fond of when his family lived there for a time. She had one just like this with just as many tags. No surprise there considering just like his Great Aunt, Mrs. Belmonte was just as religious (or at least he assumed given the amount of tags).

Snapping out of that momentary flashback, Marco made his way back to the bedside, handing Danny the bible, making sure to treat it with care. [color=b8860b]“And here it is, babe!”[/color]

Grabbing the bible, Danny sat beside her on the edge of the bed and turned the pages, trying to find a reading. There were many he could choose but he didn’t want to choose something depressing. He wanted to comfort her soul. A knock on the door brought his gaze from the bible to the door, he replied loud enough for the other person to hear but quiet enough to not stir his mother, [color=005d9e]“I’m in here, but you can join me.”[/color] 

The door creaked open to reveal Mirabella and her two guy best friends, Carter Jenkins and Asher Mitchell. Asher held a carbon fiber black cello while Carter held an acoustic white guitar. In Mira’s hand she held a cylinder sand shaker. She didn’t want her violin to take away from her vocals. Carter was actually a drummer for the marching band, but he could do slow songs on the guitar. Plus, you can use a guitar as a drum too. Asher was in the local orchestra. And all three of them were in the Lucky Charm A Capella troupe. They were juniors. [color=29c2aa]“We can come back… I promised mom I’d sing her a song.”[/color]

[color=005d9e]“No, you guys can set up. There’s more room over there. By the closet.”[/color] Danny directed her best friends to the open space in the master bedroom. A little reading area for his mother when she saw better days. [color=005d9e]“I haven’t heard you sing since the vigil… I’d like to listen if you don’t mind, Millie,”[/color] The older sibling gave her reserved sister a soft smile before going back to the bible.

Marco had a short flashback to the vigil as soon as Danny mentioned it. He wasn’t able to attend it because, well, he had just been shot and was recovering from the emergency surgery on his ACL. But he watched it via Kylee’s Livestream. It was at the center of town. It was at night time but all of the candles spread throughout gave enough light to show the pictures of the victims and of those who were shot. Marco remembered Mirabella sang beautifully. She always had an angelic voice. [color=b8860b]“I’d like to listen too, if that’s okay!”[/color]

[color=29c2aa]“Yeah, sure,”[/color] Mira looked between Marco and Danny, tilting her head at the sight. She wasn’t a brain surgeon but it seemed to her they were back together. Danny never told her. Not after that barbecue they disappeared that one time, not during junior year, and certainly not now, but she wasn’t dumb. She knew gay when she saw it. She was gay. Of course her brother was gay or bi, or whatever. He just gave off a vibe. [color=29c2aa]“Matthew chapter 11, verses 28 to 30. That’s a good one,”[/color] The youngest Belmonte child advised before following her friends into the bedroom, closing the door behind her. 

Nodding, Danny flipped through the bible until he found the spot, [color=005d9e]“Thanks, sis,”[/color] Shifting his body to face Silvia in the bed, Danny read with a firm tone, enunciating each pause, each word, and each break. His voice reverberated throughout the room of six people, including him. Once Asher sat on Silvia’s luxury tan accent sofa, with his cello between his knees and the upper bout against his upper chest, and Carter beside him with his guitar strapped on him, the two boys looked down in respect as Mira’s older brother did his reading.

[color=005d9e]“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”[/color] Danny paused, hearing his voice choke up. This never got easier. No matter how many times he tried to be strong.  Still, he needed to do this reading and not stutter. Not stumble. He needed to make his mother proud. Sunday school didn’t go to waste. He could understand the Lord’s word. Inhaling, exhaling, Danny glanced up from the bible to his mother’s face, and continued, [color=005d9e]“Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”[/color]  

Marco watched (and listened) proudly as Danny recited the verse with an equal clarity and emotion. He could see that his boyfriend struggled midway. He had no doubt that it must’ve been difficult for him and if it wasn’t for the fact that Mira and her friends were in the room, he would’ve comforted him but he just had to stand there and be the safety net that wouldn’t let him hit the ground. 

[color=b8860b]“That was beautifully recited, Danny!”[/color] Marco stepped closer to his Italian boyfriend, giving him a loving glance. 

[color=005d9e]“Thanks, yeah,”[/color] A little embarrassed, Danny stood up and closed the bible, [color=005d9e]“That was me… I’ll just, you can have the floor, Mils,”[/color] If it wasn’t for the two other boys, Danny would’ve kissed his mom again and told her he loved her. Instead, he walked to the dresser and placed her bible back, exactly how it was. He didn’t want to feel ashamed to be with Marco and to show him off, but he wasn’t ready to shout out to kids he didn’t know that this was the love of his life. Was that wrong? He should’ve gotten over this. 

Quick to catch her brother coiling in his panic of showing emotional vulnerability, Mira with her monotone voice (think Aubrey Plaza), she shooed Danny’s boyfriend away from the hospital bed. Inches away from Marco, she smirked and muttered, [color=29c2aa]“Give him time. He’s making a lot of strides. I imagine that’s thanks to you.”[/color]

Marco's smile widened by a small dose at Mira's words. Was it true? Did he really have anything to do with what Mira perceived as Danny making strides? He wasn't certain if he should be given sole credit for that one. He didn't bother asking how Mira knew. It wasn't the place, but it was obvious she did know. [color=b8860b]"Whether it was a lot or a little, all I've tried to do is be there for him,"[/color] he admitted, looking from Mira to his boyfriend with a loving gaze. [color=b8860b]"He deserves any and all happiness in life and I just want to make sure he gets that and then some."[/color]

[color=29c2aa]“You do too,”[/color] Mira said matter-of-factly. [color=29c2aa]“Don’t lose yourself in him. You both need each other,”[/color] Half smiling at her brother’s lover, Mira went to her mother and delicately brushed Silvia’s hair to the side, [color=29c2aa]“Just like I promised. Elisa’s wedding song, from the movie you really liked,”[/color] Her mom watched [i]A Walk to Remember[/i] more times than Mira could count, which is why she knew Only Hope was the best song to perform for her. 

Without a cue, Carter started strumming the guitar, gradually bringing in the cadence, which directed Asher to start with his cello. Sitting by her mother, Mirabella swayed to the string instruments, gracefully bobbing her head to the music. A love song, a good one at that, to make her mom think about their father. And God. Whatever she felt she needed more right now. 

It felt right. 

[color=29c2aa]“There’s a song that’s inside of my soul,”[/color] She looked at her mother and then met her brother’s gaze, [color=29c2aa]“It’s the one that I’ve tried to write over and over again.”[/color] She closed her eyes, letting the music take over the room, [color=29c2aa]“I’m awake in the infinite cold, but You sing to me over and over again.”[/color] 

The boys joined in on the chorus as they played their instruments, [color=#29C2AA]“[/color][color=#2BC0A8]S[/color][color=#2DBFA6]o[/color] [color=#32BCA2]I[/color] [color=#36B99E]l[/color][color=#38B79C]a[/color][color=#3BB69A]y[/color] [color=#3FB396]m[/color][color=#42B194]y[/color] [color=#46AE90]h[/color][color=#48AD8F]e[/color][color=#4BAB8D]a[/color][color=#4DAA8B]d[/color] [color=#52A787]b[/color][color=#54A585]a[/color][color=#56A483]c[/color][color=#58A281]k[/color] [color=#5D9F7D]d[/color][color=#5F9E7B]o[/color][color=#629C79]w[/color][color=#649B77]n[/color][color=#669976],[/color] [color=#6B9672]a[/color][color=#6D9570]n[/color][color=#6F936E]d[/color] [color=#74906A]I[/color] [color=#788D66]l[/color][color=#7B8C64]i[/color][color=#7D8A62]f[/color][color=#7F8960]t[/color] [color=#84865C]m[/color][color=#86845B]y[/color] [color=#8B8157]h[/color][color=#8D8055]a[/color][color=#8F7E53]n[/color][color=#927D51]d[/color][color=#947B4F]s[/color][color=#967A4D],[/color] [color=#9B7749]a[/color][color=#9D7547]n[/color][color=#9F7445]d[/color] [color=#A47142]p[/color][color=#A66F40]r[/color][color=#A86E3E]a[/color][color=#AB6C3C]y[/color] [color=#AF6938]t[/color][color=#B26836]o[/color] [color=#B66532]b[/color][color=#B86330]e[/color] [color=#BD602C]o[/color][color=#BF5F2A]n[/color][color=#C15D28]l[/color][color=#C25F29]y[/color] [color=#C3622B]Y[/color][color=#C3642B]o[/color][color=#C3652C]u[/color][color=#C4672D]r[/color][color=#C4692E]s[/color][color=#C56A2E].[/color] [color=#C56D30]I[/color] [color=#C67131]p[/color][color=#C77232]r[/color][color=#C77433]a[/color][color=#C77534]y[/color] [color=#C87935]t[/color][color=#C87A36]o[/color] [color=#C97D37]b[/color][color=#CA7F38]e[/color] [color=#CA823A]o[/color][color=#CB843A]n[/color][color=#CB853B]l[/color][color=#CC873C]y[/color] [color=#CC8A3D]Y[/color][color=#CD8C3E]o[/color][color=#CD8D3F]u[/color][color=#CE8F40]r[/color][color=#CE9140]s[/color][color=#CE9241].[/color] [color=#CF9543]I[/color] [color=#D09944]k[/color][color=#D09A45]n[/color][color=#D19C46]o[/color][color=#D19D46]w[/color] [color=#D2A148]n[/color][color=#D2A249]o[/color][color=#D3A449]w[/color] [color=#D3A74B]Y[/color][color=#D4A94C]o[/color][color=#D4AA4C]u[/color][color=#D5AC4D]’[/color][color=#D5AD4E]r[/color][color=#D5AF4F]e[/color] [color=#D6B250]m[/color][color=#D6B451]y[/color] [color=#D7B752]o[/color][color=#D8B953]n[/color][color=#D8BA54]l[/color][color=#D8BC55]y[/color] [color=#D9BF56]h[/color][color=#DAC157]o[/color][color=#DAC258]p[/color][color=#DAC458]e[/color][color=#DBC559].[/color][color=#DBC75A]”[/color]

Shaking the sand cylinder, Mira looked at Asher, who calmly took over the next verse, [color=c25e29]“Sing to me all the songs of the stars, of Your galaxy dancing and laughing, and laughing again. When it feels like my dreams are so far, sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again.” [/color]

The chorus came and went and it was Carter’s turn with the bridge, [color=dcc95b]“I give You my apathy. I’m giving You all of me. I want Your symphony. Singing in all that I am at the top of my lungs I’m giving it back.” [/color]

And for the last chorus, Danny joined in, [color=005d9e]“And I lay my head back down and I lift my hands and pray to be only Yours. I pray to be only Yours. I pray to be only Yours. I know now You’re my only hope.”[/color] All but Danny sang as if they were in an empty room. They were pros at performing. Their souls became tangible through their song, while Danny did it more as a form of healing. He wasn’t virtuous like Mirabella but he wasn’t all that bad of a singer either. He had a good voice; needed a bit of tuning but the potential was there. He sang at this moment for catharsis and also to make his mother happy. She loved it when she joined in at church. 

Singing gave words to the emotions they couldn’t express. He knew exactly why Mira loved it so much. She could communicate how she felt through her voice and today, he would share this with her. They both hurt. They both were watching their mother die. They both needed support.  Neither pain mattered more. If anything, this song showed even within all the chaos, the Belmonte family had a strong love. 

Thanks to Silvia. 

They were strong. [/indent][/indent][/color]