Quinn had been so worried about being asked about the duel during the interview that she'd talked to Deelie about what to say. And it was still enough to make her twitch, certainly. But after the last line of questioning, it was...almost a relief. She clenched and unclenched her hands a few times, took a deep breath. She was proud of the fact that her hands were only [i]slightly[/i] shaking. She opened her mouth and...

...And her mind went blank.

What was it she had talked about with Deelie? What had she said? How had she responded? She realized that the silence was starting to drag out, and she filled it as much as she could by picking up her fork again, taking a bite of the salmon. It turned to ash in her mouth. What was it? [i]What had she said?[/i]

"[color=ffe63d]I...[/color]" Her tongue was quite thoroughly tied. She had no idea what she'd say. Something about...? She didn't—her breathing started to accelerate as she fought to figure out what to say. Oh god, oh god, her mind had gone [i]completely dead.[/i] What would she—

A memory came unbidden to her mind, then:

[color=ec008c][i]Oi, deadgirl. The fuck is[/i] Ablaze [i]supposed to mean?[/i][/color]

[color=ffe63d][i]I'll tell you later.[/i][/color]

"[color=ffe63d]I...[/color]" She swallowed heavily, looking intently at Mona. Her voice shook like a leaf, but she managed to string words together, at least. "[color=ffe63d]I guess I should explain what [i]Ablaze[/i] means, huh?[/color]" 

She closed her eye tight, trying to focus on keeping her voice contained as the previous exchange kept its hooks digging into her mind, steadily pulling it apart. "[color=ffe63d]When I—during the duel—or, before the duel—I was thinking about the kind of pilot I wanted to be.[/color]" Unlike when she'd spoken with Deelie before, her voice didn't stabilize as she went on. If anything, it worsened. "[color=ffe63d]I want to—to protect people. I want to k—keep everyone safe around me.[/color]" She pulled in a harsh, shuddering breath. Her self-control was loosening more and more as time went on. "[color=ffe63d]Like...like a torch. I want to be a torch and—and pull light along after me. And—[/color]"

She opened her eye finally, looking straight into Mona's. There were definite tears that were threatening to come out; too subtle to come out on screen, but more than enough to see in person. She could only keep the eye contact for a moment before she dropped her eye again. "[color=ffe63d]So that's...that's why I didn't p—pull the trigger. I want to keep people safe. I learned to f—fight to h—[i]help[/i] people. Not to [i]hurt[/i] them.[/color]" 

She looked down at her lap, voice dropping low. "[color=ffe63d]So it just...would've been wrong.[/color]"

She leaned back up, pressing her hands briefly into her face as she tried to get her thoughts in order, only just barely succeeding. "[color=ffe63d]After that...[/color]" Her voice was muffled through her hands "[color=ffe63d]Roaki got—she got—[/color]" Her voice broke off and she dropped her hands from her face, leaving her staring at the ceiling.

"[color=ffe63d]S—sorry. Just...just give me—give me a second. P—please.[/color]"