[@Benzaiten] ...that might be it, honestly.

How the heck have I never figured that out?

Basically, looking at it now, because it's a link, the website... automatically cuts it off? You can't just copy/paste it - you need to make sure to copy the link address [i]specifically[/i], and put it in there yourself.

And since it's not auto-filling the code, every command on the same line as it (so the [/image], [/center], etcetera) becomes part of the link.

...Basically, ignore everything in the noparse, you're just better off going by the raw code.