[color=silver][right][i][b][u]TIMESTAMP:[/u] Monday, July 19th, 2021; After Mika and Caitlin’s Solo Posts TW: Mentions of Suicide, Loss of a Lover, Death[/b][/i][/right] [center][img]https://fontmeme.com/permalink/220720/d14976b440f51e97012615177742e5b9.png[/img] [img]https://64.media.tumblr.com/433f22da87252283e20a66d9943b6189/tumblr_po3vvqfVmN1tjdnh4o1_400.gif[/img] [img]https://64.media.tumblr.com/1d8c88c8279aca1ab071f847f4a764a1/1c3d0a41245e1a2b-5c/s400x600/cccb90475b687cf0e303558a5f6aa58e22e26932.gif[/img] [sub]A [@metanoia] & [@Venus] Collab || Featuring [color=635687]Mikhail Zima[/color] & [color=C81935]Caitlin Cleary[/color] [color=C81935][b]________________________________________________________________________________[/b][/color] [i]At the end of the world Or the last thing I see You are never coming home, never coming home Never coming home, never coming home And all the things that you never ever told me And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me Never coming home, never coming home Could I? Should I? And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me[/i][/sub] [color=635687][b]________________________________________________________________________________[/b][/color][/center] [indent][indent]Just a block away from the Cleary home on Prairie Court, Mika Zima sat in his truck. He had been for nearly ten minutes, just thinking about what he should do. It’s been close to half an hour since he put the mystery of that letter together. He couldn't believe just how obvious it was. All of the conversations they had about family, including that first conversation that he ever had with Blossom. Her talking about family, expectations, and just how angry she got about David — Mika’s cousin! The cousin he never got to know even on a ‘hello my name is’ basis. And that’s something he wished he at least got to do. In all this time that Mika had spent with his mother’s family -- [i]his[/i] family -- and getting to know him. From getting to know Coach even if just as a player (and one of his best ones, at that), he never got the chance to meet David. This was something he’d forever regret because he was a coward. But knowing that Cece was someone who knew David. Not just on a friendly basis, but as someone who probably loved him. Mika didn’t feel betrayed. He sure as hell was still keeping secrets from her, something he probably should have divulged when they met at O’Halloran’s Creek. That was something he’d have to own up to eventually, but Mika wasn’t a block away to talk about that. No, he was a block away from her house trying to decide what he should do with the current information he was sitting on. Weirdly, he heard Ivan’s voice in his head. The words he spoke to him just before Mika hung up on that bastard he has for a father. [i]Don’t forget to love and live.[/i] At the time, he didn’t want to hear it, but could that old bastard be onto something? With a deep sigh that followed him leaning back into his seat, he spent another ten minutes trying to make up his mind. In doing so, he saw something in the back seat behind the passenger side. [color=635687]“Is that what I think it is?”[/color] Mika reached back and yanked what he saw. Holding it in his hand, he couldn’t help but laugh. [color=635687]“Guess she left it here.”[/color] Mika held one of Cece’s old scrunchies in his hand. Smiling, he thought about just how long it must’ve been in his truck. No doubt since before they were seeing each other before their…[code]relationship[/code] went to crap. [color=635687]“Must be a sign.”[/color] Shaking his head, Mika left his truck, walking around the corner and made his way to the front of the Cleary household. He thought for a moment. Going to the front door was obviously a no-go, so Mika had to get creative. He hopped the side fence and made his way to their backyard, hoping nobody outside or weird, nosey neighbors saw him effectively commit a crime by trespassing. Oh well, that’s something he would need to worry about later. Regardless, he found what he was looking for. He was literally outside of her bedroom so to speak. To be more accurate, he was in front of the floral trellis that looked climbable. It wasn’t safe, but Mika never was about doing things safely. He took in a deep breath and started to climb his way up the thing that felt like it was going to break under the pressure of his weight, but he eventually made it to the balcony of her room. And with another sigh, Mika tapped on her French door a few times. When he didn’t get any answer, he tapped again, but this time a little harder. [color=635687]“Yo… Cece!”[/color] He tried to whisper but also spoke loud enough so that she would hear him. [color=635687]“You’re in there, right? Please tell me you’re in here...”[/color] He hoped to fucking God it was her and not someone who could probably kill him by just pushing him over the ledge. Seriously, what were you thinking, Mikhail? Caitlin didn’t know how long she had spent in that closet, clutching her tattooed wrist against her broken heart. All she knew was that she cried until there were no more tears to spare, and only then did she find the strength to trudge across the room and collapse onto her bed. Although her body had remained motionless, her glassy-eyed stare locked onto the spinning blades of the chrome ceiling fan, her mind was going a million miles an hour. Who would be capable of doing such a despicable thing? Cece never spoke ill of anyone, wronged anyone, caused anyone harm, or even tried to draw attention to herself in any way. She didn’t have any known enemies-- with the exception of Natalia Belmonte, who could immediately be excluded since she was as close to David as Cece was to becoming a millionaire. A personal vendetta against her seemed unlikely, which could mean that whoever posted her letter had another goal in mind. But what could that goal be? Was there even a goal to be had? What could possibly justify publicly publishing the handwritten letters of a smitten fourteen year-old girl for the whole town to judge? Was it anger? Was it jealousy? Was it someone’s sick, distasteful idea of a joke? What was the need to bring up one of Edenridge’s most infamous scandals of the 2010’s? Why would anyone want to make those close to David re-live their pain again? The young man had been gone from this world for over three years. Why couldn’t they just let him rest in peace? Lost as she was in her thoughts, Cece failed to notice the first gentle taps on her balcony door. But when she heard the second round of louder, insistent taps accompanied by a voice she could recognize in her sleep, the bewildered young woman leaped from her bed and opened the balcony door to find an unexpected visitor awaiting to be allowed entry into her chambers. [color=C81935]“Mika?”[/color] Cece tentatively called out to her visitor, a frown of confusion settling on her face. There wasn’t much time to dwell on it, though-- not when he was out in plain view of the highly observant Scott Street neighbors. She placed a hand on his shoulder and quickly ushered him inside, making sure to look around for any witnesses in the vicinity before closing and locking the balcony door behind her. [color=C81935]“What are you doing here?”[/color] she inquired once inside the safety of her bedroom. Not even two seconds after being guided in by a clearly upset and panicked Cece, Mika began to reacquaint himself with her room. [color=635687]“Sure hasn’t changed much,”[/color] he commented as he casually walked around. [color=635687]“Wait the bed--”[/color] Mika pointed from where it was now to the opposite end of the wall. [color=635687]“It used to be over there, right?”[/color] He muttered, turning his head back and met Cece in the eyes. He had a half-grin on his face and she had the complete opposite. [color=635687]“Sorry. I guess I got caught up in the moment.”[/color] Mika parked it on the edge of her bed, taking an extra moment to get a feel for the bounce factor. It still had the same amount of spring as he remembered. He reached into his pocket, pulling out her hair tie which, even as he sat there on her bed, was the weakest reason to climb up to her balcony and see her in person. He could have just mailed it to her and be done with it. Or even have Ley return it to her on his behalf. But Mika needed a reason, so here he was. [color=635687]“I found this in the backseat of my truck.”[/color] He extended his open hand to her. The old hair tie that she never got back from him, before their heaven became hell. [color=635687]“Figured you’d want it back…even if it’s been a few years.”[/color] Caitlin's bloodshot eyes were directed to Mika's hand to the item in his open palm, and she found herself getting momentarily distracted from the affliction she'd been wrapped up in since learning about the letter. The red velvet scrunchie had been missing for over two years now, ever since it had slid off her ginger hair one chilly December day in 2018, at the peak of hers and Mika’s ‘relationship’. The young lovers had driven out to the creek to spend time together as they usually did, but the temperatures had dropped below freezing, forcing them to stay nestled inside the vehicle instead of partaking in their usual truck bed hangout. The cold temperature outside, along with the truck's heat and the one emanating from their passionately intertwined bodies, had fogged up the windows of the Tacoma, shielding them from the eyes of the outside world. After all was said and done, Cece had noticed the missing scrunchie, and together with Mika made her best attempts at locating it. But considering she had been too preoccupied with their exploit to pay attention to where it had landed, the task had been unsuccessful. She and Mika had shared a good laugh about it in each other's arms, joking that it would show up when they least expected it. What were the odds that their joke had been a prediction, and that the scrunchie would appear today, of all days? [color=C81935]"You came all the way to my house, climbed up the trellis and snuck into my bedroom just to give me this?"[/color] she asked Mika, collecting the hair tie from his hand before taking a seat next to him in the bed. Was it the only reason he took such a risk? No, most definitely not, but destiny had a hand in pointing it in his direction. It was the excuse he needed that would justify him climbing up the unstable trellis to get to her balcony. He wasn’t as light as he was a few years ago when he would climb up that thing all of the time (or whenever she’d sneak him up into her room.) He was heavier. He had more muscle mass (and some fat if he was being honest), so it could have snapped. [color=635687]“Technically, I just snuck onto your balcony. You’re the one who snuck me inside.”[/color] Mika chuckled and then he saw Cece’s face. Not so much the lack of her laughing at his jokes. She always did, but there was something so clear as day that he immediately realized it when he focused on her face. From how red her eyes were, the slight puffiness around the edges, and other little things that were clear evidence that Cece had been crying. [color=635687]“Have you been crying?”[/color] He asked, but he knew the answer. Of course, she has been crying. That letter, the one that probably not many people who knew her handwriting inside and out would know that it was [i]her[/i] handwriting. Mika realized it when he put some of the dots together - but knowing and mentioning that were two different matters entirely. Mika had to give it a shot, though. [color=635687]“It’s…about the letter, isn’t it? The one about David…”[/color] He knew. [i]Of course he knew[/i]. She wasn't surprised her ex had been the first person to connect the dots. With the exception of Danny and his full knowledge of the illicit affair, it was Mika who had the majority of the pieces to put the puzzle together. There were only a handful of people who could recognize the letter's handwriting as hers: her parents, her siblings, Danny, and Mika. If he tied that to the location in which they had first interacted and the topic of their first conversation, it wouldn't be difficult to figure out. And clearly, Mika had been astute enough to do so. At the mention of David, Cece didn't even attempt to hide the tears clouding her turquoise eyes. Instead, she locked eyes with Mika and nodded, feeling as if her heart was being squeezed to death by an invisible hand. Without hesitation, Mika grabbed her hand, squeezing it as tight or as gently as she needed. He might’ve come here with the intention to get the confirmation and even though he had it as clear as a glistening emerald in the form of Cece’s watery eyes, his only focus was to be her support system right now. [color=635687]“Hey, it’s okay.”[/color] He said reassuringly as he squeezed her hand and fixated on her eyes. [color=635687]“This all must be incredibly hard for you. I’m so sorry I never realized it sooner, Cece.. Ever since that first day, I should have seen the signs, seen what you’ve been keeping inside this whole time.”[/color] The whole time he spoke, Mika just kept his hands locked with hers, stroking the top of hers. The reassurance and kindness in Mika's voice made Caitlin's chest hurt with an overwhelming sense of gratitude and guilt. Gratitude, by the way he seemed to be devoid of any judgment or ill feelings even after coming to know the haunted truths of her past. And guilt, for keeping such a big secret from him throughout the course of their relationship. David had died without revealing her identity to the world even in the face of the town's potential wrath, so Caitlin had chosen to not let his sacrifice be in vain by ensuring their secret remained just that. But at what cost? Overcome by emotion, Cece buried her face in her hands and began to sob, succumbing to the weight that had been crushing her shoulders for over three years. ‘I’m sorry’ was all she could repeat over and over again, her voice muffled by the small hands covering her face. As she sobbed and apologized in repeated succession, Mika sat there, feeling confused as to why she was apologizing. Mika didn’t completely understand what was happening right now. He didn’t have all the facts. She was with David, that much he knew, but did he know the full story? Did he understand everything that happened between her and his late cousin? Absolutely not. He wanted to, though. He wanted to know but only if she was comfortable telling him. [color=635687]“You did nothing wrong, Blossom…”[/color] Mika slowly took her in his arms, wrapping them around her, letting Cece sob in his arms if she wanted to -- whatever she needed from him right now, he’d give it to her. All of it. [color=635687]“I hope you know that, Cece. You did nothing wrong but love someone. It was your secret to tell if you wanted to. Don’t ever forget that!”[/color] Part of Mika was angry -- no, [i]furious[/i] -- that someone took that away from her. [color=C81935]"But it's all my fault! Every bad thing that happened to him is because of me!"[/color] Cece lamented to Mika in between sobs, her arms holding onto him like a lifeline. [color=C81935]"If I hadn't left the party with him that night, none of this would've happened, and Davy would still be alive. I'm the reason he's dead… And on days like these I just wish I would have drowned with him."[/color] There was so much Mika didn’t understand. As close as he may have gotten to Coach and as many stories as he may have heard through the grapevine, this was all new to him. He never heard any of this, which made sense because nobody but Cece would know. But when she said she wished she was dead, something in Mika snapped and, in a gentle but firm manner, he made sure she saw his face when he said, [color=635687]“No, don’t think like that!”[/color] As he spoke, it was clear she wasn’t the only one who had puffy eyes. Just the thought of her not being here made him go mad. [color=635687]“I don’t know even a fraction of what happened. The only thing I know is David was labeled something he wasn’t. I didn’t know him and I stand by my original opinion I had the day we met: he wasn’t a pedo and you had nothing to do with any of that. You hear me, Cece? You’re not to blame!”[/color] Mika was gripping her shoulders with trembling hands and his forehead pressed against hers as it, too, trembled. His gut felt twisted like it had turned itself over and under itself multiple times. A fresh wave of guilt washed over Caitlin as she witnessed Mika’s reaction to her words. She hadn’t meant to upset him with what she said-- rather, she was just being open and unfiltered about her feelings for the first time in her life since David’s passing. As positive as she often presented herself to be, losing her first love had brought up the darkest thoughts that had ever crossed her mind. In all honesty, the first two weeks after Dave's passing, Cece was sure she wasn't going to make it. She toyed with the idea of . But little by little, the pain and the days became more bearable, and the circumstances had set the scene for her to meet the man in front of her now. Then came days like today, when the stitches holding her broken heart together were cruelly ripped away, leaving her crippled with grief and agony. [color=C81935]"I'm sorry… It’s just… If you knew the whole story, you’d understand why I can’t live with myself,"[/color] she whispered apologetically, her eyes closed as their foreheads remained against one another. [color=635687]“Okay…”[/color] Mika said in a somewhat low, hoarse voice. [color=635687]“I want to know, Cece. Tell me everything.”[/color] He squeezed her hands and smiled not just for her comfort but for his own, as well. And for the first time in her life, Caitlin embarked on the voyage of revealing her tragic love story. [color=C81935]“The night Allison Davies passed away, I was one of the cheerleaders that went to that party at ReyRey’s house in the Southside, and some Pinehurst guy was harassing me. He had me up against a wall trying to kiss me at one point when David came in, said something to the guy and got him off me. He offered me a ride home and I said yes. But instead of driving back to Scott Street, he drove us out to Mulligan's Clearing. I was nervous at first, but mostly I was so excited… I’d had a crush on David for years at this point, and this was the first time we were going anywhere just the two of us. We talked for a while: about Edenridge, our families, what we wanted out of life… He asked me if I thought he was good enough for me. I told him he was perfect. We kissed… And that was it. That was all it took. That's how everything between us started…”[/color] she trailed off, replaying the lakeside scene on a loop in her head. [color=C81935]“We started meeting in secret after that for obvious reasons-- like you and I used to do. Two months later, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. Three months after that, we were together for the first time. Every time we met, we would spend hours dreaming about how different things would be when we could finally go public: how we would go on all these dates to show each other off, how we'd get married in this big ceremony and reception with all our family and friends, how we'd get a nice house in Eastbrook and fill the rooms with of kids and a pet or two…"[/color] Cece's voice broke the same way her being had been since that fateful day. She and David had so many hopes and dreams for the future, and they had all been destroyed by what happened next. [color=C81935]"A few days before he died, Dave told me someone had found out about us. They never said who it was, and we never found out, but this person told the police that they’d seen David with a girl who looked younger than him. The cops looked into it, but because David was Coach’s son and they didn’t know the girl’s name, they dropped it. Edenridge High got wind of it, and they decided to fire him to avoid any trouble. He was so upset, Mika… He was so embarrassed John and Lizzie and ashamed that he'd lost his job like that, that he decided to go out to the Hole that New Year's Eve. He sent me one last text at midnight, wishing me a happy new year and promising this would be our best year yet because we’d … And next thing I know, I'm being woken up by Mom and Dad telling me that David… That David was gone."[/color] The grim looks on her parents' faces as they told her the news. Watching Rhett sobbing like a baby for the first time in her life. Hearing the gut-wrenching wails from Lizzie and Jamie next door. The way a part of her soul left her body after seeing David’s lifeless body in the casket when they’d been in each other’s arms just two days before. How her legs gave out from beneath her in such a way that Gary had to carry her out of the room. The way she ran to their secret spot at the clearing and fell to her knees-- crying, sobbing, screaming until her throat was raw-- at the realization that the man she had loved so fiercely was gone forever… They were scenes that continued to haunt Caitlin to this very day. When she finished laying it all out there, telling him the full story about not only how she and David became involved, but detailing [i]her[/i] truth. It left Mika feeling something he couldn’t put to words. Angry at the person who reported a half-truth and sad that his cousin couldn’t see any other way out. That he felt like he couldn’t lean on anyone, but when the whole town decided to paint you as something you weren’t, Mika understood that feeling all too well. Whispers of a town talking about David O’Hara were no different than the looks he got because he was the son of Ivan, a gangster. People treated you differently. They made you feel like you were lower than them, so Mika could understand that. In the back of his mind, he wondered if his cousin had someone who saw him and wouldn't let him drown in his own despair -- like Big Rey did for Mika -- then maybe he would have been saved. Cece wouldn’t blame herself for any of this. All she did was love someone. [color=635687]“You didn’t do anything wrong.”[/color] Before Cece could say anything, Mika continued, reinforcing what he just said, [color=635687]“I mean it, Cece! You did nothing wrong. All you ever did was love someone. I’m positive that he didn’t have any regrets either. I know I don’t have the memories you had with him, but everything I’ve heard about him up until this point, it all points to him being the kind of man that never did anything he didn’t want to. The kind of love you described is one that couldn’t be stopped even if you knew what was going to happen.”[/color] Maybe that’s why Mika sought after Cece after all the shit he put her through. [color=635687]“The only person to blame in any of this is whoever told the cops.”[/color] [color=C81935]"But it was my fault too,”[/color] Cece argued back, shaking her head. [color=C81935]“All I ever did was love David. I loved him so much it made me selfish. I had so many chances to stop things, but I didn't. He took so many risks because of me-- because of us-- and that cost him his life. I didn't stop it and now he's dead."[/color] Mika reached for Cece, once again pulling her into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her petite figure by the waist while she surrendered to him in the same way, making sure she was secure in his arms and holding her as close as he could without hurting her. She was so close to him that he felt her heavy heartbeat against his own chest. [color=635687]“Listen to me: it’s not your fault, Cece. None of it is your fault, okay? It’s not a bad thing to be selfish if it’s for the right reasons. You loved David-- you loved him so much that nobody could’ve stopped you two even if they wanted to.”[/color] He didn’t realize it immediately after, but it wasn’t just Cece’s love for David he was talking about. A few seconds after, he realized that he was talking about his own for [i]her[/i]. [color=C81935]"If I just hadn't gone to that party like Rhett asked me to, or if I had said no to him when he offered to drive me home, then none of this would have happened. John and Lizzie would still have their son. Jamie would still have her brother. Rhett, Clay, Francis and Russ would still have their best friend. And I'd still have Davey in my life-- even if not in the way I would have wanted him to be,"[/color] she lamented in between sobs. [color=C81935]"I just hate myself…"[/color] It killed him, hearing her say this, feeling her shake in his arms, against his chest -- it was like he could feel his cousin’s anguish pulse through him as Cece described her immense guilt. How could he help her see that it wasn’t her fault? Everything he has said and done until this very moment has been from the heart. Coming here knowing full well that he had no right to, Mika was taking risk after risk and he didn’t care if it came to bite him in the ass. She needed him and most of all, he needed to be there for her because clearly nobody else was. He held her tight to his chest, the sobs and vibration of her shaking persisting and he guided her back with him as they started to lay down. With the way they were laying, Mika’s head was against the mess of pillows at the head of her bed and she was against his chest. [color=635687]“Cece… Blossom… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you can’t see that this isn’t your cross to bear. Loving David and him loving you, that wasn’t anything to feel guilty for. I need you to understand that you can’t help who you fall for. From everything you’ve told me, David saved you from some Pinehurst asshole and what happened from that point was just a natural attraction.”[/color] The more he spoke, Mika could feel himself relating to what she and his cousin went through. Just like his cousin before him, Mika developed intense feelings for the redhead in his arms. Just like David, Mika felt that natural attraction. Maybe he didn’t know David’s feelings, but he knew Cece’s feelings. He hurt her so badly and yet they were right back to where it all mostly started: in each other’s arms. Perhaps it was just a little wrong because she was with Niles, but he couldn’t help it. He knew she needed him and after hearing everything, Mika was starting to understand her feelings clearly. And maybe… He gently kissed her forehead and held her closer. [color=635687]“Cece…"[/color] He hesitated for a second. [color=635687]"Cece... I lo--”[/color] Before Mika could finish his sentence, the sound of the doorknob being turned in an attempt to gain access to the locked bedroom echoed like a gunshot across Caitlin's bedroom.[/indent][/indent][/color]