Nobody considers how it feels to be a dam. And why would they? Behold the mighty face, the invincible buttresses. Relax by the placid, mirror-smooth lake. Enjoy the benefits of living nearby, of the mills and pumps of the tempered river. This is a home, a place of safety in the shadow of the dam. And if the dam strains to hold back the water, that's alright. Downriver, just in sight, the dam sees them living and playing. People are counting on you to hold back the water. And if the water rises, and the strain increases, that's fine too. And if cracks start to form, you just need to hold together harder--people are counting on you. You can't be seen to be cracking, it'll cause panic. And so the cracks grow, and the water rises to drown forest and village, and you tamp it down, because people need you-- Right up until the moment a too-small sheep with a too-large heart puts a hand on a crack, and tells the dam it's okay to break. Even now, she tries to hide it, but the signs are too strong to ignore. The hug--at first, so gentle, folding you into her arms as if moving too fast might shatter this moment--now clings desperately, like a shipwreck survivor hugging a broken piece of ship. The hitches of breath, so shallow at first, are now wet gaping sobs. And even if none of the above were true, it would still be impossible to miss the dampness of tears soaking into wool. "I thought--snf--I thought he was sharpening me to hurt you." You. Vasily. Dany. The ship as a whole. "An' I. An' I can't tell how much of what he said is actually good. For me, I mean." The thought is terrifying, and she squeezes harder. "It's all. It's all so confusing. Because I. Aphrodite's fucked with my head, but i. I [i]like[/i] who I am. Who that advice turned me into." Quiet, for a few seconds. Even as her breathing calms, the tears continue, and she presses her face against your wool again. "… I don't want to go back to who I was before. Not even the Pallas. Alexa… Before I met everyone, I. I didn't want to live. With who I was. With what I was. "I didn't love me. I didn't love anyone, not after Minerva. "And that rift terrifies me." She sniffs messily, and lifts her head to reach for a napkin. "I don't. I don't want to live inside that head again. If I forget everyone--if I forget you, and Dany, and Vasily--" [i]If I forget Minerva,[/i] is not said so visibly it practically echoes. "--and everyone else… Then who's left? I can't guarantee, if I cross, that I'll be… "What's left of Alexa, when I forget who I love?