Recovery had been difficult and painful, although she didn’t have any sort of complications healing naturally took far longer than it did with modern medicine, and she didn’t help herself by not sitting still. The first couple of weeks had been spent mostly in bed, unable to move too much due to the stab wound she had spent more time in and out of sleep until she had gained enough strength to try moving. The minute her energy levels returned Iris became restless and had been rebandaged more times than she could count due to carelessness and pushing herself far too quickly. Even though she knew she should have been resting she was up and trying to walk around the apartment. The only saving grace was the fact that Jacob had been kind enough to give her some sort of pain management to help her through the tougher times, thankfully she hadn’t caused herself much damage, but she had delayed her healing. 

Jacob hadn’t been the most talkative person either, conversations had started off quite awkward between them and she knew he only came back to check she hadn’t run or died. Ultimately, she knew he’d take her back to the districts and this time she didn’t want to go back, although it had been the best decision at the time, she couldn’t help but regret it. Not only had she lost Cas in the process, but she had nothing. Home destroyed; previous contacts would want nothing to do with her after throwing the rebellion and she hadn’t heard from her only friend there for a while. 

Iris would never be a part of his world, but she no longer felt part of her own. Right now, she felt like she was at some sort of crossroads, nothing was clear, and she had to somehow find her way back to a sense of normality? Nothing in her life had been normal, her father had been so consumed with bringing down the monarchy she felt she had to take part in it just to get his attention. Life in the districts wasn’t glamourous in the slightest, but she could have dealt with it. Who knew what she would have done had there been no rebellion? She could have had some sort of normal job, earning small amounts of money to get by. 

It was hard as at times she understood what the rebellion had meant to the districts, but their methods had changed over the time. In some cases, they had acted just as bad as the Capital had towards them. 

Left alone to her thoughts yet again was not ideal. Yet again she still felt like another prisoner held captive and she did want to feel some sort of freedom, but not if it meant going back to the districts. Haunted by her last ordeal with Ethan, Iris wanted to forget about it, but she knew Jacob would take her back soon. Having been at least a month of healing there was no risk of her getting ill or the wound getting infected, she was capable enough to fend for herself again and each time Jacob came home she was worried he would finally get rid of her. 

Often, she’d find herself daydreaming, thinking back to her time with Cas when everything felt so carefree. When he had taken her to his favourite ice cream spot and she knew she had been happy, albeit without her memories but look at what pain regaining them had caused. If she could turn back time, she’d do it in a heartbeat and not try so hard to get them back, she’d never have led him out to the woods to be captured. A part of her even thought how she’d keep going back to a point where they would never have met. It would have saved so much pain and regret. 

Maybe if she was honest with Jacob he’d understand? Maybe if she told him she didn’t want to go back he could think of something? It seemed like a lost cause, but it wouldn’t hurt in asking. Maybe she could even get a job in the Capital somewhere and attempt a normal life. At least in the Capital she’d be able to keep tabs on how Cas was doing, watch him grow into a great leader and see him be truly happy.