[color=silver][right][i][b][u]TIMESTAMP:[/u] Monday, July 19th, 2021; after [url=https://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/5397315]“A Badger’s Breakdown / A Viper’s Virtue”[/url][/b][/i][/right]

[center][url=https://www.roleplayerguild.com/users/metanoia][img]https://i.imgur.com/3L3ixWD.png[/img][/url]  [img]https://i.imgur.com/IagRbeB.png[/img]  [url=https://www.roleplayerguild.com/users/venus][img]https://i.imgur.com/YZvxuqc.png[/img][/url]
[color=c81935][b]_________________________________________________________________________________[/b][/color]

[img]https://i.imgur.com/GwlpABG.png[/img]

[img]https://i.imgur.com/lusKWCB.png[/img]

[sub]Featuring [color=635687]Mikhail Zima[/color] & [color=C81935]Caitlin Cleary[/color][/sub]
[color=635687][b]_________________________________________________________________________________[/b][/color][/center]

[indent][indent]After such an infamous start, the rest of Caitlin’s day had gone on surprisingly smoothly. Mika departing her home once he’d recuperated from his earlier scuffle gave Danny and Cece a chance to reconnect for the first time in months. She told the Belmonte boy all about her relationship with Niles: their beginnings, the highs, the lows and her current concerns with where they stood as a couple. In return, and after some persuading with some strawberry cupcakes she’d baked for him the night before, she was rewarded with a detailed update on his life: his repaired bond with Natalia, his [s]unexpected[/s] rekindled relationship with Marco Brady, where he stood with his father regarding his sexuality and the unfortunate news of Silvia’s rapidly declining health. And just like old times, the best friend duo provided each other with a listening ear, honest advice, and words of encouragement.

Once Danny left her home shortly after midday with a basket of assorted-flavored muffins and her mother had come and gone, Cece was left alone with her thoughts again. Instead of isolating herself in her bedroom like she’d done before she sought solace in the one place she felt at home: the kitchen. As her hands busied themselves with the preparations of another round of muffins, the young woman reflected on the day’s happenings and the lessons she had come to learn. The earlier conversations with Mika and Danny about her past had helped her realize that every secret she had kept in hopes to spare and protect feelings had only backfired on her. The more she mused about her former actions and the reasoning behind them, the more her thoughts circled back to Niles, and how their budding, borderline toxic relationship could no longer go on when her heart wasn’t truly in it. So while her muffins baked, Cece bared her soul out to the Sinclair man one last time in a heartfelt letter that concluded their romance before personally delivering it inside an envelope addressed to him to his mailbox. She had returned home just before the storm began to make its appearance in Edenridge.

It was sometime after six in the evening when the sound of the garage door opening and closing followed by a knock on the side door pulled Caitlin out of her stew-cooking reverie. Her ginger eyebrows came together in a frown, and she paused the Taylor Swift track she was listening to so she could pay more attention to the noises around her. She glanced at the window nearby and back at the door in confusion, wondering why anyone would risk going anywhere considering the weather conditions that had only worsened as the hours passed by.

Had one of her parents or Rhett forgotten something in the house? Doubtful. They wouldn’t wait until the storm was at its peak to pick up whatever the missing item was. Had they decided to close up shop early and ride the storm at the house? Unlikely-- the only times they would ever close The Hole were during some important holidays, close ones’ deaths, championship Celtics games or life-threatening weather (which they didn’t consider this storm to be). She checked her phone for a missed call or text message from any of them explaining the situation, but found herself staring at an empty notifications bar instead. 

In the meantime, another round of knocking echoed through the home. Cece, now on edge at the thought of a stranger knowing the code to their garage, parking inside it and knocking on their door, grabbed the handle of the nearest large kitchen knife and tip-toed to the side door. She probably wouldn’t get far with it if it came to a confrontation, but she wouldn’t go down without a fight. A quick peek at the peephole was all it took for the identity of the ‘intruder’ to be revealed, and the young woman let out a sigh of relief as she unlocked the door and swung it open.

[color=C81935]"Hey,"[/color] she greeted the man in her garage, a hint of confusion easily heard and visible as her little frown made its return. 

In the back of his mind, past the part of his physical self that was drenched in Mother Nature teaching him a lesson to not go out in the damn rage she was putting Edenridge through currently, Mika knew it was a close one. The timing of everything, especially after having a long talk with Ley, made coming here a risk. What if a tree fell over and hit his truck? What if some cops caught him? He’d have to explain why he was not only speeding down main street when the only source of reliable light guiding him were the unreasonably bright headlights of his Tacoma (thank Phil for the hook up, by the way), but out in the height of the storm.

But he made it. He made it past the gate. He got lucky because someone else was coming back from wherever they were. Mika couldn’t see who it was, but he saw a head of bright blonde hair on a damn motorcycle. When he had gone the opposite direction that the biker did, Mika went to Cece’s house. And thank God that nobody seemed to be home other than her (hopefully). He risked it all to open the code and had gotten completely drenched in the process. Now he was staring her in the eyes, her confused expression saying more than she ever would or could.

[color=635687]“Yeah...hey.”[/color] Mika awkwardly said, giving Cece a small wave that she returned with her available hand just as awkwardly. He wasn’t certain about what he could say to explain what he was doing in her surprisingly spacious garage. No scrunchie to return as a shitty excuse. Nothing but the truth weighing heavy in his heart.

After a more careful visual inspection, Cece noticed Mika’s damp clothes, puffy eyes and reddish nose-- all clear indicators that he’d been crying some moments before. These hints, and the fact that he had driven through the storm currently roaring outside to once again drop by her home unannounced, gave Cece definitive cause for concern. The only times Mika had ever cried in front of her were during emotional scenes in a movie-- not because of anything else. [color=C81935]"Is, um, is everything okay?"[/color] she inquired, her inquisitive eyes searching his blue ones for any answers on his worrisome state.

[color=635687][i]No, everything is not fine--[/i][/color] would be what he [i]would[/i] say if he was being honest. He wanted to be honest with her, but not right now. At the same time, he knew he couldn’t get away with just some lame excuse. [color=635687]“I guess so...”[/color] Well, that was better. Not as blunt as what he wanted to say, but it set the stage for something more meaningful later. [color=635687]“Can I come inside?”[/color] Mika asked, laughing for a few seconds immediately afterward. [color=635687]“What I mean is can I come inside the main house? Possibly out of these clothes too? I..I will explain everything I promise. Just…need to not be so wet, y’know?”[/color] Despite the incredibly awkward and possibly tense (for both of them, really) situation, Mika laughed again.

[color=C81935]"Yeah, of course!"[/color] Cece quickly conceded, stepping aside to allow Mika entry to her home. Once his back was turned, she locked the door, placed the kitchen knife in the doorside table and followed him suit. 

As Mika settled in one of the booth chairs of the island, the redhead exited the kitchen for a moment and returned with a fresh towel that she gently draped over her visitor’s shoulders like a fluffy cape. [color=C81935]“Here. I’m sure you could use this,”[/color] she told him with a soft, caring smile. [color=C81935]“I can throw your wet clothes in the washer and dryer too, if you want. I’m sure I can find some of Rhett’s old clothes that might fit you in one of the dressers upstairs.”[/color]

[color=635687]“It’s like you’re a mind-reader.”[/color] Mika’s poor excuse for sarcasm was in clutch tonight. He laughed as she took the liberty of draping the towel over his shoulders. Mika silently dried his damp hair with the towel. He had to imagine that Cece was probably thinking, at least in some capacity, that he was insane to be here, much less go through the storm to get here. Why would he do it? Mika didn’t have an answer right now. After his talk with Ley, he just had to come here. He didn’t think about the why in great detail. He’d know when the time came. For now, he would get as dry as he could.

But before he could, Mika finally took a solid look at Cece. Maybe it was that oversized gray T-shirt she was wearing that hit her mid-thigh and his assumption she was going braless, but part of him liked what he saw. She smelled nice, too, like strawberry shampoo or something fruity. He could smell it even from how far away from her scalp he was. [color=635687]“That’d be great. If I spend another minute in these clothes, I might catch a cold.”[/color] Mika put the towel on the island, half raising his shirt, revealing his toned abs. [color=635687]“So should I just do it here or…?”[/color] He asked with a half smirk. 

The young woman rolled her eyes, shook her head and playfully pushed Mikhail away, giggling nervously as she always did whenever he made loaded comments like these. Leave it to Mika to take any opportunities to make things suggestive and run with them. It was one of the things that, albeit embarrassing sometimes, she enjoyed about him. [color=C81935]“There’s a perfectly good downstairs bathroom down the hall that would come in very useful for what you’re trying to do,”[/color] she reminded him in a teasing tone. As much as she wouldn’t mind having a first-row ticket to witnessing what was hiding underneath the man’s damp clothes for a second time in one day, Cece had a larger interest in hearing the reason why he was at her house in the first place.

He chuckled low at what Cece implied what he might’ve or might’ve not been trying to do. Was she right? Well obviously she was, but Mika would never admit that - at least not right now. Mika walked closer to the redhead, his lips still curved into a smirk. As he walked past her, Mika was leaning closer intentionally and turned his head to her. [color=635687]“Down this hall you said?”[/color] Her silence, pink cheeks and the way she held her breath as he closed the distance between them spoke volumes and Mika chuckled. [color=635687]“Right. Be right back.”[/color] 

As he went down the hallway, Mika found the bathroom and closed the door behind him. The last time he was looking at his reflection, he was so ready to completely break it, but didn’t through whatever self control he had at the time. The last time he was gazing at his reflection, Mika had too much weight on his shoulders. Ley helped rid himself of some of that weight, but it still remained. Not only that, it felt like that didn’t really help a lot. Talking about David and telling his sister about it got him to thinking. 

It was…

[color=635687]“Focus, Mika. None of that tonight.”[/color] Correcting his train of thought, the man slid off his clothes and tossed them into a small pile. He had hoped they didn’t get wet, but he was on terrible terms with Lady Luck. Once finished, he heard a knock on the bathroom door. Knowing who that was, Mika decided to be cheeky. [color=635687]“[i]Lo siento, baño ocupado[/i]!”[/color]

Although Mika couldn’t see it, Caitlin rolled her eyes as she stood on the opposite side of the bathroom. [color=C81935]"Did you come all the way to my house just to have someone to make your corny jokes to?"[/color] Caitlin joked as she placed the clothes she'd picked out for Mika on the floor. [color=C81935]"I left the clothes outside the door. I'll be in the kitchen when you're done."[/color]

By the time Mika returned to the kitchen wearing a pair of Rhett's old green and white Celtics shorts (something Mika never thought he'd wear ever again) and a gray T, the Russian boy was met with the sight of two meal servings, two ice glasses and some napkins were neatly laid out on the island countertop. A generous serving of warm Irish stew was inside each of the matching bowls, paired with a jumbo corn muffin on a smaller plate and their drink of choice: Dr. Pepper for Mika and water for Cece.

[color=635687]"What's all this?"[/color] He asked, confused in the best way possible. His senses soon filled the gaps. It was slightly different, but the aroma that took his sense of smell by the balls was Irish stew.

[color=C81935]"I hope it's okay that I served you some dinner,"[/color] Cece told Mika as he entered the room, leaving a trail of clean-smelling soap behind him. [color=C81935]"I was in the middle of making the stew for dinner when Mom texted me that she and Dad were spending the storm at the Hole, so there's plenty of food to go around, and I know you can't ever say no to a fresh, home-cooked meal,"[/color] the redhead teased with a wink, taking a seat in front of her meal.

She had him there. Plus, between the amount of stress he’d been under all day and the very little time between meeting with Anya to Ley, Mika hadn’t be able to eat a decent meal aside from that leftover chinese over five hours before. [color=635687]“It would be a crime to let it go to waste.”[/color] The first thing Mika did was wash his hands, using that same soap that Cece so graciously left. Once finished, he took a seat at the table across from Cece.

And once he sat, the smell really grabbed him to the point his stomach made some sounds. Amid everything, Mika had barely registered that Cece even put out his favorite - albeit controversial - cup of pop. [color=635687]“I feel bad for your parents. They really are missing out on some good grub,”[/color] Mika noted, taking the first bite of the stew, blowing on it as slowly but as many times as he could. It was still hot, of course, but so delicious. Mika obviously burnt his tongue but it was so worth it. [color=635687]“It’s really good. Been so long since I’ve had your cooking. Really gives Mom a run for her money,”[/color] he laughed, remembering how he should go by her place once this storm lets up.

[color=C81935]"Oooh, I'll tell Mary-Anne you said that,"[/color] Caitlin teased Mika, eating a spoonful of stew. His mother’s cooking was definitely in her top five list of favorites, so it was always a big compliment whenever he praised her culinary skills and compared them to Mary’s.  [color=C81935]"How is she doing, by the way? Is she okay, is she still in Edenridge? I think about her often. I've missed her and the conversations we used to have."[/color]

Mika chuckled low, swallowing the bite of the stew he just took. Cece asking about his mom made the Zima man frown slightly. Last time he was able to actually physically go see her was…a couple of weeks ago. When he found Boa in the graveyard. The night that he had dinner at the Gonzalez’ house. That felt so long ago in light of everything that happened since. It felt so simple in comparison. Having to drag Boa out of his hole and letting him sleep off…everything at his mom’s place. Even though it was sad to think about, it also made him smile.

He hesitated for a moment. [color=635687]“She’s still here.”[/color] Mika’s voice went almost emotionless, though behind a neutral expression he was hiding a momentary anger and deep sadness for how his mother had to live. Here he was, freely moving about, sneaking into Cece’s house for the second time in the same day and his mother couldn’t even go outside her apartment without a top level Fallen Angel and Serpent escort. She can’t even see her own family. [color=635687]“I’m sure she misses you too. Maybe…one day, when everything isn’t so fucked up, you can see her again. And maybe outside of that apartment, too.”[/color] That was Mika’s deepest wish, but he didn’t see a way for that to be possible any time soon.

Cece was quiet in silent realization for a moment. Now that she stopped to think about it, Mika had never elaborated on the reason why Mary was not to leave her cozy apartment in the Southside. During the time they were dating, her inquiries about the situation and the strict protocol they followed to see her had been dismissed with 'it's complicated' and 'for safety, it's best if you don't know'. But after their conversation by the lake, the redhead could only guess that the woman's circumstances had to do with keeping her safe from Cameron Hyde and his psychotic ways or the violent tendencies of Mika's father Ivan. Of course, the only way to know for sure was to ask. 

[color=C81935]"You know, I don't think you ever told me the reason why Mary's here in Edenridge,"[/color] Cece mused, taking another bite of her stew bowl and hoping Mika would catch what she was implying. 

Mika knew this was going to come eventually. In truth, part of him had hoped this specific topic wouldn’t be brought up, but that was asking for too many miracles. Besides, as much as he didn’t want to, maybe it was time he did tell her the full story. Everything: about his father, him in Edenridge, and the dirty truths about why they were here. 

Looking up at Cece after he took a quiet moment of thought, Mika expelled a long sigh. [color=635687]“So, you remember what I mentioned about my father, right? About how he was a violent man?” Mika could see it in her eyes that she did, and she confirmed this with a nod. “Well here’s the grim truth. The Zima Family, we...”[/color] Mika’s stomach turned. He hadn’t associated himself as a Zima in years. [color=635687]“...We aren’t your normal family. We are just one cell of the greater Russian Mafia, or commonly known as The [i]Bratva[/i]. My father is the current head of this cell, based out of New York City.”[/color] Mika understood that was a lot to take in. [color=635687]“The reason I’m telling you this is to set the stage. My father has a lot of enemies and not just from his business, but here in Edenbridge. Hyde, for one, is probably numero uno. He was still in jail when mom came to Eden - around the time the shooting happened. She heard and was worried I had been shot. Other stuff happened too, but because there may have been a threat on all of us - me and my sisters included - Big Rey and an associate of his and my father’s, the Fallen Angels, hid her on the top floor of the Lost Souls Apartments. Top floors are VIP and it’s the most protected floor in any of the buildings. That’s why you were blindfolded. It really was better that way.”[/color] As he said all of that, Mika understood now a lot of what he thought was best for Cece was bullshit. He underestimated her ability to handle everything. Maybe it was time to be completely honest with her about [i]everything[/i].

The redhead nodded, deep in thought. If Mika would have given this explanation to any other girl, they'd probably dismiss him as full of shit and send him off on his merry way. Russian-born men and their families being involved in the mafia was something you only saw in Hollywood movies. But Cece knew and trusted Mika-- he wouldn’t lie about something like that. Not only that, but she was a born and raised Edenrite: a small town in which the unlikeliest of possibilities often turned out to be the truth. No matter how sheltered Gary and Deidre had tried to keep their children from the world, she wasn't oblivious to some of the underground forces that, with their inner workings, contributed to the way Edenridge ran.

The explanation, of course, opened the door to a more concerning question. [color=C81935]"Are you expected to take part of or be involved in the cell to a greater scale at some point?"[/color] she asked him point-blank, her eyes locked on his expression. Based on her limited knowledge of criminal organizations involving families, it wasn't a far-fetched assumption that, at some point, Mika could be asked, expected or even obligated by force to partake in the business. Sometimes, in these situations, the choices would be made for you with no room for opinion or protest.

Mika gave a halfhearted, genuinely clueless shrug. [color=635687]“Who knows what goes on in Ivan’s mind. I was far too young at the time to have any real stake in the…family business. My older brother, VIktor, on the other hand, he’s probably going to be in charge on the eventual day that Ivan hits the bucket. And I for one couldn’t care a damn bit when either happens.”[/color] A grim thing to admit, but Mika held no love for his father nor the brother of his that was every bit the son of Ivan as Cameron Hyde was. 

And then Mika realized that speaking so nonchalantly about how he felt or didn’t feel about his father sounded harsh. Cece only knew that his father was violent. She didn’t know the violence he showed to him. [color=635687]“Sorry…I guess thinking about him just brings up unpleasant memories. That and he called me this morning.”[/color] That was something Mika didn’t mention to anyone. [color=635687]“Called me to ask how I was. Can you believe that? The nerve of him! Asking how Mom was as if he had any right to. Not after the way he treated her, forcing her to leave her home--”[/color] Mika stopped himself from going any further, almost letting it slip just where she was from. He wanted to tell her, but not unprovoked like that.

The sudden outburst didn’t phase the young woman. For as long as Cece had known Mika, he had always been candid about his dislike for his father. It was a topic they avoided discussing when they were seeing each other; and the more she found about the reasons behind the defensive wall, the more she understood why it had been built in the first place. [color=C81935]“It seems like you all have sacrificed a lot for your father,”[/color] the redhead observed, keeping her compassionate eyes on her ex. Basing a personal opinion off on the words and/or experiences of others wasn’t exactly the best thing to do, but by finding out Ivan had possibly treated Mary-Anne and Mika in a way that they didn’t deserve, the Cleary girl’s impression of the Zima patriarch was not the best. [color=C81935]“I’m really sorry this is happening to you guys. Nobody deserves to be punished or make sacrifices for the mistakes of others.”[/color]

Mika wanted to believe that she was right. As much as he wanted to solely blame Ivan for this, and he was to blame for most of it, Mika knew he had a hand in that too (technically a fist). It all came back to that summer, on the last day of school, in the first week of July of 2016. The day he unintentionally changed his and his family’s life. He looked down at the half-empty bowl of stew, wondering if he should let it go. It’s the easy thing to do. Not holding himself accountable for what [i]he[/i] did to that kid, that Bulgarian kid he nearly killed. It would be so much easier for him to just pretend that the Big Bad Boogeyman was the only one to blame.

But he wasn’t.

[color=635687]“You’re right about one thing: nobody should have to suffer for one person’s mistakes, but Ivan isn’t the only guilty one here.”[/color] As he felt the pits of his stomach twist like the very storm that rained down on Edenridge, Mika had to tell her this part. He brought his blue eyes back up to Cece. [color=635687]“I would love nothing more than to cast the blame on my father. He’s a bad father who put Mount Everest-height expectations on me and gave me some pretty shitty tools, but he’s not the sole reason I…we’re here. You remember when I told you that we were shipped off to Edenridge and Pinehurst because of something that happened?”[/color] He asked Cece, who nodded in confirmation. [color=635687]“It’s because of me.”[/color] 

Mika’s fists balled as his stomach tensed up, his throat tightening. He pushed through the sudden discomfort, though, and continued. [color=635687]“It’s my fault because of my temper. I tend to keep it under wraps, but close to six years ago, I was a different person. And there was this kid, an annoying fucking [abbr=russian for cunt]pizda[/abbr]. You might not know it, but in [i]that[/i] life, we have as much in common with the Bulgarians as strawberries do with sour limes. Put us together and there’s bound to be a nasty clash.”[/color] Remembering that day made Mika visibly irate. Not for what happened, but for the after, and how red he was feeling that day. [color=635687]“It was our last day of school. I was out with my boys - [url=https://i.imgur.com/kr61xz0.jpg]Boris[/url] and [url=https://i.imgur.com/NvBokRn.jpg]Denis[/url] - just trying to enjoy ourselves, then Penko Petrov comes up to us. He starts to disrespect us. He was lower than us, like an ant. So nobody did anything.

“But then he put my mom’s name in his mouth. He called her a slut and a whore. Said my sisters would be the same. And..and..”[/color] As Mika relived that moment in real time, his eyes changed. The look in them was darker and he grinded his teeth, trying to contain the residual ire that was tied to that memory. [color=635687]“I don’t know what happened between me sitting down and being on top of him, but I beat him to the point he was hospitalized. Fast forward a week and it turns out he was the son of one of my father’s…business rivals. Blew up one of the cars in our driveway and, well…the rest was history.”[/color] Mika was feeling red. As red as he was in that moment. There was a reason he didn’t like to talk about his father because talking about Ivan meant that he remembered that one action. And it [i]always[/i] brought the unresolved anger and guilt he kept buried at a consistent rate. [color=635687]“So you see, that’s why it’s not just Ivan’s fault. I’m to blame for my family’s suffering too.”[/color]

As Cece listened to Mika’s tale of how he came to Edenridge, she could tell that the events in question continued to haunt him, dragging him down with guilt and shame. It was obvious that he regretted his actions and the life-altering consequences they’d had in his and his families’ stories. But it was a sign of growth that, like she had hours before, he was able to be honest and truthful with himself about his flaws. By showing remorse, taking accountability and utilizing his error as a teaching moment, Mika proved that he was no longer the kid he spoke of, but a man whose experiences made him wiser. Maybe he needed a little help to see it.

She rose from the chair she'd been occupying, stood up in front of the man and tilted his chin up so he would be facing her. [color=C81935]"Mika, look at me,"[/color] she ordered, waiting until his eyes met hers before continuing. [color=C81935]"You can't beat yourself up over something you did when you were a kid. I know that's the easy thing to do-- I did it myself for years with David's passing. But if there's anything I learned today, is that carrying all that guilt within you, even after saying how you really feel, is only going to keep you miserable. All we can really do is make the most out of our situation and grow from our mistakes."[/color] She told him, pausing to let him mull over her words and cup his face with both hands. [color=C81935]"Look at it this way: if you hadn't moved to Edenridge and if I hadn't lost David, we wouldn't have met each other. And it would have been a tragedy to miss out on your lame jokes,"[/color] she teased him with a laugh.

He smiled as she gave him no choice but to look at him. His anger that previously occupied his eyes, the kind of gaze that looked too much like his father's, softened once Cece had firmly demanded he look at her. No matter how angry Mika became at his life nor the life he was living, Cece always managed to pull him out of the darkness he willingly succumbed to. She always had that superpower about her. 

[color=C81935]"I don't care about what you did when you were an immature thirteen year-old fighting to demand respect for his family in the middle of Brighton Beach,”[/color] she reassured him, caressing his cheeks with her thumbs. [color=C81935]“That doesn't define you. I care about the sweet, funny, protective, loving and caring guy I came to know after a chance encounter under an oak tree in March of 2018. The man that makes sacrifices to keep his loved ones safe, even if it means breaking hearts in the process. The man that's trying to wrong his rights with honesty and transparency. That's the only Mika I care about."[/color] 

[color=635687][i]Honesty and transparency[/i][/color]

Out of every word that came from his former beloved’s mouth, Mika clung onto those two words. He appreciated everything she was doing and it [i]was[/i] working, but Mika could feel it come back - that sharp guilt poking at his sides, growing in his stomach - about those two words: honesty and transparency. Cece believed he was doing the right thing, trying to correct all the wrongs he did by being honest. And maybe some of that was true. He was honest with Ley, with Danny this morning, and with his sisters a few weeks ago. But what about with Cece? Mika promised he would tell her everything. When they went to their spot, he said what he felt was appropriate at the time, but with recent events, even before coming here to her house tonight, Mika had been rethinking [i]everything[/i].

But how could he tell her after this long? Where would he even begin?

Then he looked into her eyes. He [i]really[/i] looked at her. This wasn’t the same Caitlin Cleary that was so defensive over David and so shy and insecure. She was never weak, but over time, he came to understand that she had so much pain. And over time, Mika came to understand that they weren’t so different from each other. They had the same pain, same weaknesses. Mika just behaved differently. Understanding all of this, even though he never realized it, she also had the same strength he did. She was unassuming with it, but Mika knew it now. She didn’t flinch when he talked about his father and what the Zima family really did nor when he was describing in great detail about what he did to Penko.

So maybe he could be [i]completely[/i] honest with her? Be the Mikhail Zima…Gonzalez that she once loved and cares about.

As he brought a hand to gently caress Cece’s left, Mika smiled, laughing low. [color=635687]“I don’t deserve you after everything I put you through, but I’m really glad that we’re in each other’s lives again.”[/color] As he said that, a guilt passed through Mika and a thought that he knew he didn’t want to voice but just had to. [color=635687]“if you’ll forgive me for possibly ruining the moment, but Niles…he doesn’t deserve you. I just hope he doesn’t do anything to ruin anything between you two. I don’t like him, but if he makes you happy, you deserve to have that in your life, Cece. Even if he couldn’t be here with you.”[/color] 

The mention of Niles wiped the smile off Cece's face, replacing it with the guilt she’d been feeling since she’d delivered the letter to his mailbox a few hours prior. [color=C81935]“Actually, Niles and I aren’t together anymore…”[/color] Caitlin admitted, letting go of her hold on Mika’s face and dropping her eyes to the floor beneath her in guilt and shame. She didn’t think she’d be talking about it so soon, but nothing ever went according to plan in her life, did it? [color=C81935]“He's a good guy who deserves to be happy and I hate that I wasted his time but… I couldn’t do it any longer.”[/color]

Mika had no words. The shock that she and Sinclair no longer being together was something that’d take some getting used to. He didn’t want to seem too happy, but part of him was. Maybe it was wrong of Mika to feel that way. He didn’t know Niles and maybe, deep down, there was a small part of him that felt like he had no reason to dislike Niles. Perhaps the only reason he did was because he had been with Cece. It was a crap reason and it would be just the sort of thing his father would do. He couldn’t help it. But as much as he didn’t like Niles, curiosity took priority. A curiosity about what Cece said, so he just had to ask. 

As he kept his eyes on her, Mika just said it: [color=635687]“Couldn’t do what any longer?”[/color]

The redhead took in a deep breath, straightened her shoulders and looked up at Mika, a vulnerable expression all over her beautiful face-- she was scared of the consequences of the words she was about to say. [color=C81935]“As much as I really liked him, I couldn’t keep trying to force myself to fall in love with him when… When I’ve obviously never stopped being in love with somebody else.”[/color]

He was frozen in the chair he sat in by…something. A revelation like that, on top of everything else, Mika couldn't quite process it all. She and Niles were no more and she was still in love with somebody else. She didn’t have to say the name because Mika knew. His stomach turned and tossed itself over and under in every possible way, heart began to pound at a crazy rate. Everything that could make it impossible to process what she just said was simultaneously active. 

And he didn’t know what to do with this. Should he just be selfish and take her right now? No, that was wrong. Goddamn that voice in his head! Goddamn his guilt! Goddamn it all!

As Caitlin watched the way Mika’s face dropped after her confession, tears began to well up in her eyes as her heart sank to her feet. Just like she had done when they first started seeing each other, here she was: making the mistake of being vocal and open about her feelings only to be met with that impenetrable wall of resistance Mika seemed to have built around himself. She understood the reason why he kept his defenses up around his father-- but why was he so adamant on keeping her out, too? All she had ever done was love him and support him unconditionally, treating him with tenderness, kindness and respect… And all she ever got in return was being pushed away whenever she got too close.

The hurt Cece had felt watching Mika’s expression morphed into a deep-seated anger. [color=C81935]“Why do you always do this shit?”[/color] the redhead burst out in utter frustration. Her turquoise eyes suddenly blazed as brightly as her flaming hair did, and her voice was loud and passionate in a way Mika had never heard before. [color=C81935]“Why do you always make me feel like I can tell you everything I’m thinking and feeling, but any time it’s your turn, you fucking push me away? You break up with me after over two years in a relationship with no label because [i]you[/i] never wanted to give it one. [i]Then[/i] you find out I started seeing someone and you had the audacity to show up at our date and [i]ruin it[/i]-- which, by the way, was part of the reason Niles and I broke up in the first place. You seek me out a few weeks later to confess the reason why you broke up with me in the first place and I’m like: [i]‘hmmm, it looks like he’s changed, so he deserves my forgiveness for his honesty’[/i], so I forgive you and we’re okay again. Then you use that as an invitation to show up at my house [i]twice[/i] today, saying all the right things and stringing me along to think that you’re finally, [i]finally[/i] letting me in… And the minute I start talking about my feelings, you’re like Forrest fucking Gump running away from the bullies chasing him! It’s getting fucking old, Mika!”[/color]

The young woman was red-faced, her chest rising and falling with the intensity of the emotions she was experiencing-- but she wasn’t finished yet. [color=C81935]“Why are you even here, anyway? To string me along some more? Because if all you’re here for is to toy with me, then you better take those musty clothes with you and get the hell out of my house! I am [i]done[/i] playing games with you!”[/color]

[color=635687]“No..that’s not--” [i]Shut up, Mika. Stop talking before you dig yourself into a bigger hole than you already have.[/i][/color]

Even now, he had no words to offer immediately. Mika was stuck between this rock that weighed him down almost to the highway to hell that he was Forrest Gump- running on and the hard place that has been suffocating him for so long. The aerostasis right before asphyxiation where everything around him feels like he can’t breathe but he’s not quite dead-- that’s what Mika’s state of mind has been in an endless, repetitive rotation of. And all because he couldn’t allow himself to feel, or be open about it for once in his life. 

Instead of being honest with her, he just sat there like the little helpless child that everyone kept saying he was. And now he had done this thing to Cece twice - the thing of hurting her to a point where it made him feel twice as bad. Twice as guilty. If only he could just say it: say that he still loved her. Say the fucking truth that he never stopped loving her, but…he just couldn’t. 

Not yet. 

He couldn’t tell her that until he told her something else first. It has been weighing on him for so long. For way longer than she has known him.

Mika sank off the chair and next to Cece. He didn’t attempt to touch her but he was on both knees in front of her. [color=635687]“I promise that’s not it. I’m not stringing you along -- not now, not ever…”[/color] His hands were balled up into fists, chest tightening and tightening like something had a vice grip on his heart. Not something, but someone: Cece’s anguish was grasping it to the point where unknowing tears flowed down Mika’s face. [color=635687]“I can make excuses. I can say it’s because of my father or my circumstances growing up. But that’s not even close to being it. It’s more simple than that.”[/color] He forced himself to take a deep breath. [color=635687]“Cece…Caitlin…the reason I could never be this way…be the man you wanted me to be is because I could never trust myself that way.”[/color] He bit his lip but never broke face with the redhead. [color=635687]“When I said my father took my mother away from her home, I never elaborated about that. Truth is, my mother…she’s from Edenridge. Like you and like David, she’s a foundling.”[/color] Oh, God it was coming. One last deep breath, Mika. Just let it out. [color=635687]“Her name, before marrying Ivan, before becoming Mary-Anne Zima, was Mary-Anne O’Hara. She’s John O’Hara’s - Coach’s - younger sister. My mother… she’s your David's aunt.”[/color][/indent][/indent][/color]