[quote=@Wei Wuxian] I think he's done now [EDIT - 7/16 12:57] [hider=Tse Hyu-Lin][center][img]https://i.pinimg.com/564x/07/9d/c4/079dc4624833fb177c3a94335f646510.jpg[/img] [img]https://fontmeme.com/permalink/220713/9d62c97a1e54a3ddec0146d1ef41cb7c.png[/img] [i]"The song of the siren holds mysterious we can't begin to fathom, but listening means certain death."[/i][/center] Titles: Lunar Moth/Poison Moon Age: 23 Rank: First Class Warrior Allegiance: Once a part of [b]The Heavenly Demonic Cult[/b], Tse Hyu-Lin one day found his alignment on a different wavelength, and although [b]The Martial Alliance[/b] is where he learned a great deal of humility, things within the faction are a cause for worry. Appearance: Tse Hyu-Lin is most known for his captivating eyes and his slightly sunkissed skin. Notably, his hair is long enough to reach the back of his thighs. His eyes are a beautiful light brown. Hyu-Lin is around five foot seven inches in height. He prefers garments that add elegance to his appearance. His garments are often very flowy and usually consist of the colors black, white, red, blue, and gold. Hyu-Lin prefers to wear trinkets in his hair that allows him to maintain the length. He carries himself well, but with all the training he's gone through, he is one of the most approachable in his field. The life he has lived should have removed the smile from his face long ago, but Hyu-Lin has managed to keep it, even in the face of uncertainty. Personality: Tse Hyu-Lin seems divided into two personas. On one hand, he is strict with his training and cultivation practices. He is analytical and processes information thoroughly. Then there's the easy-going side which is often present. Very few are privy to the other side. Hyu-Lin has a hard time trusting others. He doesn't have many friends, but even still he doesn't trust them fully. The one person he allowed in betrayed him and left a scar that has never healed. Tse Hyu-Lin tries hard to help others. He tries hard to live a life of no regret. History: It is unclear what his backstory is. Throughout the years, Tse Hyu-Lin has come to terms with not knowing his past. All he knows and what can be revealed now is that he grew up without a mother or father. He heard rumors that he may have been kidnapped and put to work in his old sect, but there has never been any hard evidence to back up the rumors. Regardless of his origin, Tse Hyu-Lin dedicated his life to the world of Jianhu. Moreso, while training within the Heavenly Demonic Cult, he uncovered secrets and techniques long thought lost. It was on a mission, at the age of 17, that he discovered the love of his life, a man who would forever change his way of thinking. For two years they met in secret. Partly because Tse Hyu-Lin did not want him to get in trouble, but also because his lover belonged to the Martial Alliance. Of course, secrets can never stay this way for long. The happiness that he had was stripped away from him when it was discovered. Tse Hyu-Lin never wanted to renounce the ways of The Heavenly Demonic Cult, but after watching his lover die at the hands of men who shared the same allegiance as he did, he found it hard to allow such allegiance to remain. He was able to return the body of his lover back to the Martial Alliance, and although nearly put to death for it, he eventually made a name for himself within the faction. The Silver Moon Sect, the clan his lover belonged to within the Martial Alliance, adopted him, and his master stood up for him when the decision was made to allow Tse Hyu-Lin into the faction. He knows that many in the faction are always watching, wondering when he, if at all, will return his allegiance back to The Heavenly Demonic Cult. For that reason, he is often put to the test by his master and those within the Martial Alliance that does not trust him. Other: Body Enhancements: Tse Hyu-Lin, through intense training and focus, has strengthened his body to tolerate toxins allowing for a swift recovery. Using his qi, Hyu-Lin can break down the chemical makeup of many toxins and render them useless against him; however, he can also change the chemical makeup of a toxin and create his own. Doing so has caused his blood to be extremely toxic, acting as a neurotoxin and hemotoxin. His body has withstood the most immense training anyone would dare undergo, and as such minor wounds and damage that seem severe to others have lost their sting, and to him, they are but mere annoyances. Equipment: [url=https://www.thisiscolossal.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/vinogradova-1.jpg]Lunar Moth Darts[/url] - Beautiful razor-sharp crystals shaped like luna moths. Some of them are laced with toxins from various plants. Those struck by the poisonous darts will develop intense sickness, immobilizing, but not fatal as the toxins leave the body within 12 hours. [url=https://ueeshop.ly200-cdn.com/u_file/UPAH/UPAH785/2001/products/06/5872726a71.jpg.500x500.jpg]Lunarres[/url] - Lunarres is a blade said to be forged from the essence of the moon by a legendary blacksmith who retired after creating it. The blade is made from Damascus steel and meteorites from the moon. In the moonlight, the blade is said to glow with an immense aura that can allow it to slice through solid rock. The blade is immensely black, like staring into the void, and thus is hard to see at night, but Hyu-Lin can pinpoint its exact location. Cultivation Base: Belonging to two different sects proves interesting for Tse Hyu-Lin. Within the Heavenly Demonic Cult, he was a part of the Poison Shadow Sect, and there he learned the art of utilizing one's qi with deadly precision. Attacking to overwhelm, enhancing one's own strength, senses, and agility. Tse Hyu-Lin learned a great deal from the Poison Shadow Sect who taught him how to bewilder the mind and ensnare the senses. How to develop a poison so strong it can render the mind useless, or the body ineffective. Such techniques required an understanding of the human anatomy and the flow of qi through the body. Understanding where to strike and how effective striking a point is. From the Silver Moon Sect, he has come to know the Moon, and how it pushes and pulls, how it captivates without any effort. The moon's effect on the planet is the key focus within the Silver Moon Sect. Looking into how powerful one can become when one understands the push and pull between Earth and the Moon. The key element of the Silver Moon Sect is water, the fluid that grants life to everything. Moving like the waves reacting to the moon is evident in the styles learned within the Silver Moon Sect. Techniques: Shattered Moon - By striking four points on the body with poison embued darts or his sword, he can cause hallucinations that feel real to the victim. One final strike will cause the poison within the bloodstream to coagulate and shatter causing internal bleeding. Lunar Swarm - A dazzling display of skill. Tse Hyu-Lin focuses his qi and unleashes a barrage of Luna Moth Darts. Each dart is sharp enough to slice through bamboo. Lunar Eclipse - Tse Hyu-Lin focuses his qi and channels the power of the Moon causing Lunarres to flood with strength. Lunarres can strike through solid rock and becomes near impossible to see when in motion. Blood Moon Rage - Focusing his qi on his movement like raging flood waters, Tse Hyu-Lin strikes unrelentingly damaging the nerves with each strike. Striking particular nerves or "cords" can render specific body parts useless. This technique is known as "cord cutting" and can be reversed; however, allowing the nerve to remain severed for too long can cause long-term damage. [/hider] [/quote] Tse Hyu-lin is good to put in the character tab. Just keep the thing I said about strong poisons (see: poisons specifically made to kill martial artists) requiring a more active procedure in mind. I'll probably say something about it if it ever comes up, so it's not actually that important to remember. [hr] [quote=@Chairman Bao] My second application! [hider=Xiao Ge, "Little Brother"] [center][img]https://i.imgur.com/syT1gTB.png[/img][/center] [color=f49ac2]Name:[/color] Xiao Ge [color=f49ac2]Titles:[/color] No title [color=f49ac2]Age:[/color] 24 [color=f49ac2]Rank:[/color] Second Class Warrior [color=f49ac2]Allegiance:[/color] Broken Mountain Sect [color=f49ac2]Appearance:[/color] A nice looking handsome father who is searching for his lost daughter and wife. His body has a lot scars due to having been beaten bloody many times in the past [color=f49ac2]Personality:[/color] A generous poor man with an ambition to find his wife and daughter, who had been kidnapped from him when his clan was attacked in the dark by the Devil Clans in the war. He misses his wife and daughter Conscientious - he is dedicated towards his main goal, but isn't insusceptible to other goals and quests if they convince him of their urgency Emotionally balanced - he experiences a large array of appropriate emotions depending on the situation. An even tempered man, he occasionally cries in his sleep when he dreams of his kid in his arms and his wife's embrace Low dominance - he has never really been a leader and never intends to. He just wants to find his lost family Open to new ideas and training that will enable him to travel the world in order to find his lost family Friendly to strangers and even friendlier to friends - with a naturally kind disposition, he loves connecting with new people [color=f49ac2]History:[/color] His earliest memories are his kind mother and father. His strongest memories are finding the love of his life and making love to her. He remembers his wife giving birth to his daughter. Then one day, his clan was attacked by the Blood Crow clan (a devil clan) while everyone was asleep. The blood crow clan killed his father and mother and took his wife and daughter captive. He never saw them again. Instead, he was taken to the Blood Crow clan headquarters where he was tortured for many days for answers that he did not know. Just when he thought he was going to die, the Blood Crow clan threw his body away into the forest. He did not die, and after several weeks of hunger, he was able to recover and stand up all by himself using his Qi cultivation abilities and his self-healing abilities. Now, he wants to find his wife and kid by finding out what happened to the Blood Crow Clan and the the Devil Clans. [color=f49ac2]Other:[/color] [color=f49ac2]Body Enhancements:[/color] Self Healing - he has the ability to heal himself using his Qi Super strength and speed - he has the ability to use his Qi to augment his muscles [color=f49ac2]Equipment:[/color] A normal spear and wooden shield [color=f49ac2]Cultivation Base:[/color] Memories of his lost friends and family give him energy that can be turned into Qi. He doesn't know why but whenever he thinks of the people in his past, his Qi level increases. The stronger his ties to the people in his memory, the greater his Qi increases. [color=f49ac2]Techniques:[/color] He has two abilities that can be activated using his Qi: Hevenly Muscular and Bone Regeneration - this technique uses the Qi that is in his body to heal his wounds. His memories of his closest people creates the benevolent Qi that extracts the pain and damage he may have sustained in a fight so that his body returns to its natural state Hevenly Muscular and Bone Augmentation - as explained above, but this time his Qi makes his body even stronger than it would naturally be [/hider] [/quote] The character fits in better. I will say that you don't have to just completely 180. The big issue with your initial character was that he was effectively a murder hobo that had his motivations run opposite of everyone else. If you would like an example of a violent character that would work in this setting: The Fist Demon of Mount Hua (another manhwa) follows effectively a dude that kills a lot of people. However, his violence is generally aimed at people who he feels deserve it (attacks him first, attacks others, etc) and the protagonist of that series has no real reason to kill random people. Misc changes and fixes: Body enhancements are meant to be your passives. Since he activates his healing and strength/speed using a qi technique, you should probably just remove the two lines there and leave the body enhancement section blank. Why do his memories give him energy? It feels a bit odd under any energy system. It would probably make more sense that his memories give him the willpower to refine his unorganized, unspecific qi. That's probably a small edit. For his techniques, you could probably elaborate on his martial arts a bit. Is he an untrained monkey man? Does he have some background in some kind of fighting? etc etc. Besides that, the big thing is editing. I'm not the biggest stickler for things, but give your posts a few checks to make sure everything looks good. There are some things here that feel like they would make things rough.