[center][img]https://i.imgur.com/aRfAXko.png[/img][/center] [hr] [b][i]7th of Velles - 1:05 HI[/i] [i]Ersand’Enise Grand Cathedral[/i][/b] [i]Flashback: Arriving home at the end of Prickly Situation[/i] [hr] It was another stormy night in Ersand’Enise. For the second time since his fateful meeting with Hugo Hunghorasz, Yalen chose to disobey the rules and wander the streets after curfew. This time his reasons had nothing to do with the wizard living in the tower. He was not on a quest to save a village or retrieve an important magical artifact. He just wanted to get as far away as he could from his friends, his family, and from the entire school. Yalen needed time to process what he had just been through. Trying to avoid being spotted outside his dorm was even harder now than it was before the advent of the Trials. The number of sentries had nearly doubled to account for the chaos brought by thousands of eager spectators. Every street corner Yalen rounded was guarded by a pair of Lamplighters here, or a town watchman there. There weren’t many places to go, but he did not want to return to his dorm where he might run into Colette or Isabella. The roaming student was corralled this way and that by the presence of the night watch until he unwittingly found himself standing in front of the grand cathedral. Yalen gazed up at the temple’s marbled spires, the rainwater flowing perfectly down her walls. Nobody came forth to confront him despite him being frozen there in awe. This divine sanctum was a place where the city’s soldiers were forbidden entry by the special authority of the Holy See. The Rezaindian guardians that protected the courtyard in their place gave him one look and then let him pass undisturbed. He had not visited the cathedral often enough for them to recognize that he was here as a biro, rather than a member of the clergy. His arms drew inward as Yalen came nearer to the church’s cedarwood doors. He was deliberating whether or not it was right for him to be here. There was a miserable wind chill that turned the water to ice on his skin, and the sodden cleric was eager to escape the storm. However, his feet were weighed down by the confusing mass of emotions swirling in his heart. There was a nagging guilt that made Yalen want to turn around and run home. Even still, a part of him felt that coming here would help him find closure. It took him a few minutes of thinking it over before he found the courage to go inside. [hr] Yalen took a knee before the altar and made the sign of the Pentad. He then pressed his forehead against the floor and prostrated himself before the gods. His consciousness fled for a split second when his head touched the ground. He was still exhausted from a desperate battle he had barely managed to survive. It took considerable willpower, and some self applied healing magic, to rise to his feet and walk back down the nave. Each row of seats Yalen passed was mostly empty save for a handful of late night parishioners. He had no difficulty finding a seat in the aisle that offered a suitable amount of privacy. Yalen settled onto the bench and rested his hands on his lap. Not a word of prayer escaped his lips as he stared blankly at the ceiling. [color=#FD5E53][i]How could I let this happen?[/i][/color] When Yalen went to Djamant to help his friend Jocasta regain her memories, he thought it would just be a fun adventure with his classmates. It was supposed to be a chance to explore the world and meet new people. Maybe they would encounter some vicious animals, or at worst be forced to deal with a couple of crooks. Danger was a normal part of life, and he believed himself brave enough to face it just like everyone else. His naivete left him unprepared to deal with the tragedy that occurred when the members of Covenant arrived. Escorted by a troop of Black Rezaindian assassins, Brother Wolf and his allies demanded that Yalen and company surrender Jocasta to the authority of the church. Naturally his classmates chose to resist, and in a fit of unexplainable passion he elected to stand with them against his sworn brothers and sisters. It was not his intention to hurt anybody. Yalen stepped up believing that he would help his friends evade imprisonment. Win or lose, he was prepared to submit himself to a tribunal when the battle was finished, so that he might be excommunicated for his betrayal. What was he supposed to think then, when his brothers in faith sought to end his life without so much as flinching? For the crime of protecting his friends, Yalen was nearly beheaded and boiled alive. The others answered violence with violence, maiming and killing many. He had always known some of his friends were capable of taking lives, but the level of brutality he witnessed today was unconscionable. Worst of all, rather than leave or try to stop the carnage, the former pacifist had just become an accomplice to several murders. He assisted his allies in destroying Covenant, and thanks to that Brother Wolf was dead, as was Brother Ash and many others. [color=#FD5E53][i]What will happen to me now? Should I drop out of school? Can I even go back home anymore?[/i][/color] Yalen felt his eyes water when a crushing wave of anxiety washed over him. His body convulsed while he fought to hold back a sob. He was panicked and confused but couldn’t put into words why he felt that way. Yalen was too young to understand how to confront his feelings, and the guilt he was experiencing made it impossible to confide in his loved ones. His conflicted emotions were beginning to eat him up inside. [color=#dcfc3b]“Yalen? Yalen Castel?”[/color] A soft voice called from behind. Yalen was frozen stiff by the sound of his name being called. Nobody was meant to know he was here. [color=#dcfc3b]“Yalen, is that you?”[/color] The voice spoke again, much closer this time. Yalen fearfully looked around to see who it was that had found him. [color=#fd5e53]“Mrs. Tomaras…?”[/color] Leaning against the side of the bench was a young looking Thalak woman with curly brown hair. Kora Tomaras was the academy’s theology instructor and the head of the Carnation Accord. She and Yalen often chatted outside of class, so they had gotten to know each other well as a teacher and student. Without asking for permission the professor took a seat next to her weary pupil and started to rub his back. She could feel his body shivering. Yalen furiously rubbed his eyes against his sleeve trying to pull himself together. Part of him was relieved to be near somebody he knew, but he was conflicted about too many things to properly engage with her. This was not the state of mind he wanted to be in while talking to a friend. He should have been more discreet while attempting to isolate himself. [color=#dcfc3b]“It will be alright.”[/color] Kora whispered while patting her student on the back. [color=#dcfc3b]“We all need to cry sometimes. You don’t need to act strong in front of me.”[/color] Yalen bit the inside of his cheek. She had nearly succeeded in sending him over the edge again. The young priest actually hated how easily he cried in front of people, because it was another way in which he was a burden to others. He had been in the path of danger so many times, and when everything was on the line it was always him who needed to be protected. That was a frustrating reality to come to terms with. [color=#fd5e53][i]I can’t be the kid clinging to my sister’s skirt forever.[/i][/color] Yalen reminded himself. He used a little bit of magic to suppress the soreness of his throat so he could speak. [color=#fd5e53]“Thank you for worrying Mrs. Tomaras, but I’m fine.”[/color] Yalen gently pushed her hand down. [color=#fd5e53]“I get emotional sometimes when I come to pray, that's all.”[/color] He punctuated this statement by flashing a smile her way. [color=#dcfc3b]“Oh yeah, I understand completely.”[/color] Kora’s head bobbed up and down in agreement. She accepted his excuse so easily that he felt bad. [color=#fd5e53]“Yeah…”[/color] Yalen trailed off. He scrambled his brain trying to think of a way to keep the conversation going before it got awkward. [color=#fd5e53]“So what brings you to church at this hour?”[/color] [color=#dcfc3b]“Eh? Isn’t that a question the teacher should be asking her naughty pupil?”[/color] The corner of his teacher’s mouth turned up into a knowing smirk. [color=#fd5e53]“Um…”[/color] [color=#dcfc3b]“Hehe. It’s alright, I didn’t mean that. Since you asked, I came to pray for the safety of those participating in tomorrow’s event. It’s something I do every year during the Trials.”[/color] Kora brushed aside her unruly bangs with the side of her hand. [color=#fd5e53]“Are you one of the proctors for the Trials, Mrs. Tomaras?”[/color] [color=#dcfc3b]“Yes. It has kept me very busy. The kids can mend a cut or a fracture, but when their neck is hanging off their shoulders it’s always up to adults like me to fix things.”[/color] Yalen’s teacher stuck her tongue out with a grimace and made a slashing motion across her neck. The mental image made him recoil more than a little bit. [color=#dcfc3b]“That is an interesting look on your face. Have you not had much experience performing surgery as a Brother of Sunset?”[/color] [color=#fd5e53]“It’s not that, it’s just…”[/color] For some reason her words brought Yalen back to the battle in Djamant. He’d thought of Zarina running a man through with her sword. Trypano transforming into a monster and biting a man’s hands off. He had dug his fingers into plenty of wounds. He had forced a lung into a man’s chest and stitched the hole closed. That was just part of practicing medicine. What Yalen never witnessed was the act of killing another human being in cold blood. [color=#dcfc3b]“Yalen!”[/color] Mrs. Tomaras yelled in shock as Yalen hunched over and went into a coughing fit. He was dry heaving. [color=#fd5e53][i]I can still see their faces…![/i][/color] Yalen dug his fingers into his head until it hurt. He pressed his eyes against the palms of his hands until his vision became white. The memories were rushing back into his head again. Jocasta was the assassin she claimed to be. Trypano was a blood mage. There was an Atomic magic wielding psychopath in their school. [i][b]Everyone[/b][/i] was a killer. He was too, even if he wasn’t responsible for landing the final blow. The same could be said for the coup in the refuge. How many died there? He was a fraud pretending to be a holy man. [color=#dcfc3b]“That’s enough.”[/color] Said Mrs. Tomaras. There was a spike in magical energy. Yalen’s body began to tingle, and then it felt like his head was filled with pins and needles. His panic attack subsided as his emotions gradually flatlined into a calm equilibrium. He was strangely at peace despite coming close to fainting a few seconds ago. Kora carefully observed her student as he slowly straightened himself back into a sitting position. [color=#dcfc3b]“Are you feeling better?”[/color] [color=#fd5e53]“I- I’m fine.”[/color] Yalen waved his hand. There was still obvious tension in his face, but the professor could see that her healing powers had done him some good. She considered asking about the source of his trauma, but after watching his behavior she chose to keep her questions to herself for the time being. Her silence left an opening for the pupil to lead with a question of his own. [color=#fd5e53]“Mrs. Tomaras?”[/color] [color=#dcfc3b]“Yes Yalen?”[/color] [color=#fd5e53]“Is it true that you willingly touched an aberration?”[/color] [color=#dcfc3b]“What?”[/color] The teacher twirled a lock of her hair around nervously. It appeared the blunt query had made her uncomfortable, and rightfully so. [color=#dcfc3b]“Well, yes. Yes I did. I guess even you pay attention to the rumors at school.”[/color] Yalen nodded, but did not mention that he was passing by her clinic on the day she fell ill. [color=#fd5e53]“What made you do something like that?”[/color] He continued. [color=#dcfc3b]“Despite the church and the school making it clear that aberrations are not to be tampered with? That they have connections with demonic activity and forbidden dark magic? That we damn our eternal souls by laying our hands upon one? Are you asking me why I chose to become a vessel for an aberration despite all those things?”[/color] The way she said it so casually took Yalen by surprise. He was at a loss for a reply. Kora sighed and crossed her arms under her chest. [color=#dcfc3b]“It was stupid of me to try and contain the aberration, but one of my first years was hypnotized by it. I panicked and rushed for it first. How could I, a teacher of this school, stand by and let my precious student fall prey to such a dangerous anomaly? I would never be able to forgive myself.”[/color] Yalen’s eyes drooped down as his thoughts drifted towards his sister. He remembered how, on the very same day, his knight in shining armor arrived to save him from an aberration outside of his dorm. That night she explained to him how she had absorbed over a dozen aberrations in service of the Century. She volunteered to do it because her devouring manas were resistant to the negative effects of aberration madness. Colette chose the path of the martyr just as Kora Tomaras had. Yalen had done the same for his friends when they defeated the dragons in Torragon, sacrificing his purity to lessen their suffering. He came home tonight a traitor to his order. Was he doing the right thing? Were they? What was this all going to lead to? Questions like these kept popping into his head unbidden. It was maddening. [color=#fd5e53]“Are you- are you scared? Of what comes after I mean.”[/color] Yalen whispered. Mrs. Tomaras looked puzzled. She had to stop and contemplate his incomplete question for a moment. She couldn’t meet his eyes when she finally gave him an answer. [color=#dcfc3b]“I… I don’t know what will happen to me of course. No-one does. It’s possible that I’ll be reborn as a demon, or I’ll be forced to endure a lifetime of purgatory. I [b]am[/b] scared Yalen. How could I not be?”[/color] The Tan-Zeno clutched the Quentic rosary hanging from her wrist like it was a safety blanket. Her reaction hit him like a stab in the chest. Before anything further could be said, the chime of a distant clock announced the passing of the hour. [color=#dcfc3b]“...I had better hurry home. I didn’t mean to stay here so late. You should go to bed as soon as you can, okay? I’ll pretend you weren’t here.”[/color] Kora straightened out her effects and rose from her seat. Yalen felt the sting of loneliness watching his teacher’s back as she walked towards the isle. He still had questions he wanted to ask her, but he didn’t have an excuse to make her stay. Before she was completely out of earshot, Kora abruptly turned around and offered him some parting words. [color=#dcfc3b]“The gods know us better than we know ourselves Yalen. Our intentions matter. As long as we act with the genuine wish to help others, I believe we can eventually be forgiven for the mistakes we make.”[/color] Mrs. Tomaras bowed her head and proceeded to leave further delay. When she reached the door she nearly bumped into a pair of clergymen, forcing her to make a clumsy apology on the way out. [color=#fd5e53][i]She’s so kind. Perhaps she would have…[/i][/color] Yalen shook his head. He wanted to tell her the truth about what happened today but lost his nerve. The tethered student slapped his head repeatedly, berating himself for being such a coward. If he wasn’t willing to be up front with someone as big hearted as Mrs. Tomaras, then there was nobody he would be able to talk to. [color=#fd5e53][i]A confession then.[/i][/color] What Yalen referred to was the act of requesting a confessional from the church. By laying bare one’s sins before an ordained member of the Somnian order, it was possible to shrug off the burden of their crimes and be forgiven. However, choosing to submit to Quentic authority over that of the local government was not as simple as saying a few prayers and swearing you would never sin again. Dami’s justice was fair and uncompromising; the greater the sin, the greater the penance you were ordered to endure. Atonement took different forms for everyone, but it was known that some people died before they ever completed their penance. There could be untold pain awaiting him if that was the path he chose. Yalen sniffled and wiped his face on the inside of his sleeve. His teacher had helped him make up his mind. After wiping the bench dry of any water left behind by his damp clothes, the tired biro marched to the door. Tomorrow he planned to drop out of the Trials to return here to make his confession. Those who did not go to Djamant would surely be confused and angry at his decision to forfeit, but this was something he had to do no matter what. He knew that at least Jocasta would understand. Yalen felt his stomach twist into a knot as he grabbed the door handles. If he followed through with this decision to undergo penance, then tomorrow might be the last the two saw of each other for a long time. [color=#fd5e53][i]I don’t know if it will help or hurt her but…[/i][/color] Before he disappeared, Yalen planned to give an answer to her spontaneous confession. He pretended not to hear it, but Jocasta’s affection was not lost on him. He knew what he was to the girl from the refuge, and what she meant to him in kind. It would leave him nothing but regret if he continued to hide his own feelings for her. [color=#fd5e53][i]I just wish I hadn’t waited so long to tell her I love her. I’m such a coward![/i][/color] Yalen thrust the door open, causing a wave of cold air to blow through the chapel. He shivered involuntarily as he reluctantly stepped back out into the rain slicked courtyard. The downpour had weakened considerably by now, but it was likely to pick up again if the distant thunder was any indication. He had to hurry home.