[color=silver][indent][indent][right][b][i][u]TIMESTAMP:[/u] Monday, July 19th, 2021; Around 7AM[/i][/b][/right]

[center][img]https://fontmeme.com/permalink/220708/ae0fe8d8a9cedecd52979ce9498ebdab.png[/img]

[img]https://i.imgur.com/cznWFKT.png[/img]
[sub]A [@LovelyComplex] & [@Venus] Collab || featuring Natalia & Tiziano Belmonte[/sub]
[color=7B68EE][b]________________________________________________________________________________[/b][/color]
[color=887b6e][b]________________________________________________________________________________[/b][/color][/center]
While the four weeks after her conversation with Danny had been full of hope for the future, the two weeks that followed the incident at the Sinclair household had effectively crushed any positive outlook she’d once had. It had all started when, while scrolling through her social media accounts, she’d come to find out that she hadn’t been the only person her darling brother had patched things up with. Jillian O’Brien was once again back in the picture as a friend of Danilo’s, now flanked by that insufferable pitbull she called a girlfriend. His interactions with Caitlin Cleary also seemed to become more frequent, much to his twin’s delight. To top it all off, Danny had patched things up with Marco as well-- and while it made her ecstatic to see her brother start to embrace his truth and be so happy, it also made her feel lonelier than ever before.

Everywhere she went, even in her own house, Natalia was haunted by the persistent reminder that she was now the only member of her family without someone else to lean on. Sure, Caterina was getting a divorce. But she had her high school friends-- and with the way she was suspiciously acting and sneaking around, Tal knew she must already have someone to replace her future ex-husband. Nina and Elisa had loving children and doting, adoring husbands. Vivia, although in a war with her father, could count on ReyRey to be there for her. Danilo had Caitlin, Jill and now Marco in his corner, as did Mirabella did with Marcela and her fellow acapella group members. Even Tiffannie, a literal stranger to the town, had already found a guy who she couldn’t stop smiling and gushing over. 

Yet what did Natalia have? What was she left with?

Nothing but her own, washed-up, sad, pathetic, sorry self.

Maybe it was karma’s way of getting back at her after so many years of pretending to be superior to everyone else. Or maybe it was the compartmentalized demons deciding this was the perfect time to make a reappearance. Or perhaps watching her mother slowly fade away but putting on a brave face for everyone else and not talking to anyone about it was finally catching up to her. All Natalia knew was that she hadn’t felt this downhearted and worthless in years. 

So for these last two weeks, the fifth born Belmonte had been locked away in her bedroom: purposely isolating herself from those around her while spending her days in an endless loop of nothingness. Her social media accounts had been deactivated in an attempt to prevent being contacted by others or triggered by the actions they so proudly posted about. She hadn’t left the house in fourteen days-- the furthest traveling done being to the front door. She slept until well past noon, and left her room just long enough to use the bathroom, shower, visit her mother and grab some food before returning to her chambers. A half-empty Valium bottle sat hidden underneath junk items in the top drawer of her nightstand, while her vaporizer never seemed to leave her hand or her lips. Doubling up on her medication while taking incessant pulls from the vape’s THC oil meant that Tal felt lethargic and drowsy no matter how many hours she slept, making it even harder to find motivation to do anything besides lay in bed. The sudden lack of exercise was having its effects on her, too: namely, in the handful of new blemishes around her face and the light layer of extra pounds beginning to settle in her once slim stomach. The soda cans, candy wrappers and bags of chips (now empty and littering the floor) she’d procured using Instacart helped explain this phenomenon, too. And all throughout, the flat-screen television mounted on the wall had been stuck on Jersey Shore-- their voices filling the hollow silence in the room while she either half-watched or surfed the web until just moments shy of sunrise.

This Monday had been somewhat different. Sleeping the majority of the day Sunday had meant that she’d been as wide awake as someone high on Valium and weed could be when the afternoon came. The afternoon hours slowly bleeded into the evening, then the dawn; and all Natalia had done was keep her glassy-eyed stare on the television, taking puff after puff from her vape while fantasizing about leaving a town that had nothing to offer her in favor of somewhere like Italy. Before she realized it, a hint of sunlight could be seen trying to peek through the blackout windows into the disheveled bedroom, and Tal cursed out loud.

Another sleepless night.

Oh, joy.

Letting out a deep sigh, Natalia mustered up the strength to bring her sluggish body to a stand. Her hair was a tangled mess tied up in a bun, her oversized pajama T-shirt bore an assortment of stains of past night’s snacks, and her bloodshot eyes were accompanied by a pair of matching dark circles. She raised her arms over her head and stretched her sore, tight muscles as best as she could before unlocking her bedroom door, trudging down the steps and into the massive, empty kitchen. Her timing seemed to be impeccable, because just as she was opening the fridge in search for her next meal, her stomach protested against its emptiness in the form of a loud grumble.

Another person who hadn’t gotten much sleep was that of her father. The daunting reality that his wife only had two weeks, at most, to live was setting in. Tiziano Belmonte already suffered sleepless nights since he kicked Vivia out in a reckless rage. He was a man whose pride was so unyielding that he knew even if he tried, he would only make the situation worse. He wanted his middle child to apologize for the secrets and speak to him maturely of her intentions. If she wanted to be with R2 he could learn to live with that, but how she went about it was disrespectful. For all he knew she’s been sleeping with the Kingsnake since she was underage. If his paranoid assumption was true, that would surely get the Tasmanian Devil out of retirement. 

The past month had forced Taz to look at himself in the mirror and come to terms with how awful of a man he was. The ghost of his father, Amadeo, the one who left him to his fate of being the bastard boy of the notorious Esposito crime family, was appearing in his day-to-day life more than he liked. The insufferable man and the cause of all his trauma wouldn’t disappear. Even now as he parked his car in front of his Belmonte estate he could hear his father’s voice. 

The heart of his family was weakening all because Silvia was dying and he was lost. He didn’t know how to fix this. He could build a house, he could cook a five star meal, he could push his children to aim high and never settle for less, but he couldn’t emotionally connect with them. There was no compassion towards the people that needed it the most. His family. All because he feared they would starve and get eaten in this dog eat dog world. 

Broken nights. 

Bitter ends. 

The only solace he had was prayer. He lost all control. Something he hated to admit. Something that was hard to swallow and hard to accept. Everything he built was crumbling before his eyes. Things like the safety net to keep his family away from the constant wars happening in the City or the support and discipline he’s provided for his children, to guide them through life so that they can have thick skin, an open mind, and a heart of steel. He’s spent so much of his life trying to provide for his family that in return, he was hated and despised. 

Taz realized he ended up in the place he was trying to avoid. The place he thought he could steer clear of by moving to Edenridge. He was becoming just like his father. Silvia saw more in him than he ever would. He wasn’t a family man. He wasn’t even that good of a husband. Even back home, he spent most of his life trying to prove his worth. First to his father and his siblings, then to his wife, and now to his children. There wasn’t enough bourbon in the world to help him through this and he swore he wouldn’t touch the bottle until Silvia was better but everyday it became harder and harder to look away from his once great escape. 

God, he needed a drink. 

Entering his house, with a bag full of bagels, Taz made his way to the kitchen only to find his Natalia, who hadn’t left the house in days, scavenging for food. Instead of interrogating her to get to the root cause of her depression, Taz lifted the brown bag and shaked it a little, [color=887b6e]“Want a bagel sandwich?”[/color] Like father, like daughter, both Natalia and Taz were restless and fighting their own personal demons. Like father, like daughter, their sleepless nights left them both starving. Like father, like daughter, they both hit rock bottom. Taz simply covered it up better. [color=887b6e]“Whatever you want on it, I got you, Biscottino.”[/color] 

As focused as she was on gathering whatever items she could find to make a hasty return to her bedroom, Natalia didn’t notice the man’s arrival until the sound of contents rustling inside a paper bag echoed across the kitchen. She whipped around instantly, bracing herself for the agony of having to make painful small talk with one of her siblings or their partners. But as soon as her eyes recognized the individual as her father, Tal’s body relaxed as her demeanor visibly softened. Here was the one man she would never regret being open, honest and vulnerable with.

[color=7B68EE]“Buongiorno, Papa,”[/color] the young woman greeted her father, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge before closing the door. She made her way to where her father stood, pausing long enough to kiss his cheek and wrap him in a tight hug before taking a seat on one of the stools by the granite kitchen island. [color=7B68EE]“I swear, you have the best timing. If you’d been five minute later, you would’ve caught me scarfing down a third of that tiramisu straight out of the tray,”[/color] Tal joked with a small laugh-- the first one she’d had in days. Contrary to the rest of her siblings, the mere presence of her father usually helped calm whatever storm she was facing. [color=7B68EE]“I’ll take you up on that bagel offer. I’ll have a sausage, egg and cheese one, and I’ll let you surprise me with the other one.”[/color]

[color=887b6e]“Hungry girl,”[/color] Taz smiled as he maneuvered around the kitchen to collect his supplies and ingredients. The first thing he did was cut the bagels in half. From poppy seed to garlic to everything bagel, he had an assortment of them all and they were the best bagels in town. Edenridge had a bagel food truck, [i]Schmear is Here[/i], in Westwood that got passed down from father to son. It was a good joint and way back when, Taz remembered that Decker kid coming in frequently, faithfully for his bagel fix. From their small interactions they shared in town, especially at the bagel truck, he seemed like a good kid. It’s sad Charlie didn’t have the resources he needed to get his head right. Taz was sure he wasn’t the only one who felt guilty for turning a blind eye to Rhonda and Charlie’s situation. The Belmonte Patriarch worried for his own family, about his kids and their mental health. He wonders if he’s pushed them too far. Too overbearing and strict. The last thing he needed was one of his children becoming murderers. None of them needed blood on their hands. He would know since he was still working on his own trauma from his New York days. 

Calmly, Taz started to breach his concern by asking, [color=887b6e]“How are you?”[/color] Once he grabbed his and his daughter’s preferred bagel choices, he started cooking and making them their sandwiches. For him, he’d make smoked salmon, for his daughter sausage, egg, and cheese, and for both of them, Romesco breakfast. He would indulge this morning. He likely wouldn’t have time to eat any other time anyways. Unfortunately when he did try to eat after 11, he always got interrupted. He certainly would try having three consecutive meals in one day but he wasn’t going to count on it. 

[color=7B68EE]“Good.”[/color] Natalia answered instinctively, falling into her old habits of lying about her mental and emotional state. A common, toxic trait that all Belmontes shared was the ability to bottle up and/or deflect from their feelings in an attempt to avoid causing worry to their loved ones while their pride remained unscathed. Confessing the need for help wasn't something they did often. [color=7B68EE]“You?”[/color] 

Was it too early to drink? Focusing on the task at hand, Taz continued fixing their breakfast sandwiches and nodded, [color=887b6e]“Yeah, I’m good.”[/color] He knew she was lying and he assumed she knew he was lying but like the stubborn mule that he was Taz didn’t say anything more. Instead, he cooked and let the silence take over. He took a quick glance at her, gave a half smile, and flipped her sausage in the frying pan. 

The dark-haired girl smiled back at her father. Natalia and Tiziano were two peas in a pod: for better or worse. They shared as many positive qualities as they did negative ones, which worked in the fifth-born’s favor. Much to the chagrin of her siblings, sharing similar personalities meant that Tal was able to read her father easily, and thus stayed in his good graces the majority of the time. Because she knew him like she did, it was clear to her that he was following her lead by lying about how he felt. They were both proud and stubborn; admitting defeat, weakness, flaw or defeat was not something they did often. But [i]because[/i] she knew him like she did, Nat knew the trick to get her papa to discuss his and her thoughts and emotions without making things awkward.

[color=7B68EE]“Sooooo…”[/color] the young woman began, unscrewing and removing the cap of her water bottle and taking a sip before continuing. [color=7B68EE]“Let’s say, hypothetically speaking, that you felt like you were stuck in this... rut. Feeling like you’re all washed-up, alone, unloveable, undesirable, like you fucking suck… That, no matter how hard you try to crawl out of that rut, you just seem to be stuck in a really miserable place, while everybody else around you seems to be thriving and glowing and finding their happiness. How would you approach the situation?”[/color]

Onto the eggs now, Taz listened to his daughter in silence. He might not be the best one to go to for advice but he had to be honest, especially to Natalia. The one that saw beyond the veil. [color=887b6e]“Your mother would say, this too shall pass and beg us to turn to the Word, and prayer.”[/color] As Tiziano talked about his wife, his eyes grew distant and he went with the motions of making Natalia’s sandwich, [color=887b6e]“Those who walk in darkness will see great light. It’s in these times we gain clarity. It’s where we center ourselves and not focus on all the things we do not have control over. All the background noise. All the bullshit.”[/color] 

Finishing her sausage, egg, and cheese, Taz placed it on a bagel he had toasted minutes before and cleared his throat, [color=887b6e]“Life will always have seasons of enduring faith… hard, painful, difficult… not worth the battle. But your mother--”[/color] He enunciated his words with his pointer finger and continued, [color=887b6e]“She is a woman of great faith and would say every single fight ends in a positive outcome.”[/color] Placing the plate in front of his daughter, Taz looked into her eyes, coming back to the present, and shook his head, [color=887b6e]“But that is your mother’s word, not mine. I, Natalia, would get angry.”[/color]

As she accepted his offering with a wink of appreciation, Taz went to the next sandwich, his sandwich, and explained, [color=887b6e]“Anger has been my strongest trait. Drive. Flaw. Whatever you want to call it. It gets me where I need to go. It might not be the healthiest way of handling things but it does bring out truths I need to hear. I lose the hold I have on this family. I hurt people-- my kids, for that matter, and I see how awful of a man I am. Clarity. Not because of prayer but because of anger. So, [i]hypothetically[/i], you’re in a rut? Do something about it. Go fight something. Scream. Take it out on your brother. But don’t let that fire go out. Not you, Natalia.”[/color] 

The young woman couldn't help but smile to herself as she ate and listened to Tiziano's words. Their lack of faith in religion and anger being the driving force behind their actions were more traits shared between father and daughter. When she felt like Danilo was outshining her back in their childhood days, it had been anger that motivated her to do things just as well if not better than he did. When she had lost Niles sophomore year, it had been anger that drove her to expand her social circle and eventually become the school’s queen bee. When she was named the volleyball team’s captain, it had been anger that drove her to push the team to the necessary limits to achieve those back-to-back national victories during junior and senior year.  When she had lost Kylee, it had been anger that drove her to forget about relationships and focus on enjoying her single life instead. Just like her father, anger had been a strong motivator in achieving plenty of her goals in life. And yet, anger alone hadn’t been enough to keep her from falling into the clutches of self-doubt and the other negative spaces in her mind.

[color=7B68EE]"As long as you have the money for bail and lawyers if I get caught busting someone up out of anger, then I guess I can take your advice.”[/color] Natalia joked with a chuckle in an attempt to downplay the situation and lighten up the mood. He was absolutely right, of course. Laying around doing nothing other than staring out into the void wouldn't get her anywhere. But what was the point of letting anger be her guiding force, when there was no end goal to drive towards both professionally and personally? [color=7B68EE]"See, I don't think that my problem is lacking the fire to get me where I need to go. The problem is that there's nothing going for me here-- there’s no direction. Does that make sense?"[/color] she attempted to express in between bites. [color=7B68EE]"I'm going to college to get this Business Management degree, but for what? All of our businesses are covered in that front, so that means I have to go somewhere else to build a career. And don't even get me started on trying to find a partner in this town-- with my rep and the people available, there's no hope for that shit either. So what does that leave me with? With the idea that perhaps, maybe, possibly moving to Italy with Mamma's family would be the best thing for me to do. No cleaner slate than one in a whole different continent, right?"[/color]

Taz poured his whisked eggs into the buttered frying pan and began stirring continuously. His bagels would soon be toasted, and he could dress it with cream cheese, eggs, smoked salmon pieces, grilled asparagus, and pickled red onions. While his facial expression didn’t say much, his eyes were all she needed to see to show he was attentively listening to her. [color=887b6e]“Is that what you want? Go to Naples or Rome to start new? With family you don’t know? Actually, no, don't answer that. Think about it…”[/color] He looked up from the eggs to see her carefully watching him. She wore a look that told him she had more to say. [color=887b6e]“Yes?”[/color]

[color=7B68EE]“I hope you know: you’re not an awful man, Pappa. All you’ve wanted for us was the best and to not go through the hardships you went through. Your only issue is how you went about it. Having a hold over something isn’t the problem: it’s gripping it so hard you suffocate the shit out of it, so the only way to breathe again is by fighting back in some way,"[/color] she explained matter-of-factly, taking a pause to both eat a bite of bagel and let her words sink in before continuing. [color=7B68EE]"I can't say that I've ever felt like that, because the only pressure you’ve ever put on me has been to build me up into the best version of myself-- even if I’m a hot mess right now. But-- without telling any names because I'm not a snitch-- I can definitely say that some of your other kids [i]do[/i] feel that way. Mamma’s always been there to soften the blow, but what will happen when she's not around?"[/color] 

[color=887b6e]“I won’t have my buffer so you’d have to call me out, even if it isn’t something I want to hear,”[/color] Taz sighed to himself and turned off the oven. From there, he started putting his ingredients on one bagel end. She was right though, as much as he hated to hear it. He was exactly how his younger self never wanted to be. He was just like his father. The bastard son of Amadeo Esposito hated the thought that his need to protect his children was turning into him being an unyielding asshole they were afraid to turn to, for anything. The Belmonte 7 were growing up, becoming independent women and man. They didn’t need their father anymore and maybe that’s what made him want to be so involved in the decisions in their lives. How they lived. He liked feeling needed. 

As soon as the words left her mouth, the young woman winced at the sharp twinge in her chest. Bringing attention to Silvia's imminent death was not something Tal wanted to do, but it was necessary to get her point across to her stubborn father. As much as they all hated it, Taz would soon be the Belmonte children’s sole living parent. If he truly wanted to keep their family together, then conversations like these needed to be had. It was the only way to ensure he was made aware of his flaws enough to make efforts to better himself. [color=7B68EE]"Listen, Pappa: all any of us kids of yours want is to know that, no matter how hard we screw up, you'll be there for us. That we don't have to live terrified of disappointing you, because in the end, we can count on you to love us unconditionally."[/color]

Smearing cream cheese on the other bagel piece, Taz admitted, [color=887b6e]“When I react, I don’t really think through what I say. Your mother is the best thing to happen to me because she calms my spirit. I know I can’t rely on her forever. I know.”[/color] Placing the butter knife down, he grabbed his sandwich and went to sit beside her. He’ll cook the other two sandwiches after, if they’re both still hungry. [color=887b6e]“I can’t say I’ll be what this family needs when…”[/color] Taz stared ahead toward the entry which led to the stairs, which led to their mother. [color=887b6e]“... she dies. But I will try.”[/color] That’s all he could do, was try. [color=887b6e]“But, if I make an honest attempt to not let my anger cloud my judgment, I need you to build and rebuild bridges: here. Not burn them. You understand, Natalia?”[/color]

Although Natalia understood where her father was coming from, she let out a snort and shook her head. [color=7B68EE]"It's a little bit more complicated than that, Dad,"[/color] the girl confessed, pushing her empty, crumb-filled plate away. Tal's mind immediately went through some examples of individuals that Taz's words could apply to. Her ex, Kylee Grimm, and how easily she had bulldozed the bridge of their relationship as if their months together had meant nothing. Her thoughts then shifted to Niles, who had been quite eager to light the match that set their bridge ablaze on one winter night. Then she thought of Caitlin and Jill, who she would rather be caught dead trying to build any bridges with. And that was just the first four that came to mind. [color=7B68EE]"There are some bridges that don't deserve to be rebuilt, there are some that were burnt for a damn good reason, and there are others that I didn't even tear apart in the first place-- so why should I be the one to fix them?"[/color]

Realizing how aggressive she might have come across, Natalia shook her head and let out a deep sigh. [color=7B68EE]"Sorry about that. I guess I still have some shit to sort through before I go off to play construction worker, huh?"[/color] she apologized with a bitter laugh. 

Instead of responding Taz took a bite of his sandwich and chewed in silence. With tired eyes, he sat there thinking about god knows what. The patriarch of the Belmonte family would have these moments where he sat there, mid conversation, and got lost in his mind. When he swallowed his food, he put his sandwich down and leaned back in his seat. Looking over the calendar on the fridge, his gaze fell on a date that had no notes on it but seemed to be on his mind. [color=887b6e]“It’s easier to burn. But the consequences…”[/color] Taz pondered out loud, as he wiped his hand on his napkin. [color=887b6e]“This town is too small to hold grudges. If you’re not going to try to get yourself closure, then you need to not look back. We learn, we move on. We keep going. Live, girl.”[/color]

The young Belmonte remained quiet, thinking about what her father had just said. The problem, of course, wasn't living. Living had never been an issue for Natalia: with both the consequences of her burnt bridges and the lack of real closure she’d received from people like Kylee and Niles. But finding something worth living for, something [i]to[/i] live for, and coming up empty-handed? That was the root of her latest life crisis.

Taz grabbed his plate, with his sandwich, and got up from his seat. Briefly, he observed Natalia, sitting there and watching him with love, adoration, and a twinge of mild annoyance. [color=887b6e]“Live now. We’ll worry about the future later.”[/color] He walked to the exit of the kitchen that would lead him upstairs to his wife and asked, [color=887b6e]“Have you seen your mother yet?”[/color]

Natalia shook her head. [color=7B68EE]“Not yet. I was gonna drop by after I showered and got some sleep,”[/color] she explained, following Taz’ lead and standing up from her own seat. [color=7B68EE]“But I can come with you if you want. Maybe she’d like to see us together.”[/color]

[color=887b6e]“Yes… she’d like that very much,”[/color] Taz said in agreement. The sinking feeling of despair in the pit of his stomach, knowing well enough his wife only had two weeks to live. The nurse should be here soon. [color=887b6e]“Your mother loves you very much, Natalia. She loves all you kids.”[/color]

The young woman offered her father a melancholic smile. [color=7B68EE]“And we love her too. Just like we love you very, very much. I hope you never forget that,”[/color] she reassured her father, wrapping her arms around the older man and pulling him into a hug that she knew he needed as much as she did.

Tal let the embrace go on for a long moment, finding solace in the stern comfort Tiziano provided. She felt Taz plant a kiss on the top of her head and, before she could help it, tears momentarily blurred her vision at the affectionate gesture. Natalia wasn’t one to cry easily-- in fact, she actually hated to do so. But when self-deprecation was eating you alive, your mother was dying and your father (the rock in your life) was gripping with his own self-worth, it was easy to feel overwhelmed. She wouldn’t let Taz see her cry, though-- she had to be strong for her dad.

The third youngest Belmonte girl ensured the tears were rapidly blinked away before their  hug was broken and she locked her eyes with his. [color=7B68EE]“We’ve got this, Pappa. [abbr=This too shall pass.]Anche questo deve passare[/abbr]. ”[/color]

Even if they didn’t believe it, it was something to hold onto.[/indent][/indent][/color]