[right][color=lightgray][sub]TIMESTAMP: Sometime after 6
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[indent][indent][color=lightgray]Neither dad nor brother were home, as per usual, which meant Autumn and Caroline had the whole house to themselves. The brunette of the duo had taken a break from practicing a new Clover cheer routine with her sister to log onto her instagram on her sister’s phone to look at [url=https://mediaslide-europe.storage.googleapis.com/seedsmanagement/pictures/1014/1023/profile-1610031601-5ccb8f5e86b074f0797a4b96304fe748.jpg]Derrick Miller’s[/url] page. In her active wear, she scrolled through his page, while taking a swig from her water bottle. He really did move on like she meant nothing to him. Like she was nothing. 

Her heart sank when she noticed he deleted all the pictures of them together. The most recent picture he posted was with him and a couple of friends. Latching onto his arm was the girl she suspected all along. The girl she knew he’d leave her for. Autumn wasn’t dumb but she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. She wanted to believe he wasn’t playing games and that every time he brought her name up, it wasn’t because he wanted her. Autie didn’t want to control him and his friendships. She didn't want control. She just wanted him.  

At the same time, she knew something was off when he kept bringing the girl’s name up just to get a rise out of her because: [color=c38b5d]“I like it when you get jealous.”[/color] Replaying moments in their relationship, she could only find herself more and more disgusted with herself. How she spent days waiting for texts and then randomly at midnight, every so often, he’d be like [color=c38b5d]“you up?”[/color] She was a fool to think this time would be different. 

The thing with Derrick was, they started off wonderfully. They had chemistry. He had her, she had him. She thought they had a connection, especially since he swept her off her feet, made her feel seen, wanted, loved and paid attention to her. He knew what made her feel good and told her she was exactly what he was looking for in a girl. How many girls did he pull that shit on? 

Everything changed when she wanted more from him, when she held him to the standard of a boyfriend. She’d bring up issues that have been building up over months and all he did was brush it under the rug and whisper sweet nothings to her. Now the rose-tinted glasses were off and she could see him for what he was. A first-class asshole. Like why did he miss last week’s family dinner when he knew she was looking forward to it? Or why did he hang up on her face two days ago when she asked him when he was going to take her out on a date? Why didn’t he want to spend time with her? What was she doing wrong? Why didn’t he love her anymore?! 


They fought last night and when they were at the gas station because she had to use the bathroom, he left her, just fucking left her. She should’ve seen the red flags. She should’ve known all he wanted was to fuck her. They were all the same. Reviewing their past, their memories, she should’ve seen it. Should’ve seen through all his phony excuses. After junior prom, she had invited him over to the house to watch movies. Instead of spending more time with her, he said [color=c38b5d]"I made plans already"[/color] with friends. These were friends he saw everyday. He pulled her in, only to spit in her face. Time and time again. And she was a fool. The fool to believe he could love her. 

In the kitchen, Carrie was being a bad, bad girl, fixing her and her sister up cocktails while she waited for her pie to finish baking. It wasn’t her fault daddy didn’t hide the liquor cabinet keys well and it wasn’t like he was going to be home tonight either. With the bad storm, the chances of the Sinclair men returning home were very unlikely. 

She was swaying to her non-Disney Pop playlist (shocker), and the song that started blasting from the bluetooth speaker was [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pn36sEJ9Uw]Forever Drunk[/url] by Peach PRC.  They had been dancing ever since their friends had left, that was like a couple hours ago, so it was time for them to take a break and have a little fun. Using the capped vodka bottle as a microphone, she sang like no one was watching, loud, excitable, and proud:

[center][color=E85546]“Forever drunk
Forever drunk
Now that you're gone I'm forever drunk
It hurts too much to sober up
Just let me be forever drunk
Now I'm dancing over silver cans
Pretending they're adoring fans
So I'm forever drunk
Now that you're gone I'm forever drunk.”[/color][/center]

Popping the cap off the vodka, she grinned and took a sip. Her immediate reaction was squinting her face and puckering her lips at how strong it was by itself. [color=E85546]“How does Autie do this?”[/color] Blehk! Liquor was meant to be mixed. Getting easily distracted with making a relatively basic drink, she was heel toe (happy feet) dancing and shaking her ass around the kitchen, almost spilling vodka on her shirt. She was in a good mood because she needed to be for Autumn but also because she found a new goal for herself. She was determined to reunite Gavriel and Mordechai together as friends. At all cost, she would work her tail off to make her new southie friend smile. She didn’t know what happened between Rye and Mordechai and she didn’t care! If she recalled conversations she had with her brother’s best friend a few years back, he really cared about this Mordechai. She knew that name sounded familiar but it took awhile for her to register. Mordechai was a Jew! Just like Ryebread! 

Once the [url=https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2015-07/25/13/enhanced/webdr04/enhanced-buzz-17421-1437844037-15.jpg?downsize=600:*&output-format=auto&output-quality=auto]cranburry orange crush[/url] cocktails were fixed, the oven beeped. Placing the open vodka bottle on the island, she slipped on her Ratatouille mittens and pulled out her Pecan Pie. Taking a waft of it, she crossed her eyes and squealed, [color=E85546]“Yummy!”[/color] Placing the pie down on the oven top, her sparkling sapphire eyes caught sight of the mail placed unceremoniously on the counter. Did no one look through it yet? Taking off her mittens, hanging them on their designated hook, she pressed the off button of the oven before bringing her attention to the mail. Going through the letters one by one, she muttered, [color=E85546]“Bill, trash, trash, trash, bill…”[/color] her voice trailed off when she caught sight of two envelopes that didn’t go with the rest. One was for her family with no sender and the other had pretty cursive with Niles’ name on it. 

She went for the one directed to her family first. Skimming it quickly, her happy face turned into a grimace. [i]Dear David[/i]. She remembered it clearly. She was in sixth grade. It was New Year’s Day. Scott Street was busy with cops and ambulances and nosey neighbors. The Coach’s son drowned from drinking too much. They heard the rumors but she remembered Niles telling them to ignore it. He said don’t spread with your mouth what your eyes didn’t see. 

They knew better than most what rumors could do to a family. Only recently Edenridge was accepting of races that weren’t white. This town was small and outdated. Their mother was not only Spanish but she was an outsider. If it wasn’t for her being married to daddy,  who knows what would’ve happened to her. Then again, her memory, her name, and her face faded, like the many ghosts of Edenridge’s past. No one likes seeing their loved ones forgotten. That hurt her family badly. Niles more than anyone else. 

Closing the letter, she called out to the bluetooth speaker, [color=E85546]“Alexa, stop the music.”[/color] Her mood had shifted. There was no longer a bubbly, bouncy, happy-go-lucky girl.  No, Carrie’s eyes dulled, the shimmer of hope, the sparkle vanished, with her faith. Faith in this town and humanity. Faith that things were magical. She could hear Mordechai’s voice when he asked: [color=DC143C]"So, is this somethin' ya need  ta show your kids? Just 'cause it's all happy and musical?"[/color] Life wasn’t really happy. Life wasn’t a musical. Life was tiring and exhausting. Life sucked. 

As she reached for the other letter, her gaze rested on the cursive Niles. That handwriting matched the handwriting from the Dear David letter. Uncomfortable that someone was still out there with ammunition against the town, upset that they were targeting her brother, and angry, so angry that everyone around her was hurting, and someone was grinning behind the scenes, Carrie tore the letter open.  

[color=#9DC18A]“Hey Care, what’s taking so—”[/color] Autumn saw the expression on her sister. The same expression she wore at night at the orphanage when all the other kids were sleeping. The same look she wore when their dad didn’t come home, like he promised. The same look that she wore when all her friends talked about their boyfriends, girlfriends, and partners, and she still had nothing, she meant nothing, she was nothing. [color=#9DC18A]“—what’s going on, Honey bee?”[/color] Autumn broke the distance and saw the letter her sister had already opened and the one in her hands. Standing beside her, but not breaching any closer, the older twin waited for her blonde sister to respond, when she was ready. 

[color=E85546]“Someone is terrorizing the town again. This time it’s about David O’Hara. From the looks of it, it’s a love letter from that rumored underage girl…”[/color] Carrie explained before lifting the next letter and showcasing Niles’ name. [color=E85546]“This is the same handwriting. I’m uneasy, Autie.”[/color]

[color=#9DC18A]“Niles had nothing to do with David, right? He didn’t know him,”[/color] Autumn tensed up, crossing her arms, deeply concerned and unable to appreciate the assortment Carrie laid out for them, pie and drink. 

Glancing at her sister, the Disney attitude long gone, at least for this frozen, shared time, the blonde Sinclair pondered, [color=E85546]“Why would he? He got into fights that year when he heard people bringing up that shit. He hates rumors. He hates snakes, and I don’t mean the Serpents. He just hates…”[/color]

[color=#9DC18A]“People talking about shit they know nothing about.”[/color]

[color=E85546]“Yeah,”[/color] Carrie whispered, her hollow eyes falling back on the envelope and letter in her hands. 

Gently, Autumn put her arms around her sister and rested her chin on her shoulder, [color=#9DC18A]“We’ll read it together. It’s going to be okay. Whatever this is, we’ll make sure he’s okay. We’re not going to lose Niles. Okay? We’re not going to lose him.”[/color]  

Without any hesitation, Carrie opened the letter and the Sinclair twins read the contents in silence. Both twins kept blank expressions as their eyes gradually scanned through the pretty cursive. They didn’t look sad. They didn’t look mad. They didn’t look confused. They were impassive as they took in the words and let it settle in their minds, not their hearts. 

This wasn't about them. 

As much as Niles could be an asshole, they loved him. They loved him so much. They knew somewhere deep down, the old Niles — the Niles that questioned the world, the Niles that defended those that couldn’t defend themselves, even if he was skin and bones, and had a heart of glass, the Niles that was angry at the world but let that drive him to see tomorrow, the Niles that cared — was still there. Niles cared so much that it was killing him slowly. 

Niles had built armor to protect himself and the more he distanced himself from the old Niles, the suicidal Niles, the more he became this character, a man wearing a mask, who lost the voice that reminded him what was right and what was clearly wrong. Niles was turning into this man he thought his father wanted and the more he focused on others, and not himself, the further away he became from healing. Truly, deeply healing. 

The Sinclair twins knew their brother. They knew him well. And they knew he was aware of his flaws. They knew he was fully capable of holding himself accountable and catching himself before he did something toxic. They knew he was aware of how easy it was for him to push other people’s buttons. They knew deep down, he didn’t enjoy the man he was becoming, not really. To this day, Niles simply wanted his mother back and to this day, he was still grasping at ways to cope and survive, even if it was at the detriment of all the women he’s slept with and dated. 

Their brother was fucked in the head and all they could do was just be Autumn and just be Caroline, the two pain in the asses that he loved, though he’d never say it outloud. They teased him because that’s what he knew best, that was his normal. The thing about people who severely suffer mentally, change was hard for them. If they weren’t ready for it, they would react in ways that only led to distress, frustration, and heartbreak. Any change, whether for better or for worse, was accompanied by discomfort. 

This would be one of those times they would need to prepare for battle. They realized midway through the letter that it was a separate situation from Dear David. This was a break up letter from Caitlin Cleary to Niles. But there was a connection. Something that tied the letters together even when they're about two different things. The handwriting on both letters matched impeccably. Dear David’s girl was Caitlin Cleary and Caitlin no longer wanted to be with Niles. 

[hider=Niles][i][color=C81935][right]July 19, 2021[/right]

Throughout my life, I have used secrecy as a way to look after those close to me. I've never wanted to burden anyone with my feelings, emotions, thoughts or situations, which is why I have a hard time trusting even the members of my own family. The fear of being dismissed, judged or misunderstood has kept me from welcoming others into my private space. Only three people in this world can say they really know me-- one of which remains with me solely in spirit.

After some soul searching, I have come to the realization that my secrets have led me to make false statements that, although without any ill intentions, have wounded my loved ones. In my worry of upsetting you and fear of your anger causing me harm, I have omitted the truth and outright lied to you about certain topics. Today, I choose to push those fears aside in order to be truthful and honest with you about what is weighing on my heart. 

When we first began talking, I was fresh out of a two year-long romantic relationship. Instead of dealing with the grief of the loss of that person, I allowed myself to get distracted from the pain with both college duties and meeting you. I've noticed it's a problematic pattern I have with the romances I've been involved in: not taking the time to fully heal before allowing another into my heart. As you and I got to know each other, I felt hopeful. You had arrived at what I thought was the perfect time. We had similar goals, life experiences, and aligning aspirations for our next partner. The idea of having a relationship I wouldn't have to hide, with a fellow Northie from a respectable family, was exciting to say the least. You captivated me with your good looks, charming personality, approachable demeanor and easygoing attitude. I looked forward to every conversation, and counted the days until we were to finally meet face to face. That night at the airport, when you asked me to be yours, I was so blindly certain that I was making the right choice by allowing myself to be happy alongside you.

That choice, it turned out, was the wrong one.

That morning after at the hotel, with that apple violently flung in my direction barely missing my head, the rose-tinted glasses were knocked right off my face. The red flags that had previously been blending into the background now shone like billboards during a starless night. I noticed how you began to isolate me and guilt-trip me into controlling my time with the excuse of ‘wanting to spend time with me’. I became aware of the way I walked on eggshells around you, always watching what I did and what I said in fear of provoking you into another aggressive reaction. I noted the way you would frequently check on me to always be on the know of where I was and what I was doing at all times. I saw the way you constantly criticized me for the things that made me who I am, and how easily you dismissed me and my feelings about anything. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t forget the way you blamed me for the first date debacle, even when I didn’t know we’d have my ex interrupt it and after I stood up for us both.

 I realized with time that, as cruel as it might sound, I was never falling in love with you. Rather, I was falling in love with the idea of what you represented: a relationship I wouldn’t get judged over with someone who could meet my parents’ expectations. I had gaslighted myself into thinking you were what I needed-- the solution to my problem-- when in reality I didn’t even know what I needed myself.

Of course, you are not solely to blame for the demise of this relationship. I have made my own share of mistakes, which I acknowledge and sincerely apologize for. I was not honest with you about every aspect of my life, and tried to fool us into believing a lie when we both knew the truth all along.

I love Mika. For better or for worse, masochistic as it might be, I can't imagine my life alongside anyone else. My feelings for him are so real, deep and overwhelming in ways I never thought possible after the loss of my first love three years ago. My heart has belonged to him since I was 15, and it belongs to him to this very day.

I’m sorry.

I deeply apologize for wasting your time on something that wasn't meant to be from the start. I should have taken the time to reconcile my own feelings before diving into our relationship so hastily. I thank you for the lessons my time with you has taught me, and want you to know I have nothing but cordial feelings towards you. My parting wish is that you find a woman who will give you the unconditional love and support you deserve, and who will trust you with every part of her: the good, the bad and the ugly.

Sincerely,
Caitlin[/color][/i]
[/hider]
[color=#9DC18A]“What should we do?”[/color] Autumn released her sister, anxiously biting her nails. 

Folding the letter, Carrie put it back in the envelope, closed her eyes and thought, [color=E85546]“I could easily forge her handwriting but…”[/color] Resting the letter on the counter, leaving her hand on it, she continued, opening her eyes to make eye contact with her twin, [color=E85546]“This is going to hurt him. A lot. And some of these things I wouldn’t have risked saying if I was dating someone abusive. But we know Niles.”[/color]

Grabbing the cocktail her sister had made her, Autie nodded and downed the beverage. When she finished the drink, she placed the glass back on the table and said in agreement, [color=#9DC18A]“We know Niles. And I have faith—”[/color]

[color=E85546]“—I have faith too. It’s not as strong most days and I’m very good at hiding it behind a smile but I just know. I know—”[/color]

[color=#9DC18A]“He’ll be okay. With support, the [i]right [/i]support, he’ll be okay.”[/color]

[color=E85546]“Niles will be okay.” [/color]
[/color][/indent][/indent]