[color=lightgray][right][sub]TIMESTAMP: After Useless Musings[/sub][/right]
[center][url=https://www.roleplayerguild.com/users/aces-away][img]https://fontmeme.com/permalink/220626/fe2d9304a6eaff80a4d45d6ff074a27f.png[/img][/url]  [img]https://fontmeme.com/permalink/220626/20e4a27e1adc68a5da4e5e803a955a8e.png[/img]  [url=https://www.roleplayerguild.com/users/lovelycomplex][img]https://fontmeme.com/permalink/220626/22d3f6d4b12b79b1c1bf810756ff3845.png[/img][/url]
[b][color=#DC143C]_[/color][color=#DC153C]_[/color][color=#DD163D]_[/color][color=#DD183D]_[/color][color=#DE193E]_[/color][color=#DE1A3E]_[/color][color=#DF1C3F]_[/color][color=#DF1D3F]_[/color][color=#E01E40]_[/color][color=#E02040]_[/color][color=#E12141]_[/color][color=#E12241]_[/color][color=#E22442]_[/color][color=#E22542]_[/color][color=#E32643]_[/color][color=#E32843]_[/color][color=#E42944]_[/color][color=#E42A44]_[/color][color=#E52C45]_[/color][color=#E52D45]_[/color][color=#E62E46]_[/color][color=#E63046]_[/color][color=#E73147]_[/color][color=#E73247]_[/color][color=#E83448]_[/color][color=#E83548]_[/color][color=#E93649]_[/color][color=#E93849]_[/color][color=#EA394A]_[/color][color=#EA3A4A]_[/color][color=#EB3C4B]_[/color][color=#EB3D4B]_[/color][color=#EC3E4C]_[/color][color=#EC404C]_[/color][color=#ED414D]_[/color][color=#ED424D]_[/color][color=#EE444E]_[/color][color=#EE454E]_[/color][color=#EF464F]_[/color][color=#EF484F]_[/color][color=#F04950]_[/color][color=#F04A50]_[/color][color=#F14C51]_[/color][color=#F14D51]_[/color][color=#F24E52]_[/color][color=#F25052]_[/color][color=#F35153]_[/color][color=#F35253]_[/color][color=#F45454]_[/color][color=#F45554]_[/color][color=#F55655]_[/color][color=#F55855]_[/color][color=#F65956]_[/color][color=#F65A56]_[/color][color=#F75C57]_[/color][color=#F75D57]_[/color][color=#F85E58]_[/color][color=#F86058]_[/color][color=#F96159]_[/color][color=#F96259]_[/color][color=#FA645A]_[/color][color=#FA655A]_[/color][color=#FB665B]_[/color][color=#FB685B]_[/color][color=#FC695C]_[/color][color=#FC6A5C]_[/color][color=#FD6C5D]_[/color][color=#FD6D5D]_[/color][/b][/center]
[img]https://fontmeme.com/permalink/220921/99ce17ec9e61b71edeaab0b2c31d0961.png[/img]
[center][img]https://i.imgur.com/8mckoop.png[/img][/center]
[right][img]https://fontmeme.com/permalink/220921/1b8186174447d25f3c63f8a0a6d6e1b4.png[/img][/right]
[center][b][color=#DC143C]_[/color][color=#DC153C]_[/color][color=#DD163D]_[/color][color=#DD183D]_[/color][color=#DE193E]_[/color][color=#DE1A3E]_[/color][color=#DF1C3F]_[/color][color=#DF1D3F]_[/color][color=#E01E40]_[/color][color=#E02040]_[/color][color=#E12141]_[/color][color=#E12241]_[/color][color=#E22442]_[/color][color=#E22542]_[/color][color=#E32643]_[/color][color=#E32843]_[/color][color=#E42944]_[/color][color=#E42A44]_[/color][color=#E52C45]_[/color][color=#E52D45]_[/color][color=#E62E46]_[/color][color=#E63046]_[/color][color=#E73147]_[/color][color=#E73247]_[/color][color=#E83448]_[/color][color=#E83548]_[/color][color=#E93649]_[/color][color=#E93849]_[/color][color=#EA394A]_[/color][color=#EA3A4A]_[/color][color=#EB3C4B]_[/color][color=#EB3D4B]_[/color][color=#EC3E4C]_[/color][color=#EC404C]_[/color][color=#ED414D]_[/color][color=#ED424D]_[/color][color=#EE444E]_[/color][color=#EE454E]_[/color][color=#EF464F]_[/color][color=#EF484F]_[/color][color=#F04950]_[/color][color=#F04A50]_[/color][color=#F14C51]_[/color][color=#F14D51]_[/color][color=#F24E52]_[/color][color=#F25052]_[/color][color=#F35153]_[/color][color=#F35253]_[/color][color=#F45454]_[/color][color=#F45554]_[/color][color=#F55655]_[/color][color=#F55855]_[/color][color=#F65956]_[/color][color=#F65A56]_[/color][color=#F75C57]_[/color][color=#F75D57]_[/color][color=#F85E58]_[/color][color=#F86058]_[/color][color=#F96159]_[/color][color=#F96259]_[/color][color=#FA645A]_[/color][color=#FA655A]_[/color][color=#FB665B]_[/color][color=#FB685B]_[/color][color=#FC695C]_[/color][color=#FC6A5C]_[/color][color=#FD6C5D]_[/color][color=#FD6D5D]_[/color][/b][/center]
[indent][indent]
After finding a native fox named Adora Diamondheart, easily found at the Blue Sun’s Hotel & Gambling Hall — someone both Natalia and Mordechai knew — the quartet dropped off their belongings at her place. At her humble abode, a heartfelt reunion took place where neither Jade nor Poppy participated. Once everything was said and done Natalia and Jade were quick to scatter, rather hastily, without discussing a game plan. 

Whether it was Charlie’s ghost or some kind of annoying ha-ha joke, Pops and Decky were alone, together, one person clearly annoyed at the other, deciding what to do. They stood at the front patio having no idea where the other two headed off to. It was only five minutes they all claimed a room and got settled in. In those five minutes, the other two disappeared. Nowhere to be found. 

With a blank expression, which spoke volumes to those who knew her, Penelope hooked her thumbs into her pockets and strolled down the stairs. She knew why she was here and if no one else wanted to help her through this, she’d move forward alone. When her feet met the soil, she turned to look over her shoulder, up at her pain-in-the-ass friend. Her green eyes caught his dark gaze and held it for a silent moment. A moment only he and Charlie would understand; a look he got many times before. That look that said [i]‘I’m going ahead, with or without you’.[/i] 

Turning her attention away from him, she closed her eyes, taking in the sun rays. Glowing in the warmth, she inhaled and exhaled, finding Charlie’s gentle face, childish smile, and goofy laugh creeping in the back of her mind. She had a purpose here and that was to meet Mitena. This wasn’t about Charlie’s journal anymore. This was about her and finding the missing pieces of her Heart. 

There were so many choices filled with regret and to this day, she dissected his words trying to see if there was a hint of a boy that loved her. Not a boy that kept secrets. Poppy was unable to breathe because she lived a life for his memory and not for herself. She lived a life so dysfunctional because she believed she couldn’t live a life without him. She [i]always[/i] knew he’d come back to her. He’d come back. He’d always come back. 

Not anymore though. 

She needed to move forward, pick up all her shattered pieces and glue them back together. Charlie was dead. And with his death, her heart was lost. The pain, the grief, and the sadness overwhelmingly filled her lungs, like she was being weighed down at the bottom of the lake, and the burning sensation of drowning took over her body, telling her to give up. Give up. Just give up. 

She thought he’d fight for her but no, this wasn’t that type of story. It was time that Poppy fought for herself and grew the fuck up. Walking away from Adora’s house, Poppy set off in a direction, not knowing her destination, in hopes the further she went the more she’d come to terms that this was her life now. A life of uncertainty. A life of unknowns. A life. Would finding Mitena give her closure to help her heal? Or would she find herself picking up more broken glass, unable to repair herself in the way she’d hope? Only time could tell. 

Mordechai could never blame Poppy for the look she sent his way, no matter how many times he’s gotten it with the same result of tearing into his heart. It was a final look, it was a [i]if you don’t fix things now then they may never be fixable again[/i] look. Once again, he’d fucked up without even trying. He may have let his friend in on where he took Danny on the holidays but he’d obviously downplayed the relationship between him and Adora, something that became evident when his reunion with her included the intimate humiliation of crying into her shoulder while shuddering out apologies to the woman that he and Danny also called Auntie. The look he’d caught on Poppy’s, and even Jade’s, face said enough about his newest case of looking like a jackass, and his face had been red from both crying and shame from that moment on.

Talk about uncomfortable.

Allegra had been right, because if Poppy felt even the slightest bit the same when he and Charlie had left her behind to do serpent things then they had always been doing her more harm than good. They’d been the ones breaking her down as they thought they were building a protective barrier around her. That look, the way it tore into him every time it was aimed his way, was the closest thing Poppy had ever done to actually leaving them behind or out of things. Yet they, or at least Mordechai, never learned. Here he was years later, having returned with a secret family and even more connections than Poppy had thought he’d had.

As her feet met the soil, he followed close behind, staying a step behind her while he allowed her to gather herself and her thoughts just as much as he was allowing himself. When he was ready, he sped up just a bit to walk shoulder to shoulder with her, no longer the brash kid that would run ahead and leave her at his back. The only time he ever wanted her to see his back was if he was really shielding her from something awful, not just thinking that he was.

[color=dc143c]“I’ve fucked up a lot,”[/color] He started, looking over to his friend and admiring how the sun made her glow in a way you’d never be able to see in the hazy gloom that always blocked out the sun south of Carlisle. [color=dc143c]“I’m…I don’t know if apologizin’ for it is what ya want, because it’s not gonna feel genuine, right?”[/color] He posed rhetorically, hands in his pockets and gaze pulling away from her and towards the clear sky so unlike the storm they had been driving away from. [color=dc143c]“But I just…I know I’ve been stupid, Legs don’t call be [i]bovo[/i] constantly for nothin’. But she’s also really good at callin’ me on my shit that I’m too far up my own ass ta see, like actin’ as though I was some knight protectin’ ya from the darkest parts of Southie like ya didn’t grow up there too, like ya don’t have more legacy there than I do. All I can do right now is say sorry, but if you’ll let me, I wanna use this point on ta actually [i]show[/i] ya I’m changin’, that ya don’t have ta leave me behind and that I won’t leave ya behind anymore, either.”[/color]

Mordechai stopped walking and put his hand on Poppy’s shoulder, gripping it light enough that she could pull away and keep going if she wanted. In return, Penelope stopped in her tracks. She didn’t turn to him. All she did was bring herself to a halt and wait. 

[color=dc143c]“I just want the chance ta show ya, but I get it if I’ve used up all’a your patience already,”[/color] He gave a quiet, self-deprecating laugh and looked to the ground. [color=dc143c]“You’ve done more for me, especially recently, than anyone else and I kept turnin’ my back on ya thinkin’ it made me some protector. I didn’t mean ta leave ya out of [i]so much’a[/i] our lives back then, I was stupid,”[/color] Mordechai looked up and sighed, stepping forward and turning in front of her so they were face to face and searching to meet Poppy’s eyes. [color=dc143c]“I mean, I’m probably gonna keep bein’ stupid since I don’t really know how ta stop that, but I was kinda hopin’ that…I don’t know, that you’d wanna be by my side ta stop some'a the worst of it?”[/color]

They say green is one of the strongest colors, igniting the new season. A goodbye to winter days. Her eyes were born in strength, and never failed to promise a better tomorrow, no matter how much sadness it carried. As much as she was annoyed, when they shared moments like these, where he broke down his walls and reached for her hand, a connection she couldn’t really put into words, she knew he meant well. 

Mordechai saw the world differently than her. They might have been raised on the same side of town but that didn’t change the fact he had a far worse hand than she ever would. Both of their lives sucked but at least Poppy’s childhood didn’t leave her barely whole, constantly searching for stability or a feeling to drain the pressure from the unbearable pain of not being loved by the people that brought you into this world. In that matter, she was lucky. No matter how much of a pain in the ass he was to her, no matter the little white lies he told to shield her, no matter how much she didn’t know of him, which made her realize how little she knew of Charlie, she loved him. 

[color=fe6f5e]“If you weren’t stupid, you wouldn’t be you, huh?”[/color] Penelope teased a small smile out of him before gingerly, cautiously bringing her hand up and gently, tenderly placing it on Mordechai’s cheek. [color=fe6f5e]“I’m not going to expect you to change overnight. I’m not going to expect you to change at all. But I’m not going to sit around and watch you kill yourself either, you understand?”[/color] Her words shook as she spoke, trying to hold back all the emotions she’s been harboring for so long, since he left town. 

[color=fe6f5e]“I lose you, I lose another piece of me. And I’m barely here as is. I can accept I don’t know you or Charlie like I thought I did. I can accept I’ll never fully belong…”[/color] She heavily breathed in and out, bringing her voice down to a low whisper, [color=fe6f5e]“I can accept people die. Maxine. Danny. Charlie. But I can’t accept you killing yourself while you’re still alive. I don’t think my heart could take it.”[/color]

Mordechai leaned into her hand even as his tears slipped out of his closed eyes and coated her fingers, evidence of the emotions swirling within the both of them. He reached his hand up to hers and gently clasped them together, pulling her hand down to his chest and covering it with his other, easily enveloping hers completely with how small she was in comparison. He kept her hand against his chest with both of his, letting her feel the strong heart pumping clean blood through his system. What she’d said was similar to her reasoning when he had first gone clean in highschool for Danny and the emancipation, only Maxine had been the only name on her list back then. He wondered if she could feel the stutter his heart did as he thought of how the list had grown for him too. Maxine, Conan, Danny, Charlie, so much death and misery around them and he’d been putting so much stress on Poppy having her thinking that he was making his own one way ticket onto her list. God, he was such an ass.

[color=dc143c]“I’m here, Angel, and I understand. I’m done with the heavy shit, I’m here. And ya do belong,”[/color] He whispered, voice shaking as badly as hers. [color=dc143c]“Ya belong with me, with Jade, Allegra and the kids. Ya have us, and I’m sorry that I was too much of a dumbass ta see it before, what I was doin’ to ya.”[/color] Because they grew up together, and she grew up thinking she was unloved by her friends. He knew what it felt like when those you were meant to live and grow with treat you like you don’t deserve such a basic element of a relationship. He’d been hollow from the day his memory started until the day Sunshine filled up a piece of his heart, and then Danny and later a young Poppy, then Charlie and then Jade. Things had been fine then, and then he joined the Serpents and began putting up a wall Poppy couldn’t look over, isolating her from her birthright and casting a shadow over her life. He’d abused his friendship with her like he’d abused his friendship with Charlie. It looks like his parents had taught him something after all, molding him into the type of person that would ruin his own life so they no longer had to do it for him.

But he started a new life with Allegra and the kids, and it was time to get past everything and try to start the new chapters in their lives, that was the new goal. Never a promise, there was still never something as fragile to break as a promise passing his lips. But honesty was something he used to be brutally good at, and it was time he applied it again. Starting with what’s been on his mind for the past few days.

[color=dc143c]“I’m…I talked ta Phil the other day, and he can give me part time work at the shop,”[/color] His mechanic father figure was supporting enough families full time, and Mordechai couldn’t bring himself to put another full family on the man’s list of responsibilities. He opened his eyes to stare into hers once more, this time with conviction and strength. [color=dc143c]“I’ve been thinkin’ of goin’ back ta the Serpents for the rest of my income. I’m not gonna keep anythin’ from ya anymore, it ain’t gonna be like when we were kids. I just miss everyone there, and it’s felt like my heart’s been hurting ta get back there since the first time I walked back over the tracks,”[/color] He scoffed out a bland  laugh as he remembered the woman waiting for them to return back home. He knew that she was in his head already. [color=dc143c]“And I’m pretty sure Legs is comin’ in with me, so I couldn’t hide anythin’ even if I wanted to.”[/color]

There was something oddly soothing about feeling his heartbeat. It was when he placed her hand on his chest that she felt the feeling of relief wash over her. Something so real, so concrete, as a beating heart. The pulse running through his veins and the light in his eyes to assure her he was here. As he talked, she had a moment where she listened but could hear the gunshot that took Charlie out. The gunshot her father shot. The sudden flash of a memory, not as distant as she had wished it to be, caused her to grip onto his shirt. When the haunting image came and went, she opened her eyes to glance up at him and she smiled, burying her beasts to focus on him, [color=fe6f5e]“I knew you would go back. Your heart never left.”[/color]

Stepping forward, Poppy leaned her forehead against his chest, against their hands, and welcomed the silence for a second or two. He was a pain in the ass but he was her pain in the ass and she wouldn’t trade that for the world. Turning her head to face the reservation, resting herself against her friend, their hands and arms shifting to an embrace, she looked to see the distant land, unfortunately impoverished but still beautiful. It was beautiful because Poppy could tell, from the people that they met thus far, cultivated and cared for it. Tended and brought so much love to it. The land and the people. They worked in tandem to avoid neglecting one another and the place they call home to create something beautiful. If only the people of Edenridge aspired to not take for granted the things they had. The people they loved. 

[color=fe6f5e]“I need you to know,”[/color] she took in the sight of the reservation once more before looking back up to him, one of the few people she could be this intimately close with, [color=fe6f5e]“I need you to know that I won’t stop holding you when you can’t hold yourself. I need you to know I’m strong. Maybe not in the same way as you, but when things get too heavy, let me carry that weight. You are not alone and you and me, we could tell ourselves everyday we fucking killed all those we loved. That it was our fault. But really, what good does that do?”[/color]

Her words lingered around them, heavy and full of conviction. Full of power and love, a belief that they would get past this. That this too shall pass. She shook her head at the thought of all the bullshit they’ve experienced, making them guilty of people who were no longer with them. Guilty to live. [color=fe6f5e]“We had no control in any of that. Nothing you said, nothing I said, would’ve stopped Charlie. He was gone. Long gone before that day…”[/color] Digging his own grave. [color=fe6f5e]“And if you ever reach that dark place, and I know you have one, I have one too, remember me. Like I remember you.”[/color]

She hoped Mordechai understood what she meant, when she pleaded with him to remember her. It wasn’t just her she wanted him to remember. To choose. It was Legs. It was his babies. It was Jade. It was Sunshine. It was his boys. It was the idea of waking up tomorrow. It was the thought of finding peace, like Danny had hoped he would one day. It was a reminder that she loved him and if nothing else, he had her and she had him. He would always have her through thick and thin. What would the world do without Boa and his Street Angel? Be dreadfully boring, that’s for sure. [color=fe6f5e]“You matter. You matter to me.”[/color] 

His entire frame shook as he held her close and took in her words, silent until he had control over the sobs threatening to rack their way through his body. Slowly, he took deep breaths until his heart rate had slowed back down and he could talk without crying. Once he’d accomplished that the guilt ridden fool kissed the top of his friend’s head and gently pulled away to wipe his eyes and squint up at the sun and the woods surrounding the trail they’d ended up on.

[color=dc143c]“Ya matter to me more than ya could ever know, Pops. I’m sorry I didn’t before, but I [i]see[/i] ya, okay?”[/color]

[color=fe6f5e]“Good, because if you didn’t I’d have to give you a can of whoop-ass. Hi-yah!”[/color] Poppy tried to break the mood by doing a judo chop in the air, like the dork that she always was, causing Mordechai to break out in an uncontrolled laughing fit. Surprisingly, she didn’t cry during this. She could’ve sworn she was going to, but she was grateful she gave Decky the safe space to be vulnerable. She was grateful he could be unapologetically himself with her. She was grateful for him. 

Perking up, straightening her posture, she offered her hand to hold, [color=fe6f5e]“Ready to unravel even more secrets? If I’m getting fucked up, I’m taking you with me.”[/color] Some people might misunderstand their relationship but the two southies were at a point of not really giving a fuck about what othere people thought.  

[color=dc143c]“When we fall, we fall together,”[/color] He replied with a new strength behind his words as he gripped her small hand in his once more, the weight of dragging another friend down now lifting off of his shoulders. [color=dc143c]“No one ta catch us but ourselves, right?”[/color]

They were imperfectly perfect for each other. 

Platonic soulmates. 

Maybe Charlie’s ghost knew what he was doing after all…  [/indent][/indent][/color]