[color=lightgray][right][sup]Timestamp: Same time as Paint the Silence > Shields & Chains
FT: [color=28e0af]Gavriel Phillips-Shomer[/color] & [color=19C8AC]Niles Sinclair[/color][/sup][/right]
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[indent][indent]Rye had woken up on the wrong side of the bed earlier in the morning, reaching out to JP like clockwork the way he always did when they slept in the same bed. Unlike their usual routine, the spot beside him was already made and had gone cold long before Rye came back to the waking world. Once more, the anxious man was left feeling off balance and like he was missing cues that the rest of the world could follow with ease. The coming turn of the weather had his shoulder aching something fierce, and waking without his lover at his side was another nail in his mood’s coffin. The final nail was the long list of notifications on his phone alerting him to the events that transpired while he had slept soundly against JP’s chest.

[quote][color=45ddfb]From Handsome Ransom:
Bro
Y do none of u Doctors’ kids care abt blood
R yall ok???
Oh
And I’m gonna have to tell Creed n Jokes so I’m telling u for ur half
Puff went to see Niles I guess?
We met his sisters n Autumn says things must not have gone right
She also said ur his only friend rn
Which is fuckin sad but whatevs
I know we don’t talk much anymore but I thought u needed to know[/color][/quote]

[quote][color=d3baff]From Oh You Got Jokes Huh?:
Hey, any chance you can keep an eye out for Puff when you hang with Sinclair? We haven’t  heard from her too much and Ran just told me she saw him recently.
Hope ur doin good[/color][/quote]
Rye sighed and scrolled to the next batch of messages, seeing it was from Niles’ younger sister Carrie and wondering if he would get more information.

[quote][color=9dc18a]From Care Bear: 
ur friends
Ransom n the 2 bros. 
Rlly only talked 2 Ransom since the 2 got issues 
tho, tnt did save me i’ll give him dat
and tov is a drunk, bet he’s a fun time
anyways, none of dat matters
c niles please, he up 2 some shit
It’s Autie btw *kissy face*[/color][/quote]
What followed was a wall of text explaining Autumn’s part in getting Natalia into the Sinclair house and everything wrong with the relationship between her older brother and one Cece Cleary. Every sentence had him wanting to sink further into JP’s pillow, but his duty as a friend had him standing up and opening the door to the hall. His family’s noise downstairs helped him feel a little more centered as he shuffled to his own room to grab a change of clothes before claiming the shower.  Once out, he took his sour mood and left the house with a kiss on the cheek to his mothers and less pep in his step than usual. One of his mothers, Robyn, tried to stop him after the goodbye kiss to inform him of a change to come but as she called out for him, the door shut, separating parent from child. 

[quote][i]Gameplan:
See JP at MSM
See Niles
Chew Niles Out[/i][/quote]
Unfortunately for his mental list, MSM was busier than expected, and with his current train of thought Rye didn't have time to wait around for the line to die down to talk to JP about his leaving this morning. Heart heavy and cheeks feeling hot with toxic emotion, he left the store and headed over to Scott Street without even being noticed amidst the crowd by his lover. 

[quote][i]Gameplan:
[s]See JP at MSM[/s]
See Niles
Chew Niles out[/i][/quote]
Arriving at the Sinclair house twenty minutes later, Rye turned the volume in his earbuds down to a background level and knocked quickly on the door to the large house, face devoid of emotion as he stared at the pristine white wood that separated him from his wayward friend.

Niles wouldn’t answer the door. Having gotten home not too long ago, like an hour or so from Boston, he was decompressing in the attic. In his right hand he twirled a drumstick and waited for [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92BlwJ0BllE]Good Times Bad Times[/url] by Led Zeppelin to blast in his headset. Unbeknownst to him, his best friend had just arrived at his front door. The attic window was open because yes a storm was coming but it was humid as hell. 

He lifted his foot off the hi-hat, opening and closing it, opening and closing it, and in a matter of seconds he was in rhythm to the song. The drum was the heart-energy of a song and it was the one thing that brought comfort to the doctor’s son. The musical vibrations taught his brain how to flow and be peaceful. He had a raging mind and it seemed as of late he needed his drums more than usual. 

For the night, he was able to not think about his women problems but now that he was home he needed to keep himself busy. It wasn’t like anyone was home. It was just him and his solitude. As the music filled the air without effort, his mind jumped between Natalia and Caitlin. 

Man, he sucked. 

His mother would hate seeing the man he was becoming but he couldn’t help himself. There was something about getting a rise from girls, especially girls that were into him. He liked pushing their buttons and seeing what they would do next. Caitlin was turning out to be kind of a bore. Such a good girl, still in love with her ex. Both the living and dead one. He knew she lost someone, she called the person a friend, but the way her eyes lit up he knew there was something more. He just didn’t have a face or name. Natalia, though? She still thought about him. After all these years… and that made him smile. He still got it. The best she ever had.  

[quote][color=9dc18a]From Care Bear: 
oh, use spare key
we not home
dolly’s was callin’ us[/color][/quote]
Rye sighed at the new texts and kicked the doormat over a couple inches to reveal the Sinclair’s spare key. Once he fully took his headphones out, he realized Niles must have been on his drums in the attic and wouldn’t have heard his knocking anyways. Content with his friend’s beat filling in for his own music, the younger man climbed the stairs to the attic and stopped in the doorway to let the other finish out his song, arms crossed and leaning lightly against the doorframe as the vibrations tingled along his skin. He took the moment of obliviousness his friend was in to examine him closely. 

The burn scar all along his left shoulder and back had healed rather well, all things considered. The damn thing reminds him of hospital nights in stiff chairs waiting for his friend to heal from an injury Rye could never have saved him from in the first place. The curly haired man was well aware that many of his insecurities come from failing friends, but being aware of a complex and falling victim to it were two very different things. He’s gotten past the fact that he wasn’t there for Niles that night until the other boy was already hospitalized, and he knew the other man held no grudge against Rye as they had spoken earnestly during those hospital nights. Likewise, Rye knew that there were scars beneath Niles’ shorts that he couldn’t have helped avoid either. Or the metal plate in his skull. Or all the damn broken bones. The past was the past and each time Niles got a new scar all Rye could do was promise to be there for him in his hospital room and to be better. For next time.

For [i]every[/i] next time.

He could handle more hospital stays if it meant not forever losing another person he cared about.

As his friend finished the song, Rye clapped steadily to gather his attention, keeping his eyes on the other man’s face and lips before he held up Niles’ discarded shirt in case the man wanted to cover up. 

[color=28e0af]“Good Times Bad Times?”[/color] He guessed, not crossing the threshold into Niles’ space until the man acknowledged him.

[quote][i]Gameplan:
[s]See JP at MSM[/s]
[s]See Niles[/s]
Chew Niles Out[/i][/quote]
[color=19C8AC]“Yeah,”[/color] Not even surprised at this point, everyone seemed to be using the spare key nowadays, Niles grabbed his shirt and threw it on, leaving his drumsticks on his drum set. [color=19C8AC]“It’s been a minute, Rye.”[/color] The doctor’s son stood up and closed the distance between him and his friend, opening his arms, [color=19C8AC]“Mind a sweaty hug? If not, I’m all yours.”[/color]

[quote][i]Gameplan:
[s]See JP at MSM[/s]
[s]See Niles[/s]
[b]Hug Niles[/b]
Chew Niles Out[/i][/quote]
Damn him, offering hugs right off the bat. Priorities straightened out, Rye threw himself around the taller man and squeezed him so tight his shoulder strained and forced out a quiet whine of pain. Most of it from the physical pain, some of it the pain of being separated from one he loved for so long. Text really could never be enough for someone as tactile as him. When Niles whispered a soft, [color=19C8AC]“Missed you, buddy,”[/color] against the top of his head, hot tears sprung to his eyes which he quickly and pettily rubbed off against his friend’s sweaty chest. Pulling back, he smiled brightly at Niles before replying.

[color=28e0af]“You could’ve answered a few more texts if you missed me so much,”[/color] He replied, just enough scolding in his tone to keep it playful. For now. [color=28e0af]“I’m sorry I’ve been so busy since returning.”[/color]

[color=19C8AC]“Ey, you got a life,”[/color] Niles shrugged, stepping back and giving his friend space. [color=19C8AC]“I’m a shitty friend, I know. I’ve never been good at texting.”[/color] Stepping back a bit more and dropping down, Niles found himself slouched on the futon, arms wide, and gestured with his eyes for Rye to sit next to him. [color=19C8AC]“This was an unexpected visit. I’m going to assume you’re mad at me about something so what’s up?”[/color]

[quote][i]Gameplan:
[s]See JP at MSM[/s]
[s]See Niles[/s]
[b]Hug Niles[/b]
[b]Cuddle With Niles[/b]
[b]Talk To Niles[/b]
[s]Chew Niles Out[/s][/i][/quote]
[color=28e0af]“Well you’re not wrong,”[/color] Rye scoffed wetly, following his friend and turning around to flop onto the futon with his back against Niles’ arm and shoulder, tilting his head back onto his shoulder to stare up at the slowly rotating ceiling fan. [color=28e0af]“I’ve seen your pictures of you and Caitlin Cleary on JP’s Insta,”[/color] Rye, unlike most of his Northside peers, didn’t use any social media aside from what he glanced over his step brother’s shoulder on slow and lazy nights. That and the rare occasions where JP genuinely believes Rye needs to hear certain gossip. [color=28e0af]“And I’ve got to say that she’s a surprise. Seems your sisters agree enough to call me in as reinforcement. I was content to let you realize you were being a creep liking all of Natalia’s posts, but then she deactivated. I was going to wait for you to text me about your girlfriend, but then that got fast tracked by your sisters.”[/color] Rye sighed and closed his eyes, laying out his facts with nothing but a level tone and honest air. [color=28e0af]“What’s going on in your mind right now, man?”[/color]

[color=19C8AC]“What do you mean?”[/color] Pulling his arm from under Rye bringing it to his lap, Niles fixed his gaze on the boy beside him with narrowed eyes. [color=19C8AC]“Is it the fact that I got a cute little redhead as a girlfriend that weirds you out or that I started trolling Natalia after she broke into my room, went on my bed, and yelled at me for trying to get myself out there? It’s funny really.”[/color] The annoyance washed over Niles’ face. Once again, he was getting confronted about stupid shit when he just wanted to relax. 

He crossed his arms, in defensive mode now. [color=19C8AC]“You come in and instead of being like hey, Niles, how’s school been treating you? Hey, Niles, you look fuckin’ good. I see you’ve been to the gym. Nah, I don’t get that. It’s hey, Niles, why the fuck are you dating this girl and talking to Natalia? I don’t see where I’m in the wrong when Caitlin and I have gotten close the past year. She understands how it feels to lose someone close and Natalia’s butthurt I went public.”[/color]

[i]She understands how it feels to lose someone close[/i] Intended as a barb or not, Rye found himself narrowing his eyes at the comment. That’s a stupid reasoning in his mind, as damn near every person in Edenridge has lost someone close to them, including Rye and over half of their year. And his wording, the defensive goading… Rye mentally sighed and thought, [i]I hate when he gets like this.[/i]

He tried to center himself, making sure there was no snap in his tone when he said, [color=28e0af]“Look, I texted you all those questions, I complimented your rockin’ physique in our last video call. I’m not going to play this game where you talk like just enough of a dick to rile someone up and then thrive on the aftermath. I love you and I’m trying to check up on your mental health and status. That includes your other relationships just like it always fucking has,”[/color] the smaller man turned to meet Niles’ eyes. [color=28e0af]“When people text me because they’re worried about you, that means it’s time to really worry, or at least clear out the dirt surrounding whatever gem you’ve actually found. You know I’m not here trying to break you down, so don’t throw your walls up against me.”[/color]

Sighing deeply, Niles’ deadpan expression never turned away from Rye. In the past six hours he was doing fine mentally but now that someone was bringing it up, he was getting frustrated. He didn’t want his first hang with his best friend to be about his mental health. Unlatching his crossed arms, he pressed his fingers against his temples before answering, [color=19C8AC]“What do you want me to say, dude? Thanks to this you’ve confirmed my theory that Autumn was the one to tell Natalia where to find me. Thanks to this I know none of my sisters and best friend care that I’ve finally gained the courage to ask someone out instead of fuck them and move on. I get it, she’s not Natalia. You’ve never liked Natalia anyways. But really, I’m just trying to live in the moment for once and Caitlin helps with that.”[/color] At this point, Niles was picking at his fingernail skin, no longer looking at Rye. Fidgeting and trying to contain himself from saying or doing something stupid. 
 
Rye watched Niles fidget and gently covered his hands with his own, allowing Niles to grab them to fiddle with so that he would stop picking at his skin, a technique the larger man had often used on Rye himself. He wouldn’t deny feeling a pang in his heart at hearing Niles say he thought Rye didn’t care, but he was well aware he’s been caught up in his anxieties and the Belmontes and JP. He’d been neglecting checking up on his more mentally vulnerable friend and that was something he would have to swallow and work through. Today was the start of that. But the other thing…

[color=28e0af]“I never hated Natalia, she hated me,”[/color] Rye corrected, not even upset over the admittance. The twin of his best friend has never quite warmed to Rye’s attitude, which Jokes had personally found odd given he and Rye share a large repertoire of puns and one-liners and the Serpent was most certainly [i]well liked[/i] by the woman. [color=28e0af]“I was looking out for you both when I gave you an outside perspective on your relationship. But something I really remember from all of that? She [i]really[/i] didn’t like Caitlin Cleary,”[/color] Rye tapped his friend on his palms to drive the point. [color=28e0af]“I’m not saying that you don’t get to be happy, and I’m not saying you don’t get to live in the moment. But do you feel like you can trust her, are you comfortable enough to be the real you with her? Are you [i]really[/i] happy right now? GTBT Isn’t usually one of your ‘Chill Vibes’ songs.”[/color]

Niles would always know, no matter his mood, that Gavriel Shomer’s words alway come from a place of deep feeling. This is the man that would do both of their homework assignments together with the shitty little hospital lamp, showing Niles that even when he was lost at sea there was still someone there willing to be his lighthouse. Their friendship had never been anything sexual, or even complicated; they are brutally honest with each other but they can also spend an entire day together and barely speak at all. Most people’s social batteries drain, but Gavriel and Niles could always gravitate towards each other and recharge in each other’s comfortable presensces.

Easing up a bit, turning his hands over to tightly hold the other boy’s smaller hands, Niles stayed silent. Bouncing his right leg up and down, he took the next couple of seconds to think about what he would say. And there, finally, Rye broke through to him. Past the barrier and straight to the Niles he knew and loved. [color=19C8AC]“When am I ever happy?”[/color]

His dark gaze focused on the snare drum as his leg continued to bob with his erratic thoughts. [color=19C8AC]“She cut me out, like I meant nothing. Like what we’ve been through meant nothing. All I did was stop the sex. I couldn’t do it anymore.”[/color] Letting go of Rye’s hands, Niles gritted his teeth, [color=19C8AC]“You saw me. I was dragging her down. The moment we weren’t a thing? She becomes popular and senior year, crowned queen-fucking-bee.”[/color]

Leaning back on the couch once more, he closed his eyes, admitting his ill intentions, [color=19C8AC]“At first, Caitlin wasn’t meant to be a good thing. It was something I knew Natalia would notice, and look at that?”[/color] He opened his eyes, his attention going straight to the ceiling fan. [color=19C8AC]“She came straight to me.”[/color] He shook his head, in disbelief. Their last interaction being a lucid dream in his mind. 

[color=19C8AC]“But I started to care…”[/color] He acknowledged. [color=19C8AC]“Cailtin is so fucking sweet, it’s sickening. I do not deserve her. But she gave me the time of day. She saw me. And her pain, I get it everyone has lost someone but what I saw? She didn’t hide it. She didn’t pretend. She loved someone so deeply and it shines through her very being.”[/color] Turning his head to Rye, he gave a half smile, [color=19C8AC]“I guess I fell for the fantasy of her and her grief. How well she handles it. How she can still focus on others more than herself. How unbothered she seems. But then on our first date, Mikhail fucking ruined it. Like he did with sleeping with Natalia.”[/color]

Huffing out another sigh, blowing his curls up, Niles grumbled, [color=19C8AC]“Serves me right, I guess? For not being honest.”[/color]

[color=28e0af]“It wasn’t a matter of holding her back, and you sure as hell aren’t [i]nothing[/i], Niles,”[/color] Gavriel insisted strongly, dropping his now free hand to Niles’ knee to steady its rapid pace. [color=28e0af]“But if you started any part of your relationship with Caitlin under false pretenses then nothing will ever feel real. I don’t know what Mika was doing busting into your date with Caitlin, but maybe see the red flags for what they are and end this gently. You can love the idea of a person, but if you start dating them then you’ll resent all the pieces of them that aren’t how you thought they’d be and that’s not fair to either of you.”[/color] He took a deep breath and made sure his friend was looking at him before he continued. He wanted him to see the sincerity and love when he said his next piece. They’d talked about his dating life and overall relationships before, so it wasn’t a line that hasn’t been trodden all over before.

[color=28e0af]“Dude, you know I love you and you know I hate seeing you upset, but you're still in the process of healing. You can't keep tearing the scabs without consequences. Think about what you're doing for a damn moment from the perspective of anyone else. Her being the first girl you go public with? You're being toxic to yourself, to Cece, to Nat and I guess Mika now too. I don’t know if he’s just being extra protective of Natalia right now, but I do know that I’ve seen him fighting and I do not want to see his anger any more directed at you than it already is. If anything with this goes wrong-”[/color] Rye’s breath hitched, his grip on the other man’s knee tightening as tears gathered at the edges of his vision. He’d been doing a lot of crying lately, he thought absently as he kept his distressed gaze on his friend. [color=28e0af]“If anything goes wrong with this, I-I don’t know how many more times I can handle sleeping next to you in a hospital bed,”[/color] his voice broke at the end he looked away, face burning. He could honestly barely stand hospitals as is. Visiting his mom, sure; helping her with first aid on a random serpent in the Gardenview kitchen, no problem, but sitting on a chair waiting to hear if a loved one would survive, or wake up, or waking up in a bed himself? He hasn’t been immune to that crippling anxiety since the day he got shot.

Bye bye thoughts of being a volunteer nurse to stay close to his mom. At least on official papers.

[color=19C8AC]“And I don’t expect you to,”[/color] Niles affirmed, all the while pulling his pain stricken friend into a comforting embrace once more. Back in the position of how they started before he got triggered. [color=19C8AC]“I might not seem like I’m in a better place, but I am. Maybe not out of the self loathing habit… but unless I get in an accident or piss someone off, the only time you should be seeing me at the hospital is if I’m helping my dad and your mom out. I’m a certified phlebotomist now so I’ll help with blood work occasionally and any administrative backlog. Gotta’ keep myself busy somehow.”[/color] With all this talking of feelings, Niles could feel the exhaustion was over him. 

Leaning his head against the side of Rye’s head, he shut his eyes and whispered, [color=19C8AC]“Sorry for worrying you.”[/color] He didn’t know if he’d heed his friend’s advice of Caitlin, since they only started dating, but he would think about it. Rye was right to say she didn’t deserve to deal with his damage. No one did. Not even Gavriel. Yet here he was being there for him like the good ol’ days. 

[color=28e0af]"I'm your best friend Niles,"[/color] the curly haired man answered back quietly, tightly gripping the arm that was now back over his shoulder and like he was afraid it would disappear. Like JP this morning. Like Decky after the shooting. Like his father when he came out. Something about him seemed to eventually push away everyone he loved and sought approval from, and he didn't know how to stop it from happening. [color=28e0af]"I exist to worry about you, love you, and occasionally knock your head back into place,"[/color] he sniffed, putting more pressure on the connection between their heads for emphasis. Trying to cover a yawn that would reveal his own battles with exhaustion, he closed his eyes and tried to stay in the moment instead of the past. There are still plenty of mistakes to make and fix, instead of focusing on the ones that never can be. Relaxing once more against his friend, Rye mumbled out, [color=28e0af]"You know it's because I love you, right? You deserve to be [i]really[/i] happy, not play at it in public."[/color]

[color=19C8AC]“Happiness,”[/color] Niles lightly chuckled, feeling his body ease, the weight of his demons lifting off his shoulders, just for a moment, as sleep beckoned him. [color=19C8AC]“What a foreign concept…”[/color]

As Niles grew heavier against him, Rye tried not to sigh in agreement. Softly, he held Niles head in place and settled lower against his shoulder so that when he replaced his head, the taller man was rested atop of Rye's instead of against his side. With a small yawn and a grip still on Niles' arm, he let his own eyelids close and put his earbuds back in to cover the ringing silence. 

[color=28e0af]"You c'n learn foreign languages, why not concepts?"[/color] He whispered out, only half joking. 

[quote][i]Gameplan:
Forget Everything Else
[b]Show Niles He’s Loved[/b]
[b]Be With Niles[/b][/i][/quote]

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