[center][h1][u]P[/u] [u]R[/u] [u]E[/u] [u]G[/u] [u]A[/u] [u]M[/u] [u]E[/u] [u]S[/u] [u]H[/u] [u]E[/u] [u]N[/u] [u]A[/u] [u]N[/u] [u]I[/u] [u]G[/u] [u]A[/u] [u]N[/u] [u]S[/u][/h1][/center][hr][hr][center][h2][u]V[/u] [u]Y[/u] [u]S[/u] [u]H[/u] [u]T[/u] [u]A[/u] ' [u]S[/u] [u]F[/u] [u]A[/u] [u]V[/u] [u]O[/u] [u]U[/u] [u]R[/u] [u]E[/u] [u]D[/u][/h2][/center][hr][hr] “Boop!” The kick came out of nowhere. Miret let out a yelp and started. “What the fuck, Tyrel?” She twisted round, scowling, and batted at her butt. There was a shoeprint on it. “Look what you’ve done!” “You should be honoured, [i]tica[/i]. You just got kicked by a goddess.” “You ain’t a goddess. You’re nothin’ but a cousin.” “I am Vyshta incarnate, peon! I am Talit’yrash-fucking-osmax and I just imprinted your lucky bum with my lone precious foot. You should trade those pants at the next mette’stiroi. Pure profit.” “Talit’yrash was dignified,” Velani cut in, deadpan. “Wh-what the fuck?” It was Tyrel’s turn to jump back. “When did [i]you[/i] get here?” “This is your fifth time forgetting that I know temporal.” “One for each of the bringers!” interjected Miret cheerfully. “There should be six,” grumbled Tyrel. Everything around them was frozen in time, including the two constantian yasoi they had allied with and the reasonably pleasant humans accompanying them. Velani was capable enough with temporal magic now to resist the rather basic spell’s hold. Miret had been pulled from it the moment that her cousin’s boot had touched her. “So, do we rouse the boys?” Velani asked. The cousins glanced at one another. “Naaah,” they said in unison. There was a pause. “Look how peaceful and derpy Chad looks right now,” Tyrel observed. “Like… how beautiful is that moment in time? How dignified? How could we rob him of that?” She and Miret exchanged glances. “We should cast riggus riggus on him,” giggled the latter. Tyrel gasped and stifled a horrified laugh. “On his fuckin’ balls,” added Velani. [hr][hr][center][h2][u]C[/u] [u]U[/u] [u]B[/u] [u]E[/u] [u]D[/u] [sup]3[/sup][/h2][/center][hr][hr] “Ya know, if I didn’t know any better,” said Janaus, “I’d think they didn’t like us.” “They’re scared,” amended Irina quietly. “Yeah, well they got rights ta be,” blabbed Zymachias. He’d slipped a flask through the portal in his coat and he now turned it upside down for a swig. “Fuckin’ ‘Ice King’ here just made us a massive target.” “Shit, sorry guys,” Nojus scratched at the back of his head. “Me no know mine own strength.” He grinned after a second. “Hardly a laughing matter,” decided Egle. “Everyone wants a piece of us and -” “The fuckers snaked us,” Zym growled. There had been two teams pretending to vie for their alliance but, at the last second, they’d instead allied with each other, leaving the Ice King and his allies out in the cold. “At this point, we’ve got zero chance, so I say we just take ‘em down with us.” “Did we really come here to win some goofy magic trials anyway?” Janaus reminded the others. “I’d have liked to,” Egle grumbled. Irina nodded. “Should we be like… fuckin’ petty?” Zym prodded, “and just ruin those two teams’ days?” “I’m good with that,” Janaus agreed. “Since we’re not winning, I could do with some revenge,” Egle admitted. “I want blood,” hissed Irina. “Y’all want me to pull out my party trick?” Nojus inquired, “Put the fear of the ‘Ice King’ into ‘em?” Janaus and two of the other three shook their heads. “No, save it. Make ‘em feel it in The Dragon.” The Ice King grinned. [hr][hr][center][h2][u]T[/u] [u]H[/u] [u]E[/u] [u]S[/u] [u]E[/u] [u]A[/u] [u]P[/u] [u]E[/u] [u]O[/u] [u]P[/u] [u]L[/u] [u]E[/u][/h2][/center][hr][hr] “By the Gods, it is disgusting!” “There is no actual [i]food[/i] in this ‘food’!” “This one is so burnt, I have no idea what it was in its past life.” “At least they have snails.” “You can thank the yasoi for that.” The hors d’oeuvres were not to the Sea People’s liking. “Who’d have thought the [i]yasoi[/i] would be the civilized ones here?” wondered Akeenah aloud. As she spoke, a whole flock of the damned elves came bouncing and skipping by excitedly, stuffing their faces, giggling, and throwing food at each other. “You were saying?” Yikikauvo replied. “I find it wondrous how they’re all-but pathologically unable to just [i]walk[/i],” observed Mahoomak. “Heh, that one [i]literally[/i] is,” Auvam pointed out, gesturing at one of the yasoi. “One-legged woman in an asskicking contest.” She looked right at him and smiled and his face went even more ashen than usual. “Not saving you from [i]that[/i] one,” Kyrikeehi remarked absently, picking up her fourth bruschetta. “H–how do you eat this shit?” Akeenah blurted. Kyri grinned sheepishly and blushed. “I got Kauvo to turn off my taste buds.” “Fuck, [i]I[/i] shoulda thought of that,” Auvam grumbled. Kauvo winked. “Just let me do the thinking, buddy,” Mahoomak assured him. “And I’ll play the tricks,” Kauvo chimed in. “And I’ll punch things.” It was Akeenah. “How ‘bout Kyri?” Auvam challenged. Hearing her name, the tall, spidery girl looked up from filling her little plate once more, eyes wide and some disgusting human food dangling from her mouth. “Why it’s simple, my simple friend! It’s dear Kyri’s job to [i]get[/i] punched.” He patted her grandly on the shoulder and she nearly gagged. “That’s why our best girl has to eat up, stay nice and big and strong!” Kyri shot him a look and a rude gesture. [hr][hr][center][h2][u]T[/u] [u]H[/u] [u]E[/u] [u]H[/u] [u]U[/u] [u]G[/u] [u]G[/u] [u]Y[/u] [u]B[/u] [u]E[/u] [u]A[/u] [u]R[/u] [u]S[/u][/h2][/center][hr][hr] “Smells like breakfast.” “Uh-huh?” “No,” Dances-with-Rainbows clarified, “I actually meant that it smells like breakfast.” “Very original,” Breakfast replied. Rainbows blinked. “I do not understand, but thank you!” she chirped. Then, Breakfast’s eyes widened in alarm. “AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! Oh my fucking ancestors, his hair is on fire!” She pointed behind the other girl, who whirled on the spot. “Holy shit! Holy shit! My hair is on fire!” wailed Gives-free-Hugs. “Put it out! Put it out!” “Oh my gods! Someone put it out!” “With fire oil,” murmured Punches-Kittens quietly, with a nasty little smile. “We pray to the water god, patient and clever, rains come now and don’t take forever. We pray to the hair god, please don’t leave him bare, god. We pray to the witch, please leave him hair-rich. We wish for great strength to please fill his clothes. Hugs can live without hair but he truly [i]needs [/i]those. The water shall come in a minute or two, and he shall be saved. We believe it is true. Water come!” chanted Takes-the-Piss solemnly. “Water come, Splash his head and splash his bum. Hey–ah–ah-ah! Hey-ah-ah-ah!” There was not a hint of mirth in his facade as he began dancing in a circle. This was clearly a sacred ritual. Dozens of the Easterners had gathered round to watch with growing concern and rapt wonderment at the absurd routine. “I am on [i]FUCKING[/i] fire!!” Gives-free-Hugs screamed, running around in circles, thrashing, and throwing himself onto the ground. Of course, he wasn’t. It was all illusory magic and part of a test to see what these Constantians were like, just as the Huggy Bears’ ridiculous aliases were. “Oh for Eshiran’s sake!” shouted Isabella, one of their allies. “It’s too slow!” Inexperienced in magic, she managed to pull a nearby bucket full of cold water with her very basic Kinetic skills. This, she dumped all over the stout little Nashi, drenching him. The flames immediately disappeared. “Praise be to the water god, patient and clever. He has answered our call and will do so forever. Give thanks for the bucket that has saved our friend’s hair. He shall not live all his life being bare up on there. Hey–ah–ah-ah! Hey-ah-ah-ah!” Punches-Kittens stepped in quickly and placed her hands on Hugs’ ‘burned’ scalp. “Be healed, my child,” she exclaimed, utterly without enthusiasm. When she lifted her hands free, he was as good as new. “Thank you, guys!” He shed happy tears. “I thought I was a goner. And you!” He turned to Isabella tearfully and the Enthishwoman, whose hands were already on her wheels, instinctually took a push back. “Oh thank you thank you thank you! My saviour!” He rushed in, tripped on the footrest of her wheelchair, and got a faceful of her chest. His arms reached out and hugged her anyways. “Thank you,” he murmured, lifting his face free after a long moment. “Ugh! Hugs, you little perv!” shouted Kittens, rushing in and pulling him away by the ear. This time, he hollered genuinely. “Sorry about…” she trailed off momentarily. “Ugh. All of them.” [hr][hr]