[center][img]https://64.media.tumblr.com/f013ace66b0025029612554e97d6b08b/tumblr_inline_oiuw9zw4B11ucuavm_400.gif[/img] 

[img]https://i.imgur.com/zJXFdSO.png[/img][/center]

[sup]Location: His home → The Bruncheon
Mentions: Deimos [@Danvers]
Interactions: [color=e26161]Tochi[/color] [@Fabricant451], [color=295751]Hati[/color] [@KZOMBI3][/sup]

[indent][indent][color=708090]The call of an [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBiA_po8TYM]alarm[/url] wasn’t really necessary to pull him out of his slumber. Years of service in the military had given Hermes an internal clock that brought him up at five A.M., music or no. Some of his fellow deities thought he was weak for going to bed at 1130 sharp every night, but Hermes didn’t care. Truth was, Hermes didn’t care about a lot - he lived his life the way he wanted, and that was perfect for him. 

He rolled out of the bed and caught himself as he caught the ground, beginning a wake-up workout. By the time the song finished, Hermes had finished his one hundred push ups and hopped up to his feet, and paused in the hallway. He looked to the left, where the garage and his home gym were, and then turned his head toward the right, where the television and his PlayStation 5 awaited. Once upon a time, Hermes had heard a saying from one of the most profound mortal philosophers of all time.

[quote=Anthony Bourdain]“I understand there’s a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed, smoke weed all day, and watch cartoons and old movies. My whole life is a series of stratagems to avoid, and outwit, that guy.”[/quote]

Hermes was finding it hard to win the battle against that guy today, and after a few minutes of quiet contemplation, he hung a right and flopped on his couch and picked up the controller. He checked his watch, and nodded. [color=f45c04][b]“Yeah… yeah, I got time. What’s Hera gonna do if I’m late to her brunch? Tell Perse to not give me a fuckin’ apple?”[/b][/color] He asked no one in particular as he fired up the console and the game.

The game in question? Fortnite. Hermes fancied himself as something of an ‘epic gamer.’ He learned the term from Huixtocihuatl, though he was pretty sure she used it as a derogatory term. He thought it sounded pretty dope though, so he referred to himself as it to annoy her often. It was part of the fun of their relationship.

He loaded into the game with his random teammates, and adjusted his head headset slightly. Clearing his throat, Hermes pressed the push-to-talk button. [color=f45c04][b]“Mic check?”[/b][/color]

[b]“What the fuck, dude? This guy sounds like he’s a fuckin’ grandpa. Where do you wanna drop, gramps? The retirement home?”[/b]

It was always something with the kids he played games with. And it was always kids! What was the deal with that shit, no matter what time or what day he got on to play, there were always fucking kids on his team. And he hated dealing with the children, listening to them talk grated on his ears. They were [i]squeakers[/i], and it was sooo annoying.

[color=f45c04][b]“Drop tilted, you little shit.”[/b][/color] Hermes said, rolling his eyes. He watched the screen as they fell down to the drop zone he’d asked for. At least the kid listened well. Hermes was focused on the game for the next twenty or so minutes. It wasn’t until the end of the game that they started talking again, with Hermes trying to direct the traffic.

[color=f45c04][b]“Left, dude. DUDE. HE’S LEFT. HE’S GOING TO KILL YOU.”[/b][/color] Hermes screamed into his microphone, and the kid didn’t seem to pay attention to his words at all, and Hermes was forced to watch as an angry looking John Cena burst through his teammates walls and shot him in the face with a shotgun. [color=f45c04][b]“Kid, I fuckin’ told you that they were coming for you, what the hell?”[/b][/color]

[b]“SHUT THE FUCK UP, OLD MAN. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. DON’T TELL ME HOW TO PLAY.”[/b]

The screaming kid distracted Hermes from the business at hand, and a purple saxophone playing banana burst onto the scene and shoved an uzi up his ass. It was, at this point, that Hermes became heated. There had already been about thirty goddamn minutes of this crap, and it wasn’t like this kid was ever going to see him again. Stuck in the spectator mode, Hermes listened to the kid continue.

[b]“I didn’t know they let the geriatrics have wifi, dude. Jesus fucking christ, people like you ruin this fucking game. Fucking boomers can’t even play and they can’t do anything but try and run other people’s lives -”[/b]

[color=f45c04][b]“By fucking Zeus’s beard, kid. I swear on my life I will wireshark your IP and I will send my psycho fuckbuddy to your house and she will [i]stab you with a fork[/i].”[/b][/color] He growled into the mic, and to his surprise, the very legitimate threat was met with… laughter.

[b]“Bullshit dude, you’re probably a forty year old virgin, up at five AM playing competitive Fortnite.”[/b]

There was a pause, as Hermes couldn't figure out how to reply to that comment. And then, a new, third voice joined the fray. [b]“Hey guys! Sorry, I couldn’t get my mic to work until now. We did pretty good! Fourth place isn’t too bad.”[/b]

Hermes sighed, and just shut his PS5 off. [color=f45c04][i]That’s the last time I play Fortnite at five A.M…[/i][/color] Hermes told himself for the fourth time that week, then stood up and stretched his arms over his head. [color=f45c04][i]Yeah… yeah, I got time.[/i][/color] He decided, and then he stumbled into the garage to get his morning workout in.

Before much longer, Hermes was [url=https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FTX4I_tXsAMlgH1.jpg]dressed[/url], and on his [url=https://cdp.azureedge.net/products/USA/KA/2022/MC/SUPERSPORT/NINJA_H2/50/MIRROR_COATED_SPARK_BLACK/2000000034.jpg]bike[/url]. He flew through the streets of Seattle with his [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nujEUVUD2_Q]music[/url] blasting from the speakers on the bike. Hermes wasn’t a savage - he wasn’t stupid enough to ride the bike with earbuds in. He was just stupid enough to ride the bike without a helmet. Once he arrived at the location, he dropped gears and brought the bike to a stop, tossed the keys to the valet.

Once he was inside, Hermes found himself two glasses of champagne off of the plate of a passing waiter. He slammed one and put the empty glass down as he looked around. He was searching for his favorite Aztec goddess, the goddess of salt. She had to be around here somewhere, surely. Looking around, he found the group of people in the center of the building and headed that way. If he had to guess, Tochi was probably in there.

[center][color=#e26161][b]"Some party, right? Better than last year."[/b][/color][/center]

There she was. His target sighted, Hermes easily stepped through the crowd to her voice, and when he saw her, he scooped her up and over his shoulder, like a sack of potatoes. He knew she wouldn’t like it, but he had a feeling he’d like what she was holding up to her behind his back: a glass of champagne. [color=f45c04][b]“I heard you running your mouth on your stream, you know —”[/b][/color]

Hermes stopped before he could even address the claim that he finished fast, as he realized what the people were congregating around: the bodies of his friends. [color=f45c04][b]“What the fuck…”[/b][/color] Was all he could say. Keeping Tochi slung over his shoulder, he pulled out his phone.

[quote][b]To: [color=295751]Brother Wolf[/color][/b]

[color=f45c04][b]Dude… what is going on?[/b][/color][/quote]

If anyone would know, Hati would.[/color][/indent][/indent]