Quinn sat back, silently proud of herself for actually telling a joke, and having it actually work [i]as a joke.[/i] She nodded slightly as Mona quietly mentioned Hovvi again, how she [i]wasn't[/i] going to talk about it, and said a quick thank you. And then there it was. The things not to talk about. She did her best to gather everything in her that was brave, everything in her that was Roaki and Dahlia and Besca, everything that wanted to say, [i]don't talk about my family.[/i] But...she wasn't Roaki. She wasn't Dahlia. And she [i]definitely[/i] wasn't Besca. The words died in her throat before they could even be born. "[color=ffe63d]I—[/color]" The smile blew out like a candle in a sudden squall. "[color=ffe63d]I don't—[/color]" It was hard to get the thought out. It was so hard to get it out. It was impossible to get it out. Without really knowing it, she grew quieter, withdrew slightly. And no matter how she tried...it just wouldn't come. So eventually, she just mumbled out, "[color=ffe63d]N...no. Nothing.[/color]" Calm down. Calm down. Three deep breaths. The [i]intense[/i] self-loathing receded some, hiding underneath the floorboards, and she managed to relight the candle and force the smile back on her face. The breathing always seemed to work. Still, only five minutes. It felt at once much, much longer, and like no time at all, and her nerves were already fraying. She let her eye flicker sideways, searching for Besca. It seemed that she hadn't come out of the kitchen yet. Still figuring out everything with the chef. At the thought, the smile's hard edges softened and it felt a little more natural again, though it was quite a bit more subdued than it had been before. And as soon as Mona spoke again, she latched onto the new idea and did her best to forget about her...her par—[i]about her last thoughts.[/i] "[color=ffe63d]It's really, [i]really[/i] good. And I ate it right before the duel, so now it's lucky too.[/color]"