[color=lightgray][center][right][sup][@BrutalBx], [@metanoia], [@Aces Away]
[@LovelyComplex], [@Venus][/sup][/right] 
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[color=BB986B]Mitena Strongbow[/color], [color=e62020]Jade Taylor[/color], [color=crimson]Mordechai Boaz[/color], [color=fe6f5e]Penelope James[/color], [color=7B68EE]Natalia Belmonte[/color][/sub][/center]

[indent][indent][color=BB986B]“I don’t even know where to start.”[/color]

Tena nervously laughed as she professed her trepidation. Her doe eyes looked around the picnic bench, assorted breakfast snacks such as fry bread, breakfast burritos and clustered granola cakes sat on paper plates having freshly cooked by the one and only Forrest Proudstar. She glanced at the collected group from Edenridge, Massachusetts that had travelled to the rolling fields of the Blue Hill Reservation in order to protect her. Each person sat at that table meant something to a very particular boy that was no longer of this plain and Earth. He was a boy of deep trouble and hard times, broken promises and words. He was an urban poet bequeathed the soul of a wordsmith by a higher power. He was a troubled boy. 

Charlie Decker; they were all pieces of the heart of Charlie Decker.

Mitena reached beneath the table for Natalia’s hand. She hadn’t known the Italian girl any longer than a day but the comfort she felt in her presence was soothing; borderline intoxicating, like the rest of her had been during their night together. It was telling of her brother's choice in friends that these kids journeyed all the way to the Rez to try and help a girl they didn’t even know existed. Charlie seemed to choose the people in his life well.

[color=BB986B]“I guess I should just start from the beginning?”[/color] The raven haired singer picked up her iced tea and had a quick sip before continuing. She could feel her heart racing. Why was she so nervous? [color=BB986B]“I didn’t know Charlie even existed until he sent me a letter when I was….fourteen? Maybe fifteen? Apparently he found me during some class project you guys had about family trees. We share a father, James, but I gather you already know that. Charlie and I only ever met in person once. Everything else was through the letters.”[/color]

[color=e62020]"I remember that project."[/color] Jade found herself saying out loud, almost like it was an impulse or something like that. She could remember that project clearly because she remembered where her head was at during that time. Her uncle had helped her fill in her own tree to make up for the gaps that were left because she refused to add her parents to it. 

But as she looked around the table, her gaze went in a circle from Tena and Natalia to the two that sat opposite of her: Key and Poppy. She wondered what was going through their minds. What could they be thinking? Even more importantly, was it right for Jade to be the first one to speak? She didn't feel like she had any. For the last month, she was a ghost to those closest to her and she still felt like a grim cold chill even as she sat nestled between them. Yesterday she felt like she took a lot of the right steps forward, but there was still this underlying feeling deep inside her, like the ripple effect of what she did not just last month, but on [i]that[/i] night. 

Now that she was face to face with Tena, Charlie’s long lost sister, she couldn’t help but have that one night on her mind. Those thoughts never went away. They were never resolved nor addressed. Jade ran away, sank herself in pills, whiskey, and whatever she could to not feel for a whole month. She knew she couldn’t do that anymore. Her moment with Natalia and again with Key, knowing just how much she truly missed out on (either by her design or the design of her pain), there was a clarity moment she was having right now and it was staring her into the face with the same features Charlie had. [color=e62020]“So…in the letters he sent you, did he ever mention a night at a Carlisle house party. December of 2016, did he ever say anything about that night?”[/color] As she asked, her blue-green eyes side-glanced at Poppy and Key. She understood what this potentially could bring up but she needed to ask. She needed to know and it was the only way she knew at this moment to even start to address what she tried to leave behind her.

[color=BB986B]“You mean the night that Allison Davies died? Yeah he mentioned it a lot.”[/color] Mitena’s eyes fell upon the packed table of food. Indeed Charlie had talked about that evening as the night that everything went wrong. That was the night that he was labelled a murderer and his descent into the embrace of the withered hands of the craven tribe truly began. [color=BB986B]“Especially towards the end.”[/color] Seeking comfort, the indigenous singer moved the hand of Natalia’s she was holding under the table into her lap. She exhaled, trying to keep her composure. [color=BB986B]“I think that night created in Charlie a well of guilt. But not just for what happened to Allison, even though he most certainly blamed himself for that. He was sad because he had made promises to all of you and he failed to keep them.”[/color]

The faces staring back at her were somewhat terrifying despite their sincere and understanding looks. [color=BB986B]“Though that’s as much detail as he goes into in his letters. You sort of put more pieces of the puzzle together when you read his book. Like how he really just wanted to spend the day with you, Poppy.”[/color] Mitena looked towards the ethereal girl on the edge of the bench before drifting her gaze to Decky. [color=BB986B]“Or about how he let you down Mordechai because he was taking care of your patch.”[/color] The girl turned to face Jade, who had started off the line of questioning. [color=BB986B]“He especially held a lot of guilt for you and how you were forced to see something you shouldn’t. That one really hurt him-- or at least that’s what I took from his words. I don’t know how true it is.”[/color]

While Mitena spoke, it took everything in Jade to not show just how high her emotions were. Tena didn’t know it, but when she mentioned how jade witnessed something she shouldn’t have, that made her heart swell. The whole time she was blaming herself for it. Blaming herself for how this weight lingered on her shoulder because of that night, she never knew how Charlie felt about it. [color=e62020]“I…never knew he felt that way about it.”[/color] She couldn’t bring herself to mention it specifically. It was too painful to speak about it, but she felt she had some form of closure. 

She looked down at the picnic table, looking at the food but not reaching for any of it. [color=e62020]“I don’t think you have any reason to not believe it. It seems he trusted you a lot, Tena. And I can see why. To find out you have a sister, maybe he just wanted to know what that felt like.”[/color] As she spoke, Jade’s gaze went to Poppy and gave her sister a soft smile before returning it to Tena. [color=e62020]“I like to think that he found safety in you in whatever way he could.”[/color]

The letters. The book. The broken promises. Penelope James held onto her fork as she stared at her plate of fruit and some biscuits. Untouched, as expected of her. Only a couple hours ago she and Mordechai had talked to one another about being kinder to themselves and keeping each other afloat. They were just kids. They all were just kids. She was grateful Jade took the lead. Without her, this table’s silence would cut like an excruciating sharp knife. 

Poppy had thought she was prepared for this, she really convinced herself for a moment that she was ready. After hearing everything, she knew she didn’t want to hear any of this. She didn’t want to hear any of this from Mitena Strongbow. She wanted to hear this from Charlie Strongbow-Decker. It was all infuriating and to add salt to her wounds that she keeps trying to close up, Jade gave her a tender look, emphasising that the people at this table here were family. Their family. Jade, her sister. Mordechai, her brother. Charlie… 

The last thing Poppy wanted to do was offend her. Instead, she bit her tongue and kept quiet. Her eyes searched the table only to catch the sight of Tena and Natalia holding hands under the table. It was subtle but Poppy could tell. [i]That was fast[/i]. She was starting to think she’d need to up her dosage with her antidepressants and anxiety meds. The sensations were overwhelming her and she could feel a ball in her throat everytime she swallowed. Trying to keep her mind off the raging storm within her, she brought her fork to a cut piece of strawberry and pierced it. She nibbled on it as she sat in silence. It wasn’t her time to talk. This was Jade’s moment. 

[color=BB986B]“I appreciate that.”[/color] Mitena said sweetly as Jade mentioned Charlie’s wish to be safe. It dawned on her that she had been her brother's keeper without even realising it. She had been a stranger to carry his secrets so that he didn’t have to burden his friends, at least in his mind she imagined. It was sad to think that the Charlie she knew through their letters could not share parts of himself with the people he was closest to. If she was a betting girl, Tena would say that this inability to communicate, to carry a load and not share it, was her big brother's downfall. [color=BB986B]“I guess my next question is…well, what do you guys need from me? I wanna help you in any way I can.”[/color]

[color=dc143c][i]‘What a loaded question,’[/i][/color] Mordechai thought as the conversation came to a gentle pause. What did they need from her? Mordechai didn’t even know she existed until this trip was already set in motion by Poppy. On top of that, finding out that this whole thing wouldn’t have even happened if it weren’t for that fucking project had him stewing in his own emotions. He remembered it of course because of how it made him feel not being able to complete it. He’d spent hours staring at the blank page of the assignment, not even feeling comfortable putting Benjamin and Alana’s names down and graphing his and Danny’s branches back onto the tree that they had fallen out of so willingly and with feverish haste. He'd gone to Mr. Beau with far more attitude than the kind and patient man deserved and asked if the report was some sick joke for those that didn't [i]get[/i] to know anything about their roots, and instead of failing him or giving him detention, Beau had just told him to write about his [i]real[/i] family. The one he and Danny [i]chose[/i]. While it helped for the assignment and his mental well-being at the time, Mordechai had never lost that bitter feeling in his chest when he thinks about the fact that he knows absolutely nothing about his blood relatives, or whether or not they were just like his parents.

And here Charlie had found a sister before he'd taken Danny away. A sister who he'd confided in in a way unlike he had with anyone else. [color=dc143c][i]'With any of us…'[/i][/color] he finally shifted his gaze from where it had been looking over Tena's shoulder instead of at her, and took in his two best friends. How were they feeling about what Charlie had told Tena? He'd just wanted Poppy that day, he'd wished Jade never had to see him and ReyRey that night, those were both understandable statements when it came to Charlie, but what Tena seemed to learn about Mordechai sounded more like his own words to Charlie all those years ago. He'd said he was disappointed, and while he never once thought that Charlie had laced the shit Allison took on purpose, it didn't stop him from treating the tall native boy like he had. He never called him a murderer, never said anything to him that he didn't believe, but he literally greeted Charlie physically for the first time in a year and a half with a right hook to his jaw. 

[i]He made promises to all of you and he failed to keep them.[/i] Mordechai and Danny never made promises, even when asked to. The word was too strong of a contract that was far too easily broken in the world they lived in. Charlie hadn't had such reservations over the term, and more often than not he absolutely followed through on his promises, especially within their little group. But what about all the shit [i]Mordechai[/i] did that had him failing at being a good friend? All the punishments at ReyRey's command, not even asking for Charlie's side before going off on him, and all the snarky comments he could have kept to himself. All the things that slowly broke Charlie until he returned the favor tenfold by tearing asunder the lives of those that wronged him, and even those that never did.

And Decky threw the first punch, every time.

Well, they're already here and Tena somehow has the most answers out of all of them, might as well ask the important questions while he still had a will to do so, right?

[color=dc143c]"Did he hate me?"[/color] Mordechai finally asked as his dark eyes dropped to the ground beneath his feet while he hung his head, hands clasping each other tightly and arms resting on his legs. His hair covered the shame on his face as he asked the questions he knew he had to, even when he'd convinced himself of his own answers just so that he could keep moving every day, keep living. [color=dc143c]"I treated him like shit and nothin' was even his fault, and I [i]knew[/i] that. But I always followed ReyRey's orders and punishments, no questions asked. I had ta start his jump out junior year or ReyRey would've withheld my own. Once I'd focused on gettin' me and Danny out it's like nothin' else much mattered at the time, even my friendships,"[/color] he admitted in a small yet harsh voice, not daring to look beside him at two of the people he loved as he spoke, and all his anger in his tone very clearly directed inwards. [color=dc143c]"So, did he hate me? Did he ever talk about my little brother Danny? Did I make him hate us both?"[/color]

[color=BB986B]“I don’t think I’m the one to answer that, Decky.”[/color] This was a lot more sombre than Tena expected. It seemed her words were doing more harm than good to the people Charlie cherished more than anything. Who was her brother? Really? The words on his pages seemed either to not represent the man at all or the part of him that he offered to these people was so hidden…or even perhaps lost. [color=BB986B]“All I can answer is that I think you all meant something different and special to him. You were all a piece of him but I don’t really know. I knew Charlie through letters over a brief time. You knew him up until the day he did what he did. You knew him.”[/color] Mitena could feel her eyes slightly begin to water. She really thought she had made peace with everything that the beautiful departed was and could’ve been. Yet the more she talked with people, the more she realised she didn’t know him at all. Who was he? [color=BB986B]“Tell me about him? Who was Charlie Jay to you guys? Who was my brother?”[/color]

[color=fe6f5e]“A stranger, apparently,”[/color] Penelope muttered under her breath as she carried a heavy weight on her shoulders. Dejected and lost, she gazed at her plate with empty eyes. She knew Tena was an innocent party to everything that was Charlie but this whole experience was like being repeatedly stabbed in the heart. Over and over again. She could barely see beyond her pain. She could barely see those around her. She could barely see. 

[color=fe6f5e]“I don’t understand,”[/color] Poppy shook her head in disbelief, not making eye contact with anyone. [color=fe6f5e]“I don’t understand why I know so little.”[/color] Balling her fists until they turn white, Poppy could feel her teeth jittering, knowing a panic attack was not too far off from happening. She swallowed hard, holding back any tears she felt like shedding. Tired of crying. [color=fe6f5e]“Yesterday alone I found out Charlie knew the most popular girl in our grade and he also has a sister. I… I don’t understand why he didn’t trust me enough…”[/color] She hated this. Why was she the one forced to save the day? Keep her friends together? To help others heal and be happy? She could barely save herself. Poppy was no hero. She was no one. She was nothing. Everything she ever did, it was all for nought because clearly at the end of the day she could never be enough for him. She was never enough for Charlie. She would never be enough. 

[color=fe6f5e]“All I’m hearing is,[/color]” Penelope glanced up at her friends and the two girls she barely knew, a single tear trailing down her cheek. All her pain hit its peak in her tone, yet it was nothing more than a whisper. [color=fe6f5e]“I was a waste of space,”[/color] she uttered, her pale fists hitting her lap in frustration, [color=fe6f5e]“I’m nothing to him. I never was anything to him. I don’t want to hear this from you. I want to hear this from Charlie. I’m sorry,”[/color] Poppy pushed her chair back and stood up, covering her mouth with the back of her wrist, clear signs of her breathing drastically picking up, [color=fe6f5e]“I need to take a walk.”[/color] Before anyone could stop her, making sure if someone tried to grab her she’d slip out of their reach, Poppy was rushing away, [color=fe6f5e]“D-don’t follow me, please.”[/color] And in seconds, she was gone.

Natalia had remained a silent spectator for the entirety of the conversation, listening closely and taking in everything that was being said. The conversation began with the night of Allison Davies' death: one of the many events that had negatively impacted their lives in different ways, and the one that marked the beginning of Charlie’s downward spiral. Contrary to her peers, her experience at the party had been a positive one. She'd spent most of that December night messing around and getting to know the new boy at the time, Mika.  It was what happened after, though unrelated to Charlie Decker at the time, what led the Queen Bee and the Native gentleman to cross paths for the first time. Looking back on it, Tal never would've imagined that losing her virginity to her former best friend Niles Sinclair that night would snowball into her sitting at this kitchen table at the Blue Hill Reservation, surrounded by Charlie's friends and sister and carrying a secret in danger of being exposed.

By the time she zoned back into the conversation, Mitena was asking the visitors to share who was Charlie to them. As Natalia would have expected, Poppy James was the first to speak up. But instead of elaborating on the many things Tal knew she could say about her forever love, she watched the distraught Penelope crumble to pieces in front of them before storming away from the table in tears.

Immediately, Natalia felt her body tense up, but Mitena's hold on her hand and the presence of Mordechai and Jade meant she was forced to suppress her own rising panic. All of her doubts and fears about coming clean or sharing her secret were confirmed by Penelope with this display of emotions. If the knowledge of Charlie having a secret sister and the fact that he and Tal acknowledged each other’s existence had elicited this gut-wrenching, visceral reaction from Poppy, she couldn’t imagine what would happen if the true nature of their relationship came out. There was no way in hell that she would be opening her mouth anytime soon.

Tena was frozen and in tears. She didn’t want to hurt anyone. These kids came to her looking for something, looking for someone lost to them and all she could offer were words on old yellow pages that probably weren’t even true. She watched with her soft doe eyes as Poppy ran off. It was just like Charlie had said in his book; the girl with the flowered name was as precious as any jewel or great work of art. 

She looked up at Natalia for reassurance but could see that she was hurting just as much as the others but in a different way. Poppy’s words rang out in her head. They didn’t know Natalia but Charlie did. She wasn’t part of their world but she was in his. God that must sting. He had hurt them all in so many ways and seeing her, hearing her talk, they probably thought Tena was his ghost come from wherever to torment them further. [color=BB986B]“I’m really sorry,”[/color] She tried to say assuringly but her confidence was an awful mask that wasn’t doing its job. [color=BB986B]“Maybe I should just leave and let you go back home? The storm should be over now and the roads clear. You can leave the memory of me behind and the pain I’m causing.”[/color]

Jade felt almost completely helpless. Not particularly frozen, but her gaze was on her soul sister as her pain was shared with everyone. She wanted to defy her when she left and follow her, but that would only do more harm than not. The month that left a gap in her communication with the two closest to her had more ripples than she thought there’d be. Even if she did go, how much worse would that make things?

As much as it hurt her to stay, there was something else Jade felt she was needed for - maybe even more than part of her hear wanting to get up after Poppy. She looked at Mitena. Throughout all of this, she was the most removed from the effects of Charlie’s life and actions on [i]that[/i] day. [color=e62020]“You have nothing to apologize for, Mitena.”[/color] Jade finally spoke up, focusing her undivided attention on the Native girl. Maybe for the first time, she was seeing the raw pain on her face. [color=e62020]“This isn’t easy for any of us. Charlie was our world. I’m sure if you were to ask any of us, we’d have different answers as to what that meant. For me, he was someone I could be myself around. He could be an idiot sometimes, but that’s what I loved about him.”[/color] As she thought about Charlie, in that moment, she remembered back to that night of the game. Before everything went to hell, she remembered their conversation and she smiled. [color=e62020]“You meant enough to Charlie that maybe he wanted to keep that for himself. Or maybe if things had gone differently, he would have told us about you, or introduced you to us at some point. Whatever the case, that means you’re family. So there’s no way in hell I or anyone at this table wants to forget about you.”[/color]

[color=dc143c]"She's right, we’re not ditchin’ ya,"[/color] Mordechai spoke lowly while still glaring at the ground, voice gruff with his swirling turmoil. He'd stayed silent and tried to hide his flinch when Tena addressed him so casually by the name his brother had given him. He knew she didn't know anything else, he used to hate his full name and would demand anyone he didn't know well call him Boaz or Boa. He couldn't blame her for not knowing that that name died with Danny. His hands had gone from grasping each other to gripping tightly high on his forearms, fingernails digging into the scarred skin there as he desperately tried to hold himself together. [color=dc143c][i]'Still no answers,'[/i][/color] he thought dejectedly as his tears hit the carpet. [color=dc143c][i]'Honestly, the fuck was I expectin'?'[/i][/color] He had answers for her, though. He couldn't get his but he could make sure she doesn't leave this conversation without some of her own. Who was Charlie to him?

[color=dc143c]"When I first started school, the only other person I knew was Sonny, my neighbour and…well aside from Danny, my everythin' at the time. Poppy and Charlie were the first ones ta talk ta me, and me and Jade connected a little later. He…he was like my brother. We were all so aware of reality while also tryin'a escape it. Most'a the good literature I know is thanks ta him, and all the fuckin' quotes,"[/color] he tried to finish that with a laugh, but it seemed to come out as more of a choked off sob as he shoved the palms of his hands against his eyes to try and stave off the breakdown he knew was on it's way faster than Poppy’s exit from the room. [color=dc143c]"Fuck man, I liked comics and poems but Charlie opened so many new worlds for me an- and for Danny. He was the strongest and softest guy I knew at the same time. He helped me raise my little bro just like Pops and J and I just fuckin' [i]betrayed[/i] him. I put my shit above him time after time and I just-"[/color] the sobs finally broke his sentence off and he quickly bit his tongue to make them stop. 

With sharp and jerky movements, Mordechai shot to his feet and managed to choke out, [color=dc143c]"I'm sorry, I [i]can't[/i], I can't,"[/color] before making a beeline for the stairs and his room. The second he closed the door the tears began burning his face again as a cry like a wounded animal clawed its way out of his torn throat. 

[color=dc143c][i][b]"FUCK!"[/b][/i][/color]

He turned around and put his fist through the wall right beside the door, leaving it there as he dropped his forehead to the door and let himself truly cry out of the sight of others. When he was done, he'd grab the patch and repair kit that he’d brought to Adora’s one year, half as an apology and half as a gag gift- and honestly, it's seen so much use that it's less of a gag now- and fix the wall like he always did. But for now, for now he was actually going to let it all out. He was going to cry for himself and what he lost, but also for those that can't cry anymore. He cried for Danny, but he also cried for Charlie.

[color=dc143c]"I'm sorry man, I'm so fuckin' sorry."[/color]
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