She'd dropped her hands at some point, and her eye stared off into nowhere. She knew Besca was there, shaking her shoulders, voice urgent, but she didn't know if [i]she[/i] was there, or if she was back in the misty hallway staring at a dead white deer so glorious and terrifying, or back in the black lake with eyes beneath her sinking sinking sinking, or back in the burning shell of the town with gnashing liquid shadows swarming around her. Her mind was at the bottom of the lake and everything else felt so far away...

"[color=gray]Quinn, listen to me. Breathe.[/color]"

Besca. Besca. Her voice echoed down through the depths, saying to [i]breathe[/i]. She kicked just like Safie had said, swimming closer. She surfaced. She [i]breathed[/i]. Just like Besca had said. Just like Besca was saying now. In. Out. Three times. Her heartbeat in her ears slowed from its breakneck pace. The blank elsewhere slipped away as her eye focused again and registered where she was. She was at the table, a half-eaten strip of bacon left on the plate in front of her. Besca was shaking her by the shoulders

She gulped in another deep breath, tried to steady herself. Besca was there. She was safe. Besca would keep her safe.

Her voice was barely more than a halting whisper. "[color=FFE63D]Okay.[/color]"

She shut her eye, like she was hiding from the world. But it was still there. She still saw it. She still heard it. It still lingered, around her, [i]inside her.[/i] She was stained. [color=black]Dyed.[/color]

"[color=FFE63D]I...[/color]" [i]I don't want to take the test.[/i] But she couldn't say that. She needed to take it. Deelie said it didn't hurt. She would be okay. She needed to be strong and brave or else they would take her away and send her home. "[color=FFE63D]...never mind. I'm...I'm okay.[/color]" 

She didn't feel okay.