[quote=@PKMNB0Y]
[@Shiyonichi]: Right, form analysis...
[list][*]I think at her core, your character is a bit too tonally dissonant from the rest of the cast. I can feasibly see child soldiers in the criminal underbelly; that's a very commonplace thing. But the specific circumstances behind the character's inception (the whole kodoku-esque creation method in particular) leaves a bit of an unwanted taste in my mouth, as the very specific trait of "possibly bloody psychopath hitman child murderer" with no real narrative weight behind it isn't something I think would fare well in the world...
And, if I'm going to be honest, feels a bit one-note as written. A boss with a high difficulty spike who appears out of nowhere with no real meaningful history feels more like... Well, just that. I'd point to, say, SMT3's Matador, for example. People remember that boss because you're forced to fight them on the back foot and kind of just sucker punches you because you don't expect them, but otherwise isn't exactly memorable as a [i]character[/i].
[*]The circumstances behind her entry into the school in this 'timeline' feel a bit contrived. While I would agree that she would need an excuse to get off the streets to attend, "saving the headmaster's kid and getting adopted by him as a result" seems a bit too convenient. There are probably better, more reasonable routes to doing so that would lead to a character who ended UP with a reputation as a damn good killer (and you don't need to be put into a tournament to the death to facilitate being good at killing, if I'm being completely honest; it gets you the person who is the best at [i]surviving[/i], not killing), and I'd recommend considering those routes. Easy examples include things like "forced nobility to adopt her into the family" or "missing child now found" and so on and so forth, but I'm not going to force anything in that regard.[/list]

For the reasons above, I'm choosing to reject the form as it is right now.
[/quote]

Ah sorry, I didn’t get my idea across too well. You know how you have a flash of inspiration and because you’re so caught up in it that you forget to make it clear to other people? Yeah I think that’s what happened.

To explain

The original Aliciana is meant to be a force of Nature Villain. She’s not a villain with understandable motivations. She’s more or less a concept in a human face. Like how the Joker Represents Chaos, Aliciana is meant to be a representation of Bloodlust, specifically of the Serial Killer kind, a kind of Bloodlust that finds killing euphoric. 

So the concept with Shinobu and Aliciana is like a good person taking over the Joker’s body, but the Joker has a bit of Influence over them and they have to fight it off to keep their own identity. 

As for what is in the game is that, I accidentally made it seem like she is meant to be a simple one off boss, rather she’s meant to be a more like Liu Bu from Dynasty Warriors or Nemesis from Resident Evil. Basically they are meant to be that enemy that shows up and is hunting you and you need to run and in the story they basically take the same role. Everyscene they are meant to be a “bomb”. She can and will kill someone, you just don’t know when or who. She is basically meant to be the collective boogeyman for the fan base. 

Which is why I had Shinobu be a cinnamon roll. Because it would be the equivalent of something like Nemesis walking up and instead of killing Jill, hands her a flower and says. “Wannabe Friends?” You can’t say that wouldn’t be amusing.

As for the backstory. I’ll get rid of the whole having them fight to the death part, it’s only there to show the cruelty of the location. The point was just meant to be an explanation of why she is so strong despite her age. 

As for the contrivances, is because I wanted to show that Shinobu at her core is still a good person despite the her situation, as it is meant to mirror her death and that she is still willing to do the same thing. I didn’t want to leave this scene as a one off scene and actually have some sort of consequence for her heroism, so I tied it into the reason why she went into the academy.