[quote=@Force and Fury]
[@jdh97] Overall, I like him and he works. Your prose is as evocative as ever and he holds some nice nuance. A few little nitpicks below:

1) There's no 'K' in the transliteration of yasoi to the Avincian alphabet.

2) Have a look at some of the yasoi names in discoveries on the discord for some idea of the sound of them and maybe try to carry these through to the cognomen and surname. Triple consonants are rare except when necessary to make at least two different sounds that could not be made a simpler way.

3) Just be a bit wary of how you frame Vyshta. She's not so much a war goddess as one of fortune: luck, essentially.

4) Anything else about how he uses the Gift? And favoured moves, proclivities, or quirks? Feelings toward it?

[/quote]

1 and 2) Think I've changed these to something acceptable?

3) Shuffled things about so it's more in line with lore.

4) Added two paragraphs. Would you like more/different focus?