Roaki wasn’t sure what she’d expected. 

No, that wasn’t entirely true. She’d expected a lie, like the one back in Casoban. Maybe that she really had lost it in Hovvi, or during training, or that someone had gotten to her young and gouged it or popped it or something. She’d expected—hoped, even—to catch a glimpse of the hidden truth that someone had managed to [i]beat[/i] her in the past. That she wasn’t an invincible, unbreakable champion. That she was [i]weak[/i]. 

Then again, would that really have made it any better? Would she rather have lost to Quinnlash the monster, or Quinnlash the weakling? 

Well, she’d rather not have lost at all.

Roaki could read people well. She was good at sniffing out fear, and even without looking her in the eye she could tell that Quinnlash was afraid even before she admitted it. Maybe this really was the truth. She didn’t know, it had just [i]happened[/i] and that was that. It was so tempting to look, to see the proof of that fear forever marked upon her face. 

She couldn’t. 

When Quinnlash asked about her lost limbs, Roaki shrank back into the pillow. An old and familiar anger flexed instinctually inside her. She’d hurt people, badly, just for [i]looking[/i] at her arm, just for seeing her slip the prosthetic on. Her teeth gritted together, an ache shot down her leg, all the way to the foot she didn’t have anymore, the one she’d lost in Casoban. 

How much of her had [i]Blotklau[/i] eaten before it died? 

[i]Not enough.[/i]

“[color=ec008c]I…[/color]” her voice withered. She squeezed the sheet so hard her nails dug through the fabric and into her palm. [i]Speak. You lost, now you speak.[/i] “[color=ec008c]I can’t phase,[/color] she rasped. She didn’t have the strength or the will to lie, and she was never very good at it anyway. 

“[color=ec008c]I tried, when I was old enough. I got in before the scars were even healed, and I tried.[/color]” She blinked, and in that darkness she felt the cold cage of the cockpit around her. “[color=ec008c]I stayed in the whole time, like I was supposed to. I never disconnected—not until they made me. They said I almost completed the Circuit.[/color]”

[color=9e0b0f][i]How disgusting.[/i][/color]

“[color=ec008c]My arm and leg were…part of it,[/color]” she said quietly. “[color=ec008c]They had to cut me out.[/color]”

Roaki stared at the sheets, how they fell flat just beneath the stumps of her legs. [color=9e0b0f][i]How disgusting,[/i][/color] he’d said. [color=9e0b0f][i]Only half a daughter, but a full measure of failure.[/i][/color]

She’d almost proven him wrong. 

“[color=ec008c]Why is [i]Dragon[/i]’s pilot afraid of you?[/color] she snapped, before she could dwell on those memories a moment more. “[color=ec008c]Why does she do whatever you say? She’s one of the strongest pilots in the world. And that woman, I heard her this morning—she’s the commander. What did you [i]do[/i] to them?[/color]”