>FAIRFIELD, ID >SOBEL’S RESIDENCE >2200 >15.NOV.2019 Donnelley had noticed the banging around of pots and pans in the kitchen some time ago, though the alcohol kept him in bed and uncaring of it. After all, it was highly unlikely that the Feds or the Russians would infiltrate Sobel’s house without him knowing. Even then, he doubted even more that the Russians would break in and take a break to bake some cookies before killing a few of them in their sleep. Everyone had gone to bed early and relatively without fuss. Sobel would be the last to retire after himself, and Donnelley tried his best to stay out of Ava and Laine’s way. He felt it a few times, looking just in time to see Ava’s eyes dart away from him and make like the floor was mighty interesting. He and Dave had that talk, and Donnelley agreed that he and Ava should make peace with each other. It was just a matter of when. A matter if Donnelley was strong enough to set aside his stubborn nature, because he knew Ava certainly wouldn’t approach him first. Not after the hurt he put on her. He took another swig, and then set the bottle down, looking out at his shrouded window and at the white moonlight filtering through the silk curtains. He sighed, his knees popping as he got to his feet and the floorboards creaking slightly as he made his way to the window and opened it a bit. The cool night air felt like the rolling waves on Ruston Way in Washington, frigid but it replaced the breath it took from your chest with a fleeting moment of feeling alive. There was a time he wanted to just walk out into the Puget Sound to see if that water could make him either feel alive, or at least hold him tight and deep enough for long enough that a living man’s problems wouldn’t ever be able to reach him again. He doubted the plains and tall grass outside could drown him, so there was only one other direction he could walk. He opened his bedroom door as quiet as he could, stepped down the hallway as soft as he could. He finally made it to the kitchen to see none other than Ava in the kitchen, hard at work baking… something. He watched her work for a time, maybe a few moments, remembering what he had said to her before their whole night went to shit. Remembering the pictures of the younger Ava he’d been shown, all severe and smoldering. Or at least trying to. The floorboards creaked again under his subtly shifting weight, and he froze like a deer right after a twig snaps. Ava glanced over at the sound of the floors creaking, expecting to see Thor padding into the kitchen to beg for what she was making. Instead she gave a start as she saw a figure in the shadow of the doorway, before relaxing when she realized it was just Donnelley. “Donnelley. You scared the shit out of me.” Ava sighed, pressing a flour covered hand to her chest, then immediately removing it with a frown. She glanced back at him then focused on dusting at her pajama shirt, a familiar pink baseball tee with a happy turtle exclaiming ‘Shell Yeah’ on it. “Sorry, was I being loud in here?” Donnelley smiled at first, though it was snuffed out when he remembered they weren’t exactly on smiling terms. He looked away from Ava and then shook his head just the tiniest bit back and forth, “No, you’re alright. Just, uh, can’t sleep some nights.” Donnelley made his way to sit at the bar on one of the stools looking into the kitchen. It fell quiet again as Ava returned to her task of baking. Stayed that way for some time while Donnelley twiddled his fingers and pretended there was something interesting about the plain white counter top kept immaculately clean and without a single scratch on any millimeter of it. Sobel kept his things almost disturbingly neat. But, then he’d seen a lot of disturbing things about Sobel. He looked back at Ava, “Can’t sleep neither?” Ava wasn’t sure if she should be happy or not the awkward silence was broken. She tried to ignore Donnelley’s presence, instead focusing on the messy lump of flour she was trying to hand knead into a cohesive lump of dough. But that hadn’t been working as Donnelley being there seemed to settle on her back like a physical weight. “No,” She answered, still looking down at the lump in the bowl she was pushing and pulling. “But I’m used to it.” “Yeah.” Donnelley snorted softly at the truth in that. He could relate, but again, the smile he had quickly snuffed out as he now began to sense Ava’s nervous energy. He would’ve politely excused himself back to his room if it weren’t for the fact he knew that the team’s cohesion would depend on the strength of their bonds with each other. The fact that he’d told Dave he would apologize. The fact that he liked Ava, and missed her and her quirky energy while she was gone. Still missed it now she was here too, and hadn’t brought it along it seemed. He sheepishly cleared his throat of nothing and looked around the kitchen, still unable to muster the courage to just say what he needed to. What he wanted to, “What’re you makin’?” “Sweet bread.” Ava answered simply, judging the dough in the bowl to be cohesive enough to knead properly. She dusted some flour on the table and dumped out the dough with a soft ‘plop’. “I’m going to make some cream for a filling too.” She grew quiet as she began to hand knead the dough, the normal therapeutic monotony of the activity somewhat dampened by Donnelley being there and ignoring the obvious elephant in the room. It seemed like she would have to break the tension. “So did you just come in here to see why I was baking in the middle of the night?” She asked, her tone coming out blunter than she had intended it. Donnelley was hit with offense and an edge of hurt at Ava’s tone, a tide of anger rushing in to smother both and replace them with something better to face her with, “[i]You know what?[/i]” Donnelley stood quick, the stool’s feet jittering across the wood floor and making a racket. Donnelley already felt the tingling in his arms from the adrenaline dump, more like he was about to get into a firefight than making a clumsy effort to apologize. He was breathing hard, so he hauled in a breath through his nose and let it out the same way. He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them up again with a softer expression. “No.” He shook his head imperceptibly, “No, I didn’t.” Ava started from the sudden anger and she tensed, both unsure of what he was going to do and afraid she’d just provoked another rage fueled tirade out of him. She froze and didn’t say anything, carefully watching Donnelley as he visibly calmed himself down. “Okay.” She said quietly, careful not to invoke more of Donnelley’s anger. “Did you…want to talk about…What happened?” She asked carefully. The voice in the back of Donnelley’s mind immediately made him feel ashamed. The part of him that wasn’t chewed up and blackened by his life so far. He was used to arguing with Holly, or Laine. They stood their ground and threw it right back in his face, stoking the flames until they just died, or he had to remove himself or they’d devour the whole place and leave blackened timbers and smoldering bridges. The look in Ava’s eyes as he found himself standing reminded him instead of someone else. A girl who didn’t deserve what he’d done to her, or what was happening to her mother and father because of it. He swallowed at Ava’s question, nodding softly, and then more visibly, “Yes.” He put his hands together, rubbing his palms and looking away from Ava, “I’m…” He sighed, “I made myself a liar.” He cleared his throat again, surprisingly dry, and then swallowed a bit of spit to keep his voice from growing hoarse, “Maybe I didn’t. I remember I told you before… everythin’. Everythin’ that [i]I did[/i] happened. I told you that whoever would leave a girl like you had to be the stupidest, sorriest bastard in the world.” He glanced at Ava, “Or, somethin’ ‘long those lines.” “And then I did what I did…” he said at first, but shook his head, he’d better say it how it rightly happened, “After I yelled at you for somethin’ you didn’t have no hand in doin’… I left.” “And I’m sorry,” He said, “I’m sorry for doin’ that to you, I’m sorry for sayin’ everythin’, Ava.” He looked back up at Ava and his hands dropped to his sides, a wetness glistening in the corners of them, maybe just the whiskey taking hold, “There we were, watchin’ movies together, and you showed me your paintin’s, and I was talkin’ all this good stuff to you…” He swallowed hard, gulping in the silence, “And then I do that, I leave, and you can barely stand to fuckin’ [i]look at me now.[/i]” “My daughter’s in the fuckin’ emergency room with a broken arm, she can’t fuckin’ paint or draw, or anythin’ now and she’s beggin’ me just to be there for her, and I’m over here knee deep in this shit and it’s all my fault, and...” He stopped himself as his voice shuddered, “But that ain’t about you. All I know is after I left you, I’ve been sorry about it this whole time. Sorry for everythin’.” “So, yeah, I guess I was just in here to see what you were bakin’ in the middle of the night. Only other thing I can do right now except drink and think about how sorry I am.” He sheepishly tried a smile on, but it fizzled out, “But… yeah. I’m sorry for what I did.” He sat back down for a moment, staring at the countertop. It grew quiet again, and he sniffled wetly, “Maybe I’ll just go back to my bedroom and try to sleep again. I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat again, “How, uh, how do you feel… about it… I guess?” Ava stared at him for a moment before reaching over for a dish towel, wiping the flour off her hands and walking over to quietly hug Donnelley. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders and giving him a firm but gentle squeeze. “I feel like you might need a hug.” She said quietly, her eyes growing misty themselves. Donnelley gave a chuckle despite himself, a blubbering thing as he placed a hand on Ava’s arm around his shoulders, “You’re the one who deserves it.” He said, “I just don’t want you to look away from me anymore. I don’t want to make you think I’m gonna explode at you anymore, you don’t deserve none of it.” “That, and I’ll have to deal with fuckin’ hillbilly Dave.” He chuckled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Ava sniffed and pulled back from the embrace, wiping her hands over her shirt. “I appreciate the apology.” She said, folding her arms over her chest. “What happened…It really hurt and still kind of hurts.” She started to look away from him but stopped herself and looked back into his scarred features. “But, I appreciate you apologizing.” “I know.” Donnelley nodded, looking back at Ava, “If there’s anything I can do… more than apologizing, just give me the word.” Ava pursed her lips in thought for a moment. “Honestly, I kinda miss hanging out with you.” She nodded her head to the dough on the table. “Also, this is a brand new recipe I’m trying, so, you can be the taste tester.” Donnelley smiled again, and it stuck this time. He looked at the ball of dough and then back to Ava. He knew one apology wasn’t enough, wounds didn’t heal right after the gauze was put on. He nodded, “I missed hangin’ out too.” He said, getting up from his seat and sniffling again and ripping a piece of paper towel off to wipe his nose, “Gotta stop doin’ this shit. Ghost wouldn’t ever let it go if he saw me like this.” “Well, then he doesn’t get a roll.” Ava said, returning to the table and resuming kneading the dough, pushing and pulling it across the floured surface with quick and practiced movements. “These are sweet rolls, not jerk rolls.”